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06-24-06, 10:37 PM
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day,
when you just need to take it out
on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone
you know, take it out on
someone you DON'T know!!!
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I
remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the
number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying,
"Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin
and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly
the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe
that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down
Robin's correct number and called her. She had
transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After
I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number
still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it
again. When the same person once more answered, I
yelled "You're a jackass!", and hung up. Next to his
phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it
in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was
paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him
up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!"
It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the phone company introduced
caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me,
I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one
day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard
his voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is
the sales office of the telephone company and I'm
just calling to see if you're familiar with our
caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the
phone down. I quickly called him back and said,
"That's because you're a jackass!" The reason I
took the time to tell you this story, is to show
you how if there's ever anything really bothering
you, you can do something about it. Just dial
823-4863.
PART 2
The old lady at the mall really took her time
pulling out of the parking lot at a snail's pace.
I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally,
her car began to move and she started to very slowly
back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to
give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought,
she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black
Camaro comes flying up the parking isle in the wrong
direction and pulls into her space. I started
honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that,
Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his
Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the
mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to
myself, this guy's a jackass, there sure a lot of
jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale"
sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the
number. Then I hunted for another place to park. A
couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk.
I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863
and yelling, "You're a jackass!" (It's really easy to
call him now since I have his number on speed dial.)
I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black
Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call
this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered
the phone and said,"Hello." I said, "Is this the man
with the black Camaro for sale?" "Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow
house and the car's parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?" "My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?""I'm home in
the evenings." "Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes." "Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the
phone down. After I hung up I added Don Hansen's
number to my speed dialer. For a while things seemed
to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem
I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several
months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on
them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
I gave the problem some serious thought and came
up with a solution:
First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered
nicely saying, "Hello." I yelled "You're a jackass!",
but I didn't hang up. The jackass said, "Are you still
there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
He said, "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black
Camaro's parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start
saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.
Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your butt."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right
now Jackass!" And I hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police.
I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that
I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got
home. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang
war going on down W. 34th Street. After that I climbed
into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch
the whole thing. Glorious!
Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each
other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter
was one of the greatest experiences of my life! Then
I watched it again on the news that evening and
countless times since. It has yet to get old and
hasn't failed to cheer me up yet.
(Name withheld to protect the guilty.)
when you just need to take it out
on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone
you know, take it out on
someone you DON'T know!!!
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I
remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the
number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying,
"Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin
and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly
the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe
that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down
Robin's correct number and called her. She had
transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After
I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number
still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it
again. When the same person once more answered, I
yelled "You're a jackass!", and hung up. Next to his
phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it
in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was
paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him
up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!"
It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the phone company introduced
caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me,
I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one
day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard
his voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is
the sales office of the telephone company and I'm
just calling to see if you're familiar with our
caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the
phone down. I quickly called him back and said,
"That's because you're a jackass!" The reason I
took the time to tell you this story, is to show
you how if there's ever anything really bothering
you, you can do something about it. Just dial
823-4863.
PART 2
The old lady at the mall really took her time
pulling out of the parking lot at a snail's pace.
I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally,
her car began to move and she started to very slowly
back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to
give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought,
she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black
Camaro comes flying up the parking isle in the wrong
direction and pulls into her space. I started
honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that,
Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his
Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the
mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to
myself, this guy's a jackass, there sure a lot of
jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale"
sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the
number. Then I hunted for another place to park. A
couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk.
I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863
and yelling, "You're a jackass!" (It's really easy to
call him now since I have his number on speed dial.)
I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black
Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call
this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered
the phone and said,"Hello." I said, "Is this the man
with the black Camaro for sale?" "Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow
house and the car's parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?" "My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?""I'm home in
the evenings." "Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes." "Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the
phone down. After I hung up I added Don Hansen's
number to my speed dialer. For a while things seemed
to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem
I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several
months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on
them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
I gave the problem some serious thought and came
up with a solution:
First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered
nicely saying, "Hello." I yelled "You're a jackass!",
but I didn't hang up. The jackass said, "Are you still
there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
He said, "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black
Camaro's parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start
saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.
Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your butt."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right
now Jackass!" And I hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police.
I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that
I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got
home. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang
war going on down W. 34th Street. After that I climbed
into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch
the whole thing. Glorious!
Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each
other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter
was one of the greatest experiences of my life! Then
I watched it again on the news that evening and
countless times since. It has yet to get old and
hasn't failed to cheer me up yet.
(Name withheld to protect the guilty.)