how much info do you not share with your loved ones?

[timmhaan]

my GF and my family aren't bike riders, although they have no problem with what i do. however, the few times we discussed the downsides to cycling (agressive drivers, hit and runs, verbal abuse, accidents, etc.) they got more and more worried, and urged me to ride only the safest routes at the safest times.

i naturally started limiting the amount of negative news i would talk with them about. i wanted to protect my freedom to ride wherever i wanted. i certainly wouldn't report each and every incident i heard about. i don't even tell them about all the close calls or things yelled at me as i ride along. as such, they really don't know what i deal with sometimes. i'm wondering if that's a healthy situation or not. are you guys\girls cautious on how much of the bad stuff you reveal?

[ajay677]

My wife tells me she just doesn't want to know.

[Artkansas]

I make sure that they know my usual routes, and where I am going. That way if I am hours off schedule and out of contact, they know where to look.

But beyond that what happens on the bike stays with the bike. They just wouldn't understand.

[Brian Ratliff]

my GF and my family aren't bike riders, although they have no problem with what i do. however, the few times we discussed the downsides to cycling (agressive drivers, hit and runs, verbal abuse, accidents, etc.) they got more and more worried, and urged me to ride only the safest routes at the safest times.

i naturally started limiting the amount of negative news i would talk with them about. i wanted to protect my freedom to ride wherever i wanted. i certainly wouldn't report each and every incident i heard about. i don't even tell them about all the close calls or things yelled at me as i ride along. as such, they really don't know what i deal with sometimes. i'm wondering if that's a healthy situation or not. are you guys\girls cautious on how much of the bad stuff you reveal?

You know, I have this same dilemma. Most of my family are not cyclists, excepting my father who frequents these forums, and they sometimes don't understand that my complaints are simply complaints and not a reflection of how much danger I am in. For instance, I told my parents (kind of bragging) that I hit 55 mph down a hill, and my mom kind of freaked out. I had to assure her that this was not very dangerous and I was completely in control and very careful.

I worry a little about telling my significant other about some of the things I encounter on the road, but generally, she trusts my judgement and I phrase what I say to her in terms of generallized complaints about society rather than in terms of danger. It has seemed to work so far.

[genec]

I make sure that they know my usual routes, and where I am going. That way if I am hours off schedule and out of contact, they know where to look.

But beyond that what happens on the bike stays with the bike. They just wouldn't understand.

Pretty much the same thing here... although some 15 years ago my wife happened to spot me coming home and later told me she was "totally freaked" by how I rode through traffic.

Admittedly I did do a few messenger-like moves that she happened to catch...

And even today, in heavy bumper to bumper traffic, I think she might take offense to seeing me "filter forward" in some locations.

On a side note, she often comments on my timing and why I wait until rush hour... not understanding that at the peak of rush hour, I am usually the fastest thing moving out there.

"Why not leave earlier... "

"What, and face the coffee hyped idiots driving 55MPH on the 45MPH roads... Ha!"

[Wulfheir]

I just remind my mom that she's on blood pressure medicine for leading a sedentary lifestyle. And I remind my dad that's he's on cholestoral lowering medicine for leading a sedentary lifestyle. Then I express my concern for their safety and health.

[Applehead57]

I try to never let her know what upgrades I've just ordered.

I do try to tell her how long I'll be riding, but I just can't seem to take the short way home.

[Helmet Head]

If you think you guys are sick of my going on and on about traffic cycling, imagine my poor wife! She is not a cyclist per se, but does "recreational riding" a few times a year, including a few rides on the tandem, and has done some short utilitarian rides around town too.

She has expressed some concern over my safety in the past, but, since I got into vehicular cycling, not so much anymore. Whenever we drive together and see a cyclist we usually talk about what they're doing, and how it might be better or safer to do something different. On our tandem rides I demonstrate VC. One time we had to make a left turn on a 4 lane road into a mid-block commercial entrance. We had to stop in the left lane, wait for a gap in oncoming traffic (just like a car driver would), and then make our left. While we were stopped, traffic approaching from the rear had to change lanes and pass us on our right. Anyway, once we got in the parking lot and off the tandem, a guy came up to us and told us that he saw how "professionally" we managed the tandem, that he was impressed, and that he wished all cyclists would ride like that. Experiences like that help her realize that I'm not taking any unreasonable risks. But the clincher I think was seeing me navigate heavy/fast traffic while bike commuting a few times while she was driving and approaching from behind. She could see how I was interacting with drivers, and how they were interacting with me (or so she told me later); she could see how obvious it was what I was doing, and why (riding in the center of a lane with traffic passing me on both sides - traffic on the right headed for a freeway onramp). There's only one other cyclist I've ever seen manage this interchange the way I do every day (other cyclists hug the right edge of the lane and then cut across it at the last moment when there is a gap).

