General Cycling Discussion - Top 10 Signs You're Too Fat To Be A Roadie

10. While drafting at the back of a paceline, you still have major aero problems.

9. Your idea of a "century" is taking 100 minutes to ride to the corner store for a box of Ho-Ho's.

8. On long charity rides you shout out, "It's my turn to 'pull' for the sag wagon!"

7. Your pup tent doubles as a race jersey.

6. You wonder why no cols in the Tour de France are named "This Bump is for Our Larger Friends".

5. Your Schwalbe Marathon Plus 40c tires get pinch flats at 120 psi.

4. You complain that your custom solid-bar aluminum frame flexes at the bottom bracket shell.

3. Your climbing wheels are Sun-Ringle "Doublewide's".

2. Your cycling friends ask you, "Is that a new zit, or just a Camelbak?"

And the #1 reason you may be too fat to be a roadie:

1. Your Brooks 90/3 triple-sprung saddle makes a loud "ka-THUMP!" when you run over a white pavement line.


:D

:eek: :D hahaha... funny stuff...

Yes very funny :lol:

HEY! I resemble those remarks. :mad: :D

My personal observation is that you cannot ever br too fat to be a "roadie".

Seriously whats with all the gay references and fat people jokes lately. Funny or not, I havent seen this many of that kind since I was in grade 5.

On the last charity run I did (75km), there were a lot of guys 45-55 years old with really big guts who simply blew past me. My neighbours and I averaged over 32kph for the 75 km run, so they must have averaged well over 35kph. My guess is that they are semi-retired and just train a hell-of-alot more than me.

11) The paceline is two abreast when you're in front.

No...all these mean that these people aren't "snob roadies"

Being blessed with an abundance of adipose tissue myself, I was prepared to be richly offended. Instead I'm delightfully amused. Actually, I'm much bigger than I should be but much smaller than I once was. Good post. I enjoyed it. :)

Seriously whats with all the gay references and fat people jokes lately. Funny or not, I havent seen this many of that kind since I was in grade 5.

You're young. You'll get over it. :p

I got one. You have so much body fat on your chest you should race in the women's field. :D Believe it or not, I have raced with an overweight racer with a beer gut running a pair of Zipp 404.

The interesting thing is that I've discovered big guys on the flats will simply blow me and most lightweight riders away. The reasoning is fairly simple. The bigger you are, the more muscle you need to support your weight. While walking or climbing, the big guy's weight can be a detriment or at least it doesn't provide an advantage... at best, it puts them on par. However, when they're riding and are on flat or rolling terrain, they have momentum on their side and that extra amount of muscle gives them greater horsepower to sustain that momentum. The calculus works out in favour of the big guy in such situations. I can drop a lot of my bigger friends on the climbs but going downhill and on the flats, I have to work to keep up with them.

The interesting thing is that I've discovered big guys on the flats will simply blow me and most lightweight riders away. The reasoning is fairly simple. The bigger you are, the more muscle you need to support your weight. While walking or climbing, the big guy's weight can be a detriment or at least it doesn't provide an advantage... at best, it puts them on par. However, when they're riding and are on flat or rolling terrain, they have momentum on their side and that extra amount of muscle gives them greater horsepower to sustain that momentum. The calculus works out in favour of the big guy in such situations. I can drop a lot of my bigger friends on the climbs but going downhill and on the flats, I have to work to keep up with them.

Isn't that also the case with Tandems? I've passed many a mature couple going up hill on their tandom, but when I see that "Bike-A-Bago" coming down the hill behind me, I better get out of the way. :D

Steve W
Gee, I'll gain 50 pounds and THEN I'll be fast! My Training Partners will be Ben and Jerry.

Well I ain't exactly skinny at 196 lb., and I've lost 10 lbs. since April. BUT I have a perfectly good reason: I'm just big-boned. ;)

Well I ain't exactly skinny at 196 lb., and I've lost 10 lbs. since April. BUT I have a perfectly good reason: I'm just big-boned. ;)


I'm big boned too, especially the one around my middle that keeps growing. :D

Well I ain't exactly skinny at 196 lb., and I've lost 10 lbs. since April. BUT I have a perfectly good reason: I'm just big-boned.

At 516lb, I guess my bones are clearly much bigger, then. *cough*

I'm big boned too, especially the one around my middle that keeps growing. :D

Yeah, the ol' spare tire. That's not really bone...more like gristle ain't it? ;)

I weigh just under 250 lbs and I got a kick out of it. I especially liked the 700x40 tires getting pinch flats. Excellent!! :D :D

It's a svelte wafer thin 250 though! ;)

...I got a kick out of it...Excellent!!


