Books, Movies, Music & Entertainment - The American Idol Thread

Here are my picks for the eventual top 3:

Elliot: That guy has so much soul. And how can you not cheer for a guy who wears an insulin pump and has 90% hearing loss in one ear.

Katharine: She has amazing vocal control - she hits all the right notes. Not to mention that she's really pretty - reminds me of Geena Davis but curvier.

Paris: So much confidence and stage presence for someone so young! She's so peppy and cute.

Taylor and Chris are also very good, but I don't know if either has enough broad appeal to make it to the top 3.

My predictions for eliminations tonight:

Either Kevin or Bucky. I like Kevin, but he's definitely out of his league now. And smart-talking Simon won't help him either. Bucky is also outclassed. Seems like a nice enough guy, but I think his performances the last few weeks have been lacking.

If you don't remember the names, check this link:
http://www.idolonfox.com/contestants/

Please don't tell me you don't watch the show - it's the highest rated show on TV now! It even pummelled the Olympics!

Please please NOOOOOOOO, this place is my escape from that f'n show. i dont even like seeing the title of this thread on here!

As soon as they announced Stevie Wonder night, I knew it was going to be a suckfest. Elliot was really boring. The Pickler was horrible. Kevin was rancid. I know people love him, but he needs to go. Bucky, on the other hand, was kinda good (and I can't stand him). Chris was all right. I've heard that version of "Higher Ground" before. Paris rocked it. Katherine was good. Mandisa (sp?) was just okay for me man, you know. Not her best performance. But she got up there and did her thing, dawg. Heh.

Maybe Taylor tonight. He's good, I guess, but watching him is like Joe Cocker doing an impression of Ray Charles. I'm tired of him.

The rest were forgettable.

Anyway, I think it's Kevin's time to say goodbye.

omg, mods please lock this thread

this is the weakest show on television!!! and that is saying a lot

lamest thread EVER

HEY! All you American Idol haters just stay out of this thread! :mad:
I'm pretty sure we can talk about anything entertainment in here :mad:

That said, I'm so glad someone started this thread. I almost did my self. The American Idol chatboards suc.
Its nice to come to a forum I enjoy, with members I like and respect(somewhat ;) )



The 4 boys and 4 girls I picked from hollywood week are in the top 12
I haven't watched this weeks episode yet

I see....
Taylor( hes a natural)
Kelly Pickler(shes just too adorable and has a great voice)
Ace or Chris( I actually think he could win, I agree with simon, hes the most contemporary)
Then Lisa or Paris

Its anyones game.
At least this year, the top 12 are talented.

So midgie, rjkresse, and I watch American Idol. I know a lot more of you do as well. After all it is the NUMBER 1 SHOW IN AMERICA!. So if you like it, don't be ashamed - let us know how you feel. Never mind the naysayers - it's a great show. Here are a few things that I like about the show:

1. It's a wholesome show that the whole family can watch together.
2. The singers are talented and many are very humble and likable.
3. The special guests are among the music business's elite (Stevie Wonder, Elton John, Gloria Estefan, Gladys Knight, to name a few)

Granted, there is a lot of fluff, but that's why your VCR or Tivo has a fast-forward button, right? ;)

That said, I should've guessed Melissa would be among the bottom contestants. After all, she forgot the lyrics! But Lisa and Ace in the bottom as well? That was a shocker. We'll see what happens next week.

I completely forgot about Melissa, and I wasn't terribly sad to see her go. She wasn't rancid, she was merely... feh. No big loss. Ace can go any time he'd like to. He said his hero was Justin Guarini. You have fun with that, Ace. Kevin can leave at any time. Taylor, like I said before, is doing an impression of Joe Cocker doing an impression of Ray Charles. His voice is good, but he needs to stop the Tourette's/St. Vitus thing he's got going on. Enough.

My pick for the top three are Chris, Paris, and Katherine. Though if Chris and Paris are smart, they'll take a dive and get themselves voted off.

