Singlespeed & Fixed Gear - Artfully discribed "dooring"

I saw this link posted over at RBR, it was funny enough that I thought it merited passing along:

http://www.cyclingplus.co.uk/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=83386

Here is a bit:
"Our eyes met as I rotated gracefully into view - his face a giant 'O' and mine (and I'm guessing here) mouthing obscenities like a mobile tourettes event. It was a brief and yet telling communication sadly cut short as I ran out of bonnet and ran into tarmac. Amazingly no other driver crushed my turtle like form whilst I lay still and ran a full systems check focussing on important areas such as legs, arms and testicles. The latter were definitely fine if a little bruised which probably explains my 'fish out of water' masterclass as I hauled myself up on his mirror and indicated - and I may have been quite assertive here - that we should have a little chat."

But its worth reading the whole thing.

Nice

I dislike the word "whilst" probably more than any other.
Nothing strikes me as more pretentious.
Good thing I'm an editor.
Pretty nice otherwise.

I dislike the word "whilst" probably more than any other.
Nothing strikes me as more pretentious.
Good thing I'm an editor.
Pretty nice otherwise.

He's British. "Whilst" fits in with his writing style. If I did it, that would be an affectation.

He's British. "Whilst" fits in with his writing style. If I did it, that would be an affectation.

Did not know he was British.
I only read the passage.
I stand corrected.

I suppose the .co.uk in the url should have been a clue.

bonnet and tarmac could have been other clues...:D

bonnet and tarmac could have been other clues...

Alright then.

bonnet and tarmac could have been other clues...:D

I just thought the event must have taken place on Easter Sunday

he gets BIG points in my book for referencing, however obliquely, roddy doyle.

and if you heathens don't know who he is, get yourselves to your lbs ('b' in this case stands for 'book') and buy some of his stuff.

nu-uh dolface. bodie and doyle were a couple of hard-boiled tv cops in a show called "the professionals" that was the biggest thing during my childhood in 1970s Britain. kinda like Starsky & Hutch done over by Sam Peckinpah - violent and tough. he's talking about a roll across a car hood in order to get into the drivers door on the other side faster. thing is i don't really remember that being their steez. it's more dukes of hazzard. these guys were no joke. they would have calmy walked around the car, got in like a normal person, caught you on the side of the road and then kicked the **** out of you for making them even think about rolling over the "bonnet" like some american poof in tight jeans.

just sayin…

still. dolface is right. go read "the van." laugh.

d'oh!

thanks eddie.

The Professionnals.

Best TV show theme ever :D

Super reading.

highly entertaining

you're right about the professionals not doing the roll across the bonnet though eddie.

Now i want to go watch some old british tv. eh, well, the office might have to suffice.

cute. I wonder if he means the epiphytic bird's nest fern.

I dislike the word "whilst" probably more than any other.
Nothing strikes me as more pretentious.
Good thing I'm an editor.
Pretty nice otherwise.


Betwixt kicks whilsts's ass.

the two blokes got into a row after the barmy petrol driver proceeds to throw a spanner in the works and hits the cyclsist, knocking him onto the bonnet over the windscreen crashing down on to the boot. He gets up all brassed off and feeling a bit lurgy, he checks his bollocks and willy and then proceeds to slag the driver.

back to the swotting!

for teh win!! ^^

for teh win!! ^^

i believe i take the biscuit!

you're close. 9/10

British or not, I thought the situation fairly eloquently discribed.

I just thought the event must have taken place on Easter Sunday

Easter at an airport?

"whilst" may be a crappy word to use in most writing, hyperRevue, but in bits like this where the point is more humorous,a certain amount of prentensiousness in the word choice can add to the tone of the writing...by using such elevated language for such subject matter, it sort of sets up a certain inequity in the situation of the sort that forms the basis of a lot of comedy.

that's just my two cents on words like "whilst" and "betwixt".

Meanwhilst...on the other side of the world...

Meanwhilst...on the other side of the world...

ha ha ha ha....yes. across the water that lies betwixt.

also...this is fantastic: "I put forward a theory that in fact the problem was that 'he was a flaming blind idiot with an IQ similar to a fern. And a dumb fern at that. A fern that is tormented and bullied by his fellow ferns for being so thick'."

though the punctuation at the end there should be different, does this guy's tone remind anyone else of douglas adams...just a touch?

I can clearly hear Terry Gilliam as the narrator.

Oh, it's good to speak/read/write English, the most beautifully convoluted nonsensical crap language ever! I love it! We just sort of make this stuff up as we go along, and yet it sticks to Webster's like Tufo's glue in a fortnight... bling bling, baby, bling indeed. Word.

What dooring?

Looks more like a right hook:


He timed his right turn perfectly to ensure I had neither time to stop or take avoiding action. Instead I engaged the panic circuits, belatedly considered if my will was up to date and planted my front tyre smack bang on the offending door. That wasn't so bad actually especially when compared to my shoulder following up one second later briefly bringing home the true meaning of potential energy as - bodie and doyle like - I rolled across his bonnet.

When you said dooring, I thought it had to be the rider's fault (well, you know what I mean).

Ummmm...That's the 'artfully described' part methinks.

(Damn Europeans -always nitpicking- "this insn't a Euro bike, That isn't a dooring" *ugh* Enough already.
Shouldn't you be putting treats in the clogs or something, It's Dec. 6th, for Klaus's sake. :D )

Ummmm...That's the 'artfully described' part methinks.

(Damn Europeans -always nitpicking- "this insn't a Euro bike, That isn't a dooring" *ugh* Enough already.
Shouldn't you be putting treats in the clogs or something, It's Dec. 6th, for Klaus's sake. :D )

UhhhGG!!! We don't have Klaus- we have the Julenissen!

Hey- I am unemployed with nothing better to do than pick nits! ;)

" replied that while generally I was happy he wasn't in the habit of attempting to cull the London cycling population..."

I dig his writing a lot. Makes me feel like a twit in comparison however.

"whilst" may be a crappy word to use in most writing, hyperRevue, but in bits like this where the point is more humorous,a certain amount of prentensiousness in the word choice can add to the tone of the writing...by using such elevated language for such subject matter, it sort of sets up a certain inequity in the situation of the sort that forms the basis of a lot of comedy.

that's just my two cents on words like "whilst" and "betwixt".

I can see your point.
My hatred of "whilst" stems from reading many a Livejournal post and college paper that contained the word.
He is British, so I suppose the word is commonplace.
If he used it purposefully with humor in mind, then that's a different story - although I do not think that is the case.
But any American who uses "whilst" in a serious manner is a ******bag.

"Albeit" easily beats "whilst" and "betwixt", IMHO. The old chaps who do snooker commentary for Eurosport (TV channel) use it all the time. Love those broadcasts. Priceless stuff.

"albeit" is the gas.

I think getting doored "over there" refers to running into someone's closed door when they unexpectedly turn or pull out in front of the rider.

I work for a Brit who talks exactly like that guy writes, all the time.

But any American who uses "whilst" in a serious manner is a ******bag.

agreed.