General Cycling Discussion - cycling -vs- relationships

I have been reading (on this board) about some of the troubles that couples face when it comes to cycling and their relationships, and it has made me very curious about how one affects the other. In many cases it seems that cycling gets blamed as an "obsession" or a "lifestyle," thereby creating problems in the relationship.

So my question is...

Has cycling casued a problem for you in your relationship? And if so, how?

Cycling helped me when I broke up with my fiancée (and girlfriend of 10 years).

She broke up with me in November of 2003, I was depressed for a couple of months and bought a Specialized Rockhopper in January of 2004.

It's my "new" obsession. I'd rather spend money on bikes and accessories than on dating. :)

I bought my wife a Cannondale F600 on my birthday. How's that for love?

My wife is my #1 supporter.
She bought my Litespeed (see pic below) for me. :love:
She always reminds me to take the checkbook when I go to the LBS.
She says when we retire she'll take up cycling. :beer:

No relationship problems here. :)

In many cases it seems that cycling gets blamed as an "obsession" or a "lifestyle," thereby creating problems in the relationship.
Being healthy & active is a lifestyle, just as sitting on your butt all day watching TV is also a lifestyle. Maybe those that have trouble with their relationships should not have been in those to begin with? I don't know.

who needs a man when you have a bike?

Cycling has helped me realise I'm better off alone.

My wife is fully supportive of my cycling addiction. After reading this thread I asked her if my cycling bothered her in any way and she gave me a confusued look and asked; why would it bother me?

Last Christmas she even asked for a bike! She's turned into a little commuter herself. What a gal!

My wife is addicted with me...

I'd rather spend money on bikes and accessories than on dating. :)
TESTIFY!! Can I hear an AMEN??

My husband (then fiance') bought me my old bike as a christmas present back in 1997. I'd worn my old Huffy completely out by then, and was constantly talking about how I should buy a new bike, but never getting around to doing it. I'm bad about not addressing my own wishes, so he stepped up. Some people might not think that old Trek 800 is much of a bike, but it's been a great bike for me for a lot of years, plus it's laden with sentimental value, since it was a gift from a man who knows how I am so very well.

I wish he wasn't working nights right now, because he hardly ever has the time or energy to go riding with me anymore, which I miss. He's one of a handful of people I know who can keep up with me--the legs on this man are unreal, plus he's an ex cross-country runner, too. On the other hand, when we do go riding together, he can drive me kind of crazy when he leads because he's not so good about signalling and he can be kind of all over the road. I think when he gets to a point where he has the time to go riding with me again, I'm going to have to give him a personalized bike safety and etiquette lesson! :p Hopefully I don't drive him too nuts.

I'm sure you were looking for more replies from people who said that their significant other hated the fact that they put such a priority on cycling. My wife is sick of it all. The TdF, Lance, hearing about my bike, ride, saddle position. But I'm sure she won't be complaining when I get down to my target weight and my new confidence results in better results elsewhere -- "if you know what I mean" -- Whose Line is it Anyway.

Cheers...

from other stuff i've read on this board it seemed like there were more problems, yes. if that's not the case i'm quite relieved!

It created my relationship.
Fat me + bike = skinny me
now ive got my girl who i love so im happy :) <3

My husband of nearly 30 years has been my biggest supporter, just as I have supported his hobbies and interests over the years. He never complains when I spend money on my bike and he makes an effort to ride with me occasionally, even though I can see that he doesn't enjoy it as much as I do.

If it's a good relationship, one partner is happy that the other one finds enjoyment. However, one must keep his or her priorities straight. Jobs, children, household obligations, and the relationship itself sometime have to come first. I'd resent the hell out of it if my husband consistently neglected his responsibilities or spent money that we didn't have to pursue his hobby. In a successful relationship, each partner learns the correct balance of give and take for that relationship. (What would upset me might be perfectly fine for someone else.)

I don't think there's anything magical about cycling. It feels that way to those of us who love it but there are folks out there who are *nuts* about all kinds of sports and hobbies. I used to do freelance reporting for our local newspaper and wrote an article about RC plane, car, and boat hobbyists. Talk about time and money! :eek:

My ex-girlfriend thought it was childish. Like an adult that insists on playing with dolls or something.
Of course she had no hobbies other than shopping and thought that outside was dirty.

I said ex...

