Thanks for the amusing thread! I sympathize, though, I have terrible eyesight and astigmatism. I used to wear contacts, but none are comfortable now and I am stuck with glasses. Not a candidate for surgery either.
I find that having a raised stem, combined with the Croakies retainer strap on regular glasses, helps me see ahead, even in the drops. Of course, I am not racing nor am I very aero - I have some back issues, so I've got spacers and a raised stem... The Croakies strap does allow more sweat to get on your glasses and for fogging to occur. Still, I would be too self-conscious to wear the glasses in your picture. Do your glasses fog up a lot?