Bikepacker67

Talk about your melodramatic mewling!

NYPost:

One Saturday afternoon in the fall of 2007, I lay picking pebbles and asphalt from my epidermis on the jogging path in front of the U.S.S. Intrepid. The top layer of skin on my entire right side, from wrist to foot, looked like it'd been removed by a sushi chef. My right foot was useless (and still hurts as I write this). The bicyclist who had just hit me at approximately the speed of a proton accelerator stood over me screaming that I had gotten in his way. The guy was encased in body armor from head to toe. If he'd had a mohawk and an Australian accent he could have been one of the bad guys in "The Road Warrior." I was in his way in the same sense that a nail is in the way of a hammer.

My editor Mackenzie Dawson, who was sent flying into the middle of an Upper West Side street by a biker going the wrong way a couple of weeks ago, will be on crutches for three months. Post photographer Lizzy Sullivan broke a rib and needed months of treatment after she was mowed down by a delivery biker. Our features writer Reed Tucker was crossing Broadway and Bleecker with the light when he was knocked down and scraped up by a bike messenger trying to slalom through a thick crowd of pedestrians. How many people in your office have similar stories?

Imagine if cab drivers behaved like bicyclists - with total disregard for red lights, the direction of traffic, and the presence of 8.3 million other people. The matter would be looked into. The occasional arrest might even be made. Yet the bike Blitzkrieg rolls unchecked. A Hunter College study this week found 37% of bikers didn't stop at a red light and 13% were going the wrong way - and that's just during the few seconds it took for the bikers to pass stationary observers. What would the numbers be like if someone actually followed bikers around?

Bikers fall into three categories:

* Messengers of Mayhem. These are young, aggressively fit men, often clad in futuristic outfits complete with face-obscuring visors that make them look like Boba Fett. They're professional bike messengers who primarily operate in Midtown during business hours. They won't stop or even slow down for red lights or for pedestrian-heavy intersections, so to warn you they're coming they've developed terrifying bird call-like whistles that make them the pterodactyls in the prehistoric fight for survival that is life in Manhattan. When you hear the whistle, though, you don't know if you're supposed to stop or keep going on a predictable trajectory. Cops watch them barrel through red lights while discussing the relative merits of French roast vs. house blend.

* Szechuan Psychos. Working for tips and of questionable immigration status, they serve in the mechanized infantry of General Tso's army. Rusted rides and dumpling physiques generally prevent these wonton warriors from building up much speed - but they prowl residential neighborhoods at night. You'll never see the one that gets you. Nor will you be able to sue him for all he's worth, unless you don't mind being paid in moo shu pork.

* Lance-a-Louts. You can tell by their high-performance bikes, their high-performance yellow-spandex racing jerseys, the high-performance dorkiness of their wee caps with precious little upturned visors: These weekenders think they're l'il Lance Armstrongs as they pedal furiously down your street on the way to the park.

And what is making the fast so furious? Here's a guess. The urologist Dr. Irwin Goldstein once said, "There are only two kinds of male cyclists - those who are impotent and those who will be impotent." Even bike seats designed to be friendly to man-parts were linked to impotence in a 2005 Journal of Sexual Science study. Guys, we know why you love your bikes. All those gleaming titanium shafts.

Question for the Bloomberg administration, which, in the interest of "going green," is encouraging the use of bikes: Are your cops, who squeezed out the squeegee men and once gave a guy in the Bronx a ticket for sitting on a milk crate, so mindful of the "broken windows theory" of cracking down on small offenses that they've forgotten about scofflaws who are actually dangerous? How about some renewed emphasis on the broken bones theory?

Fissile

Having lived in the NYC area all my life, I can confirm that all the above is true. The only group that I've seen the cops crack down on are the "Szechuan Psychos". That's because they are poor and probably illegal aliens to boot, as the author has pointed out. The "Messengers of Mayhem" get a free pass because they are usually carrying legal documents, architectural drawings, or some such thing. Ordinary human life be damned when a powerful lawyer needs something "RIGHT NOW!". Lance-a-Louts are generally left alone since most are yuppies who can afford lawyers, and the cops don't need the headaches.

Rule of law in America depends on how much money you have. What else is new?

