Guess who's a moron . . . that's right . . . it's me! Wow. So apparently, when I got this frame off my friend, I had a singleator lying around and so I threw it on. An essential ingredient in all my work in bike grease. Oh, and I almost forgot -- beer. Evidently in my happy state, I neglected to take note of the horizontal drops (which I was bemoaning the absence of above). When I began taking off the singleator this afternoon, *****ing and griping about what a cheap piece-o it was, I noticed the dropouts. A few links gone later, I have my bike back up and running. I guess the moral of the story is that it's cheaper to be stupid than productive, since I would have replaced a completely superfluous part if I had felt like going to the LBS yesterday!
Thanks again to all for the suggestions! BTW -- that Melvin looks cool. Is there a spring in it?