Write out the alphabet using my tongue, like we did...

that time back in shop class. That sandpaper sure is rough on tender mucous membranes, but now . . .

the sick shop teacher isn't barking out instructions, and I had this diamond stud put in just....

yethterday. Oh, my tongue thtill hurtth and it'th thwollen . . . maybe we thould do thith another day, okay? Why don't you jutht . . .

let go of the thong and pass the menu and I'll try to.....

forget this conversation ever happened

I've never seen a menu like THIS before! Look what's on here:

what do you think a dura-ace, lettuce and tomato is all about, and in desserts....

She looked up the from the menu, tears in her
eyes. "I can't do this anymore." she said. "I love you, I've always loved you.
But I thought you were gay, so I pretended to be boy. And now here we are, ten years later and I am still doing it." She hesitated, then looked him straight in the eye, with a look that somehow encompassed pleading, and defiance.

"Forgive me. And if you can forgive me, you can have me."

me and the pedro's white lighting burrito, with sour cream and....

Tater tot pie. Sweet dessert in the desert . . .

Andrea looked down, and then with a flash in her eyes, said....
"Let's just get dessert, and a can of whipped cream, and go"

take care of our bikes . . .

After locking their bikes to the rear bumper of a high, rat colored pick-up truck, they walked off into the night, each with a can of whipped cream and napkins, arm in arm heading toward.....

but the Dale hestitated. He stood awkwardly next to the booth,
the very picture of indecision. "Andrea, I love you beyond words, beyond life itself. But I am wedded. It is not something I can discuss, she is a famous singer, and I am bound to say nothing of it, ever. But soon I will be free"

"you see, I tied her to a chair next to the stereo at home and put six cd's in the changer, she should end it after listening to.....

The worst singer ever: Koffee Brown, im surprised she didnt go to bickfords to say...

and it worked, Dale's significant other was found by authorities with 4 cd's yet to play. Neighbors heard the music and called Homeland security, who kicked in the door and sprayed the stereo with machine guns before they could enter to find.....

read the latest issue of The American Farmer. It's right here under the

under The Udder Truth column...

a three page article on Koffee Brown music being used to keep mountain lions from eating sheep and french poodles, oh, but what a price to pay in....

oh, but what a price to pay in royalties. Andrea pulled gently on his thong, pulling her body into his. She leaned her head back slightly, feeling his warmth spread through her, and said...

what is up with late? ( :D )when...

Sora, I crave Sora! But he was delusional, it was Sora he had tied to the chair, and left to rip out her own ear drums while being forced to listen to the screeching and bellowing.... but Sora took with her the secret of....

But what Dale would never learn was that late had untied Sora,
and smashed the CDs, burned the pieces, and placed the remains
and the cd player on a Russian rocket destined to fly into the heart of the sun...

Sora's secret was safe. Dale would never know Andrea had called late while waiting for her pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, homefries, and toast. Andrea felt like someone else was controlling her movements as she pulled Dale even closer
and said the words she been waiting all those years to say...

"I could wile away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain
And my head I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain . . . "

"Andrea, I don't know what to say. During the breakup of my marriage
I booked passage on a tramp steamer. I sail in the morning for Nepal. I plan to be the first man to solo Mt Everest in tennis sneakers."

Hmmm...I thought you said rain. It just so happens that I have with me my trusty umbrella, __________. Wait a moment whilst I

. . . (grrrrr) . . . whilst I . . . (%*$&# bumbershoot!) . . . . excuse me, my darling, but I can't seem to get it up . . .

About that time a fellow came out of the shadows, a shifty looking guy, certainly wasn't having trouble getting his up, offered it over, slipped away as fast as he came, probably sent by......

EUGENE, the organization for Energetic Umbrella Guys Ever-ready for New Excitement.

Andrea sighed, "He came so quickly. I must . . .

pick up my cleaning before the cleaner's wife steals it. Out of the rain once again, thanks to the shifty looking guy, Andrea looked encouraged, the very thought of Nepal AND tennis shoes stirred feeling within her/him of.....

scaling new heights, exploring new terrain, experiencing a variety of new and exciting organisms, going where no man/woman had gone before, but one thought still plagued Andrea. What would . . .

the cleaner's wife look like in the silk underwear with the lipstick prints on them? Would the little dork cleaner find them as irresitable as all the other men/boys who have seen them, or would the cleaner's wife keep them for herself as she.....

made her own secret plans for a rendezvous with the man from EUGENE. Ward Cleaner, her husband, was too busy with his cleaning business to notice anything that June did. She got on her bike and pedaled to . . .

try to make some sense of her life. She was determined to . . .

she was determined to stop bouncing around aimlessly.
As she rolled past a church, the Father was sweeping the steps.
"Father, could we speak?" she said. "Of course my child, what troubles you?" he replied. "I think we need the confessional".
"Of course, follow me". She stepped into the booth, took a deep breath, and said... "Father I never see my husband. I sleep with
other men. I need to stop, to think. I feel like I am falling apart.
Would they let me stay at the Convent for just a little while?"

Father O'Herlihy thought for a moment, then slowly said, "No, my child. The reason is . . .

you would have to don the traditional habit. Habits get caught in spokes. The last cyclist who stayed here . . .

got cloaks in his spokes . . . . or was it spokes in his cloaks . . . oh feckin' hell, I can't remember. Needless to say, my child, you can't stay here. There's a group down the road who might take you in, however. They're known as The . . .

OCP, odd cult of cyclist we normally say far away from. The last person we took in had her habit caught in her chain and wheels several times, however my child, that was far from the worst of it, no that was only annoying. What was really horrible was the time she was found in the bathroom by Sister Mary Ester Joseph, lying on the floor in a pool of blood. Sister Mary Ester Joseph screemed in horror, and looked around for what on earth could have caused such a terrible death in the convent. Well when the Sister looked into the stool, there is was, spokes in her poop.
So you see child, unless you are a young, tender, erh..alter boy......

"Stop, Father! I can't take the horror! I'll leave." And, she pushed her bike out into the lane, making sure she had reset her cyclocomputer to zero.

"I must see this OCP for myself," she thought to herself. She pedaled away from the convent, when suddenly . . .

It occured to her when she reset to zero, it was like her life was starting over as well...hurt stomach began to hurt because it dawned on her...

if it is indeed the OCP, known widely to a secret society of online cycling fanatics throughout the world, and known only by the code:BF, then she would surely be rejected if she didn't arrive in a pro kit and a carbon fiber....

And a carbon fiber purse. These were REALLY weird cyclists.

Jane thought better of all this, threw down the carbon fiber purse, and decided to walk in there wearing a cotton T-shirt, baggy shorts, cotton socks, and regular shoes. The OCP regulars gasped in horror and shunned her. They shunned her, that is, until the OCP CEO looked up from his mushroom soup and said, " . . . .

"Jane, don't you recognise me? It's your old pal Dick, I've lost 400 pounds and turned semipro"

Jane couldn't believe it. "Dick?!? But, you used to be such a great Sumo wrestler! Why give it up? Is it just to hang around with these poseurs?"

"It's a long story, Jane. It all started when . . .

I saw the Russian Roulette death scene with Christopher Walker in the movie the "Deer Hunter", I became reckless and feverishly set out to...

be a master at TaeKwanDo, that was until my wife ran off to the Oregon coast to study mycology with this guy she met on Craigslist. Oh well, now I've got this new life in the OCP, these guys stroke each other constantly, so it's OK. What are you doing here, and you come in looking like you've.....