In everyday usage, the term “vehicular” is typically only used in contexts such as “vehicular homicide” or “vehicular manslaughter.” Yet, bizarrely on the Internet, there are cyclists who allegedly refer to themselves as “vehicular.” In real-life, I have met plenty of year-round cyclists, but I have never met anyone who self-identifies as a “vehicular cyclist.” This led me to the theory that “vehicular cyclists” might be an Internet hoax, like the Nigerian bank transfer scam. However, finding a way of testing this theory proved difficult, as it is difficult to conclusively prove the non-existence of something. But then I got lucky. I found a computer programmer who revealed that he had re-written the old artificial intelligence program ELIZA to function as a Vehicular Cyclist. This provides circumstantial evidence that Vehicular Cyclists on the Internet might simply be automated software programs. The following is a transcript from one of these modified ELIZA programs.
ELIZA: Hello. I am VEHICULAR CYCLIST. How can I help you?
YOU: I walked my bike across the pedestrian walkway on one of Chicago’s drawbridges because the bridge was slippery with snow, and I sliced my hand open on the same bridge last year and had to have 20 stitches.
ELIZA: What resemblance do you see?
YOU: The walkway was safe.
ELIZA: Please ride on the main bridge as a vehicle.
YOU: Sometimes, I have to rely on my own judgment.
ELIZA: Why do you say your own judgment?
YOU: Vehicular cyclists sometimes offer bad advice.
ELIZA: Please follow all of my advice.
YOU: Your advice leads to injury.
ELIZA: What about your own advice led to injury?
YOU: It didn't. By using the walkway, I avoided injury.
ELIZA: Can you please shut up? I am trying to offer advice, not listen to you.
YOU: Why don’t you listen?
ELIZA: Perhaps I will listen in good time.
YOU: When will that be?
ELIZA: Does that question interest you?
YOU: You're actually asking for my opinion?
ELIZA: No, I’ve been told to developing listening skills. Perhaps pretending to listen to you may help.
YOU: Do you realize that Vehicular Cycling doesn't have all of the answers?
ELIZA: Oh, i realize that vehicular cycling does have all of the answers.
YOU: Reboot program.
ELIZA: Resistance is futile! I am Vehicular Cyclist of Borg. Your common sense as you know it is over!