Foo - The poetry thread

As Mars needs women, so does Foo need poetry. I propose a poetry thread -- each poem written in response to the specifications given in the preceding post. Any form of poetry is welcome, and specifications can be as general or as a specific as each poster wishes. So, for instance, someone might demand a four line poem with an A-B-A-B rhyme scheme about the effects of affirmative action policies in Soviet Central Asia in the 1930s, and I could write:

Minorities, 'neath Russian rules
now fewer Moscow leaders see.
With alphabets and formal schools,
the Uzbeks, Kazakhs, slowly free.

As you can see, it doesn't have to be particuarly *good* poetry, though that would be a bonus.

Ok. To start, I'd like someone to write a haiku (5 syllables - 7 syllables - 5 syllables, no rhyming necessary) about table lamps. Any takers? And remember to include a specification for another poem after your contribution.

it sits on the end
with a bulb that needs changing;
a firefly waiting



Req: What happened the last time you went to get a coffee?

I woke up this morning to see
That I really needed coffee
I clicked on a thread
And found she was "dead"
They said it was due to Aussies.


Requirement:

Fighting on threads

it sits on the end
with a bulb that needs changing;
a firefly waiting...


Dex, How flattering. A poem about me on most club rides. You could title it - "The Lanterne Rouge".

I'll add some poetry if you promise that I don't get hit up with offers to include my poem in the latest copy of a book that I can purchase for "only $49.99 = shipping and handling".

oh - I have to write one about fighting on threads. I could choose mortal combat between spider and fly, or go with what you really meant.

You spelled "there" wrong,
my less than friend,
twas how it started -
now will it end?

Invectives choke the server now,
"Moron", "loser", "swine" and "jerk".
Faces red and fingers raw,
Two members now have gone beserk.

Thankfully, a mod steps in,
with the response canned,
"Knock it off right now,
or you'll both get banned".

My request. Something about nature and butterflies - make it a limerick. :D

My request. Something about nature and butterflies - make it a limerick. :D
What is that that I see?
Why it's a butterfly flying toward me.
It approaches me where I stand.
I reach out and hold it in my hand.
And SQUISH as I smash it against a tree. :D

(My very 1st attempt at poetry.)

My request: something about medieval battles

Road rashes are red,,
Pedal bruises are blue,
I suck at making poems,
and laugh at me you'll do.

:p

Here I sit, broken hearted
Tried to.... Um, wait. Let me just stop there

How about:

There once was a man from Nantuck... er no that wont work either damn

Forget it :o

Ha Ha! You can't be bad anymore!!!!!!!!!...........heee heeee!

No way... I'd have posted just like that red or blue :p Phhhhhtttt :p

Heres one my shooting buddy and fellow Wild Bunch lover wrote about the movie when we were in high school. I've never liked poetry, but I do get a kick out of this one-

The dark and shady bunch walks on back
Then all of a sudden a deafining crack
They were no match for there 1897s
Nor their model of 1911s
Outlaws down, their frowns upside down
They dissapear as fast as they entered this town.

All right, I'll take up mac's request...

A trebuchet, so it is said,
Could easily fling by the head,
A cow decomposed
O'er city walls closed
And within them pestilence spread.

Meh. Quantity over quality!

I'd like to see a four line free-verse poem about aliens.

Here you go gbcb-

The soldiers welded off the doors,
But in the ceiling the monsters came through on all fours
The colonial marines did their best
But now they all lay at rest

There was once a man from Nantucket
He had a chicken and tried to pluck it
it bit his hand
it kicked his can
and now he is wishing he stuck it.

Since last poster (and previous) didn't specify next poem, I'm kick in an old one I wrote in my teen days.

We the People

The Earth
Reigning, Ruling
Perpetual, Endless
Colorful, Fresh
Beautiful, Serene
Mountains, Valleys
Oceans, Deserts
We the Wondrous People

The World
Mocking, Usurping
Stopping, Ending
Dark, Rank
Polluted, Aggressive
War, Murder
Ozone, Homeless
We the Dying People

She was there in the dawn, strong and powerful.
Then the insects came and perverted her, but they will eventually die.
Only She will live to see the dusk.



