Professional Cycling - Bf Team Presentation!

The Bikeforums.net/Yugo/Ovaltine/Coleman/Presented by Bikesdirect Tour de France squad was presented last night to an unsuspecting public at the classy Landing Strip Club near the Austin Bergstrom International Airport prior to its departure for Strasbourg, France, in search of glory and vindication for clean-livers and Ovaltine-drinkers everywhere. Directeur Sportif Veloduo and local celebrity and bon vivant Leslie introduced the riders in the parking lot because the bouncers wouldn't allow these miscreants...er...athletes on-stage with any of the talent.

Undeterred, the riders, in their radical new retro-look woolen uniforms, posed for photographs, which were kindly snapped by members of Austin's finest after they were summoned by the club management (see below).

DS Veloduo stated unequivocally that the team had little ambition for overall GC success, leaving those crumbs to the dopers and cheaters, the "professionals" as he sneeringly referred to them. Rather, he said, BF/Yugo/Ovaltine would be shooting for individual stage honors and plenty of face time on OLN. All-rounder El Diablo Rojo summed it up when he said,"If we can get within a mile of Ivan Basso's sister, the whole effort will have been worthwhile." Teammate Ravenmore chimed in: "We'll be happy if a podium babe even looks in our direction."

Bikeforums.net/Yugo/Ovaltine/Coleman/Presented by Bikesdirect riders for the 2006 Tour de France: Cypress, Cromulent, Merlinextralight, domestique, Vinokurtov, lotek, Snicklefritz, Ravenmore, and El Diablo Rojo.

Look for (more or less) daily reports of the progress of Team Bikeforums.net at this year's Tour de France right here.

:roflmao:

Hey! I'm on a team! Sweet. I vow to blow up in the mountains, crack on the flats, and crash on the descents. I'm an all-rounder that way.

The coaches selected you precisely because of your diverse talents. That, and the fact that there was at least a RUMOR that you still had some cushion left on one of your credit cards...

Vinokurtov has promised to live up to his reputation and 'Attack Attack Attack'. Although I was concerned when he produced a 9mm Beretta and an Uzi when he said that. BTW how 'bout the 'entertainment' at the Landing Strip! Now that's what I call a presentation!

The coaches selected you precisely because of your diverse talents. That, and the fact that there was at least a RUMOR that you still had some cushion left on one of your credit cards...
And I can carry four water bottles between my ears.

Is team BF repalcing Wurth/Astana at the TdF?

Is team BF repalcing Wurth/Astana at the TdF?

Absolutely! They only THOUGHT they were scraping the bottom of the barrel with Agritubel. ASO was also getting quite annoyed at all the money that was being made by companies capitalizing on the randonee market, so they thought they'd kill several birds with one stone...

BTW, flythebike, you are still being considered for a spot on the Vuelta squad...assuming there IS a Vuelta after 99% of the Spaniards are banned from competition.

I call dibs on lantern Rouge . . .
And I anxiously await the chance to be interviewed by
either Kirsten Gum or Bobke, either one would "be a hoot"*

*texas slang for be a hoot

:roflmao:

Hey! I'm on a team! Sweet. I vow to blow up in the mountains, crack on the flats, and crash on the descents. I'm an all-rounder that way.


Thief! That was supposed to be my line!

Got my bags packed. To cromulent's vow, I add that I promise to puke at the end of each TT, providing a slick road surface for everyone that follows. hehe :D

Thief! That was supposed to be my line!

Got my bags packed. To cromulent's vow, I add that I promise to puke at the end of each TT, providing a slick road surface for everyone that follows. hehe :D

Unfortunately, El Diab's insistence on Swiss milk for the Ovaltine in the bidons came a cropper, and the promoters are forcing us to use French milk (something to do with E.U. trade regulations), so I don't think post-TT regurgitation will present any kind of difficulty whatsoever.

NOTE TO TEAM: the deal on the bus we had planned to purchase fell through, so we're lining up some alternates. Let me know which one you prefer. See choices below. BTW, we can get a pretty good price on the last one...

I vote for the 'Central Texas Microcar Club' bus. If those guys are half as motivated as I think they are, they can be our mechanics and soigneurs.