And for all you who can't stand the show. You're right. It's dumb. It's great, but insanely dumb. And probably more fixed than my dog. Kinda like pro-wrestling, but with ballads. Simon and the producers know exactly who they want to win. Well, they probably have two or three in mind. The rest is just fun.

I totally forgot about Mandisa, she will probably be in the final 4.
That is, if America votes on talent.

I'd give a week's pay to see the singer from System of a Down screaming out the lyrics of Toxicity...just to see the shocked look on Paula's face would be priceless. The narrow focus of the types of music featured on the show is it's main weakness. No hip-hop, no real rock, no real country (don't even mention last year's winner), no jazz vocalists. The show seems exclusively geared to the type of music you would hear on any of the countless Mix format FM stations.

I'd give a week's pay to see the singer from System of a Down screaming out the lyrics of Toxicity...just to see the shocked look on Paula's face would be priceless.
That might be the thing to pierce the Vicodin and vodka haze she seems to be swimming in.

prior to this season I've never watched the show, never had any
desire to until a local radio show started to play the rejects, its better than
anything on Comedy Central. Where these people get the idea they can sing
is beyond me.
but somehow I find myself strangely compelled to watch. I dunno.

Lisa will either act more her age, stop singing whitney mommy loves this song
or she will leave next week.
Ace will turn it up a bit, give a smoldering look and the ladies will keep voting for
him, talent or not.
Kevin has maybe one more show.
Kelly is just so cutsie it about makes ya puke, however she will hang in
there until the final 4
Mandisa got pipes, choice of songs etc. unfortunately America's obsession with
thin will win out and she will be gone.
Paris also got pipes but I think the pressure gets to her and her penchant for
50's Billy Holiday songs moves her on.
Elliot makes a big comeback and stays to the final 2
Chris is good but I think he is a bit to "power singer" he will get tripped
up in the "ballad competition" (I made that up) but he did ok n the ford commercial
which brings me to Katherine who I think is gonna take the whole ball of
wax. Simon's been setting it up all along, shes attractive and cut from the
same cloth as Kelly Clarkson and alot of the other nondescript hygienic and
surgically scrubbed talent we have out there. Don't get me wrong, I think
she's good, but.

Marty

Well I finally got to watch stevie wonder night, I don't think anyone did a great job.
I'd have to aree with Randy "Stevie is not easy to do" Actually I'd say Stevie does his songs perfect, and you can't beat it, so they sounded Okay.

Wow, I guess I forgot about McFever. Katherine did a really good job.
And Taylor, Fab as always
If it were up to me, this is how it would go:

Taylor
Katherine
Mandisa
Chris
Kelli
Lisa
Ace
Elliot/Bucky
Paris
Kevin

For some reason, and I can't quite put my finger on it, this week the contestants were bad. My question is why? And I think the answer is that we are so used to listening to over-produced music that live performances of recent songs fall very flat. That's my theory. Not all of them were bad - well Bucky, Kellie, and Lisa were bad - but boring. And boring is about as big a sin as you can commit on television these days. (Note to Lisa: Don't sing Kelly Clarkson songs. Not on this show, or anywhere else. You've got a nice voice, but that's pretty much it.)

Even when they were good, they were dull. Mandisa seemed to give it her all on a gospel song, and I wanted to change the channel. Chris did a Creed song, and it nearly put me to sleep. (Note to the show: We get that Chris is a rocker, stop with the strobe lights. Thanks.) Elliot... still boring. Great singer, really dull performer. Paris. What happened to Paris this week? A weak, karaoke impersonation of Beyonce? That's all you have for us this week? Sad, sad, sad. Taylor was... I don't even remember Taylor's performance. And Katherine looked and sounded terrified.

