Foo - Is the grass greener on the other side?

Is this just a case of being with someone long enough that you start to nitpick?

My girlfriend calls into her job to find out her hours for tomorrow so we can plan this 3 day weekend right. And the phone system is kind of messed up so she has to call in and route through a lot of menus before getting to someone. So she says she found out her hours for tomorrow and says she figures she'll just call tomorrow to find out if she has work on monday. I'm like, how is that going to help us figure out if what we want to do?
And the other day she goes to blockbuster to pick up a movie to watch with her parents that evening. So I'm like, why didn't you pick up that OTHER movie that we wanted to watch the day after? She says, I'll go back the next day for it. I'm like, it's a weekly rental, why are we going back TWICE instead of just picking up TWO movies at once and saving yourself the extra trip.

This happens almost every single day. It's nothing big, just a lot of really minor things like this. It's like that tiny drop of poison that just slowly spreads and seeps through your system...

the answer to trips to blockbuster? netflix.

beware of the little stuff bothering you.... it does not heal itself unless you address it head on. that's where you learn if your significant other is willing to compromise or discount your logic/feelings....

You're exhibiting signs of being a Time Trialist.

You seek the straightest line, the most efficient path from point A to B
They aren't shortcuts that you're after, necessarily.
You just see wasted effort as an extreme annoyance and counter-productive.

She, on the other hand, shows signs of the Road Race mindset.
To her, this is a long haul. It's OK to stop at a bakery and buy bread. Catch back up.
She can go back to the team car several times. No worries.

Just be thankful you didn't get involved with a Criterium-type girl. Always turning. Always changing speeds. High occurance of crashing. Very tempermental.

That's how I see it, anyway.

Just be thankful you didn't get involved with a Criterium-type girl. Always turning. Always changing speeds. High occurance of crashing. Very tempermental.

That's how I see it, anyway.

Damn, ES, you're a genius. Now, can you tell me how to avoid those crit girls. After all those crashes, I think my crank is bent.

First, did you take your free lap?

Hard to spot a Crit girl until the race is underway, and then it's too late. You already pinned your number on.

First, did you take your free lap?

Hard to spot a Crit girl until the race is underway, and then it's too late. You already pinned your number on.

Sounds like you know the game pretty well. I gotta learn to remember what kind of event I'm in. I keep thinking it's a long, pleasant lemonaide and cookies century. The next thing I know I'm being spun around and slammed into a corner. As the crit girl rides away with another guy, all I can think is, "Good luck, pal. You're next."

Is this just a case of being with someone long enough that you start to nitpick?

My wife, to a tee. And most of my friends' wives as well. That is, not the exact same problem, but a similar pattern of driving us insane by not doing the efficient thing, having foresight, etc.

Welcome to married life, slvoid.

Edit: After thinking about it, I know guys like this, too. And, it should be "many" not "most" of my friends. It's just a trait of some people, and not the most important one.

Eh, those instances would annoy the heck out of me, too. In fact, very similar and recurring habits did happen, in my last (long term) relationship. We are not together anymore.

I see people driving, hitting the gas then slamming on the brakes when they know the light's red. I wonder, why don't they just coast to the red light?

Good luck.

slvoid, I doubt than any two people are so compatible that they always agree. Hell, my wife and I just got in an argument because she can't get into some beta-test for a game she's anxious to try out. Can't log in, so I suggested(overly forcefully, I admit) that she let it go and try later. No, no, she wants to play now. Of course, if that's the worst I have to deal with, I have nothing to cry about really.:)




Eh, those instances would annoy the heck out of me, too. In fact, very similar and recurring habits did happen, in my last (long term) relationship. We are not together anymore.

I see people driving, hitting the gas then slamming on the brakes when they know the light's red. I wonder, why don't they just coast to the red light?
Good luck.

I wonder the same thing, especially when they're tailgating me.

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, but I was at the store looking for Wonderbread and thought of you. Haven't seen you post in a while and was curious as to how you're doing. I was worried 'cause they didn't have any Wonderbread.;)

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, but I was at the store looking for Wonderbread and thought of you. Haven't seen you post in a while and was curious as to how you're doing. I was worried 'cause they didn't have any Wonderbread.;)

Awww, hi!

Jeez, you know, I kind of got sick of the forums for a while, and am slowly easing back into it. Also, my disappearance has nothing to do with the bread. :)

It's nice to be remembered. Thanks!

