Any hints on handling your own anger when someone driving a motorized vehicle cuts you off or endangers you in any way?
I have a short commute to work and since gas prices have gone up, I have enjoyed the admiration of quite a few people in cars. But, today, someone ignored my left turn hand signal, blared their horn non stop as she passed me, and passed by me so close I had to pull my arm back as she went by me. After yelling at her (informing her of the obvious by yelling "stupid") I just got pissed and followed her to her next stop which was a bank. She went inside as I was pulling up next to her car. I seriously considered going in and having some words with her, but a co-worker pulled up and calmed me down. The co-worker didn't see the incident, she just happened to be going to the bank to make the company deposit.
It usually takes a lot to piss me off, but inconsiderate or uninformed drivers shortens my fuse and makes me blow up. I really feel I need to get a hold of myself. Riding is pure enjoyment for me and I am thinking that this type thing angers me so easily because it comes out of nowhere and without warning, bursting my riding bubble. Usually, after it is over with and I've calmed down, I'm embarrassed by my actions and my attitude.
Anyway, like I said, I feel I need a "bicycle anger management class" or something.
How do you guys do it? Or, do you just accept it and roll with the punches?
The BikeForums Team
-adv-
This is an archived thread, you can find the full version of this thread, with images, links and more content here.
So do slogans. "How important is it?" is a good one.
And the adrenaline that sort of excitement gives you can be a boost. Sometimes you just gotta feel what you feel.
Just don't forget to pay attention on purpose to the other things. Doing that puts the bad things into perspective a little. Like for example, on my ride a see a pair of mallard ducks in the same spot each day. That makes me happy. I slow down and quack at them. Silly I know, but it seems to make all the ****e I put up with not so bad, you know?
nedgoudy
Dealing with Road Rage
is difficult, but I prefer
to blow off the incident
and try and forgive the
people for being young,
*******s, or troubled
human beings rather
than carry the fear, rage
and anger more than about
100 feet on the bike.
With practice you will find
it gets easier, but even today
I had a kid roll down a window
on a bigass truck and yell at
me to get off the road. And
after they passed, I gave the
guy the finger.
But I have come to an understanding
that I am not representing my safety
and wellbeing if I don't piss off 1 or 2
drivers with my BOLD but defensive
riding style. As I have said many times.
Rather than get run off the road by some
clown by me riding meekly in the gutter
and they run me into the curb, I leave
plenty of room to maneuver if I have
a lowboy truck with a Bulldozer or some
such pass me where I have to make a
life saving dive to the right to avoid being
hit by the butt end of the Bulldozer that
is riding on the lowboy! Does this sound
familiar to anyone? I have had that
'almost' happen several times in the
last two or three years and it scares
the **** out of me every time.
Ride Bold but Defensively and
ignore the donkeys that just
don't understand. AND, know
that you are doing the best thing
you can to protect your life.
We can't be responsible for
other peoples actions, and
getting angry and telling
them to F-off isn't going to
change their behavior, even
as much as we hope it really would.
Just my two cents,
but I feel your pain bud!
Eatadonut
I save up the anger for the rare treat of a driver ticking me off just before ending up in the lane next to me at a red light with his windows down. Then I start a yelling match. College students always rise to the occasion :D
jwc
Well, it has gotten better as gas prices went up. I've thought about writing an informative, not angry letter, to the local paper for their editorial page.
I don't know if it is coincidence or not, but a local TV station ran a piece last month about drivers sharing the road with cyclists. They interviewed the guys at my LBS and a DMV officer. The officer stated what most of us know, that a bicycle is considered a legal means of transportation on the road. He mentioned also that in our county, riding a bicycle on a sidewalk is illegal. After that ran, people seemed to be more considerate to my presence.
Of course two weeks ago, another station ran a piece about a cyclist getting hit by a car (injured, but not killed) and said the driver wouldn't be charged because the "cyclist was riding in traffic".
It is this kind of thing that I believe leads to much confusion for the average motorist. I wish I could remind myself of that possibility when "stuff" happens, but in the heat of the moment, it is forgotten.
I just have to learn to let it go I guess. I live in a very small town, hence the short commute to work. And eventually, I'm going to get PO'd at the wrong person and it will cost me my job or some photography business.
Blackberry
The art of knowing is knowing what to ignore.
