The biggest problem I see here is that you knew things were terribly wrong, yet you took delivery of the bike anyways. And then, after the fact, noticed even more things wrong. I'm not into bashing the victim in incidents like this, however, the absolute best thing you could have done would have been to leave the bike there and either demand that the fixes be made or that a refund be issued. At this point, I think the best you can hope for is a refund or exchange.
I do suggest that you send the letter, and I do hope something comes of it. One of the big things I've read about writing letters like this is to tell them what would make you happy, so that's great that you did but it seems like what you're asking for is ridiculously high. $200+ off of the bike for adjustment issues and you still want them to throw in the bar tape? I guess it'd be great if you got it, but truth be told, most adjustment issues (note, not fit issues) are covered under a bike shop's tune up and the most expensive one I've seen around here was ~ $100 and it also included new cables and housings. To me that would be about the most you could expect - the cost of having a bike shop adjust all of the things.
Again, I don't mean to bash the "victim" in these incidents, but it just seems like there were better ways to go about it.