Awww, hi!

Jeez, you know, I kind of got sick of the forums for a while, and am slowly easing back into it. Also, my disappearance has nothing to do with the bread. :)

It's nice to be remembered. Thanks!

Word!

*sigh* This is why I don't date. I'd want someone intelligent (.05) with common sense (.25, judging by what I've seen), that doesn't smoke (.7 ? can't remember), likes large active dogs that scare most people (hard to say, being very generous with a .4 because most people can't live with a Malinois), is tolerant of an endless enthusiasm for "toys" (bikes, kitchen appliances, various hobbies, etc. say .6 since most guys like the same toys) and male (.5). That leaves 1 in 1,000 suitable for additional evaluation (personality, sanity, etc). When you include even a large acceptable age range (20 to 40 say) and rule out the ones that are already in a relationship, the chances are quickly approaching nil. The chances of finding a suitable mate are very small unless you have low standards. You have to ask yourself if your girlfriend's quirks are worse than some other problem that you would have to put up with in someone else. No one's perfect, it's just a matter of picking your poison should you decide to be poisoned :D.

You're exhibiting signs of being a Time Trialist.

You seek the straightest line, the most efficient path from point A to B
They aren't shortcuts that you're after, necessarily.
You just see wasted effort as an extreme annoyance and counter-productive.

She, on the other hand, shows signs of the Road Race mindset.
To her, this is a long haul. It's OK to stop at a bakery and buy bread. Catch back up.
She can go back to the team car several times. No worries.

Just be thankful you didn't get involved with a Criterium-type girl. Always turning. Always changing speeds. High occurance of crashing. Very tempermental.

That's how I see it, anyway.
BRILLIANT!

I'd rather be with the roadie... I know it's frustrating to make multiple trips to blockbuster/wherever/whatever, but remember, all time together can be quality time if you make it so. Always trying to be efficient just seems like you're trying to get through life as quickly as possible :(

I like mtb chicks. More bumps in the road and the variety is downright spicey :)

Yeah, and there's something to be said for the mud and grit they bring to the relationship.

I like mtb chicks. More bumps in the road and the variety is downright spicey :)

Now you're talkin'! Got to see 3-4 of 'em just this weekend. There's hope for us yet....;)

Whistler is wall to wall...something like 30% of the ride population (if 100% is mtb) is women...truly...a beautiful thing :)

You guys missed the ..... nevermind.

No one is perfect, you have to pick the person with the flaws you can live with. :)

You're exhibiting signs of being a Time Trialist.

You seek the straightest line, the most efficient path from point A to B
They aren't shortcuts that you're after, necessarily.
You just see wasted effort as an extreme annoyance and counter-productive.

She, on the other hand, shows signs of the Road Race mindset.
To her, this is a long haul. It's OK to stop at a bakery and buy bread. Catch back up.
She can go back to the team car several times. No worries.

Just be thankful you didn't get involved with a Criterium-type girl. Always turning. Always changing speeds. High occurance of crashing. Very tempermental.

That's how I see it, anyway.

wow.

You guys missed the ..... nevermind.

Hey, we didn't miss it...we just chose to ignore it.:D

And rightly so.

Cheers.

Ya just gotta overlook some things. It'd be pretty stupid to break up with someone over wasted trips. Unless of course...she's seeing the Blockbuster guy on the side...which...na...don't they HAVE to have pimples to work there!!??

Oh, and the grass only SEEMS greener. It's actually chemically enhanced...

Is this just a case of being with someone long enough that you start to nitpick? My girlfriend ... This happens almost every single day. It's nothing big, just a lot of really minor things like this. It's like that tiny drop of poison that just slowly spreads and seeps through your system...

NO, Jessica--No, I don't think Slvoid put that tube there for you to lighten your roots.
Well, yes, I know he said he'd pick up some peroxide for you when he went to the chemist's next time--he has this major anal thing about combining multiple trips, yeah, that's real, Jess--but I'm pretty sure that tube is not what he got for you.

Why did he get it?
Well, I don't fully understand the logic, but as I understand it, Jess, gel of hydroflouric acid is sort of protection against groin attack, like, you know, by killer bees during bike rides.
Mmm-hmm, probably works against pit bulls, too, I imagine.
But I have to agree with you on that one, a bee paralizer is just the sort of thing your sister would come up with. Hey--does she synch a bee buzz sound?
Sorry! Didn't realize the family was still sore about that. Forget I mentioned it, okay? Oh, look: pretty sparkly paper, just like at the White House!

