Bikeforums.net is a forum about nothing but bikes. Our community can help you find information about hard-to-find and localized information like bicycle tours, specialties like where in your area to have your recumbent bike serviced, or what are the best bicycle tires and seats for the activities you use your bike for.Joe Gardner
04-27-01, 04:07 PM
1. Never walk without a document in your hands People
with documents in their hands look like hardworking
employees heading for important meetings. People with
nothing in their hands look like they're heading for
the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand
look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all,
make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at
night, thus generating the false impression that you
work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy Any time you use a
computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer.
You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and
generally have a blast without doing anything remotely
related to work. These aren't exactly the societal
benefits that the proponents of the computer
revolution would like to talk about but they're not
bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you
*will* get caught -- your best defense is to claim
you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus
saving valuable training dollars.
3. Messy desk Top management can get away with a clean
desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not
working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents
around your workspace. To the observer, last year's
work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that
counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody
is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll
need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for
it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice Mail: Never answer your phone if you have
voice mail. People don't call you just because they
want to give you something for nothing - they call
because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no
way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail.
If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it
sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour
when you know they're not there - it looks like you're
hardworking and conscientious even though you're being
a devious weasel.
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed. According to George
Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient
and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that
you are always busy.
6. Leave the office late Always leave the office late,
especially when the boss is still around. You could
read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted
to read but have no time until late before leaving.
Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way
out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g.
9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays
7. Creative Sighing for Effect Sigh loudly when there
are many people around, giving the impression that you
are under extreme pressure.
8. Stacking Strategy It is not enough to pile lots of
documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor
etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
9. Build Vocabulary Read up on some computer magazines
and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the
phrases freely when in conversation with bosses.
Remember: They don't have to understand what you say,
but you sure sound impressive.
10. MOST IMPORTANT:
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!
with documents in their hands look like hardworking
employees heading for important meetings. People with
nothing in their hands look like they're heading for
the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand
look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all,
make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at
night, thus generating the false impression that you
work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy Any time you use a
computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer.
You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and
generally have a blast without doing anything remotely
related to work. These aren't exactly the societal
benefits that the proponents of the computer
revolution would like to talk about but they're not
bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you
*will* get caught -- your best defense is to claim
you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus
saving valuable training dollars.
3. Messy desk Top management can get away with a clean
desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not
working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents
around your workspace. To the observer, last year's
work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that
counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody
is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll
need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for
it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice Mail: Never answer your phone if you have
voice mail. People don't call you just because they
want to give you something for nothing - they call
because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no
way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail.
If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it
sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour
when you know they're not there - it looks like you're
hardworking and conscientious even though you're being
a devious weasel.
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed. According to George
Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient
and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that
you are always busy.
6. Leave the office late Always leave the office late,
especially when the boss is still around. You could
read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted
to read but have no time until late before leaving.
Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way
out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g.
9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays
7. Creative Sighing for Effect Sigh loudly when there
are many people around, giving the impression that you
are under extreme pressure.
8. Stacking Strategy It is not enough to pile lots of
documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor
etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
9. Build Vocabulary Read up on some computer magazines
and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the
phrases freely when in conversation with bosses.
Remember: They don't have to understand what you say,
but you sure sound impressive.
10. MOST IMPORTANT:
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!