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Thread: Bike humor

  1. #1
    Senior Member spandexwarrior's Avatar
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    Bike humor

    This list was posted at: Atlantabike.org

    You Know You're a Real Bicyclist When....

    Admit it: there is a mindset, a group of assumptions, and a whole set of experiences that set a "cyclist" apart from the vast majority of the populace that just rides a bike. There are the serious things, like an understanding of vehicular cycling, and the mundane things, like knowing where the good places to lock a bike are. Here are the amusing things that make us laugh at ourselves, and give those tell-tale hints that maybe, just maybe, you are a Bike Geek!!

    1. You think that working on your bike is almost as much fun as riding it

    2. At some point you caught yourself wondering if your bike might look good if you added fenders

    3. You discover that you have forgotten to remove your reflective ankle straps hours after you have arrived somewhere by bicycle

    4. You would recognize that threaded washer from a Presta valve stem anywhere

    5. You KNOW what a Presta valve is

    6. You make decisions about car purchases based on which one more easily accepts a rooftop bicycle rack

    7. You skip that last beer because there is a group ride the next morning

    8. You own any kind of purple annodized bicycle accessory

    9. Colorado Cyclist sent you a Christmas card last year

    10. Your bicycle(s) are worth more than your automobile

    11. You know what the difference is between Ultrasensor, Core-Tech, and Microfiber jersey materials

    12. "Once you try bibs, baby, you'll never go back!"

    13. You can tell your significant other with a straight face that its too hot to mow the lawn then take off and ride a century.

    14. Your bike rack and attachments are worth more than your car.

    15. You pull up hard on the steering wheel trying to jump your car over a pot-hole

    16, The first thing you ask when you regain consciousness is "How's my bike?"

    17. You actually move farther from work so your bike commute will be longer.

    18. You take a perverse pride in your mid-thigh and mid-bicep tan lines, and even more in that funny little circle on the back of your hand

    19. Your learn you have some money left over after paying bills and the first thing you do is reach for the nearest bicycling catalog

    20. Most of the tools you own are made by Park or Blackburn

    21. Someone in a car asks for directions and you give them a route that bypasses freeways and busy surface streets
    Urban Cycling Vocabulary
    Foreplay The efforts of a cyclist to locate and trigger buried sensors under the pavement that will cause the traffic light at an intersection to turn green. Like the real thing, occasionally there is no result from this activity, despite most sincere efforts.
    High A lateral position on a street more toward the center line. I.E., If you look like you are leading a funeral procession of slow moving cars, you are probably positioned too "high."

  2. #2
    Senior Member spandexwarrior's Avatar
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    Urban Cycling Vocabulary
    Foreplay The efforts of a cyclist to locate and trigger buried sensors under the pavement that will cause the traffic light at an intersection to turn green. Like the real thing, occasionally there is no result from this activity, despite most sincere efforts.
    High A lateral position on a street more toward the center line. I.E., If you look like you are leading a funeral procession of slow moving cars, you are probably positioned too "high."

  3. #3
    Conservative Hippie
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    22. When driving you try to clip-out of the pedals.

    23. You find old tubes useful.

    24. Approaching an intersection while riding in the front passenger seat, you want to move left and take the lane.

  4. #4
    Ride the Road Daily Commute's Avatar
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    25. Your left arm bumps into the window of your office car as you prepare to make a left turn.

    26. You look for your third-eye mirror to see if you can move to the left as you're walking down the sidewalk.

    Edited to remove two serious comments.
    Last edited by Daily Commute; 12-18-05 at 07:36 AM.

  5. #5
    34x25 FTW! oboeguy's Avatar
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    Heh, so true. It's disturbing how many apply to me.