The word has gotten out! Last-minute equipment providers are lining up to kit us out gratis. Of course, Team communications will be handled by our title sponsor, Bikeforums.net.

Support vehicles have been provided by Yugo (see below).

Recovery drinks are being provided by Ovaltine, of course.

Tents, coolers, propane camp stoves, and sleeping bags courtesy of Coleman.

Team bicycles (full-carbon Windsor Falkirks for the road stages, Mojobecane TT bikes) provided by the evil online retailer in Houston.

Componentry will be whatever they've got in the parts bin (subject to change/re-speccing without notice).

Tires provided by these guys: http://www.bikemania.biz/Airless_No_Flat_Bicycle_Tires_s/173.htm

Helmets by WRONG.

No one wears a thing until I approve for the team.
I better be there with you guys as Team Coordinator.

You got any of those ac outlet adapters? You're in.

"in," Of Course, Being A Figure Of Speech Meaning "in." Whereas Will Will Actually Be "out," As In "under Canvas." We're Already About Five To A Tent, But If You Want To Squeeze On In, We'd Love To Have You. "love," Of Course, Being A Euphemism For "like."

We Might Be Able To Tap Into An Outlet In Some German Fan's Trailer Or Something, As Long As You Can Bring One Of Those Adapter Dealies. Lotek's Bringing The Extension Cord. That Way We Can Maybe Watch Ourselves On Eurovision Around The Coleman Stove Each Night.

BF better work out these technical glitches or we may be jumping to cyclingforums.com!

Given that I work for a Pharma company, I'll be right behind you all with a bag of pills, a nice big needle to keep you going, and some old skool Billy Whizz.

I vote for the 'Central Texas Microcar Club' bus. If those guys are half as motivated as I think they are, they can be our mechanics and soigneurs.

Yes, I think those guys appear to be about half as motivated as you think they are...

Given that I work for a Pharma company, I'll be right behined you all with a bag of pills, a nice big needle to keep you going, and some old skool Billy Whizz.

Where have you been?! You're riding in the FRONT seat of the lead Yugo...as soon as we can find a front seat.

The word has gotten out! Last-minute equipment providers are lining up to kit us out gratis. Of course, Team communications will be handled by our title sponsor, Bikeforums.net.

Support vehicles have been provided by Yugo (see below).

Recovery drinks are being provided by Ovaltine, of course.

Tents, coolers, propane camp stoves, and sleeping bags courtesy of Coleman.

Team bicycles (full-carbon Windsor Falkirks for the road stages, Mojobecane TT bikes) provided by the evil online retailer in Houston.

Componentry will be whatever they've got in the parts bin (subject to change/re-speccing without notice).

Tires provided by these guys: http://www.bikemania.biz/Airless_No_Flat_Bicycle_Tires_s/173.htm

Helmets by WRONG.


Vino want to ride own equipment. OK for Axel ok for Vino. Racing is hard. Bike is good. Attack. Bring doughnuts for Jan. Ok?

Who's the apperal supplier?

Who's the apperal supplier?


I found a good supplier just the other side of the border near El Paso. He carries all the best stuff. Oaklee sunglasses. Cee-dee Shoes. Kastelly jerseys and bibs. He also said that he could hook us up with the latest DVD's and CD....even before they come out!!!

I found a good supplier just the other side of the border near El Paso. He carries all the best stuff. Oaklee sunglasses. Cee-dee Shoes. Kastelly jerseys and bibs. He also said that he could hook us up with the latest DVD's and CD....even before they come out!!!

Vino would like Soni Playstation.

I'm trying to decide between the rusty VW and the microcar bus. tough choice!

Vino want to ride own equipment. OK for Axel ok for Vino. Racing is hard. Bike is good. Attack. Bring doughnuts for Jan. Ok?

Far be it from us here on BF/Yugo/Ovaltine to be pi$$y about what somebody rides or what color socks he has on -- or even if he WEARS socks. I mean, we may all give each other ___t about each other's bikes/helmets/jerseys/wheels/shoes/wives/girlfriends/diets/hometowns/tastes in music, but on the road, we ride as ONE. I'm fairly confident that you'll be seeing a variety of equipment used by all members of the team, particularly as the days wear on and we begin to experience mishaps and equipment failures. Because the Yugos don't have a lot of room for spares, we may find ourselves forced to, um, "scavenge" for replacement parts...and even bikes.

