ok, apologies all around.
first, i apologize for breaking my no-getting-off-rollers-and-going-straight-to-the-wine-box rule. to the guys in the crossfire of my breaking of that rule, i'm so sorry.
second, i apologize for breaking my no-posing-on-BF-after-tapping-the-wine-box rule. to anyone who read comments, i apologize.
third, i apologize for breaking my no-franzia-in-the-computer rule. needless to say, Win95 and franzia don't get along very well. that's ok, it was time to upgrade anyway. Does anyone have a Win98 machine they no longer want? must have modem. franzia-proofing is useful too.