FOR SALE CECIL WALKER 12 Speed bike, aka 'The Jewel of Ballarat'

This bike was purchased by my father in law in the late 70's or early 80's. He's old he can't remember exactly, and when i asked him when did he purchase the bike he slapped me because he thought I said, "when did you root that dike?" He lives in a home now and sometimes poop's his pants so the bike doesn't get any use, and I need the money to pay for his warm milk and purified dinners.

It's an exceptional quality build in original condition, apart from the rims which he said he replaced to something thicker for ease of longer rides, but I really think he just wanted to look tougher, back then if you had lamb chop side burns, a Lillie gold chain necklace and fatties on your bike, you were made, especially if you lived in Croydon, which is where he lived back then.

This is a genuine one owner bike that been gathering dust in the garage for the last 20 odd years until I pulled out few a brief attempt at fitness regime of mine which unfortunately followed in similar success of Pol Pot's regime.

I had new tyres put on the mags, poofy grips, a speedo to tell me how crap and slow I was and even gave it a wash. I rode it round for a while but then a few easters ago I went for a ride with a good friend. He had lots of colourful tight fitting lycra that accentuated his groin-al region, and riding boots on that sounded like tap dancing shoes when he walked on concrete. I felt like a gimp.....but the funny thing is he looked like the gimp. And I think he kept on looking at my arse when we were riding.....it totally put me off riding with a 'partner' in fact it put me off riding in groups and riding in general. He was super fit and I was super lame. My enthusiasm waned considerable from the day on resulting in me installing a hanging apparatus in the shed and hanging the old girl. Like the Golden Idol in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Arc.......the bike sat waiting for someone to discover it.....minus the big rolling ball and arrow boobie traps mmmmm boobies.

If you buy it I promise there will not be any indigenous Hovitos or rival archaeologists plotting for your pending doom and demise, And you don't need to pick up the bike in a seaplane that has trouble starting until you thump it on the dashboard when your under heavy incoming fire. We live on a normal street so you can pick it up in a normal car, but not a Hyundai. There is however a snake pit in the shed and a mass of brooding large spiders that you may have to contend with.

This bike has brakes, a seat, handle bars and two wheels. Apparently the crank is a special egg design to make the most of your downward pedal action. In it's time it was cutting edge technology so it pulled heaps of chicks. So close your eyes and put yourself on this bike seat and dream of your potential hiram of lycra clad bike loving chicks.