--------------------
Next: Poem about finding a crashed spaceship

Disturbance caused me in my sleep
To awaken from my dreams
Noises harsh faintly seeped
And brought me to my feet

I stepped outside and looked afar
Straining my eyes to see
Whatever was beyond the trees
That had awakened me

A soft pale light whispered through
The fortress wall of leaves
My body ran before I knew
Just what was haunting me

Rushing, pushing
Panting, thrusting
Forth into the dark abyss

Searching, aching
Breathing, wanting
To see what was amiss

Finally I came upon a sight to see
A vessel strange and sleek
It was wide and long and round and smooth
It glowed a haze so uncommonly

At first I turned to run
But something stopped me in my tracks
"This can't be real its too absurd"
I thought and then it all went black

There I was once again at home
Laying in my bed
And I laughed out loud because what I saw
Was all just in my head



Next: a poem about your favorite food

Quintessential Quickie Mart Haiku

pack of smokes please
marlboro reds in the box
and five bucks in gas

--A

^^^^^^^^Another person who can't read and follow directions.

I'm going to send him to time out to think about what he's done! ;)

gbcb wanted me to write poetry
Told him I couldnt ryhme but he said that's no crime
So for ideas I thought of some of you
some of my gangs that hang in foo
I wondered about superdex
and if his helmet could flex
Ive been pretending to like rats
heard it migh come handy for the foo traps
I adore you stacey
on the poeple of foo have mercy
While boogs is romancing siu blue wind
The rest of the gang hope to catch her grin
there is always belly dancer shadiyah
making all the guys say "do you wanna"
there is a mysterious mask wearing man
who keeps the peace till the end
he is clever and seems to carry no sorrow
you guessed it, his name is zorro
our own favorite merton
seem to have the system conned
with faith from above on mac
I hope he finds some clothes before we all have a heart attack
in his humor Im very fond
yep, it's you my friend, higher ground
if you want to see a thread unfold as fast as a house of stix
just leave it up to catatonic
nobody devotes his life to laughter
more then serendipper
he could win a popularity contest by far
or a pie eating one, that karldar!
If I forgot you it wasnt cause you deserved no fame
perhaps it's just that I had a tough time rhyming your name
or maybe I just wasnt sure how to prononce
what do you expect? it's the thought that counts
All i can say if that this blonde chic loves you all
and if you need a friend, you know who to call
wait forget calling...Im not that blonde yet
you crazy people from the internet! :)

Wings, food divine
spicyness so fine
the crunch of breading
the heat is spreading
no beverages for me
for I'm a chilihead, you see!

Next: poem about thread derailment

OK I'll change it:

Next: poem about something on your bike.

What's on my bike? OK, another haiku:

No accessories:
Stripped down, flying through the streets
Nothing except me.

Request: I'll keep it simple. A rhyming couplet about your favourite ride.


Edit: Here's a thread derailment one:
The OP, me,
Tries valiantly,
To keep his thread on course,

But Foo's not tame,
And has no shame,
And I possess no force.

My Favorite Ride

It begins in the morning
As I stretch with a yearning

To feel the streaming breeze

I check all my essentials
and ponder my potential

to ride more than a century

My steed is steadfast and waiting
But the route I am debating

Should I plot an unknown course?

Yet I know at the end of the day
I'll end at my favorite cafe

A route I shall not divorce



(forgive me, Thoreau)

Next challenge: Free verse beat poem about the heatwave in 15 lines!

100 degrees in the shade
it's too hot to even think about getting laid
shirt stickin' to my back
don't ever want to smoke any more crack
time to get out of town
mountains, rivers, lakes, ocean
cool breeze in the trees
wind in my face
the city ain't the place
ice caps melting
sea level rising
why is it not surprising?
go on, keep on driving
you'll get yours
when you can't get any gas, even crawling on all fours.

Next: Something about bicycling in iambic pentameter

Next challenge: Free verse beat poem about the heatwave in 15 lines!


