General Cycling Discussion - Help for Mike

Somebody please help. I'm not an expert in these things, but something's happened to Mike.

It all started last night. Mike and I were "swimming" (posting bogus, sometimes damaging information on the Internet), when it happened. Mike totally lost control. It started out so innocently, even though a little strange, now that I think about it...the title, "I see dead people.." Was that an early warning of trouble afoot?

I'm not sure what started it...maybe it was the excitement of Technogirl responding to his posts. But the next thing I know, he's seeing things. Ya, 'strue!

Well, I really care about Mike, in fact, he's the one who first warned me about Sumo wrestlers, tight jeans and abandoned Slurpees. He's really the best, when he's
not seeing anything!

Please, if anyone knows about a really good doctor, or has any other advice that could help Mike, well, just post it here. Maybe we can get enough information on this thread to really help Mike!

Thanks in advance,

Pete Clark

Pete, you stinker.

Originally posted by mike
Pete, you stinker.

Mike, buddy...

I have good news! I think I've found the answer to your problem! (You know, seeing dead people!) I've discovered that its perfectly normal to experience what is known as "sleep paralysis". Sleep paralysis often is accompanied by hallucinations, like aliens trying to abduct you (ring a bell?) or seeing ghosts or dead people in the room with you. But they disappeared, didn't they, as soon as you became unparalysed? Yes?

Now everything will be o.k. Next time it happens, you will not be scared because you will know it's not real!
:beer:

Ah good, I'm glad this crisis is being cleared up so well, I starting to worry that we might have to do brain transplant or something.........

Well, Fub5,

You know that Einstein donated his brain to medical science so they could study it. You know it might be interesting (given Mike's approval) to go ahead with your suggestion and study Mike's brain a bit. (I personally am very excited about this idea.)

Pete, for a second there i thought you were going to suggest transplanting Einstein's brain into Mikes body :eek:

I'm game for anything as long as you don't transplant my brain in Einstein's body.

Yes, Joe,

I see your point: who wouldn't want Einstein's brain? But putting Einstein's brain into Mike's body would not help Mike. What might help is to put Mike's brain into, say, Lance Armstrong's body. (We could temporarily put Lance's brain into a Sumo wrestler).

What do you think? :rolleyes:

Wouldn't that Kick?!?! Putting Mikes brain into Lances body would be cool, cuz then he would have to recover from the transplant and win the Tour 18 months later. Lance may have recovered from cancer, but NO ONE ,has recovered from a brain/body transplant and one the Tour de France!!! It would a be world record and Phenomenon!!! I'm for it guys

Sounds like a plan to me, i can put in $7.38 to the cost of the transplant.

Now, guys, here you go again, leave Mike, alone, he's my buddy, he might have the brain surgery ahead of the real transplant, so be careful what you suggest to my buddy, He might do it again.....

Oh Gosh darnit, I forgot about the money,if I had thought about that sooner I wouldn't have spent so much on my bike...Sorry Mike, looks like you'll have to wait a few.Unless of course, someone would do it for free.Or maybe we could start a charity, the transplant Mikes brain charity, now that is way cool.If all that fails, well, there's my piggy bank. :rolleyes:

Remember I do My bike repair, on bike mechanics, and I said i have a little saving, well, I can spare some change for a a noble cause specially for my buddy Mike,:beer:

Alrighty then, sounds like a plan, anybody else for donations????
Hey Joe!! could you make a separate website asking for donations so we can go on with this???

Wellllll now my cool friends. Fret not. As always, I may have a solution.

As you may note, I do all my own bike repairs; kinda handy that way.

Now, I'm thinking, "Hey, why can't I do my own brain surgery?" I mean, it's not like rocket science or anything.

I just need someone to walk me through it. Maybe start out with a can of Molson from Oscar to make the old grey matter calculator more cooperative and away we go.

Sounds like a good time to use that expensive Pampered Chef stuff my wife keeps buying. Seems like good quality - just right for brain surgery.

Okay, Mike, just give me notice say 2 days and I will walk you thru it, okay bud, and I want a Canadian

Sorry, guys, I am having some trouble following this thread. I can't get the image of a sumo wrestler in tight jeans drinking a slurpee out of my head. As you can imagine, it doesn't leave much room for anything else.
:confused:

(Mike, quoted from previous post)

"As you may note, I do all my own bike repairs; kinda handy that way. Now I'm thinking, 'Hey, why can't I do my own brain sugery?' It's not like rocket science or anything." :confused:

I can see why Rainman is confused!

Sound risky, Mike. Have you done this before? If so, what problems should we expect to encounter?
I would not want anything serious to happen to you. Last time I checked, brain transplanting was more complicated than rebuilding your own cassette, and you remember what that was like! Maybe Rainman could pull
it off... :dance: All you have to do is relax. :sleep:

Wait! I seem to remember a famous neurosurgeon...from a long line of "cutting edge" medical practitioners... his grandfather was a pioneer in all kinds of transplant operations...yes! As I remember, his grandfather was
named Dr. Victor Frankenstein, and his name was...yes, Fredrick. Fredrick Fronkensteen (name changed slightly,
probably an error in immigration records). As I understand it, he has pulled off some real miracles, and he is known for literally "putting himself into his work", a noble character trait which has deservingly rewarded him with
unexpected reciprocal benefits from his patients. :thumbup:

Heck no you don't have to be a Rocket scientist!!! I mean, what does it take to crack open that ole noggin and move the brain???? Not much I'll bet.
Pampered Chef would definetly be the tool of choice, I hope your wife will understand...

fubar5, did I not mention that I work as a "souz-chef-de-parte", now we can start asking Mike want kind of stuffing he wants I mean on the skull,, sorry Mike you're being toasted here, I know my turn will come also, but for now its you!!!!:angel:

It's Friday. Time to go in.