And Ace sang something too. (Man, he looks like John Travolta and Greg Brady had a child) And at a poignant moment in the song, he showed us the scar on his chest. He literally opened up his shirt and showed America his chest scar. Looked kind of like a surgery scar. Does he have a weak ticker, a dickie heart as they used to say? No. He got it playing basketball. He fell on something. Dork.

I think Lisa is going tonight. I'm perfectly okay with that.

what did Eliot sing? I watched the whole show and can't remember.

'I Don't Want to Be,' by Gavin DeGraw. Bo Byce did it last season, too, but his was a 'rocker' version. Elliot's version was more soul/funk, in a way.

Yep, this week's show really stunk. But I can't freakin' believe that Ace got more votes than Katharine. OK, she had an off week, but she's been one of the most consistent performers. Ace just stinks, man. His song was like listening to Justin Timberlake do a Peter Lorre impression. "It was rather like a ghastly karaoke on a third-rate cruise ship." And Lisa had to go, but I was surprised that Bucky survived another week. All those red states must be pulling for Bucky and Pickler. Simon's right, Chris has got to get out of the headbanging rut -- he's way good, but all his songs are starting to sound the same.

Ace just stinks, man. His song was like listening to Justin Timberlake do a Peter Lorre impression.
Heh. More like Peter Lorre doing a Justin Timberlake impression. I think Ace has now aquired the 10-year-old girl vote from Kevin (poor, poor, Kevin... oh how the show mocked you, and you took it like such a brave Chicken Little). So he will be there for a while, scar and all.

I don't understand Bucky's appeal. I understand The Pickler's appeal, but she is dumber than a sack of hammers. And that's being rather insulting to sacks of hammers. "What's ballsy?" Oh come on. I get that she was raised on a farm, but no one, and I mean no one, in this mediated age gets to play the Turnip Truck card that much. It's called cable. Look into it.

The thing about Chris... last week Simon praised him for refusing to compromise and not 'selling out' (Ironic that he's on American Idol? Yes.), and Tuesday night Simon tells Chris 'let's see something different'. I don't think Chris is a one-note wonder (four notes, maybe) but he did what Simon told him to do. I'm afraid he'll attempt a Celine Dion song next week and strain his facial hair.

Katherine - step it up, please. You're the last contestant in this show with any potential for growth. None of them will get better. You might.

Man, I love this show.

I think Lisa is going tonight. I'm perfectly okay with that.Good call - she wasn't the most talented, but she is young and cute and I thought that might be enough to sustain her for a few more shows. Oh well...

If these guys want to get more votes, here's what they have to do:

Ace: Get a new haircut
Katherine: Show a little more skin
Mandisa: Don't wear pants again, ever
Taylor: Go back to what you do best, dance;)
Eliot and Paris: Don't change anything - both are just fine
Chris: Show a little more versatility. For your next song, try "Barbie Girl" by Aqua
Kelli and Bucky: Don't do anything. Just leave, please

Chris: Show a little more versatility. For your next song, try "Barbie Girl" by Aqua

:roflmao:
As long as Live did a version of it, he could handle it.

I don't understand Bucky's appeal. I understand The Pickler's appeal, but she is dumber than a sack of hammers. And that's being rather insulting to sacks of hammers. "What's ballsy?" Oh come on. I get that she was raised on a farm, but no one, and I mean no one, in this mediated age gets to play the Turnip Truck card that much. It's called cable. Look into it.
"What's ballsy?"
"A Manx? are you callin me a coat?"
"I never ate a vegetable"
Oh come one, apparently she never had much trouble finding hair dye , so I doubt she has never eaten a veggie.

Working in Bucky's home town. You'd never believe how ape**** these people went of his run on American Idol. Sure he has no real talent and his performances were mediocre (at best), but it was neat to see the region get behind something. Now he's coming back and they all think it's the 2nd coming of Jesus.

OK, it's starting to get exciting. My predictions for tonight's bottom 3: Kellie, Ace and Eliot. I'd like to see Kellie go, but I think it will be Ace (which is just fine by me). Speaking of Ace, he wore his hair slicked back in a bun. A BUN! WTF is the matter with this guy?