And another thing, Vino: if you manage to get in a break, I GUARANTEE nobody on this team is gonna chase you down...

I found a good supplier just the other side of the border near El Paso. He carries all the best stuff. Oaklee sunglasses. Cee-dee Shoes. Kastelly jerseys and bibs. He also said that he could hook us up with the latest DVD's and CD....even before they come out!!!

Hey, Diab! That's the same guy I gave the passports to! Said he'd take care of all our immigration needs. Didn't even accept a fee! What a nice guy...

Just want to make sure everyone is aware that GuitarWizard is ultimately responsible for this whole disas...er...fiasc...um...trag...uh...effort. He's kind of our Jim Ochowicz, if you will. This was HIS idea, and the State Department should come after HIS a__...um...speak with him if BF/Yugo/Ovaltine or any of its fans cause an international incident.

GuitWiz's latest brainstorm is to have BF/Yugo/Ovaltine raise funds through subscription, along the lines of Toyota/U.S. Pro. GW asks that interested subscribers write their particulars on the back of new, unmarked $20 bills and send them to GuitarWizard, c/o BF/Yugo/Ovaltine/Coleman/Presented by BikesDirect Cycling Team, Finance Office, Willimantic, CT.

By no means has GuitWiz retired from competition. No! It's just that he's more of a Classics guy...

I've got a line on this bus (you're either on the bus or off the bus)
and its got build in training routines (plenty of LSD).


and driven by Neal Cassady

Nifty bus, lotek. That's perfect.

I'm thinking that the whole 'one leader' strategy is so five minutes ago. And we've seen that having three leaders doesn't work so good. So it's time to think outside the box, and then think outside the box that box is in, leaving us in an entirely different thought box.

We could all be leaders. We could lead ourselves out, we could pace ourselves up the mountains, we could cover our own breakaways. And so on. But I'm not sure who that leaves to go back and get bidons and stuff.

So let's have no leaders. No one goes for the win unless we all go for the win. Cool, yeah? I'm feeling pretty confident in this strategy. It's edgy, it's hip, and it's kind of post-modern, in a way.

And then we're all winners. They'll just have to make more platforms on the podium.

From the looks of lotek's bus -- and all those people on top of it -- somebody on board oughta be able to give us plenty of tips on thinking outside the box that encloses all the boxes we're supposed to be thinking outside of. Open up our doors of perception, as it were. Break on through to the other side. You know, kaleidoscope eyes, and all that. Hey, guys, just try to keep all this under your cabbage leaves for the time being...and watch what you say around any of the wives. MacMan says he can hook us up with whatever kinds of perception expanding substances (PES's) we might need.

I like Cromulent's insights regarding tactics -- we are a squad made up of leaders -- especially because it ain't gonna make a s___'s worth of difference in the end. They can jack Der Jan, Ivan, Vino, and whoever else they want out of the race and some neopro Belgian punk will still manage to smoke us.

But you never know...

Hey, guys! While packing the Yugo in the parking lot where we camped last night (weren't those gendarmes a little picky about where we did "#1," I mean for French guys?), Hipcycler and I spotted this bike (see below) "unattended" and leaning againt the Phonak transporter. Hipcycler "borrowed" it, and I stashed it in the car. I figure, you know, can of Krylon...it'll probably come in handy in one of the mountain stages. Or we can trade it for food.

Remember, everybody has to be available tomorrow for interviews in the Strasbourg city center, preferably sober.

Onward through the fog!

BTW -- Yugo's looking pretty slick, huh? Amazing what a little Bondo will do...

Do we have to be sober for the prologue? It's only four miles.

Do we have to be sober for the prologue? It's only four miles.

No. Just for the interviews.

...and it's 4 K! CROMULENT! You're not even sober NOW, are you?:D

...and it's 4 K! CROMULENT! You're not even sober NOW, are you?:D
It's 7.1 k. What kind of DS are you if you don't know how long the stages are? :D

Besides, you said we had to be sober tomorrow.

I'll be in my trailer... er... the bus. I'll be in the bus.