--Rumi
Bockman
This seems like a perfect opportunity to have confronted her inside the bank and to use the loving phrase, "You're not so tough without your car, are you b&*$!"
jwc
This seems like a perfect opportunity to have confronted her inside the bank and to use the loving phrase, "You're not so tough without your car, are you b&*$!"
:D
Eriol
I have a mini airhorn zip tied to my handle bars. They blow their horn at me, I blow mine right back at them. (and mine's louder)
DataJunkie
When you figure it out let me know. Still working on that one.
The only thing that seems to help is not riding without a decent amount of sleep. That and being aware that my temper tends to flare up when I'm tired. Still, I have a redhead's temper.
Dchiefransom
I think I have a more jaded view of my fellow humans beings than many on here, and that most of the ones that do things intentionally near me on the road would have no problem with their conscience if they killed or maimed me, so I don't do anything more to piss them off.
sdd
I have a mini airhorn zip tied to my handle bars. They blow their horn at me, I blow mine right back at them. (and mine's louder)
+1
marcm
I like the airhorn suggestion :D. I mean you have plenty of cause to honk at them -- other than preventing collisions, that's what horns are for. At least they think so.
But I was going to say, try smiling or laughing at them. Maybe easier said than done, but try it. First of all, you're presumably enjoying your ride, they're obviously not enjoying theirs. Second of all, no one likes to be laughed at, and it might make them uncomfortable. Plus, random acts of kindness. What's the harm? Yelling back isn't going to do any good, you might as well surprise them.
Of course, if their behavior was reckless/dangerous, get their license number and report it.
Just my uninformed two cents.
cyclezealot
Drastically reduce one's driving. When car commuting is an inefficient means of transport , anger is the result. I prefer watching the loonies from the bike lane. Cycling one of the best means of controlling anger.
Az B
After a while, the idiot behaviour is expected. When it's expected, it's less likely to piss you off, and good driving can actually make your day.
When we were younger we used to try to teach people. First, through reason and logic. (It didn't work then, and if anything there's a lot less of it around now) Then violence. I've broken my fair share of rear view mirrors and gotten into a couple of fights. But that was back in the day when men fought like men. These days people will simply shoot you for looking at them wrong.
Now it just rolls off my back. I mean, it's truly disgusting that almost 43000 people have to die by car every year in this country, but there's very little I can do to stop the carnage. So I enjoy my ride and my time.
Az
jwc
All good suggestions and I appreciate them.
I really like the horn idea. It sends a message without my verbal rendering. I'm going to look for one today.
KnhoJ
I've had my own trouble with this. For me, responding to anger feeds it and makes an angry response more likely next time. It would build up over months and eventually anything would set it off.
I think that anger is addictive. What Illicit Substance could give that much of a rush? (I'm sure there are a few...) And it's always there, you can't just put it down and walk away from it. It takes a long time to learn to not press that mental button. What worked for me was to simply not respond. It just feels like doing something inhumanly wrong for a while. That's what got me thinking of anger as addictive. It seems like the worst mistake to not go after someone, hit or throw something, swear profusely, or just stoke the fire internally without physical response; while any response to that anger feeds it, makes it stronger: And that's one hell of a rush. It wasn't the getting even that was the real motivator to act, it was the craving for more adrenaline.
Not feeding that anger in any way seems pretty stupid for a while, but gets easier with time. Eventually it becomes a habit, and anger becomes your tool, to use or discard as you see fit.
aadhils
Get a large beam like block. Then get a hammer. When you need to, bash the block with a hammer untill you feel better...
p.s. make sure the hammer has a steel handle, not a wooden one...
edit: p.p.s make sure it's a large construction hammer, not a small carpentry hammer...
Da Tinker
FIDO - Forget It & Drive On
At least, that's what I preach in driving classes. I try to ask myself if the idiot of the moment is truly significant in my life. I may yell & gesture, even give chase on occasion, but often just laugh at the fool.
Having said that, I tend towards a light-hearted approach to life, laid back where I can be, but laser intense on stuff that truly matters.
Does that fool truly matter?
-=Łem in Pa=-
The art of knowing is knowing what to ignore.
--Rumi
^^^ ++++
It was a long process for me not to lose my composure and vent to people
but years and realizing that venting only makes me feel worse the whole
day has taught me to just let go. On my commute I know there are two
places that are custom made for confrontation if the circumstances are right.