AMEN!! My last gf hating me biking she wanted me to get a car...haha...when hell frizes over. Main reason I broke up with her is because of that, and she said the my mom was going to hell, just after she passed away less then a month. I had an old pic of my EZ-3 USX with her on it (http://cs150_1.comp-sci.edgewood.edu/ccorbett/Bike.htm) I miss the bike more then I do her. I broke the frame 2x and then my LBS gave me my Marin.

GEEK

Here is a little secret I have about screening for potential relationship problems. I always introduce a new guy to my: 1. animal family, 2. the bikes and 3. the human family. I note their reactions to these groups and see it he will be part of my life or not-since these are very important to me and screening out the "duds" from the "wonders" save me time, money and heartache when things will go wrong-and trust me they will.

Yeah, we have cycling-related problems that have contributed to my relunctance to marry him. He's more of a rock-n-roll-playin', whiskey-drinkin' sort, and I think he struggles w/ the fact that I would rather spend sunday mountain biking than drinking bloody marys and/or going to the mall. I think it's also hard for some guys' egos when their girlfriends are stronger, in much better shape, and generally better at sports than they are.

We try hard to be supportive of each other's hobbies, but my biking (or his inability to deal w/ it), has created more problems than anything else in our relationship. Alas, I fear it might not last...

He's more of a rock-n-roll-playin', whiskey-drinkin' sort.. it's also hard for some guys' egos when their girlfriends are stronger, in much better shape, and generally better at sports than they are. ... Alas, I fear it might not last...
Just curious, you and your bf sound like total opposites, especially when it comes to athletics. What made you two get together to begin with? I couldn't imagine myself dating a couch potato or someone would give me crap when I want to spend a couple of hours a day exercising.

I used to be a die-hard skier (tele, btw). I wouldn't even look at girls who didn't ski. The women I knew who could turn 'em were all either spoken for, or "one of the guys," so I ended up spending the majority of my time unintentionally single. Still, I would have rather been single than be with someone who put a damper on my skiing. Now, I dont ski much but I'm about 10x more into cycling than I was ever into skiing. Realizing that my celibacy might last a lifetime if I didn't broaden my horizons, I started dating other women, which, to my surprise, was MUCH better than dating a female version of myself. But, plain and simple, if she had a problem with cycling to the point that we were fighting about it all the time, etc., I'd drop her like she was on a WalMart hybrid.

i have no relationships....but i have 3 bikes :rolleyes:

I've lost about a hundred pounds so far. My marriage was great before, but as I lose weight, it's getting dirtier.
;)

My parents took up cycling a few years back and almost divorced after picking up their first tandem... It seems my mom wanted to ride up front but my dad didn't want to lose control... hence his new technique of stearing from the back seat... basically picking the bike up and trying to bunny hop it to where he wants to go :)

Things were going great until she recommended installing a heart rate monitor on the bed. :(

It's my "new" obsession. I'd rather spend money on bikes and accessories than on dating. :)

Spending money while on date is for noobs. If you got the right girl, you be having sex at that point... :D

i got thrown around and kicked to the curb by a girl. cycling really helped me recover , get in shape and get a ot more confidence. you just cant beat it at all. now my current girl, just bought a bike, she is getting into it, so thats cool as hell. but i think its an important rule not to compete with the woman, it think it causes imbalances . so anyways good day fellows

I can't imagine getting one of those tandems- I want to ride my own damn bike!

sorry guys, I'll take my wife anytime. What good are great calves, quads and a big heart without her to enjoy them? :love: I'd rather die than not have her. I'd rather have her than ride :) She is the reason I ride - oh yeah, those pesky kids - :rolleyes:

I can't imagine getting one of those tandems- I want to ride my own damn bike!
Exactly! I'm not a complete control freak, but sitting on the back has to be sooooo boring. No steer, no pedal is my reaction to the idea. :p

My girlfriend and I really bonded because I cycle and she blades. We used to spend many hours together rolling up and down the Pinellas Trail when we lived in Clearwater. Of course, we broke up. So I guess it takes more than just a common love of outdoor activity to keep a relationship intact. Doh!

We got into cycling together. Initially, after nearly 20 yrs of marriage we felt it was so great to get out of the house together. ESCAPE.