Sledbikes

nothing stops a biker like a group of bike thieves *clip clip*

we had that problem with the lance a louts in the bike trail by my area till they got handled by a well placed blind curve trap that only a roadie can hit they havent been back since then. i noticed its been applied in other trails too.

fordmanvt

This is where he lost any credibility he might have had.

GodsBassist

I have never even been to NYC so I can't pretend what it's like there... however the comments at the bottom of the article (and even the article itself) make it sound as if people walk around in constant fear of a cyclist.

If that really is the case, it must be an AWESOME place to ride!!!

unterhausen

A couple people sent me the article recently where they were talking about cyclists being impotent. I'm just glad the kids didn't find out.

jfwhite

It's the post. *shrug*

-=(8)=-

"Imagine if cab drivers behaved like bicyclists - with total disregard for red lights, the direction of traffic, and the presence of 8.3 million other people. The matter would be looked into. The occasional arrest might even be made."



To write something this absurd tells me he might not have ever
even been to NYC and fones this in from Uranus.

CB HI

Well, it is the NYTs, were writers simply invent stories without any research of the subject.

I like my fiction in a format other than the "news"paper!

JoeyBike

"News" is just entertainment that sells advertisements. And I must admit, that piece entertained me.

Unlike the author, I HAVE been to Manhattan. The nerve of any pedestrian in NYC to even BREATH the words 'Law Breakers' makes me giggle like a school girl. Crosswalks and crossing signals are a waste of paint and electricity. Manhattan is just pedestrian mayhem.

Now, I am not against freedom, ignoring crossing signals, and doing one's own thing to get where you want to go - but I do have a suggestion: Look both ways before crossing the street.

And that author can kiss my gleaming titanium shaft.

rideabike

I used to live in NJ and I went into the city every day.

If I ever get injured in NYC, it will be from a car, not a bicycle.

This is total BS.

-=(8)=-

But its consistant, predictable mayhem
To single one element out of all this and say "you guys are the problem" is laffable.

uke

A quick Google indicates 250+ pedestrians are killed annually in NYC by cars. That's 4-5 people each week. Surprisingly, I couldn't find an annual number for pedestrians killed by cyclists.

Sailorman13

NYTs ?? This is from the Post. Typical from them. 1/2 step above the Enquirer and slipping fast.

BTW, where's the 4th category of cyclists, the Freds? You don't have Freds in NYC???

Or the type that rides Flying Pigeons dressed in designer casual wear, whatever they're called. I know you got them.

ChrisOG

What's the deal with the impotency from bike seats, is that true? Once on the news I saw something about this and they said to sit as far back on the seat as you can.

cz2509

"Working for tips and of questionable immigration status, they serve in the mechanized infantry of General Tso's army."

Doesnt matter what you think about the article - thats some funny stuff right there.

SeattleShaun

What's the deal with the impotency from bike seats, is that true?

I've been riding regularly for 35 years - haven't noticed a problem yet....perhaps the good doctor is confusing us with his sedentary obese viagra waddlers? :-)

My favorite part of the article was the comparison to taxi cabs. Apparently the author has never actually been to Manhattan if he hasn't seen routine red light running, wrong way driving, fun filled antics of the cab drivers...

dobber

If the author was a forum member and espousing on cagers, we'd all be agreeing.

rideabike

That's because he'd be right.

kuan

It's fake. A sushi chef would have removed her skin cleanly, with a sharp knife, and with a deft flick flick of the wrist.

capejohn

Agree. I wonder what really happened. *shrug*

geo8rge

Google [urologist Dr. Irwin Goldstein bicycle]

"In his office at Boston University Medical Center, Dr. Goldstein treats six men a week on average, whom, he says, have become impotent from riding a bicycle. Overall, this urologist estimates there are about 100,000 men who have lost the ability to get or maintain satisfactory erections because of penile damage inflicted by either the bike's top tube or its saddle."

gcottay

Yawn.

Some riders are dangerous. Others are annoying. In some hands, baby strollers are instruments of destruction.

billew

NY Post: big print for small minds. It sounds like my joke "What do you do with a kid without common sense?, send them to college." These yuppie writers seem to not have situational awareness. I always see what is happening around me, on a bike or not I don't like suprizes. I live on a tourist island and meanderthals roam my streets walking without looking like gaily clad zombies.

dobber

That says a lot about you.