Anyway, my wife knows how I ride in traffic, so she's not worried. Her only concern is whether I'm sufficiently visible at night.

[DCCommuter]

If you think you guys are sick of my going on and on about traffic cycling, imagine my poor wife!

I had to laugh out loud when I read that. Maybe we should form a support group for the wives of A&S mavens.

[rule]

My wife tells me all the time that she doesn't want to know either. I respect her wishes, except I do try to tell her when I have arrived all right on my commute so that she won't worry. I also find that it helps to check in whenever I am out on a 2 hour+ training ride. She's okay up to 2 hours, but if I am gone longer than that she begins to convince herself that the worst has happened.

[LittleBigMan]

are you guys\girls cautious on how much of the bad stuff you reveal?
For years now, whenever I mention the word, "bicycle," my wifes eyes just sort of glaze over in a distant stare, and I know she'll hear absolutely nothing after that. I suspect if I told her about something exciting, she might listen a little more closely...

[Wulfheir]

Whenever we drive together and see a cyclist we usually talk about what they're doing, and how it might be better or safer to do something different.
My wife doesn't bike.
Everytime we're in the car together and see a cyclist, she does her best 'wulfheir' voice and says:
a) Where's your effin' helmet?
b) Where's your effin' light? (at night)
c) Get off the effin' sidewalk!
d) Nice effin' stop! (blowing stop sign/red light)
Or any combination of the above. She doesn't actually say this to the cyclist, she just keeps it inside the car.

[ajay677]

My wife doesn't bike.
Everytime we're in the car together and see a cyclist, she does her best 'wulfheir' voice and says:
a) Where's your effin' helmet?
b) Where's your effin' light? (at night)
c) Get off the effin' sidewalk!
d) Nice effin' stop! (blowing stop sign/red light)
Or any combination of the above. She doesn't actually say this to the cyclist, she just keeps it inside the car.

Sounds like me, without the $%7*&!! - wouldn't want the seven year old in the back seat to think I was a sailor.

[Az B]

Cycling is one of the safer endeavors I've been/am involved in. My wife has learned two things:

A: I can generally take care of myself pretty well. (As in risk management)
2: Worrying doesn't change a thing.

Az

[Artkansas]

Pretty much the same thing here... although some 15 years ago my wife happened to spot me coming home and later told me she was "totally freaked" by how I rode through traffic.



My wife has seen my in traffic as well. My style is not so brash so she says it gave her confidence to see how I ride.

[banerjek]

are you guys\girls cautious on how much of the bad stuff you reveal?
You gotta be. My basic rule is to be open and tell the truth. However, the massive exception to this rule is that it must be ignored when following it will come to no good.

If someone works their butt off to make something special for you, you say it tastes great. If your wife is in conflict with her boss, but you think he is right, you say things that support her views both in private and in pulbic. If you almost got taken out by a truck that lost control after colliding head on with some drunken maniac (who barely missed you 10 seconds earlier), you either say nothing or that there was a terrible accident that closed the highway, but fortunately it didn't hold you up.

Reporting bad news to people who can't handle it is a bad idea unless you have reason to expect that doing so will benefit them somehow.

[UmneyDurak]

I usually operate under "Need to know" policy. If aksed I tell the truth, but I don't go in to to much details.

[baiskeli]

my GF and my family aren't bike riders, although they have no problem with what i do. however, the few times we discussed the downsides to cycling (agressive drivers, hit and runs, verbal abuse, accidents, etc.) they got more and more worried, and urged me to ride only the safest routes at the safest times.

i naturally started limiting the amount of negative news i would talk with them about. i wanted to protect my freedom to ride wherever i wanted. i certainly wouldn't report each and every incident i heard about. i don't even tell them about all the close calls or things yelled at me as i ride along. as such, they really don't know what i deal with sometimes. i'm wondering if that's a healthy situation or not. are you guys\girls cautious on how much of the bad stuff you reveal?