There was a moment on last night's show that made me laugh. Kellie (sporting a tight, low-cut shirt): You sure took a load off my chest!
Rod Stewart: :eek:

Cromulent, didn't you used to be rjkresse?

Here are my picks for the eventual top 3:

Elliot: That guy has so much soul. And how can you not cheer for a guy who wears an insulin pump and has 90% hearing loss in one ear.

Katharine: She has amazing vocal control - she hits all the right notes. Not to mention that she's really pretty - reminds me of Geena Davis but curvier.

Paris: So much confidence and stage presence for someone so young! She's so peppy and cute.

Taylor and Chris are also very good, but I don't know if either has enough broad appeal to make it to the top 3.

My predictions for eliminations tonight:

Either Kevin or Bucky. I like Kevin, but he's definitely out of his league now. And smart-talking Simon won't help him either. Bucky is also outclassed. Seems like a nice enough guy, but I think his performances the last few weeks have been lacking.

If you don't remember the names, check this link:
http://www.idolonfox.com/contestants/

Please don't tell me you don't watch the show - it's the highest rated show on TV now! It even pummelled the Olympics!I had to look up this thread again to see how my predictions for the top 3 panned out. 2 out of 3 - not bad, if I do say so myself;). The one I missed was Taylor - he's gotten really good. I still am rooting for Elliot.

I couldn't resist posting here when I saw this thread buried within the dregs of new posts..

It used to be that any night of the week the Taylor Hicks Band was playing somewhere here in town. Now the newspaper runs full page mugshots of the boy.

I wonder what makes Birmingham the home of the Idol- Rueben, Bo, and now Taylor.

All names for sandwiches.

And Chris is gone!!! Rocker Boy is stunned! America is stunned. Did you see the look on his face, his dead eyes willing Seacrest to burst into flames? You are only the chosen one until America gets bored with you, Chris.

So our choices are: Twitchy, Boring, and Katherine. Yikes.

Actually, and I hate to admit this, but Taylor was the most entertaining. He wasn't the best singer, mind you, but he was the most entertaining.

And I don't know if I was right about Katherine after all. I don't think she has grown much. I haven't been able to watch the whole show lately, but from the clips I see, she's not been great.

So who is gonna win, folks? I pick Taylor. Perhaps it's because the record execs will have no idea what to do with him, or maybe it's his 'drunk dad karaoke' style, but I pick Taylor. Come on, Twitchy!

Well I finally got to watch Stevie Wonder night.......
Wow, I guess I forgot about McFever. Katherine did a really good job.
And Taylor, Fab as always
If it were up to me, this is how it would go:

Taylor
Katherine
Mandisa
Chris

Well out of my top 4 I picked in March, I got one wrong.

I'm gonna stick with my top 2
And I gotta go with Taylor still for the win

And I gotta go with Taylor still for the win


Man, that guy looks like he's pinching a loaf every time he sings a lyric. He's the choice over at www.votefortheworst.com, by the way.

How the heck are they going to market this guy? That's the intriguing question. He's such a dweeb!

I think Elliott will be gone tonight. The judges all but sealed the deal with their fawning over Taylor's mediocre performances, and Clive Davis' horrible choice of "Open Arms".

<alien-voice>e-lee-utt</alien-voice>

My wife is getting really tired of me doing my best "E.T." impersonation when Elliot comes on. :o

I think Elliott will be gone tonight. The judges all but sealed the deal with their fawning over Taylor's mediocre performances, and Clive Davis' horrible choice of "Open Arms".
I got home from a group ride just in time to see Taylor doing a Joe Cocker song. The secret to being original, Taylor, is knowing how to hide your sources. I think Einstein said that, or something like it - though I'm pretty sure he didn't say it to Taylor. Anyway, out of the three that are left, Taylor is the best performer. The best singer left is Elliott.

