effulgent

Ok, so here's my beef. I'm a big gal. I've been a big gal my whole life. Last year, I got a gym membership for free, so I thought I'd try it out.

I went to atheletic stores to find some shorts to wear to the gym - none carried my size. I went to Lane Bryant and Avenue to find clothes, nothing. I was finally able to find some pajama bottoms made out of t-shirt material that I was able to use as makeshift yoga shorts. I got some cotton t-shirts for the Big & Tall men's shop.

I also had a hard time finding sneakers that fit my wide feet that didn't give me problems after more than 30 minutes of aerobics.

This year, my husband and I decided to start cycling. He was a very avid cycling enthusiast before we got married, and decided that it would be a good thing to pick up again. I decided to join him. I went to multiple bike stores in my area, and none had cycling shorts or jerseys my size. I finally was able to order some pants online and I hope they fit (I ordered them, haven't gotten them yet but will soon). I found ONE brand of cycling clothes that had my size in bike shorts and they were twice as expensive than "regular sized" bike shorts. I picked up some dry-weave basketball-type T-shirts at a department store because they had no jerseys in my size except for online. And I'm scared to death of trying to find cycling shoes because of my wide feet.

Now, I know "I can't find clothes" is no excuse for not exercising. But what I can't understand is that people keep droning on and on about obesity and how large people need to get exercise, and yet there are very few places where a larger person can get clothes to work out in. There are other things that need modifications for bigger bodies like mine to get moving, and it's exasperating trying to find equipment like that. There are very few online articles about how to make cycling comfortable and effective exercise for larger men and women. Thank goodness I've found a few places online where I can ask questions from those who have already gone down that path and can point me in the right directions.

I struggled with making the decision to wear true cycling shorts that would make my riding experience better vs wearing more modest "skort" type shorts or MTB shorts which would not be as appropriate. I finally said, screw it, people are going to see my big butt in cycling knickers. I want to ride. I really enjoy it. I need to exercise. But I have years of working on my self esteem behind me, many others still struggle terribly with self image issues and self esteem. It's scary putting yourself out there when your body is a telltale giveaway that you're not like "the others". It takes courage and determination. It's not easy. As a matter of fact, it's terrifying.

And people who say, "They should just get out there and walk and not eat so much!" don't realize how hard it is to get out there and take your first step. The only comparison to lifestyle change that I can think of is imagine waking up and someone telling you to be healthy, you have to be a vegan. No meat, no eggs, no milk. Imagine the lifestyle changes you'd have to make. You'd have to eat differently, shop differently, arrange your schedule differently in your life to make time to prepare the veggies. You'd have to eat different places and do a lot of things you've never done before. Yes, starting an exercise program feels that drastic. I know. I went vegan this year. And getting out there in spandex multiple times a week is scarier than even that.

Some of us are trying really hard. I've lost 15 pounds so far this year with diet and exercise, including cycling. But I've got a long way to go, and I won't look like some of the thinner, more experienced riders for quite some time. I encourage all of you to be supportive of all people who have the courage to at least try to get out there and walk or cycle or join a gym or whatever they're trying to do to make themselves better people.