Even though I don't have many incidents, I do the same. I once began telling her about an incident that had just occured and she begun turning pale. I don't want her freaking out or worrying every time I get on my bike.

[webist]

I often don't know just how long I'll be gone. Sometimes I visit someone during the ride. When that happens I usually use the cell to let her know. I also carry ID. My weekend rides are ormally between 2 and 3 hours. SHe calls the cell after 3.

[lyledriver]

Recently I rode my bike to my girlfriend's coffee shop, as I often do.
There is a nice hill for the last 4 blocks to the coffee shop, so I take the lane and go with traffic down it.

The road is a little bumpy, with cobblestone sections and indented manhole covers, so some mild 'hopping' is required to keep things smooth.

This time when I went down, I was behind some hatchback, and had a minivan behind me.

I guess a woman who was going to the shop was in the minivan, because as I stood by the bar, (and my girlfriend) she came in from the parking lot and said:

"You were riding like a maniac down that hill!"

My girlfriend looked at me with an eyebrow raised..

So I had to counter with "Why, because I assertively took the lane while riding the speed of traffic? That seems about the safest way to get down that hill to me."

The woman kinda half smiled like she still thought I was nuts, but didn't have anything else to say.


My girlfriend knows that I bike the same way I drive (ie according to the BCMVA), and she's quite comfortable with my driving.. but she still worries, and asks me to check in if I'm going out for longer than 2 hours.

[LittleBigMan]

I was thinking, these threads are great because I am almost a lone ranger when it comes to my bike commuting, and I don't often get the chance to connect with anyone about my experiences. They just don't get it. But here, it never fails that someone will have had a similar experience, and I can just laugh my head off...

[sbhikes]

I'm the GF. I don't tell the BF everything. He worries.

On the way to work (we work at the same place but he drives and I ride), if he finds himself stuck behind me on the long, steep slog up Ortega Hill he'll refuse to pass me just so he can keep all the maniacs behind him at bay.

I really hate it when he does that, but like someone said above, there are some things you don't tell certain people. That's one. The other is what those freakin' maniacs do on days when he isn't keeping them at bay for me. ;)

[As You Like It]

My husband gets to hear about it when something weird or scary happens to me. My mom, on the other hand, does not need to know that I rode home in half a foot of snow on slick tires or that I nearly rear-ended a Lexus the other day.

My husband doesn't worry too much. I'm a safer rider than he is, and he knows I know what I'm doing. I've been a bike commuter since college and been riding in Kansas City for the past 5 years. So far, so good.

[scottmorrison99]

I make sure that they know my usual routes, and where I am going. That way if I am hours off schedule and out of contact, they know where to look.

But beyond that what happens on the bike stays with the bike. They just wouldn't understand.


That's the way I play it. I can handle any stress I get while riding, why stress my family? I also carry my cell. That way if I am off schedule, they can contact me on the phone. (After I stop and pull off the road to answer, no flames please.) :rolleyes:

[Roody]

I tell them that cycling is no more dangerous than driving in traffic. That's close to the truth, even if the exact figures are endlessly debated. "Only" around 700 cycling deaths a year, compared to many thousands of motor vehicle deaths.

[slvoid]

I tell them EVERYTHING.
Everyone cringes in fear when I head out to go to work.

[budster]

For years now, whenever I mention the word, "bicycle," my wifes eyes just sort of glaze over in a distant stare, and I know she'll hear absolutely nothing after that. ...
That's my girlfriend's reaction. To her, cycling is a fun thing to do on a MUP on a sunny Sunday afternoon, once every other month or so. She calls this the Bike "Bore-ums." And that's cool. We have lots of other common interests. Besides, what if she got a cooler bike than mine? :eek:

As for the "war stories," I don't share them because doing so would only make her feel more worried about my safety. That wouldn't help her or me.

[Dchiefransom]

I was in the Navy for 21.5 years. One guy lost a foot in an accident in heavy seas, and another guy hung himself in Guam. A large wave slammed onto our deck once and killed one guy, and permanently disabled a couple of others, injuring 15 people total. On overseas Western Pacific deployments, there would always be a couple of people that fell overboard and weren't found, and a few guys that overdosed on strong drugs. Common occurences in the peacetime Navy. I tell my wife everything about my riding.