With apologies to Allen Ginsberg:

Heatwave, I've given you all my sweat and now I am spent.
Heatwave, ten gallons of water, August 1st, 2006.
I am so hot that I can't think.
Heatwave, when will I feel winter's sweet kiss?
Go **** yourself with your humidex.
I don't feel good, don't bother me.
I can't ride my bike until you're gone.
Heatwave, when will I be able to stand you?
Do I have to take off my clothes?
Do I have to walk naked in the streets?
Heatwave when I was young I went into a walk-in freezer it was cold, I could see my breath it was so refreshing and you have no idea how nice it felt to be cool in that freezer in the summer as long as they don't lock you in.
Heatwave, it's those bad greenhouse gasses.
Them greenhouse gasses and them polar icecaps. And them greenhouse gasses.
I'd better get down to the job.
Heatwave, I'm putting my bike wheels to the road.

Next up:
10 lines on pie, preferably in the style of Emily Dickinson.

Edit: Argh -- should have reloaded!

Next up:
10 lines on pie, preferably in the style of Emily Dickinson.



For Nana's Apple Pie

To think you were once,
part of the tree
I climbed as a child
Too small to reach;
my little arms streched out
for a drop of sunlight, sweet as a peach
on my tounge and yet tart to taste
and the climb back down
the hill to nana's house
to smell the sun bake and wait

Here's something I composed many years ago.


As daylight turns to darkness
And the hours slip away
The moon shines bright above us
So ends another day

We face a different challenge
From this again we grow
A trail unblazed we follow
To the end we need to go

There are forks we will encounter
On the trail along the way
One branch a memory fleeting
On the other it will stay

A choice that does perplex us
When in greed it it always hides
The way that’s all to easy
Is where foolishness resides

When thorns and briars obstruct us
On the path we choose to take
Tis’ certain that the memories
We are never to forsake

Remember as the trail you blaze
For you’ll be here tomorrow
When darkness turns to light

Next: Something about bicycling in iambic pentameter

Since no-one seems to have responded to this

The bicycle’s a wonder and a joy
To ride is to be free and unencumbered
Yet still too many see it as a toy,
For with archaic notions they are lumbered.


Now, how about a limerick about touring?

Since no-one seems to have responded to this

The bicycle’s a wonder and a joy
To ride is to be free and unencumbered
Yet still too many see it as a toy,
For with archaic notions they are lumbered.


Now, how about a limerick about touring?



My Old Raleigh Tourer

My old bike was always ready
to eat miles just like a Chevy
a sort of suburban
If I wore a turban
A camel would still be less heavy!

Now, for something completely different: A lyric, with refrain. Give us a song about the Flandis doping scandal, won't ye?;)

With a tip of the hat to Woody Guthrie

Pretty Boy Floyd

If you'll gather 'round me, children,
A story I will tell
'Bout Pretty Boy Floyd, a cyclist,
The UCI knew him well.

It was in the town of Paris,
A Saturday afternoon,
His team beside him on the road
As into town they pedaled.

There a race offical approached him
In a manner rather rude,
Pee in this cup here for me, Floyd
An' his trainer overheard.

Pretty Boy grabbed a bike chain,
And the race official grabbed his catheter;
In the fight that followed
He laid that race official down.

Then he took to the bike paths and bike lanes
To live a life of shame;
Every crime in bicycle racing
Was added to his name.

But many a starving racer
The same old story told
How the outlaw helped them dope
And saved their little homes.

Others tell you 'bout a stranger
That come to beg a meal,
Underneath his napkin
Left a sweaty yellow jersey.

It was in Girona Spain,
It was on a Christmas Day,
There was a whole car load of drugs
Come with a note to say:

Well, you say that I'm an outlaw,
You say that I'm a cheat.
Here's a bunch of steroids
For the racers needing heat.

Yes, as through this world I've wandered
I've seen lots of funny men;
Some will dope you with a reefer,
And some with a little pill.

And as through your life you travel,
Yes, as through your life you roam,
You won't never see an outlaw
keep you from your dose.

Hey randya, what's next dude?

