Foo - Sandbagger translations

"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.

"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.

"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a cough and costs more than divorce.

"I'll take it easy"

Translation: I'll take it easy while beating you so badly that I will make the Concorde SST look like a styrofoam glider.

Er... those are the exact 3 things I say, except I mean them...

"I'm only at 100 watts or so."

Translation: With my big toe. I can ramp it up to 400-800-1500 and 1800 watts and if I have to, also set myself to Broil (2200w), Toast (2400w), and Self-Clean (3500w) to mop your ass all over this 22% climb.

"Im not really a cyclist - I'm a tri-athlete".

Translation - I'll first hand your ass to you when we ride - and then I'll hand your ass to you doing any thing else.

"Oh, don't worry, this next sections a breeze"

Translation: You gonna die sucka!

"Im not really a cyclist - I'm a tri-athlete".

Translation - I'll first hand your ass to you when we ride - and then I'll hand your ass to you doing any thing else.

Well that's not really sand bagging...

"Don't worry, I'm slow." - Tr: Einstein was wrong. There is something faster than light: me!

"Don't worry, we'll only go on flat trails"

Translation: "Hope you don't pass out from all the wheezing you'll be doing"

"We'll share the prize money." Translation: You'll never find me after the race.

"I rent a room from an elderly couple" - Tr: I live w/ my parents.

Now that's just stupid if you have to pay rent to your own parents...


"I rent a room from an elderly couple" - Tr: I live w/ my parents.

Not if you're like 37 or something like that........

Now that's just stupid if you have to pay rent to your own parents...
Or you don't want to tell a girl you just met you live w/ your parents.

Haha George Costanza

I let girls know up front that I'm poor but I'm genuine, willing to listen, will always be there for her, and I'm looking for some who likes to snuggle after doing it and can dismantle an out of service B614, peel back the PBX9402, enrich the core material, bond it back together, fake an AMAC to the PAL and bypass ENDS.

WooooooHoooooo! YEAH!!! You go, boyfriend!

I just tell them I'm married. Then they find me interesting.

Or tell them you're a fireman.*wink wink*

Or a plumber... if the videos I watch are any indication of that profession...

Or tell them you're a fireman.*wink wink*


"Did someone say FIRE!" ???

"Don't worry...we're taking it easy and you won't get dropped"

Translation: See you at the next town tubby ;)

"It's not that hilly" Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

"You're doing great, honey" Translation: Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.

"This is a no-drop ride" Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.

"It's not that far" Translation: Bring your passport.

<<Posted on another board by someone I cannot recall>>

-Jose

Or a plumber... if the videos I watch are any indication of that profession...
I think that only works when you show up on their front door holding a big pipe in you hands. Not so good at a bar.

"It's not that hilly" Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

"You're doing great, honey" Translation: Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.

"This is a no-drop ride" Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.

"It's not that far" Translation: Bring your passport.

<<Posted on another board by someone I cannot recall>>

-Jose


I posted that whole list recently on another thread... here's another good one:

You Know You're Addicted To Cycling When...
10. Your surgeon tells you you need a heart valve replacement and you ask if you have a choice between presta and schrader and titanium or carbon fiber.
9. A measurement of 44-36-40 doesn't refer to the latest Playboy centerfold, but that new gear ratio you were considering for your road bike.
8. A Power Bar/Cliff Bar starts tasting better than a Snickers.
7. The bra your significant other finds in your glove compartment belongs to your Trek and not the cute waitress at Denny's.
6. You wear your heart monitor to bed to make sure you stay within your target zone during any extracurricular activities.
5. The funeral director tells you "NO!" you can't ride your bicycle in the funeral procession, even if you keep your headlight on.
4. You experience an unreasonable envy over someone who has aero bars longer than yours.
3. You're too tired for hanky-panky on a Friday night but pump out a five-hour century ride on Saturday.
2. Your wife tells you the only way she'll let you ride across the country is over her dead body and you tell her, "If that's the case, you'll be my first speed bump!"
AND the number-one reason you know you're addicted to bicycling...
1. You no longer require a hankie to blow your nose.

I let girls know up front that I'm poor but I'm genuine, willing to listen, will always be there for her, and I'm looking for some who likes to snuggle after doing it

Wouldn't it be more efficient just to say "I'm a girl too"?

Wouldn't it be more efficient just to say "I'm a girl too"?

If she can re-enable a plutonium weapon, then I'll gladly concede that she's the man.

I posted that whole list recently on another thread... here's another good one:

You Know You're Addicted To Cycling When...

Excellent list. Good way to start a Monday morning.

Cheers!

-José

More Funny Translations for Sandbaggers...

This trail is a blast
(I hope you have good medical insurance)
I think I might have a flat tire
(Slow down, will ya?)
I definitely have a flat tire
(Help me change it)
I don't have a low enough gear
(I've gained 5 pounds)
I've decided to buy a lighter bike
(I've gained 10 pounds)
I'm taking up clog dancing
(I've gained 25 pounds)
I'm carbo loading
(Pass the ice cream)
I'm tapering
(I haven't ridden in 2 months)
The rebound was off, so I modified the damping. But then the elastomers were too dense, so I changed the oil and got rid of the stiction
(I have a new suspension fork and you don't!)
If you're a good bike handler, you don't need to wear a helmet
(I'm so stupid a brain injury wouldn't affect me)
Nobody needs a dual-suspension mountain bike
(I can't afford a dual-suspension mountain bike)
Dual suspension is the only way to go
(I just dropped 3 months' salary on a dual-suspension mountain bike)
She's a hammer
(She's faster than me)
He's a geek
(I'm faster than him)
I bonked
(All I took for a 4-hour ride was a half-empty bottle of month-old OJ and a moldy Twinkie)
If you don't crash, you're not going fast enough, dude!
(I crash a lot)
I don't own a car
(I'm a better person than you)
Why doesn't somebody do something about all these potholes ?
(Why doesn't somebody else do something about all these potholes?)
I do all my own bike maintenance
(When I squeeze the front brake lever, the bike shifts gears)
Thanks for waiting
(Wipe that smug grin off your ugly face)
Hey, did you guys hear about those new 1.8 gram carbon-fiber quick-release skewers with titanium springs?
(I am a very lonely person)
This section of trail looks doable
(You first, sucker)
I want to ride my bike to work, but...
(I don't want to ride my bike to work)
He's such a wheelsucker.
(I can't drop him)
She's always half-wheeling me.
(I can't keep up with her)
The town-line sprint is 100 yards beyond the next bend
(The town-line sprint is 200 yards beyond the next bend)
Been riding much?
(How fit are you ?)
Not much. You?
(My anaerobic threshold is 250 and my resting pulse is 14)
Nah, I've been really busy.
(My body fat is 2%)
Well, let's take it easy today.
(Ready, set go!)
Hold on, there's something wrong with my bike.
(Let's stop so I can rest)
My tires suck!
(This climb is killing me!)
Can you clear that drop-off?
(I can, but I bet you can't)
It's getting dark.
(I wanna go home)
This bike is a piece of ****!
(I can't ride worth ****)
I think I broke my arm.
(There's a little bruise on my arm and I don't want to ride anymore)
I'd jump that but I don't want to tweak my new rims.
(I'm too chicken to try)
This hill is easy.
(This trail's pretty tough but I'm gonna try and lose you on it)
That trail is boring.
(I know I can't make it)
Last one down is buying.
(I'll make you feel like a loser and get a free beer too!)
My bike was acting funny.
(Otherwise I would have whooped your butt!)
He's pretty good.
(I know I'm better than him)
He sucks!
(He's better than me)
That thing's a piece of ****.
(I wish I had one...)