Singlespeed & Fixed Gear - Stupid teenagers

I decided to ride by bike in to work this morning seeing as i had to come into the office on a weekend. There is nice MUP that runs virtually from my doorstep to my office that, while extremely congested in the summer months, is virtually empty in the fall. As i'm about 2 miles into my ride, i come up on a group of "goth" teenagers all dressed in black who have put 3 rows of crabapples across the path. The dorks are standing in front shoulder to shoulder with big grins on their faces. I saw a rider ahead of me slow down get off his bike and walk it on the narrow strip of grass between the path and trees, and as he passed, the kids threw apples at him. As i approached, rather than slowing down, i reach forward on my bullhorns, hunkered down, at put on the afterburners. The kids, seeing me approach, reformed their red rover line, again with big grins on the faces. I head straight for one of them. As i am 2 feet away, the kid in front of me moves aside screaming; i pull up on my front wheel and swing my hand out to the right, connecting with the head of one of the little pissants (next to the kid who moved) who falls to the ground and begins crying like a baby.

While i'm sure i will get chastizing remarks from some, i wasnt taking any chances in light of being attacked by kids this summer.

...Stupid kids.

THANK YOU! Speaking as a cycling stupid teenager, the really stupid teenagers piss me off!

thats fantastic, but you should have turned around and tried to take out a few more!

skanking biker FOR THE WIN.

amen.

should have had the ulock in your hand.

im all about violence and assault

I certainly won't be one to admonish you. If the kids want to screw with some cyclists, they need to be prepared to be screwed with in return. I'm only a few years away from being a teenager, and I did have some goth friends. For one, they definitely weren't that lame. For two, when they chose to mess with people, it was something a little more lasting than hucking crab apples at random cyclists. Those lamos had it coming.

the funny part was that this part of the path is in the burbs---so these kids weren't some disenchanted survivors of the concrete jungle.--i mean, come on, this is green bay for God's (Lambeau's) sake. One of the dudes looked like that kid from that new cell phone commcercial---real hard core

haha, gotta love green bay.
I think you handled it perfectly.

Oh, at one time evrey ghetto kid found it funny to stand in the way of bikers - me, anyway. They wouldn't leave room to pass. Then I thought, F you, idiot, it'll hurt much more for you than me, and started steering towards the little b@stards. It worked, of course. Kids jumped aside with seriously scared faces. It hasn't happened in years, though. Well done, SB.

i went biking on halloween night and some kids started yelling at me and my roomates

we turned around and chased after them and they started running and then hid behind a tree.. when I saw them I just started laughing because it was so ridiculous and then they walked away (in shame!)

I mean, i understand the juvenile urge to f* with people; but if you're gonna do it, at least do it in a way that it to your advantage. Apparently they must not teach physics any more.
Action: 200 lb man on 20 lb bike travelling at 18-20 mph hits stationary 90 lb scrawny a$$ kid; Reaction: squished scrawny a$$ kid.

It doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure out the kid is gonna lose everytime.

Its like my dad used to say when i would come home drunk and walk into walls. In the war between the wall and the head, the wall will always win.

Please come to the front desk and claim your Internet.

:beer: Nice move !!

I have dicovered over the years, that speeding up, looking very serious about it, yelling passing, and aiming for one person clears the way better than anything else. So far it has worked 100% of the time for about 11 years.

I know, I know, now it won't work.......

Please come to the front desk and claim your Internet.

seriously.

way to motherf7cking go

I heartily concur. A precise reminder that you don't screw with what you don't know, and there are REAL CONSEQUENCES TO YOUR ACTIONS!

I think the thing that causes almost every problem in the United States (the world at large as well, but most specifically here) is that there are not immediate negative consequences to actions. If people understood that doing the wrong thing would bring retribution, SO MANY problems would be SO much better.

There's a MUP that runs sort of near my house. It also runs past the projects for a bit. Every year there is a rash of muggings on the path, specifically at the start of summer and in the fall when it starts getting dark earlier. Some time ago, I resolved to myself that I would continue through there at my usual rate of speed and if I saw anyone who I thought was gunning for me, I would pick it up and aim straight for them. F that, dude, let's see how you like getting hit by 200 lbs of angry at 20 mph.

Way to go, SB.

I heartily concur. A precise reminder that you don't screw with what you don't know, and there are REAL CONSEQUENCES TO YOUR ACTIONS!