I think Katherine is gone tonight. She was on the chopping block last week, and Elliott has got some dedicated fans out there.

Man, that guy looks like he's pinching a loaf every time he sings a lyric. He's the choice over at www.votefortheworst.com, by the way.

How the heck are they going to market this guy? That's the intriguing question. He's such a dweeb!

I don't know, how did they market Joe Cocker?
How did they market The Doobie Bros.?

Honestly I don't think you have to market talent
Hes got a great voice and natural talent. I loved to see a 70's cover album, but thats me.
I'll guarantee I'll buy his first CD. I've never bought any other winners or contestants cds

The best singer left is Elliott. I think Katherine is gone tonight. She was on the chopping block last week, and Elliott has got some dedicated fans out there.
Or Elliott's fan base fell apart faster than lepers on a tilt-o-whirl. What happened, Yaminians? Where did you go? :(

I don't know what I'm more disappointed in: the final two, or my complete inability to predict the final two. Bah.

Go, Twitchy.

What cracks me up is that the vote percentages were like 33.64% to 33.28% to 33.18%.

DUH! Open up phone lines for a limited time, knowing that all lines are going to be jammed from open to close and OF COURSE you're going to get a virtual dead heat in the voting. That's the idiocy of Idol voting.

My comments above about Taylor and his marketing were not aimed at his talent. The guy's obviously got something people connect with. For me, he's just hilarious to see. I guess it's his exuberance that leads him over the edge to just plain dorkiness when he starts chanting "Soul Patrol! Soul Patrol!" That said, I'm thinking he's going to win next week.

That Catharine is a cutie. If she wanted to twang up her voice a bit more, she could easily make it HUGE on the country music charts. There is a lot of room there for charming, attractive, talented singing women in that genre. She's got a sort of Sara Evans thing going on.

What cracks me up is that the vote percentages were like 33.64% to 33.28% to 33.18%.

DUH! Open up phone lines for a limited time, knowing that all lines are going to be jammed from open to close and OF COURSE you're going to get a virtual dead heat in the voting. That's the idiocy of Idol voting.

My comments above about Taylor and his marketing were not aimed at his talent. The guy's obviously got something people connect with. For me, he's just hilarious to see. I guess it's his exuberance that leads him over the edge to just plain dorkiness when he starts chanting "Soul Patrol! Soul Patrol!" That said, I'm thinking he's going to win next week.

That Catharine is a cutie. If she wanted to twang up her voice a bit more, she could easily make it HUGE on the country music charts. There is a lot of room there for charming, attractive, talented singing women in that genre.
I didn't know it was that close. So at least Elliot is no Michael Dukakis. That's good to know.

+1 on Catherine. She needs to hide in Nashville for about six months, get a makeover, make an album, and kick some butt on the Country charts.

I want Taylor to win now that I've stopped hating him - not hating him in an actual personal way, but hating him as an oafish, twitchy, affected collection of pixels on my televsion screen. He obviously loves to perform. He's good at it. And maybe, after all the AI contractual obligatory stuff, he can have a good career.

And you do have to market talent. You have to. Talent often finds a way (Kelly Clarkson), but it has to be marketed - otherwise it's hard to know it's there.

I think Catherine needs to stop trying to be Christina Agulera (sic).
Pickler is gonna be the country super star.
Taylor is going to cut another CD and tour with Michael McDonald
in a revival of the "Twin Sons of Different Mothers" tour.
Elliot will be seen in some smokey jazz club in NY (harlem?)
great voice inaccessable music.

Just watched the final perfomances.

Gotta stick with Taylor:D

Just watched the final perfomances.

Gotta stick with Taylor:DI think you're right, Taylor's going to take it tonight. He deserves it. Did you see the clip they showed of Taylor's first audition? Simon actually passed on him!

I'm going to Tivo tonight's show. Of the 2 hours, there will probably be only 20 minutes or so of truly watchable content.

