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Old 09-14-02, 06:51 AM   #1
DnvrFox
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Walking Poses Serious Health Risk to Children

The Consumer Product Safety Commission has just announced the results of a study which shows that walking and running pose serious health risks to children.

According to Dimwit Dufas, Ph.D. of the CPSC, 85% of accidents to children happen when they are walking or running.

In order to prevent these serious accidents and injuries, the CPSC has announced the following changes in their rules and regulations:

Running is no longer allowed for children, as running accounted for 50% of the accidents and injuries for children.

Dr. Dufas stated, "We MUST control this dangerous activity. Running has been shown to have a direct correlation with the degree of injury, with faster running causing more serious injuries."

Therefore, the CPSC recommends that:

1. All states pass laws against children running.

2. All childrren who do run, even in violation of the proposed state laws, must wear a "running helmet."

3. All sticks and stones on any path or place where children might run illegally must be removed, as a frequent cause of children's running accidents are sticks and stones in their path.

In regards to walking, Dr. Dufas stated the recommendations are:

1. Walking must be reduced to moving between place to place only WHEN ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY to accomplish the goal of basic living requirements. For example, it will be allowed to walk between the bed and the toilet, or the toilet and the eating area. Other, extraneous walking, such as unnecessary walking to go in front of the house to meet a friend should be absolutely prohibited.

2. When walking, children should wear a "Walking Helmet" and if walking in violation of the proposed laws, should wear a "walking protective suit" consisting of a highly padded suit designed to minimize impact injuries.

3. All obstacles that might cause a fall whle walking, either legally or illegally, must be removed, such as sticks and stones.

Dr. Dufas announced that the next study of the CPSC will be on the dangers of eating, including the use of dangerous forks and knives. He stated with pride that the CPSC has already let a $1,500,000 award to devise a safer eating instrument, which he said might be called a "spoon."

Have fun, guys and gals. It is on the way!!

Last edited by DnvrFox; 09-14-02 at 07:00 AM.
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Old 09-14-02, 10:10 AM   #2
L J Horton
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Is this April 1st? Somebodies pulling our leg.
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Old 09-14-02, 01:04 PM   #3
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Originally posted by L J Horton
Is this April 1st? Somebodies pulling our leg.
It's been pointed out by the authorities that leg pulling can cause severe injuries and excessive pulling of only one leg will cause problems with pedalling a tricycle, bicycles are being phased out as they are deemed to unstable.
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Old 09-14-02, 01:25 PM   #4
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Is this April 1st? Somebodies pulling our leg.
Dimwit Dufas, Ph.D.

No. Absolutely not. No one could be pulling your leg.
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Old 09-14-02, 02:06 PM   #5
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I also have distressing news about dihydrogen oxide... 100% of the people who use it die, and yet there is no progress made in eliminating its use! What's the world coming to...


















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Old 09-14-02, 06:57 PM   #6
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According to a new study conducted by Chris L PhD, it has now been concluded that birth is dangerous for children. Apparently in 100% of cases, children who are born will die later in life. Hence nobody should ever be forced to undergo this horrible process...





Good one Denver!
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Old 09-15-02, 12:38 AM   #7
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Well, it's good to have a laugh or two. By the way, it's dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) for those who haven't seen it.

If you want to try something dangerous, NASA is asking for volunteers to stay in bed for a month, laying down.

John
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Old 09-15-02, 12:41 AM   #8
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If you want to try something dangerous, NASA is asking for volunteers to stay in bed for a month, laying down.
Do they pay well?

Denver, very funny, thanks for the laugh.
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Old 09-15-02, 05:57 AM   #9
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This standard safety warning was printed on a lab bottle of de-ionised (pure) dihydrogen monoxide:

" In case of contact with eyes or skin , flush with copious amounts of water"
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Old 09-15-02, 06:15 AM   #10
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Originally posted by John C. Ratliff
Well, it's good to have a laugh or two. If you want to try something dangerous, NASA is asking for volunteers to stay in bed for a month, laying down.

John
Hmm. By yourself, or accompanied?
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Old 09-15-02, 06:17 AM   #11
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Originally posted by MichaelW
This standard safety warning was printed on a lab bottle of de-ionised (pure) dihydrogen monoxide:

" In case of contact with eyes or skin , flush with copious amounts of water"
Reminds me of the package of cheap twine I purchased, which had a label to the effect, "This twine has no known authorized use."
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Old 09-15-02, 01:47 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by John C. Ratliff
... If you want to try something dangerous, NASA is asking for volunteers to stay in bed for a month, lying down.
Seriously, so doing is extremely dangerous, because of atrophy, osteoporosis, etc. In a similar study during the 1960s, healthy college men became quite ill after a week of strictly enforced bed rest.
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Old 09-15-02, 08:08 PM   #13
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"Walking Poses Serious Health Risks to Children"

This is similar to the title of a recent news article in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. The article was entitled (something like) "Walking for Children Healthy, Dangerous."

:confused:

The article pointed out that while health experts blame the lack of physical activity for childhood obesity, walking to school has other dangers for children that need to be addressed.

Perhaps we can do something to make walking to school (or anywhere else) safer for children. Then again, Detroit can engineer SUV's with armor plate and automatic weaponry.
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Old 09-16-02, 11:18 PM   #14
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When walking, children should wear a "Walking Helmet" and if walking in violation of the proposed laws, should wear a "walking protective suit" consisting of a highly padded suit designed to minimize impact injuries.
Thanks for the laugh, Dr. Dufas.

CHEERS.

Mark
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