Now, we have determined that we have different riding styles. Sometimes we work okay for a ride, sometimes we get on each others nerves, but we are always glad we rode together. About half the time I ride alone, and that balance is great, a little of each.

In regards to arguments about spending $ on cycling, we don't usually argue about it because the idea of not being out there riding makes the decision to part with the cash. We've been fortunate to not have had to dish out for an expensive repair yet. When that comes up, I'll let you know if I have my own apartment or not ;-)

Cycling vs. Relationships...... I think the key is to find out if you both share the same common interest and this is why. I married someone whom I thought I could be happy with, this person is a indoor person and I'm a complete outdoor person, yes, I should have known better, well I tried to get this person into mountain biking and well that didn't go off too well, he wanted to ride the paved trails and I was all about getting on the dirt, well then I took up roadbiking. Now roadbiking is not what made my marriage go down the drain, but it took me in a different direction. I realized that I gave up alot of who I was to be married to someone, now for some this is no big deal, but for me it was killing me everyday.
He was supportive of the biking but I wanted him to join me and he refused, once again this made me re-elevate my relationship. Now, there we many other problems but the simple fact was that we were two different people with different interest. Now we are going thru a divorce!!
All I am saying is just be sure that you can still be YOU and still be with them and be HAPPY!! I was not happy and I looked for something that made me happy. We are goodfriends but that is about it, I think if we did know eachother as friends, that we would be friends who see eachother once in awhile.

For some opposites attract but for others its alot deeper then that!!!
GOODLUCK

Snowy!

Just curious, you and your bf sound like total opposites, especially when it comes to athletics. What made you two get together to begin with? I couldn't imagine myself dating a couch potato or someone would give me crap when I want to spend a couple of hours a day exercising.

We do have other things in common (sense of humor, background, perspective, we both hate trampolines, etc.). In many ways we compliment each other very well--it's not all bad! If it were, I wouldn't have stuck around for so long.

Snowy, your situation sounds familiar! I'm trying to figure out just how much I've given up (cycling and otherwise) in the past 5 years and why (has it been to preserve our relationship? Or is it because I've been so busy w/ grad school and work?), and how exactly I want my life to be, and whether he will want to enjoy that same lifestyle, and what I'm willing to give up to stay w/ him. It's sad and scary to think that I might have to compromise a lot of my happiness (biking, traveling, etc) to stay w/ him, and that even though I love him a lot, maybe I should move on.

Broke up with my live-in girlfriend a little over a week ago. I had my bikes before we started dating and she knew that my active lifestyle was part of the package (at the time I was on three hockey teams, an indoor soccer team, and playing Ultimate on Saturdays). I adjusted the me time/her time ratio as the relationship progressed, down to just one hockey team this past year --after moving across the country with her for her dream job. I picked up the bikes again in a renewed fervor this spring, and fell in total love. I don't think she liked it too much; she was quite clear that she was not a biker; in fact she's not all that outdoorsy (declaring quite flatly one day that she hates to sweat). Anyhoo, kinda like what Snowy said --there was more to our problems than "I ride she doesn't" but cycling was a contributing factor in realizing that I didn't want to marry her.

No girl, no couch, three bikes. Sounds about right for now :o

People have to ask themselves if giving up something that makes you happy being it cycling, or whatever is worth staying in a long-term relationship. Someone said to me once (hint, hint, you know who you are) that they gave up their humor because it bothered their spouse and that made them so unhappy, but they didn't realized it until after they broke up.

NOW HOW SAD IT THAT!!! We all want to share our lives with someone but you have to ask yourself would you rather be alone and miserable then alone and DEAD???

Just a thought. But I understand everyones situation is different but you have to ask yourself how much are you willing to give up and remember maybe there is someone out there that would better appericate the things you love so much.

We all want to share our lives with someone but you have to ask yourself would you rather be alone and miserable then alone and DEAD???



Good point. But that overwhelming fear of being alone... Oy vey! I have this image of myself as an elderly woman, alone in a basement apartment that reeks of Gold Bond Powder, watching Wheel of Fortune, eating tuna from a can, surrounded by stacks and stacks of newspapers and rusty bikes that I am no longer agile enough to ride. :(

Does one stay w/ the boyfriend who wants to marry her and not have that image actualized, but also not really enjoy her free time riding her bike, reading good books, and traveling around, or spend the next 30 years riding, reading, and traveling, only to find herself alone in that basement apartment? If only I'd never learned how to ride a bike--relationships would be so much easier.