Gotta stick with Taylor:D
And drunken karaoke dads everywhere rejoice. :D

I was rooting for Taylor until he screwed up "Levon", which is one of my all-time favorite Elton John songs. A horrible song choice for him. But he was better than Catherine. Poor girl. Runner up to a doughy, affected, sack of ****.

But we shall see tonight. Go, Twitchy! I would have voted for ya, if I could've gotten through.

I love this show! :D

I would have voted for ya, if I could've gotten through.


This is why the vote will be something like 50.0001% to 49.9999% for the winner.

They offer three lines per contestant for a limited window of opportunity knowing that millions of calls will be coming through. The lines will jam, basically being able to field the same amount of calls, resulting in very close vote total. :rolleyes: I guess it's the text-messaging masses that will make a difference. ;)

With that, Taylor will win this. As spazzy as he is, he's still more comfortable in the spotlight. He'd do better NOT to win tonight and be wrapped up in that constricting Idol winner's contract. Katharine would benefit from the handling that winning would afford her. She's not quite as spotlight-ready. Someone needs to coach her not to admit when things go wrong on stage (like when her ear-piece monitor failed and she had to go to the right key on her own). Professionals roll with those kind of punches and just make it seem seemless. I think she'll become more polished with time.

Anyway.... as you can tell, I watched it last night. The performances were fairly underwhelming. The 'judges' basically fawned all over Taylor the whole time.

Eh.... what the heck do I know? I sing like a cat getting its tail yanked.

Eh.... what the heck do I know? I sing like a cat getting its tail yanked.
Well... that's how Taylor dances.

You're right. Taylor is a much better performer. He looks like he loves being up there in front of a crowd.
But I think Taylor would be much better off with the win. Catherine, on the other hand, needs to be a country singer. She needs to stop, as lotek put it, trying to be Christina Aguilera and start trying to be Shania Twain. But I don't think the Idol people will bend her that way. They'll try to make her very Kelly Clarkson, which is not the way she needs to go. They'll probably have her lose weight and get all waify, but she doesn't need to lose weight. She needs to get dirty, get her heart broken, learn to ride a horse, and release a kick-ass country album.

Taylor knows who he is. He knows the music he loves to sing. The Idol people can't bend him, even though they'll try. He'll do much better because he'll roll with all the contractual obligitory crap, and then go do what he wants to do.

Catherine, on the other hand, needs to be a country singer. She needs to stop, as lotek put it, trying to be Christina Aguilera and start trying to be Shania Twain. But I don't think the Idol people will bend her that way. They'll try to make her very Kelly Clarkson, which is not the way she needs to go. They'll probably have her lose weight and get all waify, but she doesn't need to lose weight. She needs to get dirty, get her heart broken, learn to ride a horse, and release a kick-ass country album.


As I mentioned above, she's got a Sara Evans vibe about her. A little more earthy and vocally pure than Shania. Nothing against Shania, but her music is fairly manipulated and always sounds like Def Leppard circa 1991 ("Do you wanna get rocked??"). I guess that makes sense, though, since her husband is Mutt Lange.

You're right, though. They are going to doll Kat up and attempt to make her a pop diva. She's too "Aww, shucks!" for that....

Thank God it's over! We now return you to regularly scheduled life.

I think you're right, Taylor's going to take it tonight. He deserves it. Did you see the clip they showed of Taylor's first audition? Simon actually passed on him!

I'm going to Tivo tonight's show. Of the 2 hours, there will probably be only 20 minutes or so of truly watchable content.


:beer: Yeah Baby! Yeah Baby!:beer:
I picked Taylor from the auditions.

Simon said "No", and then said "Randy & Paula will never pass him thru to the final cut for the audience to vote." And thought they were cruel to get his hopes up, cuz they' will never put him into the final 24.