Armed with this information I determined I am NOT going to fight for my right-of-way
just to ruin the rest of my day. I yield, cars blaze by me...everything is OK.
3 seconds well spent. There is almost no realistic situation I can think of that would
require confronting a cager simply because over time I know what to avoid and am
perfectly happy to take the few extra seconds. It makes my riding so much more enjoyable
and less complicated to be the one to take the necassary measures not to engage an imbicile
in a car, or in my areas case, a hillbilly in a bigfeet truck. Its strange that people in such a hurry
can always find the time to stop and take time out of thier life they will never get back on
mindless violence and aggression. Go figure :rolleyes:
SamHouston
My personal no harm, no foul rule is easy to interpret. No Harm, No Foul. Close calls don't count, ever.
1. Insults from strangers? Like I care for the opinions of people that insult strangers. Honking, etc included. If I don't know you your information is worthless.
2. Passing too close? If I ain't struck it ain't close enough to call foul.
3. Jaywalkers stepping in front of me? They may be frightened, but unless they are children or elderly my course will be the fastest available, if they aren't hurt any complaints are covered under rule #1. Startled isn't hurt. I respect all crosswalks if it makes them feel better, I've never stayed to find out.
4. Cut off? Occasionally, but almost never un recoverably, I don't know why. Obstacles are all the same no matter their appearance or proximity. Just moving objects, not friends or enemies.
5. Observing others being endangered, I may slow/stop to observe longer, memorize a plate, help & place a call if anyone is -actually- hurt. Other peoples safety is the same as mine, No harm, no foul, doesn't matter in the least how the feel about it, see rule #1.
6. Intentionally targeted? Think like a member of a peaceful society or, failing that, a cop (only as applied their observational skills, don't ACT like one, think like one). Just business, get what information you can, pass it along. Vigilantism is for chumps and I'm no chump. Revenge is for the short-sighted, not me. On the few occasions it's come to physical violence I've considered it some failure on my part to escape the situation, not that I'd pull punches at that point.
No harm, No foul + discipline.
As long as I'm on my meds :)
Roody
I've been working at this my whole life with varying degrees of success. One thing that's helping is to recit a little mantra I read somewhere:
"Not me, not mine, only this."
PaulH
Drastically reduce one's driving. When car commuting is an inefficient means of transport , anger is the result. I prefer watching the loonies from the bike lane. Cycling one of the best means of controlling anger.
This is a good point. In many congested areas, cycling (even with the bad motorists) is simply more convenient and less stressful than driving.
As a motorist, you have the alternatives of swallowing your anger or giving in to road rage. Neither is good for you or society.
As a cyclist, you have the additional option of using that anger on the next hill. Not only is cycling less stressful than driving , but you are able to dispace your anger in constructive ways.
If the behavior that you have witnessed is truly dangerous, take down the plate number and make a complaint. More effective than chasing the driver down and more likely to improve safety for all road users.
Paul
Mars
I try to think of the traffic like the weather. I also tend not to look in cars at teh people and think of them as objects to maneuver around. The actions of inanimate objects therefore doesn't anger me. I don't like bad weather, but getting angry doen't change anything.
horsec8z
unless they are really trying to kill me, (you know the ones, they really go for you) I usually let it go or come up with something Flipant. ie; a Really angry man who was using his car as a means of expression, drove up along side me and yelled "F**K you B*tch. to which I quickly replied, "Not now dear, I have a headache". He laughed. It eased the tension quickly.
caloso
Ask your doctor if Paxil is right for you.
Redrom
I chased down some jerk that cut me off and he pulled a gun on me. That cured me. Think of me next time you feel the urge.
yes
My personal no harm, no foul rule is easy to interpret. No Harm, No Foul. Close calls don't count, ever.
...
Vigilantism is for chumps and I'm no chump. Revenge is for the short-sighted, not me. On the few occasions it's come to physical violence I've considered it some failure on my part to escape the situation, not that I'd pull punches at that point.
I don't really agree w/ the no harm no foul thing. Most drivers are fine, but plenty are intentionally jerks. I call foul on quite a few, but I completely agree w/ the other part. Vigilantism is for chumps, and revenge is short sighted.
