Foo - Funny questions

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?


Do people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?

Love may be blind, but lust isn't.

It's like the movie "Plan 9 from Outer Space". Preparations A-G failed.

A fool and his money are soon parted.

I don't know about the first two, but for the record, in my 20 years on the planet, I have yet to buy a single bottle of water.

Evian tastes exactly like the tap water in Grafton, Ohio - just saying.

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?:p

Why is Greenland called Greenland when it's covered w/ white snow?

Why do we drive on something called a parkway and park in something called a garage?

. . . wait, I think I got that wrong.

Why do we drive on something called a parkway and park in something called a garage?

. . . wait, I think I got that wrong.

I think you meant....

Why do we drive on a parkway and park in the driveway.

Another Steven Wrightism....


What's another word for thesauras?

I think you meant....

Why do we drive on a parkway and park in the driveway.

WHOA! Yeah, why is that??

/boggle

Gotta love the Stephen Wrightisms, my favorite:

If most car accidents are within five miles of home, why don't people move?

I think you meant....

Yeah, it was a joke. ;)


WHOA! Yeah, why is that??


I dunno, I couldn't even get the question right!

Why aren't self-addressed envelopes simply marked "Envelope?"

If Snoop Dog and Whinnie the Pooh got married, would they hyphenate their childrens' last name as "Dogg-Pooh?"

Why is a package delivered by car a shipment, but when delivered by a ship it's called cargo?

I do all my shipping by carrier pigeon or train, to avoid that very conundrum.

Why is Greenland called Greenland when it's covered w/ white snow?

to make people go there instead of iceland

More Steven Wrightisms....

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"

Big list of Steven Wright Quotes: http://www.weather.net/zarg/ZarPages/stevenWright.html

Why is Greenland called Greenland when it's covered w/ white snow?


When the Vikings discovered it, Greenland was green. They raised cattle and sheep there a thousand years ago.



Why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?

Why does fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Why do those who believe in predetermination look both ways before crossing the road?

I like it when you tell someone you are going to a funeral and they ask "Did someone die?"

I used to work for a company called "Lavon Boat Rental". It was on Lake Lavon. People would call us and ask "Do you rent boats?"

who's the cruel one who put a "s" in the word lisp

who's the cruel one who put a "s" in the word lisp
:roflmao: That's a good one!!

Why do men have nipples?

Why is Greenland called Greenland when it's covered w/ white snow?
Sorry to get real on this one, but global weather shifts have been cited as the cause of the name confusion. Apparently way back, the Vikings who settled Greenland were wiped out when the weather pattern changed over the course of 2 or 300 hundred years but the name of the area was already decided. Same goes for IceLand. OK back to the fun......

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?


Do people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?
IMO, nookie is much more tactile than visual. Would you rather have somebody touching you or looking at you during the throes of love?

Why aren't funerals very fun?

Why can people who qualify for Earned Income credit on Income Taxes get back more money then they paid? Its not really 'income tax' then is it? Its a bonus.....

Why do they have braille on drive up ATM machines? Do they really expect a blind person to drive up to one of these?

Why aren't funerals very fun?
They certainly CAN be!!!

Graham Chapman's funeral
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsHk9WC7fnQ

Why aren't funerals very fun?

Why do they throw a big party for you on the one day you absolutely cannot attend?

Why do they have braille on drive up ATM machines? Do they really expect a blind person to drive up to one of these?
lol! good one!

why at the climbing gym are they required to have 8 handicap parking spaces? And why when trying to get a replacement Social Security card do you need to provide more information that your still alive then you do proof that you were born here? And why do I have to keep signing into BF everytime I refresh my screen?

Ever wonder why they often refer to it as a "rip chord" in skydiving? Just me...but the words "rip", parachute" and "skydiving" just don't give me a warm, fuzzy feeling.

What about a near-miss in an Airplane. It seemd to me that a near-miss is equal to a hit (but we almost missed). A near-hit would mean "we almost hit", but missed......"George Carlin"

I am still on the blind thing.

If a blind person wears sunglasses why doesn't a deaf person wear ear plugs?

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? A. It's not hard.

Why don't blind people skydive? A: Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?

Do hermits ever suffer from peer pressure?

How would you ever know if a word was mis-spelled in the dictionary?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?


Well, taking into account Zeno's Paradox (http://www.mathacademy.com/pr/prime/articles/zeno_tort/), you'll never get all the way to death if you only go half-way each time....

Getting scared half to death twice, you'd only end up at 3/4 the way to your destination....

Mostly dead is slightly alive. - Miracle Max

Well, taking into account Zeno's Paradox (http://www.mathacademy.com/pr/prime/articles/zeno_tort/), you'll never get all the way to death if you only go half-way each time....

Getting scared half to death twice, you'd only end up at 3/4 the way to your destination....
I'm an engineer......here is my answer to Zeno's Paradox.


A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are at
one end of this long room, and a beautiful woman is at
the other end. The only problem is that to get across the
room you can go half way across, then half way again, and
again, etc.
"You'll never get there!" the mathematician proclaims,
"You can always go half way again!" So he doesn't even try.
"O-yeah?" the physicist responds, "we'll see about
that..." and he goes half way across the room, then halfway
again, and again and then gives up. "He's right, you can
always go halfway again...you'll never get there!".
The engineer walks across the room, has his way with
the woman, walks back, and says to the other two: "Well, I
can get close enough for all practical purposes!"

Do hermits ever suffer from peer pressure? Only if they live under a boat dock.

What does inflammable mean?
Why do 24 hour businesses have locks on the door?

{old roommate's answer to that was "to keep the zombies out".**

Why do 24 hour businesses have locks on the door?

{old roommate's answer to that was "to keep the zombies out".**

No wonder why zombies have such bad breath! Every time they try to pick up some toothpaste at a 24h drugstore, the employees lock the doors. Poor zombies.

I like it when you tell someone you are going to a funeral and they ask "Did someone die?"

I used to work for a company called "Lavon Boat Rental". It was on Lake Lavon. People would call us and ask "Do you rent boats?"


Here's your sign. www.homestead.com/deelol/yoursign.html


Police Station toilet stolen. Cops have nothing to go on.

Sign at store: Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy.

And why do I have to keep signing into BF everytime I refresh my screen?

Are you running Fire Fox in Safe Mode?:eek:

Revenge of the Blonde

Trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is . an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."

"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for Blondie?

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!

Why do they call it a "hot water heater"? If its already hot, why heat it?

The engineer walks across the room, has his way with
the woman, walks back, and says to the other two: "Well, I
can get close enough for all practical purposes!"

Spoken like a true engineer :rolleyes: yukyukyuk

Sign at store: Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy.

ROTFLMFAO

Spoken like a true engineer :rolleyes: yukyukyuk

Here's one for ya:

What's the shortest book in the world?

. . .

An Engineer's Guide to Fashion

From Gallagher:

If M&M's melt in your mouth but not in your hand, what do they do, say, under your arm?
Why do they call it a fast when it goes so damn slow?
Do you need a pain releiver that works?

I am still on the blind thing.

If a blind person wears sunglasses why doesn't a deaf person wear ear plugs?


lol!