[carless]

I just remind my mom that she's on blood pressure medicine for leading a sedentary lifestyle. And I remind my dad that's he's on cholestoral lowering medicine for leading a sedentary lifestyle. Then I express my concern for their safety and health.
Great sig line, whatever it's called, under your name.

[budster]

I was in the Navy for 21.5 years. One guy lost a foot in an accident in heavy seas, and another guy hung himself in Guam. A large wave slammed onto our deck once and killed one guy, and permanently disabled a couple of others, injuring 15 people total. On overseas Western Pacific deployments, there would always be a couple of people that fell overboard and weren't found, and a few guys that overdosed on strong drugs. Common occurences in the peacetime Navy. I tell my wife everything about my riding.
OK, you win the thread. :)

You also make me feel good about my decision to drop out of Navy ROTC in college long ago. I've often wondered what might have been. What you describe sounds like a lot of stuff I'm glad I missed.

[merlinextraligh]

Share this with them. http://www.kenkifer.com/bikepages/health/risks.htm

Anecdotal reports of cycling injuries and deaths greatly exaggerate the actual risk posed to cyclists, particularly cyclists that wear helmets, obey traffic laws, have good bike hadling skills, and either don't ride at night,or do so with apporpriate lighting.

The above link does a good job of putting the risk of cycling (which is well below the risk posed by sedentary lifestyle) in perspective.

[koine2002]

I withold quite a bit regarding unsafe/dangerous things that I have done/have been done to me. I once told my mother about nearly falling off of a rock while climbing, and she said that there are certain things a mother would rather not know. So now, I have the freedom to withold such things.

[dethomasav8r]

I have certain routes that I ride on certain days. I also gave my wife a map of the routes as well as drive her on them in the car so she can be familiar with where I am riding. She has a general idea as to how long I should be gone, and I also have my cell phone with me. I am am runnign late or going to add extra miles, I usually try to call.

[ItsJustMe]

I bought a Virgin Mobile (pay-as-you-go) phone the day after getting 4 flats in one day and being over an hour late. My wife got in the car and ran my route until she found me (a mile from home) and she was NOT amused. The phone is $5/month and is well worth it for the one or two times a month I ring up to say I'll be late, and the insurance of being able to get help.

Other than that, though, I don't feel obliged to share. I am not really interested in telling or hearing war stories, unless there was damage/injury that needs to be known about.

[caloso]

Like a lot of the others, I carry a cell phone, give a general description of the route, and an ETA. If I'm going to be significantly late, I call. But I don't think Mrs. Caloso needs a blow-by-blow description of every yahoo that passes unsafely.

[1fluffhead]

I give them enough information to find me if something happens, everything else stays between me, the bike and the road. If that is not enough for them, I tell them they need to get out on a bike and experience it first hand and make their own conclusions. That usually starts a conversations filled with excuses about why they can't or won't ride.

[dynaryder]

My Dad has ridden motorcycles since he was 16. He gave me my first street bike for my 16th b-day. And my uncle got ran over by a van on his motorcycle(he's ok now). So our family is pretty well adjusted.

My co-workers,OTOH,get great delight at hearing my stories about the idiots I encounter.

[Swiss Hoser]

This thread really hits close to home for me.
My cycling mishaps normally get exposed when I get around to telling about them. This time lapse seems to be real problem for my herd.
Like the time I was riding through the woods and a rotten branch came down and cracked my helmet. I didn't get around to talking about it until we were at a BBQ two weeks later. "Dadeeeeeeee, why didn't you tell us sooner?"

Broke my hand last year, but didn't officially anounce it until I couldn't take the pain anymore. I have yet to hear the end of that one!

I declined a club ride recently, that ended with a car wiping out 4 riders. One of them lost all sensation from the neck down for a couple of days. He's OK now. Naturally, I made no mention of this incident, but the village is small. The family found out and realized that I would normally have been on that ride. Somehow, I got the silent treatment for that one too!

My wife believes I'm trying to die and leave a good-looking corpse. As the years go by, however, I'm afraid this is becoming increasing unlikely.

Ciao for now.

[powerhouse]

I put things like this into the "need-to-know" category. That is, my bicycle and I have been through said experiences and others just don't need to know.

[LCI_Brian]

Like a lot of the others, I carry a cell phone, give a general description of the route, and an ETA. If I'm going to be significantly late, I call. But I don't think Mrs. Caloso needs a blow-by-blow description of every yahoo that passes unsafely.
The Mrs knows the general favorite routes, so I don't even need to do that. I also make sure not to be too specific with the ETA, so that the Mrs isn't watching the second hand tick on the clock.

