Jokes & Humor - Things you can do at Walmart!

THINGS YOU CAN DO AT WALMART
1. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they are not looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restrooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I think we have a code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

5. Turn all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.

6. Challenge other customers to a duel with tubes of gift-wrap.

7. Put M&M's on layaway.

8. Move "CAUTION WET FLOOR" signs to carpeted areas.

9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

10. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why won't you people leave me alone?"

11. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

12. Take up an entire aisle in Toy Department by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joe's and X-Men.

13. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

14. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

15. Switch signs on the men's and women's bathrooms.

16. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."

17. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign out front.

18. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.

19. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!"

20. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again."

21. Go to the food court, get a soft drink, tell them you don't get out much and would they put one of those little umbrellas in it.

22. Go into the fitting room & yell real loud... "Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"

Suddenly I can't wait until the next time I'm at Wal-Mart.I have tried the dart around and hum mission impossible, the looks that you get are hilarious.:eek:

I'm headed there right now! Think I'll wear camo to the gun department... ;)

How about trying on underwear for size and then stepping out of the dressing room to look at yourself in the mirror? That would take major bolls to do, but you could probably pull it off if you did it in your second cousin's home town and not your own.

Then, of course, fold up the underwear neatly and put it back in the bag. Hand it to the clerk (wait, this is Walmart, there is nobody to help you).

There you have it, fellows, another great entertainment idea for my friends in rural America!

Originally posted by mike
Then, of course, fold up the underwear neatly and put it back in the bag. Hand it to the clerk (wait, this is Walmart, there is nobody to help you).

Chris L.,

You missed your calling mate!!! You are a first class, brain-storming humorist IMHO. I guess it comes out of pain, like all of us! ;) Man, what a post. It will take me an eon to reply to all your meaty delectables.

Anyway, 501.

Mike, you are my buddy, but you know that I like to ride my bike. How can I with good conscience put cool underwear stuff on my smelly primate self and put it back in the bag, huh? REALLY!

(Believe me, I KNOW!)

:confused:

Just got back; They were not amused... :(

Chris.. the condoms thing is so funny.. been there done that!

This little trick has gotten me tossed out of many a Wally World and Toy's R' Us. Go to the toy section and start with the bikes and twist and turn as much stuff on the bikes as you can. Make the bikes look as bad as possible. There is always something loose on these things so let the customer's see it.

Originally posted by Hunter
There is always something loose on these things so let the customer's see it.
Dude! This is not the time to tell the TRUTH! (Ha, ha! Great!)

You all think you're soo funny. I worked in a WM and believe me NO ONE WOULD NOTICE these pranks... This cannot compare to what really goes on. How about catching sexual exploits in the ladies room? How about kids not making it to the bathroom for real?? People inflating the air mattresses "to test them out"? Kids opening the condoms and blowing them up. Dirty diapers wiped on the bathroom walls. Women leaving babies in the display cribs while they shop?

I could go on and on, but it's time for my meds.

Originally posted by Cheryl
. Dirty diapers wiped on the bathroom walls.

Great...I read this while eating breakfast. So much for my appetite...

You have Wal-Mart in Australia? No wonder so many people overseas dislike Americans.

Back before I became a model citizen, a friend and I used to go to the local Mega-lo-mart, turn on the programmed percussion tracks on all the electronic keyboards, and haul *ss to the opposite corner of the store to model the pink, furry bedroom slippers.

I used to have some friends that worked the graveyard shift at Wal-mart. My friend Crash and I would go in at three in the morning and tear the place up. Among my favorites: doll head floor hockey, Power-wheels races, and moving entire displays to the other end of the store. We had lots of fun with Lego's too, except, unlike Ba-dg-er, there was hardly anyone there (we did leave them out until morning though).

Now we've got a new list of things to knock off next time we go. Thanks Chris!

We don't actually have "wal-marts" in Australia, but we've got other shops that are just as bad.

Chris

I hate the Wal-Mart in my town. The service is bad, the store is dirty, and the people that shop there are....nevermind.

Originally posted by Ba-Dg-Er
Isn't that everyone's complaints?

Maybe. I think K-mart is definetly going under in the not-so-far off future.

For number 5 ,first you have to find a Polka station. That can be difficult. I like wal Mart though the only problem is it is so popular it ends up being a zoo. I worked in retail and the things you talk about doing are much less than funny you seem to want to make store employees lives a living heck. James :(

Wall Mart .. Do anything, but please don't shop...I won't...

