My new theory: a Mennonite Conspiracy
Things just weren't adding up for me. FL is tested over and over throughout the race, and passes every time with flying colors, until his last serious stage of the TDF. Although he fails on a technicality, his body chemistry contains nothing that would have benefitted him in time to make any difference in the race. So I was racking my brain along with all of you, until it just dawned on me -- somebody must have slipped him a testosterone-laced mickey on the night of his beer and whiskey partying. But WHO??? A teammate? Certainly not. A rival? Wouldn't be allowed at the party. Who in his immediate circle would have the motive?
Answer: the Mennonite community. Think about it. He disgrased them by casting away his Mennonite vows and succumbing to the hedonistic debauchery of the average Joe. Mennonites don't drink, and every Mennonite knows bikes are silly. I think a ticked off Mennonite sabotaged Floyd Landis.