General Cycling Discussion - Car Warnings

LittleBigMan's 'What Would It look Like?' thread in the Commuting forum made me think.

We all know that cycling has lots of benefits and that driving cars can be a health hazzard.

Imagine if motor vehicle companies had to place health warnings on cars like tobacco companies have to on cigarettes.

What kind of warnings would they have to use?

WARNING: Cars Can Kill.

WARNING: Driving Cars Can Impare Your Health

WARNING: Driving Cars Can Increase the Size of Your Butt

Originally posted by MediaCreations
WARNING: Driving Cars Can Increase the Size of Your Butt

WARNING: Driving cars can decrease the weight of your wallet.

Surgeon General's Warning : I will have a lot more work to do if we keep driving cars. :p

WARNING! The weight of personal transportation you use is inversely proportional to the size of your brain. Switch now to stop the shrinking!

That's almost a straight quote from "Repo Man:" "The more you drive the less intelligent you become."

"Adolf Hitler on a bicycle would be a better human being than Mother Teresa in a car."

Originally posted by MediaCreations
WARNING: Driving Cars Can Increase the Size of Your Butt
Actually, documents have recently been discovered--internal memos from several car manufacturers--which reveal they have known about the link between driving and, well, abnormal posterior growth, for many years, while at the same time these companies have been publicly denying it.

:D

WARNING: Excessive car use may accelerate the aging process.

WARNING: Automobiles contain over 1,000 toxic substances. (I made this up, it could actually be over 2,000)

WARNING: Car dependence among teenagers may lead to impaired psychological development and increased phobias, resulting in megalomania, over-aggressiveness and fear of open spaces and mad cyclists.

WARNING: Driving this automobile without using a crash helmet
may result in fatal head injuries in the event of an accident.

Originally posted by LittleBigMan

Actually, documents have recently been discovered--internal memos from several car manufacturers--which reveal they have known about the link between driving and, well, abnormal posterior growth, for many years, while at the same time these companies have been publicly denying it.

LittleBigMan,
I am interested in seeing the source for this one. What aspect of driving a car leads to it? Is there some feature of the car, or just inactivity of the gluteus maximus? (pun intended)

I'm joking, of course.

:D

Originally posted by LittleBigMan
I'm joking, of course.

Well I guess you got me, you sounded pretty official before. :crash:

Originally posted by Feldman
That's almost a straight quote from "Repo Man:" "The more you drive the less intelligent you become."

"Adolf Hitler on a bicycle would be a better human being than Mother Teresa in a car." Adolf Hitler in a coffin, 6 feet under, would be a better human being :)

Originally posted by LittleBigMan
WARNING: Driving this automobile without using a crash helmet
may result in fatal head injuries in the event of an accident.

Here in Australia we actually have mandatory helmet laws for cyclists. I wonder what sort of outcry we'd have if they made a mandatory helmet law for motorists.

:D

Originally posted by neguypdx
WARNING! The weight of personal transportation you use is inversely proportional to the size of your brain. Switch now to stop the shrinking!

Hail fellow Portlander well met! Spoken like a witness to the rolling carnage of SE 82nd! :p

-Rob

Originally posted by Chris L
Here in Australia we actually have mandatory helmet laws for cyclists. I wonder what sort of outcry we'd have if they made a mandatory helmet law for motorists.:D
I wonder about the outcry if it was mandatory for motorists to have a brain to put inside the helmet.

Originally posted by MediaCreations

I wonder about the outcry if it was mandatory for motorists to have a brain to put inside the helmet.

That would be considered a human-rights violation!

One of the Gucci family, who in the midst of her endless mental depression, once said "I would rather cry in the back of Rolls-Royce, than be happy on a bicycle!"

Needless to say, she lived a miserable life indeed. And died in misery. Of course, if only she'd started to ride...