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  1. #1
    Dominatrikes sbhikes's Avatar
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    Give up cycling - save the planet

    This is really funny and from http://www.redsmoke.co.uk/How_to_give_up_cycling.htm:
    How to give up cycling
    Written by Bob Williams

    [Editor's note: this is one of the finest "what you can do" articles to
    address our global-warming lifestyle! - JL]

    Following the shocking revelation that heat generated by vigorous exercise
    is a major contributor to global warming, we are all having to reassess our
    own activities. It comes as a major surprise to many of us that storing
    energy in human fat is actually a valuable way of reducing our impact on the
    environment. Government may be introducing plans to extract this fat by
    large-scale liposuction programmes and storing it underground, but we all
    have a responsibility to reduce our participation in ecologically hazardous
    physical activity.

    Looking at my own lifestyle, it was easy to identify my cycling habit as a
    major problem. I'm only too aware of the amount of heat that cycling can
    generate but cutting down was not going to be easy, so six months ago I
    turned for help to my friend Jeremy. He has not cycled since he was a child
    and is a respectable three stone heavier than me. He now runs a consultancy
    helping people like me to face up to and overcome our environmental deficit.

    I explained to Jeremy that I had been trying to reduce my cycling mileage:

    "I've been trying to keep it down to 10 miles a day but it just keeps
    creeping up - sometimes I'm doing 20 or 30 a day. And the weekends are the
    worst; when the sun is shining I just can't resist heading for the hills."

    Jeremy explained that there were different approaches to the problem:

    "Some people can gradually cut down their cycling but that doesn't work for
    everyone. People like you probably need to just decide to stop cycling
    entirely one day. I'd suggest you just get rid of your bikes and buy a car."

    "Buy a car? But that's such an unreliable way to travel around town. You
    never know when you are going to arrive because of congestion and problems
    with parking. I mean, I have work to do and people who rely on me being on
    time for my appointments."

    "You have to explain to people why you are making this choice. You'll
    probably find that they are very understanding."

    "And what about longer journeys? I use my folding bike to get to the train
    station and then I can work on the train - it's incredibly convenient. In a
    car, you just have to sit there and you can't do anything else."

    "Well, I admit that it can be difficult combining car travel with other
    activities but you'd be surprised how much you can do with a little
    practice. Talking on the phone, texting, smoking, eating, drinking - it's
    all possible."

    "But what about the cost? I mean cars cost thousands of pounds and that's
    just to buy one. Then there are all the running costs and insurance and tax
    and the hassle if they break down and so on. And, on top of that, if I stop
    taking exercise and put on weight, I'll probably be shortening my life as
    well. So you're offering me the opportunity to have less money and die
    sooner. It's not very appealing."

    Jeremy looked pained.

    "Look, no one said it was going to be easy. There are some sacrifices we all
    have to make if we are going to overcome the problems facing the planet.
    After all, it won't be any good living longer if climate change means the
    country has become either a desert or been flooded by the sea."

    I nodded, feeling suitably guilty.

    "OK, I take the point. But you've got to give me something here. What about
    the fun factor? I get a big kick out of cycling, both going up the hills and
    coming down them - especially when I'm off road on my mountain bike. How can
    I get that kind of sensation in a car? I mean it's just like sitting down in
    an armchair. I'm afraid that I'll get so bored that I won't want to carry
    on."

    Jeremy smiled.

    "I can definitely help you there! You just have to drive as fast as possible
    and the speed will compensate for being inside the box. It really can be
    great fun."

    "That sounds good. But, and forgive me if I sound like a wimp, isn't it also
    terribly dangerous? I hear that thousands of people are killed and injured
    every year because of people speeding on the roads. And you can get into
    trouble for speeding as well, surely?"

    This time Jeremy laughed.

    "Ah, now we're getting to the point - to succeed you need a fundamental
    change in your attitude. I expect that like many other people you think that
    becoming a motorist is just a matter of passing your test and getting a
    car."

    "It's not?"

    "No, to be a true motorist you have to believe in motorism."

    "Motorism? What on earth is that?"

    "Motorism is a belief system with two main principles. The first is that, as
    a motorist, you have a right to drive whatever you like and wherever you
    like. Don't fall into the all too common trap of thinking that the
    vulnerability of cyclists, animals, pedestrians and whoever should affect
    how and where you drive."

    "Oh right. Well I can see how easy it would be to fall into that particular
    trap. And what's the second principle?"

