Bikeforums.net is a forum about nothing but bikes. Our community can help you find information about hard-to-find and localized information like bicycle tours, specialties like where in your area to have your recumbent bike serviced, or what are the best bicycle tires and seats for the activities you use your bike for.SpokesInMyPoop
12-14-05, 12:12 PM
forwarded from a friend :P
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room
at theGrill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of food! We'll
have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to
sing along. And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up
dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among
employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over
$10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This
gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a
special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday,
which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this
year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'..
The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians.
There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have
other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline.
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
"AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to
handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the
Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management
believe $10.00 is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate
our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off
on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package
everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will
that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table
closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other,
Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own
table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table
too.
To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing
allowed.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be
available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the
food.
We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.
There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant
cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November
RE: The ******** Holiday Party.
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep
this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can
sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so
quaintly put it, you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic
tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feeling too, They scream when you
slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.
The B***h from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9th November
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy
recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party
and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with
full pay.
John Bishop
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room
at theGrill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of food! We'll
have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to
sing along. And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up
dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among
employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over
$10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This
gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a
special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday,
which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this
year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'..
The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians.
There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have
other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline.
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
"AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to
handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the
Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management
believe $10.00 is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate
our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off
on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package
everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will
that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table
closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other,
Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own
table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table
too.
To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing
allowed.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be
available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the
food.
We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.
There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant
cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November
RE: The ******** Holiday Party.
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep
this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can
sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so
quaintly put it, you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic
tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feeling too, They scream when you
slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.
The B***h from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9th November
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy
recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party
and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with
full pay.
John Bishop