[jasongilbert]

I dread having an accident that leaves any visible injury. Not because of the injury, but because the end result will be my wife torching the bike.

[Artkansas]

i naturally started limiting the amount of negative news i would talk with them about.

I got started early. When I was a kid, I rode much farther than the bounds that my parents set for me.

[Daily Commute]

I had to laugh out loud when I read that. Maybe we should form a support group for the wives of A&S mavens.
"Hi, My name is ______. My husband has been into VC for three years. It started when he got a copy of Street Smarts from the BMV, but now he's into a hard-core Forester list-serv. . . ."

[Roody]

I tell them EVERYTHING.
Everyone cringes in fear when I head out to go to work.
Not everyone. . . just the ones along your route.

[holicow]

I never went into details about my rides, until I was outed by the dreaded call to my wife from the ER: "your husband's been in an accident...."

That stunk. Near-death experiences will shake up your priorities a bit.

[Satyr]

I bought a Virgin Mobile (pay-as-you-go) phone the day after getting 4 flats in one day and being over an hour late. My wife got in the car and ran my route until she found me (a mile from home) and she was NOT amused. The phone is $5/month and is well worth it for the one or two times a month I ring up to say I'll be late, and the insurance of being able to get help.

Other than that, though, I don't feel obliged to share. I am not really interested in telling or hearing war stories, unless there was damage/injury that needs to be known about.

I think I would frankly be a bit offended if someone came looking for me. The standard worry module incorporated into most romantic relationships has always amused me, for it serves no benefit to either party and is less a sign of respect and love than a deep, almost unhealthy attachment. I am not so much talking about general concern for a person's well being, but the type of worry that makes someone look after their romantic partner/mother/child like a lost hound.

For this reason I disclose very little information to anyone about my adventurous activities. For a backpacking trip, I usually leave the trail I plan to hike with a friend and dates I should be gone, but that is about it. Thankfully, in my case, my loved ones are just good friends who don't worry that much about me.

[timmhaan]

I think I would frankly be a bit offended if someone came looking for me. The standard worry module incorporated into most romantic relationships has always amused me, for it serves no benefit to either party and is less a sign of respect and love than a deep, almost unhealthy attachment. I am not so much talking about general concern for a person's well being, but the type of worry that makes someone look after their romantic partner/mother/child like a lost hound.

For this reason I disclose very little information to anyone about my adventurous activities. For a backpacking trip, I usually leave the trail I plan to hike with a friend and dates I should be gone, but that is about it. Thankfully, in my case, my loved ones are just good friends who don't worry that much about me.

satyr - that's a pretty summation of how i feel sometimes. i don't really enjoy feeling pressure to call at the three hour point during a ride, or if i'm running 1/2 hour more than i said i was. i guess it's different if you have plans and you're going to be late. other than that...i'll get home when i get home.

on a slightly related note, i always find it silly when people ask that you call them when you arrive at a particular destination. for example, flying. taking a plane somewhere is so common now, it makes no sense to call and say everything is okay. just watch the news if you want to find out if something happened.
:)

[ItsJustMe]

I think I would frankly be a bit offended if someone came looking for me.

Well, I think it was justified. I call before I leave, and the commute takes 35 to 38 minutes. She started driving the route when it had been nearly 2 hours with no word. The route is almost all rural, with little traffic. If I get hit-and-run'd, especially if I get thrown into the ditch, I could lay there for a long time before someone sees me.

In general she doesn't say anything, even when I decide to ride on days when there's an ice storm predicted, so I can't complain.

I do actually like having a phone, and this was a good incentive for me to investigate cheap options. I had one before but it wasn't worth $30/month for the 10 minutes a month I used it, but it IS worth $5/month for the safety line.

[powerhouse]

I never went into details about my rides, until I was outed by the dreaded call to my wife from the ER: "your husband's been in an accident...."

That stunk. Near-death experiences will shake up your priorities a bit.

Near death experiences...were they caused from what put you in the hospital? Or by your wife?

[some_guy282]

When I was hit by a car last September, I conveniently forgot to tell my GF...

Other than that though I pretty much tell her everything and she doesn't worry. She knows I ride safe.