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03-22-06, 01:45 PM
Why not get even with humor? The idea is to use this as a repository for car jokes. I really am looking for the jokes that poke fun at cars, suv and driving.
I guess the wimpy jokes like this are ok:
What do you call a song sung in an automobile?
A cartoon.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?
An in-car-nation.
But this is more what I had in mind--
http://www.carbuyingtips.com/humor.htm
MUSTANG - Mostly Unwanted Scrap Tin And Needless Garbage
Found O.J. and Ron`s DNA
Firestone Overstates Reliability Data
HUMMER
Hope U Made Me Extra Reliable (Sent in by Roger Markowitz)
Huge Ugly Mother, Mostly Eats Resources
http://www.legal-forms-kit.com/legal-jokes/dumb-laws.html
Georgia
Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.
"It doesn't matter how much you paid for the car, they all look the same after the wreck." From a wise dad.
http://www.usaone.net/jokenet/jokes.asp?command=list&r=45
Title: Truck Driver VS Lawyers
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would
see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a
lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there
would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitch
hiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.
He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?".
"I"m going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I"ll give you a lift. Climb in the truck."
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver
continued down the road.
Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and
instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was
a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back
to the road, narrowly missing the lawyer. Even though he was certain
he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding
where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn"t
see anything, he turned to the priest and said,
"I"m sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."
"That"s okay," replied the priest. "I got him with the door."
Daylight savings kill motorists
http://www.weitzlux.com/news/cruelaprilfoolsjoke_2512.html
Sorry if this offends any blonds, we know that you are really smart. But this joke reminds us how much of a pain it is to have your car stolen.
http://www.amazinghumor.com/jokes/blondejokes/stolenmercedes.shtml
Blonde Jokes - Stolen Mercedes
Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes car to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"
"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"
"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"
http://www.sillyenglish.com/online/home.html
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
http://www.greenberg-art.com/.Toons/.Toons,%20Environ/qqxsgSUVhippos.gif
I guess the wimpy jokes like this are ok:
What do you call a song sung in an automobile?
A cartoon.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?
An in-car-nation.
But this is more what I had in mind--
http://www.carbuyingtips.com/humor.htm
MUSTANG - Mostly Unwanted Scrap Tin And Needless Garbage
Found O.J. and Ron`s DNA
Firestone Overstates Reliability Data
HUMMER
Hope U Made Me Extra Reliable (Sent in by Roger Markowitz)
Huge Ugly Mother, Mostly Eats Resources
http://www.legal-forms-kit.com/legal-jokes/dumb-laws.html
Georgia
Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.
"It doesn't matter how much you paid for the car, they all look the same after the wreck." From a wise dad.
http://www.usaone.net/jokenet/jokes.asp?command=list&r=45
Title: Truck Driver VS Lawyers
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would
see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a
lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there
would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitch
hiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.
He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?".
"I"m going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I"ll give you a lift. Climb in the truck."
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver
continued down the road.
Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and
instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was
a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back
to the road, narrowly missing the lawyer. Even though he was certain
he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding
where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn"t
see anything, he turned to the priest and said,
"I"m sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."
"That"s okay," replied the priest. "I got him with the door."
Daylight savings kill motorists
http://www.weitzlux.com/news/cruelaprilfoolsjoke_2512.html
Sorry if this offends any blonds, we know that you are really smart. But this joke reminds us how much of a pain it is to have your car stolen.
http://www.amazinghumor.com/jokes/blondejokes/stolenmercedes.shtml
Blonde Jokes - Stolen Mercedes
Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes car to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"
"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"
"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"
http://www.sillyenglish.com/online/home.html
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
http://www.greenberg-art.com/.Toons/.Toons,%20Environ/qqxsgSUVhippos.gif