I think the thing that causes almost every problem in the United States (the world at large as well, but most specifically here) is that there are not immediate negative consequences to actions. If people understood that doing the wrong thing would bring retribution, SO MANY problems would be SO much better.


right on. The only "consequeces" these days are a lawsuit by the wrongdoer. What the heck does it teach kids when they get in trouble at school and their parents first reaction is to sue the school. I used to laugh when my cousin was a little kid. Whereas i used to get my as$ whopped with a leather belt, his parents preferred the "time out" "punishment." I used to just shake my head and laugh as he'd sit on a chair for 10 min with a big grin on his face and then go back to doing whatever it was that got him in trouble in the first place. He was only upset he got caught. His parents wondered why he was so "out of control" later in life. While i don't favor beating children, I still firmly believe that pain is the best discipline technique. Think of when a toddler puts his hand on the stove---it hurts--so he doesnt do it. Same thing with discipline: I told my dad to eff off one time as a kid----the resulting consequence ensured that i never did again--in fact i dont even use the f bomb in front of my dad at all.

A good spanking will go a lot farther than 20 5 min time outs every week or a bottle of riddlin.

I gurantee that that whinney son of a yuppie i popped today wont be back on that bike path for a long time.

Violence is always the answer.

right on. The only "consequeces" these days are a lawsuit by the wrongdoer. What the heck does it teach kids when they get in trouble at school and their parents first reaction is to sue the school. I used to laugh when my cousin was a little kid. Whereas i used to get my as$ whopped with a leather belt, his parents preferred the "time out" "punishment." I used to just shake my head and laugh as he'd sit on a chair for 10 min with a big grin on his face and then go back to doing whatever it was that got him in trouble in the first place. He was only upset he got caught. His parents wondered why he was so "out of control" later in life. While i don't favor beating children, I still firmly believe that pain is the best discipline technique. Think of when a toddler puts his hand on the stove---it hurts--so he doesnt do it. Same thing with discipline: I told my dad to eff off one time as a kid----the resulting consequence ensured that i never did again--in fact i dont even use the f bomb in front of my dad at all.

A good spanking will go a lot farther than 20 5 min time outs every week or a bottle of riddlin.

I gurantee that that whinney son of a yuppie i popped today wont be back on that bike path for a long time.

That's pretty much my feelings on the subject as well.

Violence is always the answer.


I think there's a distinct difference between violence and self defense/ defense of others. I think the OP handled the situation in approximately the best way possible. He communicated that it is NOT ok to do such things in a way that was DEEPLY understood by the teenagers in question. He didn't come back and jump up and down on them, he just made it clear that it won't be tolerated. I think he actually did the best thing possible for those kids. Calling the police/talking with parents/yelling at them doesn't really teach them anything. They would probably have walked away with the knowledge that you can pretty much do what you want without consequences. They're not listening to what you say, they're laughing at the reaction they got. If you make it clear that there are consequences to actions, maybe they'll think twice before they continue on the "jackass path". I think there's a distinct difference between natural consequences and violence.

A good spanking will go a lot farther than 20 5 min time outs every week or a bottle of riddlin.


Would have been cool if you had actually spanked one or more of the kids.

While i'm sure i will get chastizing remarks from some.



certainly doesn't look like you will... :D

good job, hopefully they've learned a lesson.

Would have been cool if you had actually spanked one or more of the kids.

That reminds me of the scene in "Birth", starring Nicole Kidman, where a grown man gets angry at a child he doen't even know and throws the kid over his knee and proceeds to go to town.

"Crazed bicyclist assaults innocent suburban youths, children said that he attacked for no reason. Film at 11."

Take a picture of the crime scene next time, if you can. That kids going to have to explain his bruises to his parents some how, maybe.

Otherwise, good spur of the moment thinking.

Or you could always empty a water bottle on them if you have one. I've never been in the situation but water doesn't cause much permanent damage aside from making them angry. Unless of course they are walking around in Italian leather pants on a MUP.

i think you're my hero

i think you're the wind beneath my wings.

Don't stop the rock

Yeah yeah YEAH!! SMack the cr4p outta those little filty Street Urchins!! Ha ha ;)

No i think you did the right thing for sure.

+1 with the statements made by Treechunk.

However i also want to add that violence, threats or intimidation were a good idea this time but are by no means always the best way to discipline kids or people. For example.. Anyone of you ever seen that show 'The Nanny' the one where desperate parents with rotten kids get a pro to live with them and help. Those techniques (time outs, consistency, positive reinforcement, clarity, a clear and written down reward & punishment system etc) work ace. Those kids and fams. transform totally within a week. Another example would be dog training. More and more people are going over to methods like Clickers which don't involve any threats, screaming or violence. The dogs are at least as well trained and both the owners and dogs seems more confident and happier this way.

