Lawyer Joke

[Red Baron]

Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided their food.
And each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming. One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "Wow. I
can't believe my eyes. There is a girl out there floating in our direction." The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "I think you're hallucinating and you should come down right now."
So, the lawyer reluctantly climbed down the tree and told his friend that he had just actually seen a naked blonde woman floating face up... headed toward their island. The other lawyer started to laugh, thinking his friend had surely lost his mind. But within a few minutes, up to their beach floated a naked blonde woman, face up, and totally unconscious.
The two lawyers went over to her and discovered, yes she was alive. One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this island for months now without a woman. It's been a long time. Do you think we should, you know , screw her?"
The other lawyer glanced down at the totally naked woman and asked, "Out of what?"

[Funkychicken]

i like where this thread is going.

frank calls his closest friends together - a doctor, a priest and a lawyer - and gives each of them $75,000 saying "take this and do what you like with it. all i ask is that when i die, you return me the money and bury it with me." the pact is made and the friends part. But the day finally arrives, and the remaining 3 friends have gathered at the funeral, each laying an envelope in the coffin before their friend is buried.

over a solemn cup of coffee, the priest breaks his silence - "i've let frank down. sure, i put the money in, but not all of it - i used $20,000 to rebuild the church that burnt down last year!". The doctor chimes in - "I too have let him down... but still for a good cause - I took $30,000 for new beds in a children's ward!"

At this, the lawyer shakes his head. "i am dissapointed in the both of you. good causes - that doesn't make good for the pact we made! You have each taken from Frank - I, on the other hand have placed in his coffin my PERSONAL cheque for the full $75,000!"

[msviolin57]

A guy storms out of his lawyer's office and goes to the bar down the street. He walks in and yells, "All lawyers are *****holes."

A man at the end of the bar says, "Hey, I resent that!"

The bartender asks, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"

"No," the man at the end of the bar replies. "I'm an *****hole."

[eubi]

The other day it was so cold I saw some lawyers with their hands in their OWN pockets.

[Funkychicken]

oldie:
an engineer dies and is supposed to goto heaven, but a processing error sends him to the devil instead. after awhile, St Peter realises the mistake and approaches the devil demanding: "that man was a good man in life. He belongs to be in heaven - you know this, yet you're exploiting his misfortune! give him back!"

"no way, jose. he's the best thing that happened here! look at this - air conditioning, automated sprinklers, energy efficient lighting, the works!"

"alright!" St Peter fumed. "if you don't give him back, i'm gonna sue!"

"yeah?" smirked the devil "and where you gonna find a lawyer?"

[harov3]

Lets see if I cant offend two professions and the clergy in one joke.....

A lawyer, a doctor and a priest were on the deck of the titanic after meeting the iceberg. So they decided they wernt going down with the ship and fought thier way into a life boat, threw the rightful occupants over the side and started to lower the life boat down the side. Half way down to the water the doc gets all remorseful and says " you know? we really should go back for the children. and the lawer yells F**k the children! And the priest pipes in " Oooh! do you think weve got time?".

You never saw it, I wasn't here.

[Keith99]

Why don't sharks eat lawyers?

Professional courtesy.