    "The second principle is that road rage is good. Yes, you'll hear people
    talking about road rage as if it was a bad thing but this of course is
    nonsense. There are so many obstacles facing motorists - traffic laws,
    traffic wardens, traffic jams and, of course, traffic - that they need anger
    and aggression to overcome them. After all if you thought about the real
    stress and cost of motoring you'd probably just give up and take the bus and
    then where would we be?"

    "Phew. I have to admit there's no answer to that."

    So how am I getting on six months later? Even though I do try to drive
    everywhere and not ride my bike I still don't think I can call myself a real
    motorist. But at least I do know that I am poorer, fatter, and angrier then
    ever before.
    ~Diane
    Recumbents: Lightning Thunderbolt, '06 Catrike Pocket. Upright: Trek Mountain Bike.
    8.5 mile commute. I like bike lanes.

  2. #2
    CRIKEY!!!!!!! Cyclaholic's Avatar
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    Thanks for posting that, Dianne. You just made my day.
    There are 10 types of people in the world - the ones that can count in base 2, the ones that can't count in base 2, and the ones that didn't expect this to be in base 3.

  3. #3
    N_C
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    Diane, is this meant to be serious? If it is I call bull**** on this. No way the amount of heat a human creates while exercising contirbutes in any harmfull way to global warming. Yes we generate heat, but not harmfully. I can pretty much guarantee you that there are nore humans driving on our blue marble & generating tons more harmfull pollution & heat then there are those that exercise.

    The U.S. is a great example of that. We are currently the fattest country in the world. Why? we have way more drivers then we do those that exercise.

    Again I call bull**** on this!

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    Quote Originally Posted by N_C
    Diane, is this meant to be serious? If it is I call bull**** on this.
    Are you serious?

  5. #5
    Senior Member bbunk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by N_C
    Diane, is this meant to be serious? If it is I call bull**** on this. No way the amount of heat a human creates while exercising contirbutes in any harmfull way to global warming. Yes we generate heat, but not harmfully. I can pretty much guarantee you that there are nore humans driving on our blue marble & generating tons more harmfull pollution & heat then there are those that exercise.

    The U.S. is a great example of that. We are currently the fattest country in the world. Why? we have way more drivers then we do those that exercise.

    Again I call bull**** on this!
    Relax....Breath deep....Chill out. It was a joke, meant to be humorous.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Speedo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by N_C

    The U.S. is a great example of that. We are currently the fattest country in the world. Why?
    Well, apparently it is in part to compensate for the fact the we produce way more than our share of green house gasses.

    Since the original article came out I've ditched my bicycle and have, in very short order, built up an earth saving layer of carbon-based fat storage around my mid-section. You should think seriously about doing your part too!

    Ex-Speedo (Now Sluggo)

  7. #7
    My bicycle is fixed Brian Sorrell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by N_C
    Diane, is this meant to be serious? If it is I call bull**** on this. No way the amount of heat a human creates while exercising contirbutes in any harmfull way to global warming. Yes we generate heat, but not harmfully. I can pretty much guarantee you that there are nore humans driving on our blue marble & generating tons more harmfull pollution & heat then there are those that exercise.

    The U.S. is a great example of that. We are currently the fattest country in the world. Why? we have way more drivers then we do those that exercise.

    Again I call bull**** on this!
    It is a mark of great satire when it can be taken seriously. Diane's post is great satire. Perhaps N_C's response is as well?

  8. #8
    Speed Demon *roll eyes*
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brian Sorrell
    It is a mark of great satire when it can be taken seriously. Diane's post is great satire. Perhaps N_C's response is as well?
    I sure hope so. Otherwise, I am concerned, very concerned. For his mental state that is

    Great satire.
    1998 Specialized S-works Hardtail - hotrodded
    2005 Kona Jake the Snake cyclocross

  9. #9
    BF's Level 12 Wizard SingingSabre's Avatar
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    Great stuff!
    Shameless plug (my sites):
    Photography
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bklyn
    Obviously, the guy's like a 12th level white wizard or something. His mere presence is a danger to mortals.

  10. #10
    Sophomoric Member Roody's Avatar
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    :d

    (the edit feature is broken. Every time I try to change this it stays the same! What it's sposed to be--> )


    "Think Outside the Cage"

  11. #11
    Al noisebeam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by N_C
    No way the amount of heat a human creates while exercising contirbutes in any harmfull way to global warming.
    Well AZ has a lot of cyclists and it gets very warm here, especially in the summer.

    Not to mention the warming spell the east coast had recently with all this new fangled high wattage cycling headlight technology. Then it started to get cooler and all the wimpy cyclists stopped riding and it got even colder after that.

    Al

  12. #12
    Al noisebeam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roody


    (the edit feature is broken. Every time I try to change this it stays the same! What it's sposed to be--> )
    There ya go!