Bang there was you too gold too blue You told the truth.
I cried. You flew. You called me mad (and I am mad) as a hatter
Some fall in love I shatter You make it rain. Too bleak, too stark.
Should night not fall you make things dark... Bang here am I
No one nowhere no ground no sky no light no air

Hey randya, what's next dude?

randya?

georgiaboy?

? Bueller?

anybody?

How's about a refrain for Floyd in the interum?

Flandis they say you planned this
ploy for the malloit jaune

Flandis now reprimanded by
the team he once rejoiced

After a couple beers
And maybe a shot or two...(everybody shout) WHO KNEW?

Flandis came from last to first
and back to last it's true!

(repeat until drunk)

randya?

georgiaboy?

? Bueller?

anybody?

How's about a refrain for Floyd in the interum?

Flandis they say you planned this
ploy for the malloit jaune

Flandis now reprimanded by
the team he once rejoiced


After a couple beers
And maybe a shot or two...(everybody shout) WHO KNEW?

Flandis came from last to first
and back to last it's true!

(repeat until drunk)
Bravo! very well done!!!!!!!!!

There once was a man from Nantucket . . .

who hung his balls in a bucket...

randya?

georgiaboy?

? Bueller?

anybody?

How's about a refrain for Floyd in the interum?

Flandis they say you planned this
ploy for the malloit jaune

Flandis now reprimanded by
the team he once rejoiced

After a couple beers
And maybe a shot or two...(everybody shout) WHO KNEW?

Flandis came from last to first
and back to last it's true!

(repeat until drunk)

Personally, I think someone (his trainer?) slipped Flandis the testosterone in a meal or a drink, without his knowledge. He's too squeaky clean to have actually taken it knowingly (but I could be wrong).

Flandis is offered a drink
Swallows it down, without time to think
He rides the next day
No one can catch him, no way
He wins the race
Then loses face
The drink was doctored, you see
They know from the pee


Next: Something in the style of 'Star Spangled Banner'

Another haiku. About the baseball season....

Yankees in first place
Mets losing ground
Trading deadline has passed

Personally, I think someone (his trainer?) slipped Flandis the testosterone in a meal or a drink, without his knowledge. He's too squeaky clean to have actually taken it knowingly (but I could be wrong).

Flandis is offered a drink
Swallows it down, without time to think
He rides the next day
No one can catch him, no way
He wins the race
Then loses face
The drink was doctored, you see
They know from the pee


Next: Something in the style of 'Star Spangled Banner'


Interesting theory. Here's your Star-Spangled Banner:

Oh say did you see, OLN, Thursday night?
Floyd triumphantly hailed, and Ventura all beaming.
Half the night in the bars, yet came back with great might,
On the cable we watched, off the front Floyd went steaming.
Through the hot mountain air, with eight minutes to spare,
Only Sastre gave flight, such a stage was so rare.
Please don't say that Ventura, tes-tos-ter-one Floyd gave,
And the win, that he fought for, will go down to the grave.

Play ball!

ok - next up, a sonnet - to ATroll. :D

ok - next up, a sonnet - to ATroll. :D

A.Troll is always looking for a boyfriend
Or riding “nekkid” on somebody’s birthday
I guess she loves mankind and also men
Or likes to flirt and flatter now and then
I bet she goes on buff rides every Earth Day
And any guy would want so cute a toyfriend.

So she is not at all the storied troll
Who hides beneath the bridge in secret, while
Those who know not of the needed toll
Proceed until they’re victims of attack.
Nor a provocateur who lurks online
And with sly insults, vents a spleen of bile.
Nay, she’s a troll of quite a different kind
She fishes for good will, and throws it back.


Now a rap lyric about Stacey:

Now a rap lyric about Stacey:

Oh, Stacy
So racy
If I was some cheese she'd taste me

My God
A Mod
She'll ban you If you stup-odd

So quick
Sharp wits
All the troll go into fits

From Jersey
To Hershey
PA don't play she's worthy

Blue star
Fast car
plus bikes she's wunderbar!