Why not use what who uses?
Michael? No, I don't know, what does he use?
Oh, that dancing jock strap thing. Like you really think Slvoid would wear that? You know how much grief he gets when anyone points to the panty line showing through the spandex at group rides. No, somehow I don't think the underwear nazi would let him live that one down.

But seriously: Jess, don't use that stuff. Oh, yeh, dissociating calcium ions probably would clear up a headache from thinking too hard, yeah; it must hurt so bad when you do that.
But ring Slvoid and just ask him, k?
Oh, you did?
An' he told you to go ahead; stop asking all those annoying questions? He was mad at you again?
Well, umm--Okay...

What the hell... I'm not trying to KILL her.. er..

:p relationships are finnicky. On one side one could say that most of those things are not worth breaking a relationship u0p - and on the other hand those are the things that can either a) prove to be disastrous if unresolved, or if resolved properly and concessions are made on both sides can build a stronger relationship.

It's probably why i don't care to be in a relationship. I am a very opinionated person and darn near everything that I do or don't do has a very logical reason. Illogical people, time wasters, slow walkers or people that spend money on soda drinks, candy and other misc stuff really run against my grain, or get left behind in the case of slow walkers. :p

is there something deeper, more fundamental going on?

Good question Superdex, I agree this is such a minor thing there has to be more???

It's not minor when its day in and its day out. Well It mahy be minor to everybody else, but to the person that its hapening to it's not minor. Unless one is capable of looking back and admitting or finding certain things that for some reason or the other, regardless of how small or big, they ticked you off in one way, it's often times hard to understand.

It might also be easier for me to relate as alot of those things would definitely brush against my grain.

That's right. It actually is really really trivial and minor, if you look at this as an isolated incident. But it's not, she does it all the time, every single day. Like text messaging. It costs 10 cents per text message (no we don't have one of those plans for unlimited messaging). Sometimes she'll send me like, 2-3 text messages of a line each. What the hell good is that when you can just send me 1 text message with 3 lines in it? Not only do I have to check my phone 3 times, but now I have 3 messages in my inbox, you wasted 20 cents on that 1 message, and through the course of a month, we're paying an extra 15 bucks a month for these messages.

It's not a huge problem but it's something that gnaws away at me cause I consider all these things and she doesn't, even when I tell her, she'll forget the next week.

Think about it this way, it's such a minor thing to show up 5-10 minutes late once a year for work or a meeting or lunch with an important client. Try doing that every single day and see if your boss doesn't pull you into his office for a talk after a few months. Multiply this over the course of 3 years and see if you're still at the same job.

I sympathize slvoid and Texas. You'd think after years together you'd just get used to those little things too :p As annoying as those things are though, I always find the good far outweighs the bad.

Repeated Tardiness and excessive spending - has no real excuse or tolerance imho. Both tie into what studies have shown to be one of the biggest things that stresses in a relationship or marriage and one of the leading causes if divorce.

I ran into somebody who lives inthe same apartment complex and he is telling his girlfriend and her son that theyu can't buy DrPepper or soda because its bad for them. Props to him for recognizing that soda is bad for you, and having the fortitude to not drink it. However forcing this wish upon other people is really crossing the fuzzy line.

imho It may be very critical to resolve these issues.

Think about it this way, it's such a minor thing to show up 5-10 minutes late once a year for work or a meeting or lunch with an important client. Try doing that every single day and see if your boss doesn't pull you into his office for a talk after a few months. Multiply this over the course of 3 years and see if you're still at the same job.

My gut reaction is, "Is she an employee, or your sig other?" --While it's fair to expect similar levels of professionalism at home as you do at work, there is a fuzzy line (thanks, TexasGuy). Sounds like you're tapdancing all over it.

Are these issues things that have always been troublesome, or just now? Is she willing to work on them? i believe there has to be a middle ground (like buying that unlimited text messaging plan, for one ;) ), but it takes both of you to reach it. Take heart, there are little things you do that drive her nuts, too.

