A new federal law was enacted today granting cyclists conditional use of the nation's roadways.
"As long as they stay out of the actual lane where traffic is, I see no reason they [cyclists] should not be permitted to share the road, within reason," said Henry Ford VIII, chairman and CEO of Progressive Motor Company. "We believe most cyclists are rational people and will yield right of way to more important, faster moving vehicles. It is in this spirit of cooperation we have supported this new bill, which is now law."
The new law will give cycists many new opportunities hitherto not
enjoyed, including increased usage of pedestrian walkways, streets posting 25 mph or less, and unlimited use of crosswalks (when dismounted from their bikes.)
"I applaud this new initiative," enjoined Lee Toyoda Iacocca. "Bikes are obviously the wave of the future. Walking, as we know it, will be a thing of the past."