Get the AAA to route your bike trip! Why not shoot yourself now! Is that a new service they offer? Their charter probably requires that they route you on the worst roads so as to provide a clean shot for the cars.
More evidence youth is wasted on the young. Sure meadows and forests get old pretty quick, not like spinning your feet like a robot.
Get a weather planer to figure out which route has the worst winds. That way you could find a route with a permanent headwind of 30 miles an hour. Never heard of anyone doing that, it would be a first.
Just jealous.