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  1. #1
    Peloton Dog patentcad's Avatar
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    PP Vets Race Report, 3.30.08, or Any Race You Can Walk Away From is a Good Race

    What a total Cluster ****. 4 hours of sleep after a big catered family affair, so I'm not exactly bright eyed and bushy tailed when I roll out of bed @ 4:15AM. I get to Brooklyn, and the usual parking lot is closed. F me. As they say in Alcohol & Drug Recovery, the monkey is off my back but the circus in still in town, and it was today, occupying the usual Prospect Park parking lot. Oooofaaaa. I do a couple of laps of the area and find a spot right in the park on the park road exit ramp. I barely have enough time to register, take the 35+ (or in my case 50+) pre-race crap and line up for the whistle. 'Pre-race jitters?' You must be joking. Today it got easier after the whistle sounded and I could just race my stupid bike. That was a relief compared to the pre-race hassles.

    About 30, much less wind than last week, relatively small field. At first there's a 5 man break up the road with a team mate in it. So I figure all we'll do all day is flick buggers and not chase. Incorrect. On Lap 8 or so they come back into sight, the peloton smells blood in the water. Because of this lap 8 was sufficiently ballistic to put Pcad in a Spot of Bother today, as he strung out near the back, looked down at his speedo on the little rollers after the 'hill' in PP and said to himself 'these aholes are going 29mph here, that's not good'. Oh yes. But it all came together, I was not shelled, and I actually rode right up to the front on the last lap. Two guys (Trevor the Human Lung and another dude) did slip away, but there were places at stake in the Field Sprint. Alas, even though Pcad mustered the snot to get up at and near the front on Lap 12 when the watts really dialed up in the last 400 meters it was back to the cheaper seats for the Meatball of Chester. But I'm getting stronger with each race, feeling better. And it's making the local racer training rides much easier, actually got away with 6-7 guys on the Tour de Fred Saturday (it's mostly racers but the 30-40% Fred turnout is how the ride gets its nickname) and crossed the line 2nd. That doesn't suck.

    It's the same every week. I drive down tired, cranky, out of sorts, but once I'm on the line and the racing starts, God help me, I do love it. And I'm not really sure why. But NOTHING makes me as fast on my bike as regular racing. It elevates my riding to some other level. Hey, THAT's why I love it. No results you say? Newsflash: those are results. Stay tuned. Pcad is only getting faster.

    P.S. The Prospect Park course is not a 3 mile loop. It's a 3.3+ mile loop. 12 laps = 40.whatever miles according to my highly accurate speedo.

    P.P.S. Interesting observation about 40 mile long 30 Spring Races: By mile 35 or so the 'peloton' has shrunken to 35 guys or so from the original 50+. So you think you're reasonably close to the front and you turn around and you're two guys from the back. I really do think that if that was a 20 lap affair I would get top 10 through sheer attrition.

    P.P.P.S. Trevor the Human Lung has been riding away from NYC pelotons and breakaways since the early 1990's. I was in a 7 man break with him in a PP Masters's 35+ race back in 1995 or so: Trevor shelled us on the last lap like bad oysters and solo'd in on that little hill. All K. Sloan and I (Kenny was the perennial Vets Spring Series Champ at the time) was look at each other and shake our Road Nazi heads. I wish Trevor would take up golf. He's a British dude from Port Jeff, LI. Nicest guy in the world, but annoyingly aerobic.
    Last edited by patentcad; 03-30-08 at 12:35 PM.

  2. #2
    Trying to keep up ericcox's Avatar
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    Well done, M. Pcad. You are an inspiration to all of us with aspirations to be mediocre racers, but to do so with the right mix of pride and self-loathing.

    I am glad you were able to dig into your suitcase of courage to survive that spot of bother, by the way.

  3. #3
    A Member kukusz's Avatar
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    Enjoyable race report. However, as a Powertap user, it's useless without some graphs.

    Apple-shift-4 gives you the ability to take a screen shot.

    And please tell me you have figured out how to use cycling peaks on your Mac.

  4. #4
    Peloton Dog patentcad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kukusz View Post
    Enjoyable race report. However, as a Powertap user, it's useless without some graphs.

    Apple-shift-4 gives you the ability to take a screen shot.