I think I have some relevant and recent experience with someone who has a lot of "quirks," about the same in magnitude as what you've described. Yeah, when we first started dating they were just that, quirks. (Like having the pillows a certain way, or a severe aversion to hotel sheets, for example). But after 2.5 years, some of the quirks got quite annoying. I had to take a step back and reflect on why I was becoming (increasingly) annoyed at some of the things I initially found endearing. In my instance, there were other, deeper issues going on. After some very difficult discussions spanning a couple months, we parted ways. Easily the hardest thing I've ever done, and by far the roughest break-up emotionally I've ever had, but her actions immediately following our split solidifed every point I had made, and reinforced the decision. So I have that going for me, which is nice.

At any rate, I'd say there's some reflecting to do, and some discussion with her that is constructive and positive in tone, and not argumentative. Aim for half way. Be willing to make some concessions. Remember that as long as you laugh more than you cry, you're doing a lot better than most--

i would try to lose that whole text messaging thing. nothing wrecks a relationship like constant communication. my GF and i need at least 2-3 days away from each other during the week. unless something is important, we don't really communicate during that time. personal space is really important. i would never survive a relationship if i communicated with someone 2-3 times a day.

It takes everything to make a world.

If you don't find humor in your personality differences...
If you don't find beauty in her unique path through life...
If you don't find admiration in the the variety she showers your life with...

If it is all too annoying...

Then relationships aren't for you.
You'll be far more content with just the booty and "I'll call you later".

Sorry 'bout that.

...I am a very opinionated person and darn near everything that I do or don't do has a very logical reason. Illogical people, time wasters, slow walkers or people that spend money on soda drinks, candy and other misc stuff really run against my grain, or get left behind in the case of slow walkers. :p
I tell guys that I don't date for their protection, but they just don't understand.

I tell guys that I don't date for their protection, but they just don't understand.

That's the same reason why mcdonalds employees wear gloves whe handling the food; it's for their protection, not yours.

...it's for their protection, not yours.
Exactly. The guys just don't realize that my idea of fun usually involves blood and/or pain (mountain biking, crazy dogs, etc.).

Exactly. The guys just don't realize that my idea of fun usually involves blood and/or pain (mountain biking, crazy dogs, etc.).

What about latex gloves?

What about latex gloves?
Those are for work. You gotta be VERY special to work in my hood.

Those are for work. You gotta be VERY special to work in my hood.

Uh...

hood
http://www.con.ohio-state.edu/labs/immuno_images/immuno5.jpg

Uh huh...

You spin me round.
http://www.djblabcare.co.uk/EBA20SM.gif

hmm i don't get it.

bikes and dogs are fun and all - but at the end of the day you can't have sex with them. and they don't take care of you when you're sick, or make you a sandwich when you're hungry...

Who will back stab you. Who would put you in positions you don't want to be. Who would try mooching off of you while pretending or not expected not to be. Who will try to pretend to be something they aren't. Who will give you unconditional love?

There is a reason why so many people care more about their pets then their spouses or significant other.

Who will back stab you. Who would put you in positions you don't want to be. Who would try mooching off of you while pretending or not expected not to be. Who will try to pretend to be something they aren't. Who will give you unconditional love?

There is a reason why so many people care more about their pets then their spouses or significant other.

:p
my old dog did all of the above -

Who will back stab you? - he took my socks when i turned my back once. he's torn up books, shirts, etc. when he was a puppy.

Who would put you in positions you don't want to be? - he pooped on the sidewalk and i had to clean it up. not a position i like to be in.

Who would try mooching off of you while pretending or not expected not to be? - every day at meal time. all the begging for food...

Who will try to pretend to be something they aren't? - barking and acting like a 'big dog' whenever another dog walks by.

Who will give you unconditional love? - he'll give anyone love if they have food - see mooching question.



but seriously - why would you date someone who back stabbed you? if you keep ending up with people that take advantage of you - it's kinda your fault. you just dump the person and move on until you find someone better. it often takes a number of tries before finding the right person.

bikes and dogs are fun and all - but at the end of the day you can't have sex with them. and they don't take care of you when you're sick, or make you a sandwich when you're hungry...
That's why I like them. Dogs don't try to get in your pants, leave you alone when you're sick (except for a few gentle kisses), and eat anything you put in front of them without complaining.

:p
my old dog did all of the above
Sounds like you need to either become a better trainer, or get a more biddable (wants to please you, trainer's talk) dog.