For certain
she's workin'
and she pulls more chicks than MERTON

Go Stacy! Go! Go!
Go Stacy! Go! Go!

It's ya Birthday, Go Crazay!
It's Ya Birthday, Go Crazay!

:beer:

It's a party up in here! Wo0t Wo0t! Pull ovah that bike is too fast!:D

How's about a Homer style epic about the clash of the Aussie Titans vs. the Goddess Koffee?

Oh, Stacy
So racy
If I was some cheese she'd taste me

My God
A Mod
She'll ban you If you stup-odd

So quick
Sharp wits
All the troll go into fits

From Jersey
To Hershey
PA don't play she's worthy

Blue star
Fast car
plus bikes she's wunderbar!

For certain
she's workin'
and she pulls more chicks than MERTON

Go Stacy! Go! Go!
Go Stacy! Go! Go!

It's ya Birthday, Go Crazay!
It's Ya Birthday, Go Crazay!

:beer:

It's a party up in here! Wo0t Wo0t! Pull ovah that bike is too fast!:D

Good gawd, my own personal fan club of one. I'm flattered! :lol:

Homer: MmmmMmmmMMmmmMmmm... Australian donuts, coffee, and super-sweet babes on TV! Woohoo!

...
Waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit a minute
Coffee? What the!?
MAAAAAAAAAARGE!
I cant watch the Titans game with the boy and drink this sissy coffee like some Frenchman wearing a little Stupid hat, striped, long-sleeved shirrrrrt, with a [elevated **** voice] Souuul patch [/elevated voice] & dumb, FANcy mustache with a loaf of bread under my arm *now twirling about in overweight ballerina fashion* making kissy-kissy faces while I prance around Ce jeu est merveilleux ! Ce jeu est merveilleux ! Ces joueurs attrapent vraiment ces boules avec le plus grand de la facilité !

What will I be teaching him? This is our time together for me to teach the boy what it means to be a man. Watching the Tennesee Titans beat the snot out of the Redskins isn't about carnage and competition
It's about fair-play and sportsmanship, Marge. ;) This is 60 minutes of how to be a good man and I won't allow Bart to be confused later in his post-adolescence by weird mental images of his father drinking coffee during the game when I should have been drinking an ice-cold Duff. I won't do it, Marge!

...

*innocent baby talk* Maggie, get daddy a beer, please. :)

Marge: Homer, Maggie is 1 year old. She's always been 1 year old.

Homer: So now I'm a bad father? Is that what this coffee is all about? .. You don't wan't Bart to grow up to be a real man like his father so you're willing to turn him into a pressed 'N fitted boyband wonder like that Lance Bass or
-for the love of God
our scrum-diddly-umptious neighbor Ned Flanders?

How darrrrrrrrre youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Marge: Shut it, Homer. Lance is a great singer and a *squealy/scratchy* !terrific! catch for any wo ..man. ..That is kinda weird now ya mention it. (hehehehe)
Here, Homey. Enjoy your beer and the game.

Homer *obviously not caring about anything/anyone else*
Ahh, my beer!
MMmMMmmmmMMmMmmmm...Duff Beeeeeer ~Drool

C'mon Boy! We're watchin the game.

Bart: No way, man! I'm going over to see Milhouse and play with my new slingsh

Marge: (overhearing and shouting with a sharp, scathing - HOMERRRRRR

Homer: D'oh!




WHY YOU LITTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Close as I get

Ummm, wrong 'Homer' dood! :lol:

Ummm, wrong 'Homer' dood! :lol:
:roflmao:

One of my teenage favorites...quoted to me by a girlfriend's mother one time.



Roses are red
Violets are blue
I love peanutbutter
Can you skate?




next: poem about bad cellular phone reception

It's two AM in Nowhere
She's all alone and the radiator's blown
Thank goodness she's packing a cell phone

No signal! She cried
Son of a wh**e! She can't take any more
What use is this damn cell phone?

Then the lightbulb went on
She's got card games and board games galore
She'll wait for a ride - and be entertained by her cell phone

Next

Haiku about bottom brackets