    And please tell me you have figured out how to use cycling peaks on your Mac.
    C Peaks works fine. Thanks for the keystroke command for screen shots. It has other Top Secret Features like you can click on various points on the graph and drag to get the specific stats for that little interval. Very cool indeed. I like it, seems to have the basic info I'm after and it's Mac native. As soon as the weather warms up above 40-45F or so I may use the PT in a race. That may take a while. I'll be racing in PP all through April every weekend, and then after that twice a month or so.

    I'm starting to use the PT in training on a regular basis, and hopefully it goes on the TT bike this week (waiting for a kit from Saris so I can mount it on the Slice).

  5. #5
    more ape than man timmhaan's Avatar
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    for now, i like these reports graph free.

  6. #6
    Peloton Dog patentcad's Avatar
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    All you racer newbies: don't worry about pre-race jitters, just race all the time and you'll totally lose them. I'd be more nervous in a Cat 5 race of course. You can always do what I did: wait until your racing age is 35 (I was 34 at the time) and start racing with the Vets. NY City Vets peloton, although there were a few words hollered in anger this AM. I asked the holler-ee about that and he claimed the ahole just about rode him into a curb and then hollered back when he had the temerity to mention it in passing. This only proves that a few individuals will never outgrow their utter aholeosity. Thankfully that is rather rare. Five races this Spring, zero crashes, only one Yelling Incident. That works out to 0.0064516 Yelling Incidents per NYC Spring Series Masters Mile (155 miles of racing/1 Yelling Incident).

    NYC Vets Racing RULES.

    Talk to me after my first crash.

  7. #7
    Peloton Dog patentcad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ericcox View Post
    I am glad you were able to dig into your suitcase of courage to survive that spot of bother, by the way.
    My suitcase of courage:



    My Bag of Excuses:


  8. #8
    Trying to keep up ericcox's Avatar
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    That's a nice bag of excuses. I've been working on filling mine in case I do, in fact, get to race this week. The possible race has triggered an interesting dialogue with my wife. Her: "So you want to pay to enter a race for which there is no possibility of a cash prize even if you win. Why do you want to do this again?" Me: "Because it's fun?" Her: (with that look that says, "My husband is an idiot.")

  9. #9
    Just Ride Gerrylightning's Avatar
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    Can I borrow that bag of excuses

  10. #10
    Senior Member gfrance's Avatar
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    Man, one of these days I have to get myself up for one of these races.

    I did in fact hit PP around 10:30 and was still miserably cold, felt out of shape and all around slow. I tried to latch onto a group of 6 or 7 fast guys and didn't last 5 minutes. Pitiful.

    Good job Pcad. Keep inspiring me.

  11. #11
    Peloton Dog patentcad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gerrylightning View Post
    Can I borrow that bag of excuses
    You have to fill up your own. The more you race and finish as pack fodder, the bigger it gets.

  12. #12
    powered by Racer Ex gsteinb's Avatar
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    What's the excuse for getting the number of guys in the break wrong?
    Last edited by gsteinb; 03-30-08 at 02:36 PM.

  13. #13
    Peloton Dog patentcad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gsteinb View Post
    What's the excuse for getting the number of guys in the break wrong?
    A) When you're at the back, your info about what's going on at the front is derived from Latino team mates with heavy accents with the wind in your ears @ 25mph.

    B) On BF nobody knows any better, so you can say anything you want.

    C) Don't be Fing with Pcad's Post Race Bullsiht.

    P.S. Gsteinb is my team leader, he's the guy that actually gets the results in our races. I communicate with him via telepathy and cellphone.

  14. #14
    powered by Racer Ex gsteinb's Avatar
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    P.S. Gsteinb is a lurker extrordanaire, and the guy that completely **** the bed in our race. I communicate with him via telepathy and cellphone.

    fixed that for you
    Last edited by gsteinb; 03-30-08 at 03:42 PM.

  15. #15
    Peloton Dog patentcad's Avatar
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    Oh well. Better race next week pal. I'd like to actually help you in these races. I'm working on it.

    By the way the fastest way to F. Bennett field from northern NJ is to take a C-140 military flight to Iraq from Stewart AFB and get air dropped.

