math joke

[LordOpie]

It seems that there were these 3 pregnant Indian Squaws, all due to give
birth at about the same time. The first squaw gave birth to a boy, and the
birthing was done on a deer hide. The 2nd also gave birth to a boy, but this
was done on a bear hide. And, the third had twins, two boys, and
she did this on a hippopotamus hide.

I guess *THIS* shows us that the sons of the squaw on the hippopotamus hide
is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides.





need help?
a^2 + b^2 = c^2



And now, for the "audio daily double"...

Q: What do you have before "tea"?
A: t-1


oh god, you are such a geek!

[Stubacca]

Q: What does a mathematician do when he gets constipated?
A: He works it out with a pencil.
_______________________

Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...
_______________________

Q: How can you tell that a mathematician is extroverted?
A: When talking to you, he looks at your shoes instead of at his.
_______________________

Two men are sitting in the basket of a balloon. For hours, they have been drifting through a thick layer of clouds, and they have lost orientation completely. Suddenly, the clouds part, and the two men see the top of a mountain with a man standing on it.
"Hey! Can you tell us where we are?!"
The man doesn't reply. The minutes pass as the balloon drifts past the mountain. When the balloon is about to be swallowed again by the clouds, the man on the mountain shouts: "You're in a balloon!"
"That must have been a mathematician."
"Why?"
"He thought long and thoroughly about what to say. What he eventually said was irrefutably correct. And it was of no use whatsoever..."
_______________________

Lemma: All horses are the same color.

Proof (by induction):

Case n=1: In a set with only one horse, it is obvious that all horses in that set are the same color.
Case n=k: Suppose you have a set of k+1 horses. Pull one of these horses out of the set, so that you have k horses. Suppose that all of these horses are the same color. Now put back the horse that you took out, and pull out a different one. Suppose that all of the k horses now in the set are the same color. Then the set of k+1 horses are all the same color. We have k true
=> k+1 true; therefore all horses are the same color.

Theorem: All horses have an infinite number of legs.

Proof (by intimidation):

Everyone would agree that all horses have an even number of legs. It is also well-known that horses have forelegs in front and two legs in back. 4 + 2 = 6 legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs for a horse to have! Now the only number that is both even and odd is infinity; therefore all horses have an infinite number of legs.

However, suppose that there is a horse somewhere that does not have an infinite number of legs. Well, that would be a horse of a different color; and by the Lemma, it doesn't exist.
QED





Jeez I'm a geek... :D

[ChAnMaN]

01-27-05, 11:01 PM #14
LordOpie
eGod and MasterBaiter

LordOpie's Avatar

Registered: Jun 2004
Location: Denver

This is an audio daily double riddle, so reading it will ruin it, but you can tell people later

Q: What do you get before 'tea'?

A: t - 1

http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php?t=85338 (old math jokes thread)

HAHA, this jokes even funnier the second time you tell it

[ChAnMaN]

Y=-5X^2 + 10
Y=-5(X-3)^2 -2 (Shade)
Y=-5(X-5)^2 -2 (Shade)
Y=-5(X+3)^2 -2 (Shade)
Y=-3(X+7)^2 -6 (Shade)
Y=-5X^2+5 (Shade)


a little something i did in my spare time.

[KingTermite]

http://matrix.netsoc.tcd.ie/~horkana/junkmail/images/equation.jpg

[eubi]

Hahaha. Hey, it's high time for another math jokes thread!
KingTermite's reminded me of this one:

Knowing that...

Knowledge = Power

Power = Work / Time

Time = Money

Substituting for Power...

Knowledge = Work / Money

Rearranging...

Money = Work / Knowledge.

Work being equal, the less you know, the more you will make.

Now do you understand management?

[Stubacca]

Which brings us to The Basic Maths of Life...

The basic maths of life proves that Attitude is the secret.
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes life 100%?

Here’s a little maths that might prove useful

If

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then
H A R D W O R K
8 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

and
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

but
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

and
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bull**** will put you over the top.

And look how far

A R S E K I S S I N G
1 18 19 5 11 9 19 19 14 7 = 121%

will take you.

[CdCf]

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Statistician were sitting in a street cafe watching an apparently empty house on the other side of the street. Suddenly they noticed two people enter the house. After a while they notice three people coming out of the house.