One thing you can do with the SO, tell them to not forget there "stool softener" while walking down a crowded isle in the health Dept. Now THAT gets some strange looks!

John

I was in a w-mart and and isle blocking display of cardboard boxes near the back of the store- perched on top of the boxes was a shiny red tuff looking metal toolbox- Sale $22.?? an attached sign posted.

every cardboard box had the words fragile handle with care printed on it- YA- GOOD toolbox! Red,metal,shiny and fragile. Bet the store never figured why they didn't sell many, and the customers prob didn't know why either.

Every time I go into WalMart I am amazed by how many FAT people there are in America.

Here's a fun prank, done by a friend of mine in high school.

go to Walmart and wait for a family to go in- Mom, Dad and 4 or 5 kids. Then follow them in walking like you have Multiple Distrofy or something and saying in your best "special kid" voice, "Mom, Dad wait up. Don't leave me behind !!" Watch them try their very best to act like you are not their kid and try to get away from you :-)

I've got a buddy who is a bit sadisitic. In Wal Mart, he goes to the pet department, and grabs a fish net. Then he proceeds to reach into the Guppy tank and snare a few hapless ones. These Guppies are then dropped into the Cichlid tank, or the Oscar Tank if there are any. Actually any large fish will do. He then proceeds to cheer loudly and say stuff like "OH MY GOD, DID YOU SEE THAT HEAD COME APART?"

as the big fish eat the little ones.

I like setting all the rat-traps in the hardware dept. :eek:

But be carefull someone else may have been there first :D

Walking through Walmart with a shopping cart is like going through life with a big ass. It just gets in the way. Walmart sucks.

The things mentioned in the things to do in Wal mart are in the main vandalism. Can't you think of ways to have fun constructively? People shop at Wal mart because they can afford it. I remember a thread on bike snobs you are simply snobs. If you don't like it go to REI for sports or Brooks Bros for clothes etc. You think Wal Mart is a hole but things to do would make it worse.

In addition to the signs about "everyday low prices", Wal-mart should have signs about "everyday low tactics." If truth-in-advertising were real, we'd see ads such as:

How does Wal-Mart offer everyday low prices?
(1) Wal-Mart cheats its employees. Some people accuse us of paying near-minimum wage. We protest this. By the time you average in all of the unpaid overtime that we make many employees perform or time that our managers delete from employee time cards, a number of our employees get paid well under minimum wage.
(2) Wal-Mart cheats its suppliers. It's not uncommon for retail stores to falsely claim that items are damaged in shipping so as to avoid paying the suppliers. But at Wal-Mart, we take pride in being the industry leader in this tactic.
(3) Wal-Mart cheats the communities in which its stores are located. In order to stay competitive with us, other businesses must give up the notion of actually wanting to pay its employees. Paying employees is a bad idea because it cuts into the value of your company stock.
(4) Wal-Mart cheats its customers. Our customers are not the sharpest tools in the shed. They would rather come to our store and buy a shoddy item for ninety nine cents and have it fall apart after five weeks rather than go to a competitor and pay a buck fifty or so for a product that will last more than 5 years. So our customers would rather buy replacements for the same crappy ninety nine cent item fifty times over rather than pay once for an item that actually lasts.
(5) Wal-Mart cheats many industries. One major computer manufacturer who feels the squeeze of doing business with Wal-Mart has made some cuts in its customer service department. Call this computer manufacturer's customer service today, and you will talk to reps who have great difficulty understanding American accents, including accents as mild as a Midwestern accent.
(6) Wal-Mart cheats alternatives to the car. Many aspiring bicyclists will come to Wal-Mart and pay ninety nine dollars for an ill-fitting, uncomfortable, shoddy bicycle that is doomed to be abandoned in their basement or garage or alley within a few months. Wal-Mart wants to sell bicycles that people hate. We would rather see customers show up to Wal-Mart driving an SUV rather than riding a bicycle. The reason is simple. A customer showing up in our parking lot in an SUV has room to haul home more Wal-Mart crap.

Wouldn't matter...there will always be people going to WalMarts!

Vicious...Good to see your commentaries..I very much appreciate them.......Particularily, appreciate your reply to the Wall Mart thread...