My wife won't let me use the Pampered Chef stuff. That figures.

Anyway, I have collected all my bike tools for the job instead.

Stay on board, Oscar, 'eh. I might have some questions along the way.

I decided to do the operation in my bedroom so I can use the mirror on the ceiling to see the top of my head as I work.

Mike,

What is that mirror on the ceiling for? Working on your bike?

:confused:

!on hO .gnorw enog evah sgnihT. dessorc seriw ym tog evah tsum I . sdrawkcab si gnihtyrevE

!PLEH!

?od I od tahw ,racsO

EKIM

?taht od uoy did woH

evaD - "sdniwliat dna seiks eulB"

.yzzid gnitteg m'I tub ,erus ton m'I

ekiM

Uh oh.... Pete, we may have a problem.. Orguash!! You musta told him wrong on the direction cords or something.

.....racso, em llac on won morf , ecin si taht

OOOOHHH NOO!!! Oscar too!!!! Pete what are we gonna do!!!

Famous Cyclist Disappears

Earlier this afternoon, wife of the famous Tour de France champion, Lance Armstrong, reported her husband missing.

"I thought he was out on one of his long training rides,"
she sobbed. "When I went into his bedroom, his bike was still under the covers on the bed, but he was gone."

Other anonymous witnesses have come forward startling information, which, if true, may suggest foul play.

"I saw him this morning with two men. I almost didn't recognize him, since he wasn't on his bike. But the two men grabbed my attention. One was very well dressed, like a doctor or other professional person, with bright red hair. The other wore a black hood and cape, and was hunched over."

Other stories are even more frightening, because they come not from Texas, but the Snowy Midwest.

"Ya, it was Lance. Two guys were with him, sort of carrying him while he was trying to walk. One had red hair, the other was hunchbacked and pop-eyed. Lance's head was wrapped in a bandage."

:eek:

Great, now our record won't be made. Cuz mike'll mess up and bike the tour backwards!!!

But then, I guess going backwards is a record huh?? Not a very cool one though.

"...and remember, Mustang makes you fly..."

"Hello, and back to Sports World. I'm Fritz Freeling."

"And I'm Mel Blanc."

[Fritz] "Mel, probably the most amazing feat ever since the first Tour de France in 1902..."

[Mel] "Yes, amazing indeed. As if it weren't enough for two-time Tour de France Champion, Lance Armstrong, to end this race with the yellow jersey once again, he astonishes even his own mother this time!"

[Fritz] "I-am-a-mazed-Mel."

[Mel] "Can you believe it?"

[Fritz] "Folks, Lance Armstrong has done it again, only this time, he completed the race...are you ready for this?"

[Mel] "Not really! Haha!"

[Fritz] "Backwards!"

:eek:

So here we are with Armstrong,
(Fritz) So, how do you feel?
(Lance) kcohs ni ma'I, dezama m'I
(Mel) We don't seem to be able to understand you Lance could you say again
(Lance) kcohs ni ma'I, dezama m'I
(Fritz) He must be to exhuasted to talk
(Mel) Whats this, woh do you guys think you are?? fubar5 and Pete Clark?? Who the heck is that?
(Fritz) His friends? from where? Bikeforums.com? whats that?
(Mel) And you say that you transplanted..Mikes? brain into Lances body?? What for
(Fritz) Well the record didn't turn out quite like you expected huh?
(Mel) Lets get the bobbies
(Fritz) Yeah
(Bobbies) They did wha?? Who was the doc? Oscar?? Where is he?? What do you mean you don't know??
(Fritz) Lets lynch'em
(Bobbies) Yeah, you guys are the dumbest people I ever met
THE END

(Mel) Why did Armstrong take off like that??
(Fritz) Maybe he did steal fubar5's bike
(Mel) What should we do?
(Bobbies) Sick'em!!!!!

Woops, Fubar,

I deleted my post about Lance (Mike) Armstrong stealing your bike because I didn't want to remind you...

Ahhhhh, that makes me feel so good. Pete was thinking about me. The story is kinda messed up now, oh well, it was getting kinda long anyway.
Also Pete, I got my 100th post, so I can get a custom name, what do you think I should be?

CHARLIZE THERON, of course!

Good idea aerobat, I like your thinkin'.

Originally posted by Joe Gardner
Sounds like a plan to me, i can put in $7.38 to the cost of the transplant.
Guys, this is where we went wrong...

We really should have held out for the medical insurance, instead of trying to do Mike's brain transplant ourselves. Now that I think of it, the Pampered Chef cutlery and bike tools we used could have been
a bit crude. I don't blame Mike for staying away from the
forum so long!

Do you think a brain transplant for no reason would've been covered by his HMO??