BTW -- Yugo's looking pretty slick, huh? Amazing what a little Bondo will do...

You know why Yugos have rear defrosters, right?

To keep your hands warm when you're pushing it down the road in January! ha ha ha!!!



(sorry, couldn't resist Yugo humor....)




GO TEAM BF!!! DOMINATE LE TOUR!!!

.... and good luck with the daily controls... :D

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz.....mmmmm, huh, what? I'm up, I'm up. Race? Kewl. What race? Wow, these jerseys are neat. The shorts smell kinda funny though.... anyone have any extra chamois cream? Kastelly jerseys? I had a Kastelly donut this morning.....

K - wake me up when we get there....

ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

Hipcycler and I spotted this bike (see below) "unattended" and leaning againt the Phonak transporter. Hipcycler "borrowed" it, and I stashed it in the car

That's the good news....
The bad news is I really don't look that good in green and yellow!

Hipcycler and I spotted this bike (see below) "unattended" and leaning againt the Phonak transporter. Hipcycler "borrowed" it, and I stashed it in the car

That's the good news....
The bad news is I really don't look that good in green and yellow!
Well, polkadots for you then!

I had a Kastelly donut this morning.....



That was a jelly doughnut....not a Kastelly doughnut and BTW that was my jelly doughnut!

I have plan for the Prologue. Let's all start it at the same time...it will Team Prologue that way we can all draft off of Vinokurtov. I would suggest drafting off of the team car but I think we'll be faster than a Yugo.

That was a jelly doughnut....not a Kastelly doughnut and BTW that was my jelly doughnut!

I have plan for the Prologue. Let's all start it at the same time...it will Team Prologue that way we can all draft off of Vinokurtov. I would suggest drafting off of the team car but I think we'll be faster than a Yugo.

That's right! The Yugo can draft off of us! :D

I currently don't own a TT bike. Maybe I should go dumpster diving before saturday.

Hip, Veloduo... nice work on getting some of the big names kicked out. I don't know what you guys did, and I don't want to know where you got the blood, but it was good work.

Now we have a chance of coming in less last than we did before. We'll still be last, but not by as much.

"Less last"...I like that..."We came in less last this year than we did last year." Nice ring to it. Cromulent is rapidly gaining a reputation as the brainy one in the pace line. And WHO CARES if it's 4K or 7.1K? You ride farther than that to the liquor store three times a day!

Oh, and Hip: don't worry about that hideous green-and-yellow color scheme. Got your choice of Krylon colors (see below).

And WHO CARES if it's 4K or 7.1K? You ride farther than that to the liquor store three times a day!
Duh. It's called intervals. I run out of beer at certain intervals, and I have to go get more.

But I'm raring to go for this prologue thingy. All ___ miles of it. Hip, you don't happen to have one of Cipo's old skin-suits lying around somewhere, do you? I'm lookin' to rock something flashy.

Hip, Veloduo... nice work on getting some of the big names kicked out. I don't know what you guys did, and I don't want to know where you got the blood, but it was good work.

Now we have a chance of coming in less last than we did before. We'll still be last, but not by as much.

Now you know why I was allowed onto the BF team! :)

But I'm raring to go for this prologue thingy. All ___ miles of it. Hip, you don't happen to have one of Cipo's old skin-suits lying around somewhere, do you? I'm lookin' to rock something flashy.

Did you say flashy? I think you meant to say FLESHY.... :D

Did you say flashy? I think you meant to say FLESHY.... :D




Excellent.

Oh. I can't afford the fines that the UCI would levy against me for wearing that. Does anyone...

Hey, that's odd. There's a big stash of Euros under this bus seat. Hm... nevermind.

*whistles, walks away.

Excellent.

Oh. I can't afford the fines that the UCI would levy against me for wearing that. Does anyone...

Hey, that's odd. There's a big stash of Euros under this bus seat. Hm... nevermind.

*whistles, walks away.

I thought we told lotek to make that guy get all his smuggled Uzbek relatives out from under that seat BEFORE we took delivery of the bus...Wait, you mean THOSE kinds of Euros, eh?

Gentlemen, we just may be able to weasle our way through this race after all.:rolleyes: