blonduathlongrl

I dont know if this is worth anything but Ill put my thoughts down.

first off my heart goes out to you,( no pitty, just understanding and support)
second I dont think you are in as deep as you think because you still have the ability of making "light" of this and joking about some matters. I think you are recognising this, as real as it is ( how you feel) that it shouldnt be like this or doesnt have to be like this.

you know... you have so much going for yourself, I think everyone sees this but the first one that tend to ignore this, is you.

and one thing i was thinking about is finding ways to cope with stress, there are techniques out there (once you are capable of realising what it is doing to you, which you have)that can help you relax and learn to let it go.
It seems you are most happy and fulffiled on the bike, now you need to find a way to leave everything else where it belongs, all those work worries need to stay at work and home worries at home.

how? make biking your time, make yourself that worthy that nothing can come between you and your happiness ( biking). You need to learn to block all thoughts and when they start rolling in your head, you need to learn to not let them. Empty your mind first, there has got to be a way! meditation?

you are obviously seing a doctor for the lexapro, how about some therapie so they can help you come up with techniques that works for you to cope with all this?

dismiss all suggestions if they means nothing to you, I just wanted to share my thoughts and Im certain you will find a way to get things better. You are too determined to let things get in your way of your success and happiness.

*edit* and you know what else i was thinking? tell your boss that you dont want to be caught in the middle anymore, that's just unetical ( bad spelling?) but it is anyway!!! that's just wrong and unprofessional, you dont get paid to listen to his issues with a co worker!
(( hugs))