You know it is summer in Texas when.....

[MsVicki]

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95, and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.


Ahhhh, what a place to call home!

[midgie]

:roflmao:

MsVicki, I am so glad you are around to keep up morale!!

[webist]

:roflmao: :roflmao:

HELLo from AZ

[kf5nd]

This problem of getting burned if you have a crash and are lying on the pavement... is real! It totally sucks!

[eubi]

Yeah. Same in So Cal. but it's a DRY heat!

Cycling in over 100F weather here really isn't that bad.

[kenleekenlee]

It's always humid in Austin :(

[MsVicki]

This is not a Texas weather joke, but a Texas joke nonetheless.....

You know you're a Texan if....
1. You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine, Decatur, , Nacogdoches, Wichita Falls, San Antonio, Mexia, Waco, Amarillo, and Waxahachie.
2. You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are just sissies.
3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.
4. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
5. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. (All the time!)
6. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.
7. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.
8. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
9. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
10. You measure distance in minutes.
11. You refer to the capital of Texas as "home of the Longhorns."
12. It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash (or space shuttle).
13. Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.
14. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.
15. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.
16. You know cowpies are not made of beef.
17. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.
18. You have known someone who has had a belt buckle bigger than your fist.
19. A bad traffic tie-up involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.
20. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.
21. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.
22. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F350 4x4 is.
23. You know everything goes better with Ranch.
24. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.
25. You actually get these jokes and are "fixin' " to send them to your friends.
26. Finally, you are Texan if you have ever heard this conversation:
"You wanna coke?"
"Yeah."
"What kind?"
"Dr. Pepper."


:D

[SpiderMike]

Here are some I can add from experience.

1. Beach wedding performed by a toothless Justice of the Peace wearing a pearl snap shirt and a feed store hat. (Thank God it wasn't my wedding)
2. Wedding attire, cut off shorts, pearl snap shirt, trucker hat and White rubber boots, and smelling like he just got of the shrimp boat. (same wedding as number 1)
3. You can always find a mechanic that will work for at least a six pack of beer.
4. Your not surprised your father-in-law has played golf with Willie Nelson.
5. Your jealous your father-in-law has even met Willie Nelson.
6. Your wife fits the story to the Bill Pekar song "Colors are all the same"
7. You understand both Bill Pekar songs " Colors are all the same", and "The Koozie Song"
8. You have a complete section of in your kitchen cabinets reserved for you Koozie collection.
9. Standard assecories to a truck.... Rubber boots shoved between the cab and bed, a coozie on the stick shift, and a CCA redfish sticker.
10. Look forward to tax free weekend, so you can buy those new hunting boots.
11. standard starter for a party is Chips and salsa.
12. OFF is considered a cologne.

EDIT: 13. You associate with some or all of Robert Earl Keen's song "Merry Christmas from the Family"

[MsVicki]

With the heat index at 105 degrees right now, it seemed like an appropriate time to revitalize this thread!

Geez, it's hot outside!

[EJ123]

[QUOTE=MsVicki]This is not a Texas weather joke, but a Texas joke nonetheless.....

You know you're a Texan if....
1. You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine, Decatur, , Nacogdoches, Wichita Falls, San Antonio, Mexia, Waco, Amarillo, and Waxahachie.:)
3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel. So true:D
6. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade. LoL
18. You have known someone who has had a belt buckle bigger than your fist. yep
19. A bad traffic tie-up involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first. hahah
22. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F350 4x4 is.
:roflmao:

26. Finally, you are Texan if you have ever heard this conversation:
"You wanna coke?"
"Yeah."
"What kind?"
"Dr. Pepper."

Dr. Pepper is the best!

[eubi]

You know you're in So Cal:

... if your IQ matches the room temperature, and you're above average!

It peaked at 107º in Corona last weekend. My pool water was about 94º last night, and it's not heated.

I feel your pain...

[FLBandit]

Sounds like Florida.

[MsVicki]

A MUST READ FOR ALL TEXANS

I figure I can post jokes poking fun at Texans since I have lived here all my life!


The owner of a golf course in Lufkin was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Texas and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

You gotta love those Texas women.
****************************************************************

A group of Tyler friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked.

"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.

"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
****************************************************************
A senior at the University of Texas was overheard saying. "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in East Texas."

When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in East Texas because everything happens in East Texas 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world."
****************************************************************

The young man from Texas A&M came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"

The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
****************************************************************
NEWS FLASH! -- Austin's worst disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two Texas A&M students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today.

Search and Rescue workers (all t-sips?) have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.
****************************************************************
A Texas State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-20. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"

The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
****************************************************************
A man in Tyler had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, "I have a flat tire."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down, they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it, either."

[capsicum]

Ha Ha Ha fools. I'll take my clouds and low humidity over that.

[Hobartlemagne]

I love this state!

[mlts22]

The Austin area really doesn't have any seasons. Its early summer, mid summer, late summer... and next summer. Or, hot, very hot, or unseasonably warm. (I remember it hitting 101 degrees in February a couple years back.)

[MsVicki]

The Austin area really doesn't have any seasons. Its early summer, mid summer, late summer... and next summer. Or, hot, very hot, or unseasonably warm. (I remember it hitting 101 degrees in February a couple years back.)

I remember it hitting 101 here a couple of DAYS ago!

[Tom Stormcrowe]

I lived in Deadhorse, AK for a couple of years. We had 2 seasons...Winter and the 4th of July!http://www.xrtheme.com/content/emoticons/Dressed/07.gifhttp://resource.greatnorthernstone.com/images/stories/cold.sml.gif

[Gig em cyclist]

The young man from Texas A&M came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"

The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."


Well MsVicki, are you gonna give me the license number or not?

[Hobartlemagne]

You know its winter in Texas when you only use the air conditioning in the day

[Gigi5]

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
AND IT DOESN'T COME OFF!!!!!! UGH! Nice place to visit, no thank you to live! I went down for a visit in late July/early August... WOW! Hotter than hot! And there was no wearing flip flops either! They literally melt to the pavement! SUCKED!