Christie133, I so know how you feel, I have the fear the you do, I'm buying out our house from my soon to be ex, I'm having to rent out my basement to help pay the mortgage, yea we could sell, but I have put a ton of work into my house and I love it.
I worry too that I will be a spinster one day (sorry if I spelled that wrong), but its not worth me giving up my ultimate happiness to stay in a relationship that doesn't meet my needs. Believe me yes, you could get married but one day you will look in the mirror and wonder who you ARE!!!
Its hard and scary, but we will prevail !!!!

snowy, christie, that's the decision I had to make as well. It's scary and painful, and there's someone at her parents' right now (while I move out) who doesn't understand why, but I know we both will be better in the long run. Better to have sharp pain now than life-long ache and regret. At least that's what I tell myself. Over and over.

Snowy, it's good to read your posts! Many of my friends/family think I'm crazy for being so reluctant to marry. Of course, they also think I'm crazy for being so into biking. After a while, it's hard not to wonder if maybe they're right!

and superdex, you're so right about it being better to break up now instead of later! It's so hard though, knowing you might hurt someone badly, especially when it's someone who totally doesn't deserve it...

Superdex, you so right, life-long regret is not something that I want, I know it will be better even from a year from now, its just getting over the hill that is hard. But I like to climb hills so I know when I get to the top, I will be most relieved!!!!


See how did you like me intergrading the cycling to my little saying??? :D

My wife is unable to bike due to a chronic knee injury. SO she keeps fit her way and I keep fit my way.

So it's just me, and she's fine with that.

She did chew me out (a little) last week when I rode in over 100 degree weather, though.

One of these days, she says I realize I'm not 21 any more. Yeah...THE DAY I DIE!

so it seems that cycling does have an effect on relationships. i'm wondering if its even possible to be in a relationship when one person is a die hard and the other is not...like for example if one is really into training/racing and the other is just in the "support" role. i mean, look at lance armstrong! i have no idea what happened with his wife, but i'm guessing it was HER, not him, who wanted out.

look at lance armstrong! i have no idea what happened with his wife, but i'm guessing it was HER, not him, who wanted out.

That's quite presumptuous. One could just as easily envision two other possibilities -- he wanted out, they both wanted out.

If you read Lance's books he tells you somewhat about his marriage. There were lots of parts to their relationship that lead them to divorce. She is super religious and he is not, although he still honored her in that regard. He said that they were really good friends and that he will always look at her as the mother of his children, she endured alot for him for babies.
Relationships fall apart when people change, some of us change some and some of us NEVER change, its just the part of life.
He was on the road ALOT and they never really got to be TOGETHER (meaning just him and her) and they both knew that their lives had gone seperately. So its never what we envision, its always much more.

I know, you are right. There is always more to it than meets the eye. It seems though, that cyclists have a certain ideology that they live by, and this ideology isn't always the best for fostering relationships. The same thing could be said though, if one partner was a workaholic. In either case there could be a "life philosophy" clash. these are things that ppl don't always realize (or just choose to ignore) when they are getting into a relationship, and later come back to haunt them. or possibly the problem/difference didn't even exist when the relationship formed, and so the two ppl "grow apart."

honestly, if i had the choice, i dont think i'd want a partner who was a die hard cyclist (even tho i am). but it would have to be someone who didnt limit my pursuit or interest in cycling, and someone who had her own way of keeping fit. i dont think i could handle an "indoor" girl.

SWMBO and I have been married for 34 years. I ride and she doesn't. I arrange my riding time so as not to take too much time away from our time together. That means riding early on weekend mornings. That works for both of us.

The only time bicycling has been a problem is when I have spent money on bike stuff that, in her opinion, could have been spent on things we need more. (Now, I figure those new wheels will probably be sitting on the front porch when I get home from work on Wednesday so I have to get home before she does.)

My financee is my biggest supporter. Everytime we talked, she asked me what is going on witht he bikes this time. She knows that its the fourth most important thing in my life, and she supports it. Maybe one day I will convert her. She has express interest.

My solution to the unsupportive spouse, I dismembered her and she now resides in my panniers. Now all three (bike,wife,me) of us are together all of the time.

OMG Reich17 :lol: