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Old 06-07-07, 09:48 PM   #1
bdcheung
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Pissed off the fiancee

So she found out how much the Ergomo costs and is really pissed, even though I sold the PowerTap system to recoup most of the cost. Mostly she's angry that I didn't consult her. I (being an idiot) stood my ground saying that I don't need to consult her in this case, especially since the Ergomo is a graduation gift, but she won't accept it. I'm sleeping alone tonight.

Advice? Wisdom? Help?
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Old 06-07-07, 09:53 PM   #2
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...condolences

all your future bike purchases will have to go through her now
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Old 06-07-07, 09:54 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bdcheung
So she found out how much the Ergomo costs and is really pissed, even though I sold the PowerTap system to recoup most of the cost. Mostly she's angry that I didn't consult her. I (being an idiot) stood my ground saying that I don't need to consult her in this case, especially since the Ergomo is a graduation gift, but she won't accept it. I'm sleeping alone tonight.

Advice? Wisdom? Help?
I think she should mind her own business. Seems like she has control issues. It's your money, graduation gift, and you sold previous power meter to offset the cost. Then again I am single with no plans on getting married any time soon, so... might not be the best person to offer advice.
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Old 06-07-07, 09:57 PM   #4
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Buy her some flowers and apologize for not approaching this as a couple since it has a financial impact on both of you but explain how you thought that since you were selling powertap to recoup prices that you didn't think of it as a huge purchase (let her know what the diff. in price was).
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Old 06-07-07, 09:58 PM   #5
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What Umney said.

Those red flags are signalling control issues.
Establish your boundaries firmly and swiftly.
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Old 06-07-07, 09:59 PM   #6
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Your story makes me love my girlfriend more and more every day. She's actually ok with me getting carbon wheels and junk. Hell she'll even let me buy a motorcycle.
She should be concerned if you're spending money w/o telling her, esp. if it's going to be in a relationship. But an explaination and a little understanding is all it takes. If she's getting completely pissed over it, that's an issue.

Also, the percentages of first marriages that end in divorce are approximately 50%. I always tell people, I love my girlfriend too much to get married.
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Old 06-07-07, 09:59 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by donrhummy
Buy her some flowers and apologize for not approaching this as a couple since it has a financial impact on both of you but explain how you thought that since you were selling powertap to recoup prices that you didn't think of it as a huge purchase (let her know what the diff. in price was).
+1 From a woman's perspective, I'll say I think this is a good approach.
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Old 06-07-07, 10:01 PM   #8
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Everybody's relationship is different. My wife has no say, but thats just the way our relationship is. If she has something to say then she does, but it does'nt change what I buy. She is really supportive of my cycling. Some of my previous hobby's were very expensive, and kept me away from home as well. However, I dont think its ever a good idea to tell a woman thats it none of her business.
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Old 06-07-07, 10:01 PM   #9
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I think the issue here isn't financial, but emotional. She's not saying she would have nixed the purchase, she just wants to be in the loop, which is understandable. I'd want to know if she went around buying thoudsand-dollar earrings or the like.
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Old 06-07-07, 10:05 PM   #10
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Just out of curiosity: will you really have to sleep alone tonight? Does that happen with anyone else? I can't imagine it myself, so that's why I'm asking. I mean, we've argued (been together 15 years) but never has one of us told the other to go sleep in another room or even said they wanted to sleep elsewhere. So I'm trying to understand.
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Old 06-07-07, 10:07 PM   #11
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^^ bdcheung, if that's the worst of your growing pains as a couple, consider yourself lucky. Just keep her in the loop with the major purchases. It's not all that unreasonable to do that, especially if you would ask the same of her. It takes some time and effort to get used to really being together...
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Old 06-07-07, 10:15 PM   #12
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Seems like she wants to be involved in a part of your life that's really important to you. Should be an easy fix, just talk to her about all the stuff you normally see on BF and she'll probably get so bored out of her mind she'll tell you to stop. Then you can go buy yourself a pair of Zipps carefree.
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Old 06-07-07, 11:09 PM   #13
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It's not too late to get out dude...just remember that ...she doesn't have the right to be telling you how to spend your money just yet
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Old 06-08-07, 12:32 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bdcheung
So she found out how much the Ergomo costs and is really pissed, even though I sold the PowerTap system to recoup most of the cost. Mostly she's angry that I didn't consult her. I (being an idiot) stood my ground saying that I don't need to consult her in this case, especially since the Ergomo is a graduation gift, but she won't accept it. I'm sleeping alone tonight.

Advice? Wisdom? Help?
Who's the graduation gift from?
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Old 06-08-07, 01:27 AM   #15
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Tell her you're sorry and so much so that you're shipping the ergomo to some guy on the internet in Japan. PM me the info and I'll give you address for shipping. No sense jeopardizing your marriage and I wouldn't feel right for not offering to help.

PS... at the end of the day, your best off just getting used to talking about it ahead of time. Lesson learned.
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Old 06-08-07, 01:33 AM   #16
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Let her sleep alone for a week and she'll cave in...
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Old 06-08-07, 01:36 AM   #17
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Let her sleep alone for a week and she'll cave in...
Never read Lysistrata?

To the OP: where ever you go from here, DO NOT LET HER SEE THAT YOU'VE POSTED THIS 'INCIDENT' TO AN INTERNET CHAT BOARD!
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Old 06-08-07, 03:29 AM   #18
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dont tell her what you buy from now on if shes not bike savvy, as long as there are no major changes, she wond notice
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Old 06-08-07, 04:20 AM   #19
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Treacherous territory Bdcheung. Decisions now set the standard for the relationship for years. I believe that the flowers and an explanation are absolutely necessary but i don't think that if the purchase doesn't not negatively impact your financial position, (ie can't pay the rent), you should not apologize.

Any spouse that has to seek "approval" will at times feel threatened. Not a good place. You should each keep your own "account" and provide openly to the joint account. Other than the purchase of illegal substances or call girls you should be allowed to spend what you want from "your" account.

My wife and I have done this for 25+ years and it works just fine.
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Old 06-08-07, 04:26 AM   #20
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are you sure you want to get married?

i guess im just lucky with my wife.
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Old 06-08-07, 04:40 AM   #21
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Count your lucky stars.

Figure out how to get out now.

Sorry, if that's not what you wanted to hear/read ..
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Old 06-08-07, 04:43 AM   #22
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Glad you found out before you married her.

Joe
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Old 06-08-07, 04:58 AM   #23
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Women weaken legs.

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Old 06-08-07, 05:00 AM   #24
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I can tell you that no amount of reason will work.....no matter how much sense it makes...

I think it is best to drop it......just let it go by the way side and refuse to talk about it....whatever you do don't get in a discussion about it...
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Old 06-08-07, 05:13 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg180
Treacherous territory Bdcheung. Decisions now set the standard for the relationship for years. I believe that the flowers and an explanation are absolutely necessary but i don't think that if the purchase doesn't not negatively impact your financial position, (ie can't pay the rent), you should not apologize.

Any spouse that has to seek "approval" will at times feel threatened. Not a good place. You should each keep your own "account" and provide openly to the joint account. Other than the purchase of illegal substances or call girls you should be allowed to spend what you want from "your" account.

My wife and I have done this for 25+ years and it works just fine.

+1 on this. set up the joint account for bills etc. then keep your own separate. This way there should be no issue on how you spend your money as you have contributed to all bills, extra expenses etc. Starting the game of i need to know how you spend your money is a dangerous place to be, which usually leads no where good.
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