I also know a guy whose daddy smacked him & threatened him when he did something wrong. The dad overdid it for sure as the guy is scared, has little confidence to do much and the the thing that motivates him the most is fear.

im going to start carrying a chainsaw, just for this type of situation

The thing is, you could probably cry self defense, but just to be safe I woldn't be spreading this around. Just some friendly law school advice.
Adam

does that mean i can kill someone with a chainsaw if the throw an apple or somthing at me?


iv always wanted to take off someones limbs with a chainsaw.

for real, i even got someone in mind!

Sure u can Dosoner.. justifiable Homicide i say.. You ever seen 'Evil Dead'?

As for getting sued well, 'tis a good thing there is no license plates on bikes...
Car Wars! Road Bike Warriors Ride on!!! U Lock Justice!!!

The Band 'Rambo' said it best in their classic lyrics:

U-lock Justice

for every time i hear them say, get the f**k out of the way,
i will defend my right of way, that heap of steel i'm gonna slay,
i'll thrash you i'll bash you,
i'll kick in your doors, break out your windows and scratch up your paint,
apologize for oil wars, apologize for polluting my air,
in some cases cars are Ok, but when i'm on the street you're all my enemies.

keep your u lock handy to fight back, take out a window, break off a mirror or knock out some teeth.

thats all good and fine, but im talking about cutting someones ****ing head off with a chain saw

first of all i apologize for the dumb teens.. ( since i'm pretty young my self)
secondly.. well done mate!
i'd do the same :D

ehm, yes,.... erm, just in case i end up as an acomplice to murder ("Marylin Mason told me to kill him in his records", "V1nce from BF told me to do it!")...: No, you can't do that. No cutting of any heads with any sharp implements. Sorry. Thanks for playing. Now see about that chill pill please ;)

Yo Dosoner/tyler, from your Blog and the fact you are an 'artiste' i am beginning to think u may actually be:

1. Trying to be funny, and only kindoff succeeding.
2. A (little) serious in which case i suggest getting some help.

2. A (little) serious in which case i suggest getting some help.

that choice is the winner

does that mean i can kill someone with a chainsaw if the throw an apple or somthing at me?


iv always wanted to take off someones limbs with a chainsaw.
there was a poster on Something Awful who was looking for buckshot, then said it was because "gangs" shoot his pumpkins with BBguns every year, and people thought he was just trying to get a reaction and told him to get out

then he killed two neighbors and himself =/ it happened in california but showed up in my local (virginia) paper, so i'm sure it got reported on elsewhere

but yeah, dnt chainsaw ppl plz

well, i wont, caue i dont own a chainsaw

but it does sound like fun

Hey Dosoner, at risk of you "taking the mickey" and coming back with a "Psyche! ha ha" or "Just Kidding, tool!" remark back sooner or later...:

I am hardly a therapist but if you are interested i may have some ideas, resources and advice that could very well help (some). Maybe you want none of that -that is fine-. But if you do, i could get back to you later today. It is almost my bed time you see, just finished my night shift.

This is coming from a 35 year-old guy, but since when the did dressing in black and listening to Manson make you Goth? These little f**ktards are the absolute suburban corporate pre-packaged antithesis of what goth was in the 90's. The goths I knew were all nerds who looked scary to keep the other kids away, but they were just the happiest bunch you could ever want to be around. Some were fat, some were gay. The look was a defense mechanism and a hobby. The lifestyle was about the music and the music community.

When did jocks, bullies, serial killers, and Beavis & Butthead become goth?

Kudos to you for beating one of those sh*t-eaters in the skull.

Of course Goth has become a twisted and catch all phrase. But it kindoff makes sense to use it now to apply to these little w4nkers. There are way more of them than the old school goths, i'd say 80% to 20% at least. But to distinguish i usually prefer to call their evil little breed "Mallgoths".

we called them mallmetal kids.

hot topic junkies that suck.

Between Columbine and Hot Topic, it's now totally cool to be goth. Of course, punk is already done, and the eighties revival is so over. Where else to turn when you want to be "different" than everybody else, but still want to get your clothes at the mall?

Fing Poseurs. I just want to introduce them to some of my old friends. I knew some real punk/metal/goth bada$$es when I was in school.

I knew some real punk/metal/goth bada$$es when I was in school.

Right. Those kids will wake up when they go to college and no one gives a **** about them anyway. It's really only a high school trend. They want to be different from mommy and daddy.

The thing is, you could probably cry self defense, but just to be safe I woldn't be spreading this around. Just some friendly law school advice.
Adam
Skanking Biker is a lawyer.

way to go

what's a mup?

LOL. Should've told Azrael and his gang that you were a level five elvish wizard from mordor and if they didn't run you'd unleash a "petrification" spell on their ass. That'd should their skinny, white dungeons and dragons playin asses runnin for sure. Failing that, show up at their school on monday and stuff a couple in lockers and flush the rests' heads in some toilets. Goths fear bullies.... :D