  16. #16
    powered by Racer Ex gsteinb's Avatar
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    well if we lived on paradise everyone would have done what they should have done and it would have turned out better. best thing you, or anyone could have done, would have been gone to the front and drilled it until they blew. our lead out didn't really string things out the way they should have. happens. still, coffee is for closers.


  17. #17
    Peloton Dog patentcad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gsteinb View Post
    well if we lived on paradise everyone would have done what they should have done and it would have turned out better. best thing you, or anyone could have done, would have been gone to the front and drilled it until they blew. our lead out didn't really string things out the way they should have. happens. still, coffee is for closers.

    If we lived on paradise my RHR would be 12, my FTP would be 900 watts, and Dr. W. would be my bike racing bee-yaach.

  18. #18
    RustyTainte substructure's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by patentcad View Post
    You have to fill up your own. The more you race and finish as pack fodder, the bigger it gets.
    I love listening to some of the horsesiht that rolls off the tongues of guys who couldn't hold on to a stupid and useless group ride. Why do we (yes we) think there's more reason's than just suckiness as to why we weren't there in the end?

    And racing or TTing? Holy crap!!! The stuff we make up.

    Are women just as bad as guys when it comes to BS'ing their way out of a total, pathetic loss in a race?

  19. #19
    Peloton Dog patentcad's Avatar
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    At this juncture it may be an appropriate time to introduce my Team Leader to the image that best captures the hopeless and hapless nature of Pcad's Last Ditch Bike Racing Efforts:



    Also, it would be best not to think of me as a team mate, but more like the NY Lotto TV spot guy who buys the baseball team so he can play third base. I do look at this exchange as a Virtual Getting Yelled At Session, which only enhances my Self Loathing, the key element to Pcad Cycling Zen.

    You are only feeding the monkeys Gary.

  20. #20
    Peloton Dog patentcad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substructure View Post
    Why do we (yes we) think there's more reason's than just suckiness as to why we weren't there in the end?
    Speak for yourself. I clearly state that the reason I wasn't there for our boy was because I am the Meatball of Chester. But never let Self Loathing interfere with deploying a Bag of Excuses.

    It's complicated.

  21. #21
    Third World Layabout crtreedude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by patentcad View Post
    If we lived on paradise my RHR would be 12, my FTP would be 900 watts, and Dr. W. would be my bike racing bee-yaach.
    Well by Road Nazi friend, I live in paradise, and yes, at my ancient age (which is younger than you!) I shell the locals. Of course, Walmart bikes would be an upgrade for them, and most of them have turned into single speed via old age and lack of care.

    Still - isn't that the whole point of paradise? Even an old geezer can win.

    The point? It isn't that you are slow, you just race in the wrong place.

  22. #22
    Peloton Dog patentcad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by crtreedude View Post

    The point? It isn't that you are slow, you just race in the wrong place.
    I am slow, and any race for me is in the wrong place.

    Don't F with my Self Loathing.

  23. #23
    Don't mince words Red Rider's Avatar
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    Let's hear it for the old guys!

    Good job, PCad. Nice to see all the self-loathing pay off.

    Are you racing weekly, then?
    When my feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh, *****, she's awake!"

    Visit my blog.

  24. #24
    RustyTainte substructure's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by patentcad View Post
    I am slow, and any race for me is in the wrong place.

    Don't F with my Self Loathing.
    Your Self Loathing is tied so close to you that you could win a Nobel Peace Prize and somehow find a way to commit suicide with it. Don't worry our cheap way of complimenting you will have no effect on it.

  25. #25
    Peloton Dog patentcad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substructure View Post
    Don't worry our cheap way of complimenting you will have no effect on it.
    Correct.

    Silly weenie. The path to Pcad Cycling Zen doesn't involve suicide. It's not necessary since some 37 year old Cat 2 will kill you as you try to get his wheel anyway. Why waste the bullet?

    And yes, I am racing weekly, if you want to characterize my weekly adventures with the NY City Vets peloton as 'racing'. That term applies more to guys like my pal Gary. But I am not getting completely shelled. And since I pay a considerable amount of money to do this idiot sport, I am happy to report that I am having some Big Fun.

    Unlike some amateur racers, I am not laboring under the delusion that there's more to it than that. Anyone who thinks Freds are sillier than Road Nazis doesn't know enough Road Nazis.

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