Great news! As of 6:00 p.m., I'm the proud owner of a 2009 Rockhopper. Thanks for all of your help, it was greatly appreciated. The LBS didn't try to upsell me; they in fact tried to steer me towards a hybrid. But seeing as none of them really did the job and cost more or less the same (and according to my uncle's advice) I went with the Rockhopper. Crazy? But as I'm riding it, I'm quite happy.