I loved the show! Entertaining, good music, Prince(what a suprise)



I was rooting for Taylor until he screwed up "Levon", which is one of my all-time favorite Elton John songs. A horrible song choice for him. But he was better than Catherine. Poor girl. Runner up to a doughy, affected, sack of ****.

:eek: I loved his version of Levon, which is also one of my favorite Elton songs.

:eek: I loved his version of Levon, which is also one of my favorite Elton songs.
Heh. Your TV must have better speakers than mine. :D I realized yesterday that it's Katherine with a 'K', not Catherine with a 'C', so shows you what I know.

All in all, that was a pretty cool final show. Except for the medleys (though oddly enough the Burt Bacharach medley was enjoyable), it was good. I hate medleys. Sing. Sing a song. Sing it loud. Sing it strong. Sing it all the way through. Stop. Sing another song. Repeat.

You know what else the final show needed? More talentless people over-willing to make asses of themselves on national television. Stop it, Seacrest. Stop it, Cowell. They were amusing for 15 seconds. Now they're not.

And speaking of talent, it actually took me a couple of beats to realize that it was actually Prince and not a rather convincing Prince impersonator. I just couldn't figure out what Prince could possibly be doing on my TV screen. And then I realized that this show has become it's own organism, a massive culture blob that eats everything, sucks everything into it's maw. Prince was good, though.

Meatloaf? Not so much.

Taylor... are there really members of the "Soul Patrol" out there all across the country out partying for you? At first I thought he was shouting "Soul Patrol" with bit of irony, just a bit. Like a fun, happy joke he's sharing with the rest of us. But really not. Meh. Have a good year, Twitchy. Enjoy. We'll be seeing your CDs in a Truck Stop discount bin soon enough.

Grade: B+

Until next season... T-tow. Er... Soul Patrol!

Its a good thing theres a truck-stop near me. Cuz I'll be there to get the cd.

Didn't you love the kid with Clay Akin? I thought that he was gonna drop. But that moment in his life...
He'll never forget it.Clay looked good as a brunett, but the cut needs some work.

Its a good thing theres a truck-stop near me. Cuz I'll be there to get the cd.

Didn't you love the kid with Clay Akin? I thought that he was gonna drop. But that moment in his life...
He'll never forget it.Clay looked good as a brunett, but the cut needs some work.
Clay is starting to look like Lindsey Lohan. But he sounded really good. Yes, the cut does need some work.

There were some really nice moments Wednesday night. All in all a good show.

I thought Clay did a very credible Liza Minelli imitation.

Brief AI update: Kellie "What's a ballsy?" Pickler was on the Tonight Show last night interviewing celebreties on the red carpet of the MTV movie awards. She was actually funny. I think the girl has got something.

And we're back! Bring it on, America! Bring us your weird, your tonedeaf, your freaks, and your fame*****s. Bring us those pitiful, self-deluded fools who believe they have talent because no one around them told them otherwise. And bring us your brilliant voices and your pop-music geniuses. Bring it on, Seacrest. Bring it on, Simon. Bring it on, Randy Jackson. Bring it on, Paula. Paula? Paula? We're over here.

For me the show doesn't really start until we're down to the top 24, but whatever. Ladies and gentlemen, we are back. Ain't it great?

Yeah, I watched some last night. I admit it!

Moment of the auditions was Simon egging on Randy to be rude to the guy who said he was a vocal coach, yet couldn't sing a lick. The guy even had a pitch-pipe! Randy telling the guy he shouldn't be a vocal coach if he couldn't sing. The guy countering that they were being mean to him because he was a vocal coach. Simon just laughing and egging them both on. Paula looking like a stoned lump as the world passes her by. Jewel. WTF?

I love the train wreck that is A.I. Fools thinking they are not going to get brutally beaten down after, what, five seasons of Simon and Randy being (brutally) honest with them. The joke auditions are not as much fun as the people who think they can sing, but can't. "But my boss flew me here because he likes the way I warble in the office!" Don't quit your day job, honey.