When I started reading this forum, it vastly increased my anger and frustration on the road. I didn't like that feeling. Since then, I've stepped back, and things went back to normal. Don't know if it is that way for you, but just focus on what you love about biking. Try to improve your defensive biking skills and call it a day.
SirMike1983
The more they honk, the closer they follow, the slower I go... I can have that old Raleigh down to a saunter in no time...
Okay but the best way to lessen road rage is to leave early and take your time. In the subway, in cars, on a bike, rushing causes many accidents and makes people touchy. I usually leave early and allow for extra time and am in no rush. If I lose a couple minutes here or there, no big deal since there's plenty of time to get there. The biggest jerks that I've encountered are usually rushing to get somewhere because they waited to leave till the last minute.
SamHouston
I don't really agree w/ the no harm no foul thing. Most drivers are fine, but plenty are intentionally jerks. I call foul on quite a few, but I completely agree w/ the other part. Vigilantism is for chumps, and revenge is short sighted.
When I started reading this forum, it vastly increased my anger and frustration on the road. I didn't like that feeling. Since then, I've stepped back, and things went back to normal. Don't know if it is that way for you, but just focus on what you love about biking. Try to improve your defensive biking skills and call it a day.
You're absolutely right that many can be jerks intentionally, when I started out I wasn't near as unconfrontational as I am now, took a year or more and developed into second nature over a longer period. The reason my approach is so severe is its intended application. Working as a messenger for 12 years of daily gridlock 8-12 hours a day, the occasion to react to injustice of any sort would appear so frequently that my odds of coming home to my woman unharmed & okay with my day could be lessened a great deal without that approach.
SlowSpinner
Many good points from this disscussion. I have been trying to use my anger from ignorant motors and jerks to just ride faster. I still have a problem with young teens throwing a coke can at me.
bkaapcke
I had explosive rage for years which came from nowhere, was way out of proportion to the problem and generally subsided in 15 minutes. I often wondered "where did that come from because the time between being a little miffed and "goin nuclear" was about 10 seconds. It turns out, I had undiagnosed food allergies, big time. The rage came when an overwhelming immune response occurred. This could happen anywhere from 2 hours to a week after eating the no-no foods. Now that I understand the problem, there are waa-ay less problems. Get checked out.
DigitalQuirk
Ignoring those who are trying to aggrivate you is the best, because the message it sends to them is that you believe you're above their petty ire. One time, I pulled in to a gas station from a different entrance than that which many others were lined up from. This got me to a pump a bit quicker than I would've had I lined up at the other entrance. One guy started in on me about how he saw what I did and why I came in what he deemed to be the "Exit"; even though the way I came in was off a different street and was both an entrance and an exit. Experience has taught me that agruing with such people is fruitless. Ignoring him wouldn't stop his ranting either, so I turned to him, looked him in the eye and said:
"Did it p!ss you off?"
"Well, yeah, it did" was his response. To which I simply replied with a large grin, "Good."
Anything he said after that simply didn't matter. I had won without getting the least bit angry in response.
Bikepacker67
I have a mini airhorn zip tied to my handle bars. They blow their horn at me, I blow mine right back at them. (and mine's louder)
I love my Air Zound...
When I see a vehicle trying to pass me too close, or a side-streeter about to cut me off, a quick burst of 120dB stops them in their tracks
jwc
Well, I'm going to make a concerted effort to curb my anger/frustration.
Failing that, I'm getting the air horn!
But, I do feel better knowing it isn't just me and that others have gone through this.
I do feel that some of my anger isn't really directed toward the person in the car, as much as it is at their lack of knowledge and who's to blame for that. My fifteen year old just went through driver's ed and I asked her if they covered bicycles at all. The answer: NO.
I guess me directing my anger at the driver is really directing it in the wrong direction.
Evaristus
Hahahaha... I love the airhorn idea.
I used to have some pretty serious road rage on a daily basis owing to the extremely irritating conditions around where I bike in my city, but after one morning that I exploded in anger following a particularly aggravating run-in with a bus (in addition to other stuff) that cut me off no less than three times in 5 minutes, I realized I needed to do something different. But sometimes it's still hard to keep the sledgehammer-through-the-windshield fantasy at bay. :D
randya
I'd like to go along with Sam (post #21) but sometimes the motorist misbehavior is just too egregious... IMO, best thing is to get all the info you can and report it to a friendly community officer who will look the car owner up and give them a nice warning chat over the phone. Better than a confrontation in the street. You have to be able to describe the driver as well as the vehicle to make it stick, though, so get a good look! Cell phone cameras and what not are good tools to have with you.
randya
The more they honk, the closer they follow, the slower I go... I can have that old Raleigh down to a saunter in no time...
