I have discovered, after years of cycling, how to achieve the perfect safety record!
The answer is simple: don't ride.
Yes, folks, that's the perfect way to avoid any mishaps on a bike--just stay off it. I know it's hard to swallow, but it's true. The sad truth is that more cycling accidents happen to those who ride bikes than to those who do not.
Now, we can all rejoice! We have found the perfect way to be perfectly safe and avoid any mishaps on the bike--don't ride.
Who's with me?