  13. #13
    Sophomoric Member Roody's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by noisebeam
    There ya go!
    How'd you do that Willis? I tried to fix it 4 times. I could make a new smilie but i couldn't fix the old one. Sometimes the Vb code has a mind of its own. <--test


    "Think Outside the Cage"

  14. #14
    500 Watts kill.cactus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by N_C
    Diane, is this meant to be serious? If it is I call bull**** on this. No way the amount of heat a human creates while exercising contirbutes in any harmfull way to global warming. Yes we generate heat, but not harmfully. I can pretty much guarantee you that there are nore humans driving on our blue marble & generating tons more harmfull pollution & heat then there are those that exercise.

    The U.S. is a great example of that. We are currently the fattest country in the world. Why? we have way more drivers then we do those that exercise.

    Again I call bull**** on this!
    Someone's aggressive

    It is pretty obviously satire... I mean I can't possibly imagine someone would seriously state this.

  15. #15
    N_C
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    Quote Originally Posted by kill.cactus
    Someone's aggressive

    It is pretty obviously satire... I mean I can't possibly imagine someone would seriously state this.
    Then where did she find this? The link doesn't work when I click on it.

    You got to admit the way it reads it looks like the author is serious.

  16. #16
    Dominatrikes sbhikes's Avatar
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    I did not check the link. The story was sent to me in an email. It is meant to be funny, not serious.
    ~Diane
    Recumbents: Lightning Thunderbolt, '06 Catrike Pocket. Upright: Trek Mountain Bike.
    8.5 mile commute. I like bike lanes.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Speedo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sbhikes
    The story was sent to me in an email. It is meant to be funny, not serious.
    What?! Darn, now I have to loose the ten pounds I put on.

    Sluggo (soon to be Speedo again)

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    Wonderful satire! Made my day. N_C's responses actually made me laugh at loud. Awesome thread!

  19. #19
    Avatar out of order. MarkS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by N_C
    Then where did she find this? The link doesn't work when I click on it.

    You got to admit the way it reads it looks like the author is serious.
    N_C, you're not humor-impaired, are you? It was satire ... and not really very subtle. It reminds me of the Chinese news agency seriously quoting an article from "The Onion".

    The link at the top has a slight problem. It picked up a colon the end. It should read:
    http://www.redsmoke.co.uk/How_to_give_up_cycling.htm
    or if that breaks:
    http://tinyurl.com/yatt2h
    Cars kill 45,000 Americans every year.
    This is like losing a war every year, except without the parades.

  20. #20
    Senior Member
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  21. #21
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    genocide is the one true way to save this planet
    I'm moving to Mars, -60F to -80F doesn't seem so unreasonable

  22. #22
    Sumanitu taka owaci LittleBigMan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by N_C
    Diane, is this meant to be serious? If it is I call bull**** on this. No way the amount of heat a human creates while exercising contirbutes in any harmfull way to global warming. Yes we generate heat, but not harmfully. I can pretty much guarantee you that there are nore humans driving on our blue marble & generating tons more harmfull pollution & heat then there are those that exercise.

    The U.S. is a great example of that. We are currently the fattest country in the world. Why? we have way more drivers then we do those that exercise.

    Again I call bull**** on this!
    +1.
    No worries

  23. #23
    N_C
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    Ok, so it's satire. But it certainly looks serious. And no I'm not humor impaired. From the looks of it this is humor fro mthe UK, that explains a lot. I get American humor a lot better then I understand UK humor, which tends to look serious & be pretty dry.

  24. #24
    My bicycle is fixed Brian Sorrell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by N_C
    Ok, so it's satire. But it certainly looks serious. And no I'm not humor impaired. From the looks of it this is humor fro mthe UK, that explains a lot. I get American humor a lot better then I understand UK humor, which tends to look serious & be pretty dry.
    The point of satire is to look serious. cf. Jonathan Swift's "Modest Proposal", or the venerable "Colbert Report". One might even argue that "All In The Family" had a satirical bent.

    I'll confess that when I first saw the Colbert Report, I thought he was just an insufferable jerk. Then it was pointed out to me that he was satirizing Bill O'Reilly -- whose show I had never seen -- actually I had never seen anything on FOX, so I was completely ignorant of the target. I watched B.O. once and holy cow! Colbert nails it! Pure genius on his part.

  25. #25
    Speed Demon *roll eyes*
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    If the OP post freaked you out... Please do watch Rick Mercer.....


    1998 Specialized S-works Hardtail - hotrodded
    2005 Kona Jake the Snake cyclocross

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