The Statistician said: "The variation is due to permissible sampling error."

The Biologist concluded: "They have reproduced."

The Mathematician said: "If another person goes into the house, it will be empty again!"

:D :D :D

[ChAnMaN]

Q:why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?
A:to get to the other.............uhh

[KingTermite]

There was a physicist and an engineer working on a top secret time travel project. Suddenly, there was a flash of light and there before them was a very beautiful female life form.

She said to the men "I have been without companionship for many years, if you can reach me, you can do with me as you wish" " However, because of the time field, every time you move towards me you will go only half that distance"

The engineer then looked at the physicist and noticed he was very sad. "Whats the matter with you, this is the opportunity of a lifetime !!"

The physicist replied "Don't you see, if I go only half the distance each time, I will never actually get there ! It's a hopeless situation" The physicist then asked the engineer "Why are you smiling ?"

The engineer grinned and said "Thats true, ... but I'll be close enough to get the job done !"

[KingTermite]

Building Fence

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible.

The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.

The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.

The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.

[Hiker16]

A mathematician was flying out of state on vacation. Being th egeek that he was, he brought along his calculator and pencil and paper in his carry-on luggage. As he proceeded through the security checkpoint, the security officer who was searching his bag stopped him. "You are under arrest!" the security man said. "Why?" asked the mathematician.
"Because you are carrying weapons of math instruction!"

[desmobob]

A mathematician was flying out of state on vacation. Being th egeek that he was, he brought along his calculator and pencil and paper in his carry-on luggage. As he proceeded through the security checkpoint, the security officer who was searching his bag stopped him. "You are under arrest!" the security man said. "Why?" asked the mathematician.
"Because you are carrying weapons of math instruction!"

Obviously one of the notorious "Al gebra" operatives.

Good riding,
desmobob

[KingTermite]

A mathematician was flying out of state on vacation. Being th egeek that he was, he brought along his calculator and pencil and paper in his carry-on luggage. As he proceeded through the security checkpoint, the security officer who was searching his bag stopped him. "You are under arrest!" the security man said. "Why?" asked the mathematician.
"Because you are carrying weapons of math instruction!"
Here's a good place for that one.
http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php?t=118165

[KingTermite]

Math

Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl
took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my
pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and three
pennies, while looking at the screen on her register.

I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters,
but she hailed the manager for help.

While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and
cried.

Why do I tell you this?

Please read more about the "history of teaching math":
.
.
.
.
.
Teaching Math In 1950

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is
4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
.
.
.
.
Teaching Math In 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is
4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
.
.
.
.
Teaching Math In 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is
$80. Did he make a profit?
.
.
.
.
Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is
$80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
.
.
.
.
Teaching Math In 1990

By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you
think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after
answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the
logger cut down the trees. (There are no wrong answers.)
.
.
.
.
Teaching Math In 2005
.
.
.
.
El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta de production
es............

[KingTermite]

http://joi.ito.com/images2/mathjoke.gif

[ChroMo2]

lick me and dick me went to bed.
lick me rolled over and dick me was dead.
Who was left?

[zaphodbeeblebro]

economics jokes...similar thread to math jokes...

Q: Accodring to economists How has French revolution affected world economic growth?
A: Too early to say.

for some reason I have always laughed at this one:
Dinosaur #1: "How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
Dinosaur #2: "What is an economist?"
Dinosaur #1: "A flunkie mathematician who tries to predict the population of kangaroos in Australia. But that's not important and don't ask what a Kangaroo is."
Dinosaur #2: "I don't know, how many?"
Dinosaur #1: "10 economists and one grad student. One economist to make a model, one to run the regression, one to test the hypothesis, one to interpret the results, one to conclude how to screw it on, one grad student to screw it on, and five economists trying to fight off the dinosaurs trying to eat them.

there are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who dont.

Several scientists were all posed the following question: "What is 2 * 2 ?"
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces "3.99".
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces "it lies between 3.98 and 4.02".
The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: "I don't know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!".
Philosopher smiles: "But what do you mean by 2 * 2 ?"
Logician replies: "Please define 2 * 2 more precisely."
The sociologist: "I don't know, but is was nice talking about it".
Behavioral Ecologist: "A polygamous mating system".
Medical Student : "4" All others looking astonished : "How did you know ??" Medical Student : :I memorized it."