We aim to please!

I got one. You have so much body fat on your chest you should race in the women's field. :D Believe it or not, I have raced with an overweight racer with a beer gut running a pair of Zipp 404.

kinda like fourty pounds of sausage in a 20 pound casing?

hey, all I know is that if I lost a few pounds, it wouldbe like pebbles off a dump truck!

Oi, I'm not fat, I'm actually at my ideal future weight.... which will be when i reach 8 feet in height :)

11) The paceline is two abreast when you're in front.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005.

Usually the bigboned guys got the best looking bicycles. Why?

Usually the bigboned guys got the best looking bicycles. Why?
Because they stole them from scrawny little climbers, along with their lunch money... :)

How about these signs:

* Your lycra is so stretched out that it looks like fishnet.

* You eat Belgian frites - during rides. (Frites are French fries with mayonnaise.)

* People behind you in the paceline get dragged along not by your draft, but by your gravitational pull.

* Township officials require you to pay a billboard permit fee while wearing your team jersey.

* Your riding buddies have nicknamed you "Fatso Bortolo". (Then again, I think he was just mad that I called him "Sir Farts-A-Lot".)

Oh well Maelstrom, now it's time for me to finger paint before nap time. :)

How about:

From behind, your arse on the saddle looks like a Spade (http://www.fthwholesale.com/Theme/Casino/PageCASI3/P48-5%20Ace%20of%20Spades.jpg)

Maybe I should keep my mouth shut - some of these are feeling a little personal... :D :eek:

Your name is Akebono

Because they stole them from scrawny little climbers, along with their lunch money... :)

LOL!

Oh, c'mon guys! You are all too much! I am :roflmao: !

And...no I am not "svelte"! Let's say that my avatar--a Clydesdale!--is "truth in advertising". :D

You are "too fat" to ride a road bike--or any bike!--if you refuse to ride one at all! If any "Billy Bobs" make fun of you, just remember this little "gem" from me: "So what if I am fat? You are just plain stupid! And...I can lose weight!! There's no such thing as a brain transplant, so there's no help for you!"

:d

OK, those 2 win the "Plumber's Crack" Contest. :eek: **hurl**

Not to hijack the thread, but I've seen men in my LBS try to shave 3 grams off their
bikes, when it would be better to lose 5 pounds off their bodies.

3 g?
Let's see...

An overweight man, plus bike, would probably be, say, 100 kg (221 lbs).
That's 100 000 g.

3 / 100 000 = 0.00003

To make that into percent, multiply by 100.
That's 0.003%!!!

The same weight can (theoretically) be taken off the body by reducing the energy intake by a mere 21 kcal... About a piece of hard candy's worth...

3 g?
Let's see...

An overweight man, plus bike, would probably be, say, 100 kg (221 lbs).
That's 100 000 g.

3 / 100 000 = 0.00003

To make that into percent, multiply by 100.
That's 0.003%!!!

The same weight can (theoretically) be taken off the body by reducing the energy intake by a mere 21 kcal... About a piece of hard candy's worth...
Yea, but taking 3 grams off the bike is permanent and taking / keeping 3 grams off you body is repetative and ongoing.
What am I saying. I really agree with you. :)

Not to hijack the thread, but I've seen men in my LBS try to shave 3 grams off their
bikes, when it would be better to lose 5 pounds off their bodies.

Are you sure that's true? I don't think I've ever been to your LBS. :D

You might also be too fat to be a rodie if...

* You don't lean into corners because you hate road rash on your love handles.

* You have custom modified aero bars to accomodate your man-boobs.

* A new law is passed especially for you stipulating that the LED's in your rear blinky must spell out 'Danger, wide load'

* An aggro cager in a Cadillac swerves into you to run you off the road.... but can't!

* The tide has to wait for you to finish your ride along the beach before it can come in

* You thighs are still wobbling up & down at your cadence 20 minutes after you finish your ride.

* You have to buy your jersey and your drapes at the same shop

one more...

* Your a$$ has it's own postcode.

* An aggro cager in a Cadillac swerves into you to run you off the road.... but can't!



I can hear it now: "Get off the road ya FAT BASTID!!!" **SCREEECH**

LOL!

Last one from me, I promise....

* To relax after a ride you just sit around the house.... all the way around the house!