Okay but the best way to lessen road rage is to leave early and take your time. In the subway, in cars, on a bike, rushing causes many accidents and makes people touchy. I usually leave early and allow for extra time and am in no rush. If I lose a couple minutes here or there, no big deal since there's plenty of time to get there. The biggest jerks that I've encountered are usually rushing to get somewhere because they waited to leave till the last minute.
+1, except I have a flex schedule that allows me to arrive late and leave late. Between 9 and 10 am and after 6:00 pm are much better times to commute than during the peak hours.
chephy
What bothers me the most when I am on a bike is the prevailing ignorance and the resulting hostility. In a car, if some jerk cuts you off or so, at least you know he is just that - a jerk - who hopefully will soon be caught by the police for pulling crazy stunts. When a driver does something bad to me when I'm on a bike, the worst part is when they behave afterwards as if I were in the wrong ("You should be on the sidewalk!", "You are blocking traffic, a**hole!", "You are nuts for riding on this road!", "WTF, bikes are supposed to wait!"). That REALLY gets me.
I don't really have a good way of dealing with that. :( One thing I try is yelling obscenities - but not very loudly and in a foreign language. :) I feel very satisfied calling them the worst names I know - and I am not really escalating the conflict because they don't even understand what I'm saying. I figure they can guess from the tone of voice though, if they hear anything at all. :D
jimmay
Remember, if they honk at you, or yell at you, they can see you. Remember that you're more likely to be hit by someone who can't see you, so be glad. And if they think you shouldn't be on the road, or in traffic (you are traffic), then that is their opinion and their problem. Not yours.
Daily Commute
Smile and wave at the jerks. It generally disarms or confuses them. It also shows them they didn't get to you. Most importantly, it doesn't ruin the rest of your ride.
I wish I could say that I always do this during my rides, but it's generally the smartest response.
banerjek
After a while, the idiot behaviour is expected. When it's expected, it's less likely to piss you off, and good driving can actually make your day.
+1. Note that keeping an eye on your mirrors can help clue you into who is likely to be aggressive/clueless. The adrenaline is more likely to get out of control if you're taken by surprise.
Life is much more pleasant if you can come to terms with your environment. It is counterproductive to engage the idiots that honk and yell at you. They want to tick you off or scare you, so the best way to deal with the situation is to deny them the satisfaction of knowing that they got to you.
Just as barking at dogs is futile, so is yelling at morons.
randya
'Do not engage' is typically a good policy.
billh
Any hints on handling your own anger when someone driving a motorized vehicle cuts you off or endangers you in any way?
. . .
Anyway, like I said, I feel I need a "bicycle anger management class" or something.
How do you guys do it? Or, do you just accept it and roll with the punches?
Therapy? Know that you are not alone. Really, it's a great question. I've been commuting daily for 11 years now. It was a real shocker when I realized some people seemed to show little care for my life. I was angry for perhaps the first 5 years of commuting. It was a real eye-opener on humanity. I guess I had lived a sheltered life until then. In my commuting life, I have been insulted verbally with every conceivable word and phrase, assaulted by a maniac wielding screwdrivers, had various items thrown at me, been struck by a broom from a school bus window, hit by a lady in a jeep who claimed my bright yellow jacket "blended in with the fall foliage", and that's all that comes to mind at the moment. I still get angry sometimes, but I just have to talk myself down and shrug it off. I have come to expect it so it is not such a surprise. I've also learned that yelling back or attempting to communicate with the offender does not help. Sometimes, though, after the driver has passed, I just have to yell the primal scream "F*** Y**". That seems to help every once in awhile. :)
banerjek
...Sometimes, though, after the driver has passed, I just have to yell the primal scream "F*** Y**". That seems to help every once in awhile. :)
Don't wait too long. If anyone sees you screaming and has no idea why, you'll instantly be labeled as a total wacko :D
genec
Don't wait too long. If anyone sees you screaming and has no idea why, you'll instantly be labeled as a total wacko :D