Life is full of transitions. There are 2 books that I have recommended to people in similar situations to yours that have resolved things to their satisfaction:
1. Levinson's Seasons of a Man's Life -
http://www.amazon.com/Seasons-Mans-L.../dp/0345339010 - a little dated, but still apropos.
2. Strauch's The Secret Life of the Grown Up Brain -
http://www.amazon.com/Secret-Life-Gr...9585725&sr=1-1
As a person who has "transitioned" more than once, my 2 cents is to be patient and keep talking to your friends. The answer will present itself.
My wife grew up in Westchester, White Plains, and we have visited there. It is lovely but very expensive. Like so many ex-New Yorkers, she likes it better down here for the warmth, the space and lower cost of living. The downside is the lower salaries and the very different cultural milieu. It helps that there are plenty of highly educated people in RTP (we have the world's largest concentration of PhD's per capita, believe it or not...go figure).
As for the marital issues, that's a whole 'nother can of worms. If it were me, I'd follow the old saw of "one change at a time". Of course, my advice is only worth what you paid for it.