    I'll add one:

    27. Sometimes it feels strange to walk. (<--- esp. for those of us who don't drive much)

    It's happened to me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Order
    Quote Originally Posted by sknhgy
    I do not want to be associated with the kind of riders that come through my neck of the woods on weekends, dressed in superhero costumes
    Do they wear capes?
    ---

    http://www.cycopaths.net/

  6. #6
    Ride the Road Daily Commute's Avatar
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    28. When someone mentions the Mortiz surveys, you know what they're talking about.

    29. You have a strong opinion--one way or the other--about John Forester. (And please don't use this thread to explain what your opinion about him is. There are plenty of other threads for that.)

    30. You understand why I had to add the parenthetical request to the end of #29.

  7. #7
    Huachuca Rider webist's Avatar
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    31. You ask your LBS whether they have a gift registry. (Mine does incidentally and I'm the only one whose ever used it.)
    Just Peddlin' Around

  8. #8
    Dog is my co-pilot 2manybikes's Avatar
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    32.You select your house by it's location relative to the bike shop,
    A) how many bikes it can store,
    B) and where you can work on them.

    33. You have supplied bike shops with hard to get parts, because you had them.

    34. The bike shop calls and asks YOU questions.

    35.You can unweight your bike for bumps at exactly the right time without looking for the bump.

    36. You know it's 1.6 miles to your friends house, 6.0 miles to the bike shop and 11.6 to the end of the bike path.

    37. If you call any bike shop on the phone they recognize your voice.

    38. You know what page something is on in the last Performance mail order catalogue.

    39. All your book marks on your computer start with the word bike.

    40. You know what kind of bikes and equipment members of BikeForums have.

    41. Adding to this thread is so easy you don't have to think about it.

    42. You have hundreds of bike pictures on CD's and maybe 3 of the family.

    43. The Christmas tree is in the way of the trainer.

    44. The Christmas presents are in the way of the trainer.

    45. Christmas shopping is in the way of training.

    46. You could hop on any of your bikes right now and they are all ready to go but,
    you don't know if the car will start.

    47. You don't care.

    48. Litespeed sends you a Christmas card.

    49. You think you understand rolling resistance.

    50. You know how much different tires weigh without looking it up.

    51. You actually think that Ksyrium is a real word.

    52. The only thing you have ever weighed on your gram scale, is bike parts.

    53. Your friends believe you.

    54. A half naked girl goes by the other way on a bike, and you know what kind of
    tires she had.

    54. They were 700 X 20 not 23 OK?

    55. Fedex, UPS, USPS, and all the others know where to put your packages.

    56. You know the Fedex guy rides a Mountain Bike, and the UPS guy does not.

    57. You know their names

    58 They know about your bike too.

    59. When your family unwraps their Christmas presents all the boxes say "Performance Bicycle" on the
    outside.
    Last edited by 2manybikes; 12-22-05 at 02:36 PM.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #9
    Packfodding 3 caloso's Avatar
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    60. You have more money stashed in and on your bikes than you have in your wallet.
    Cyclists of the world, unite! You have nothing to lube but your chains!

  10. #10
    Senior Member spandexwarrior's Avatar
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    61. After you wreck, you refuse to be driven to the hospital until you are sure that someone is going to take your bike to a safe place.
    61. You practice track stands in your living room.
    62. You proudly show off your bike scars, much in the same manner people show off their tattoos.
    Urban Cycling Vocabulary
    Foreplay The efforts of a cyclist to locate and trigger buried sensors under the pavement that will cause the traffic light at an intersection to turn green. Like the real thing, occasionally there is no result from this activity, despite most sincere efforts.
    High A lateral position on a street more toward the center line. I.E., If you look like you are leading a funeral procession of slow moving cars, you are probably positioned too "high."

  11. #11
    Dog is my co-pilot 2manybikes's Avatar
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    63. You have a tattoo on your leg, of a chainring tattoo on your leg !
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  12. #12
    genec genec's Avatar
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    64. Your garage is for your bikes and that is all that is parked inside, out of the weather.

    65. Your garage rivels the LBS as a workspace for bikes.

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