Foo - Ninjas vs. Pirates

Discuss.

We all know that Ninjas have REAL ULTIMATE POWER (http://realultimatepower.net/)

That said, someday I'd like to be a pirate. Maybe I could be a ninja pirate. Then instead of yelling "AAAAAarrrrrrrrr" when I jumped aboard the enemy ship, I wouldn't yell at all, and climb into their cargo hold, steal their precious plunder, kill the captain with a few deft movements of my left thumb, and sneak off into the night. No one would be the wiser.

That said, someday I'd like to be a pirate.

it is pretty sweet. hit us up if you're ever in the dc area.

Shouldn't this thread be in the Fixie forum?

Depends on context.

Hand to hand, the ninja will always win, regardless of how dirty, cut-throaty, and viscious a pirate is. A pirate hasn't devoted his life to perfecting his art. He gets drunk and steals stuff, not that there's anything wrong with that.

When weapons are involved, the pirate gains some advantage. I'm assuming we're talking about the classic, shiver me timbers pirate. If that is the case, he'll have a single shot pistol or musket in addition to a sword (if we're talking about modern pirates w/ machine guns, game over for ninja). If the pirate can get the shot off, accurately, he'll stand a chance of comming out alive. But those pistols aren't the most accurate and the pirate is likely drunk. If he misses, he's worm food.

On the water w/ a full-scale boarding of another vessel... well, if a panther falls in a pirana-infested river, no matter how sleek and powerful the panther may be, he won't stand a chance.

Ninjas v Pirates (http://www.google.com/trends?q=pirates%2C+ninjas&ctab=0&geo=all&date=all)

Oh, and to answer a question you didn't ask... zombies win. Always.

What about in a hot dog eating contest? I bet the pirate has more experience pigging out, but the Ninja would probably be able to move his hands so fast, he could hide all the hot dogs on his plate in his Ninja garb without anyone noticing.

Pirates FTW. YAARRRRRRR FOO MATEYS!!!!!!!

Ninja Pirate? How about a Ninja Wizard? (This is for any LOTR fans) Watch in order...

One (http://images8.fotki.com/v145/photos/2/23376/93737/mordor-vi.gif)
Two (http://img141.echo.cx/img141/6517/lotrcatapult13xn.gif)
Three (http://img141.echo.cx/img141/5032/lotrcatapult20bi.gif)

Ninjas v Pirates (http://www.google.com/trends?q=pirates%2C+ninjas&ctab=0&geo=all&date=all)

That's misleading, because the whole point of being a Ninja is to be able to sneak around without anyone knowing. So, of course, a large percentage of the expoits of Ninjas aren't ever attributed to them, hence not showing up in a Google search.

When a pirate sinks your ship, you're like "Damn you pirates! I hate you!" When a Ninja runs off with your left sock, you're like "huh, where's my left sock?"

what we need are pirate gnomes. Everyone knows that lawn gnomes are a force to be reckoned with, so let's see what a gnome pirate hybrid can do.

Ninja Pirate? How about a Ninja Wizard? (This is for any LOTR fans) Watch in order...

One (http://images8.fotki.com/v145/photos/2/23376/93737/mordor-vi.gif)
Two (http://img141.echo.cx/img141/6517/lotrcatapult13xn.gif)
Three (http://img141.echo.cx/img141/5032/lotrcatapult20bi.gif)

Classic! I've seen the first one a million times but never the second two!

Reminds me of these two:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2297890050303959977&q=star+wars+kid

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2894093448203053618&q=star+wars+kid

Shouldn't this thread be in the Fixie forum?
+1 It was discussed at length in the fixie forum.

BTW, 40 midgets FTW!

How about Ninja Lite? Lauren, where are you?

wasn't this **** already over in 2002?

No, it's never over....ninjas vs pirates is the discussion that keeps on giving.

wasn't this **** already over in 2002?

over like track bikes?

Ninja Pirate? How about a Ninja Wizard? (This is for any LOTR fans) Watch in order...

One (http://images8.fotki.com/v145/photos/2/23376/93737/mordor-vi.gif)
Two (http://img141.echo.cx/img141/6517/lotrcatapult13xn.gif)
Three (http://img141.echo.cx/img141/5032/lotrcatapult20bi.gif)


:roflmao: I've seen the first one before, but not the 2nd two.



That said....I think Pirates would be more fun than Ninjas. Cool things to say.....being on a ship...having pirate wenches in the "special" ports, drinking all the time, etc....

Pirates rule. Do not even have to attempt stealth or spend years learning to flip out. Get to hang out in pubs with wenches, yell AARRRRRGGGGHHH, and best of all, get to go sailing. Plus pirates can be good or nice, like Captain Feathersword. My two year old loves Captain Feathersword.

Ninjas have to sneak around everywhere and then flip out. Seems it would be awful hard to go from stealth mode to insane full tilt boogie flip out with out pulling a hammie or something.

Pirates can be fat and sweaty, like me. Ninjas tend to be small and lithe, of which I am neither.

Pirates drink grog, or rum, or ale, or beer. Not sure what Ninjas drink, but if it is sake, then score another point for pirates.

Pirates work for themselves. Ninjas have to take orders from a warlord or somesuch.

Do not know how a rational being could even consider the two occupations to be on the same level.

wasn't this **** already over in 2002?

A thousand pardons. You must feel very secure in knowing that neither ninja nor pirate will be climbing into your bedroom window tonight. I remember that bloody, bloody day...July 13, 2002. The great Ninja/Pirate Massacre. I still have nightmares. They say none survived...for the fate of BF, nay, the world...I hope they're right.

Pirates work for themselves. Ninjas have to take orders from a warlord or somesuch.
Say what? You cross the Cap'n, your ass is getting keel-hauled!

Say what? You cross the Cap'n, your ass is getting keel-hauled!
In my world, all pirates are captains, or at least my scurvy arse is a captain. I do not recall seeing any Warlord Ninjas. Heck, even if you are just a deck level pirate at least you have something to aspire too. Get to trade in your headscarf and shoes with buckles (assuming you are a shoe wearing pirate) for a tri corner hat with a plume and some hip, hip boots.

A thousand pardons. You must feel very secure in knowing that neither ninja nor pirate will be climbing into your bedroom window tonight. I remember that bloody, bloody day...July 13, 2002. The great Ninja/Pirate Massacre. I still have nightmares. They say none survived...for the fate of BF, nay, the world...I hope they're right.

Ah, but remember - at the end of Episode 3, the Emperor thought he'd killed all the Jedi, but he was wrong. Soooo very wrong!

So lock your windows anyways.

I do not recall seeing any Warlord Ninjas.
Of course not. What ninja would publicly expose his ninjaness?

Of course not. What ninja would publicly expose his ninjaness?
Is the answer Paul Rubens and George Michaels?

Is the answer Paul Rubens and George Michaels?
Peewee was just trying to enjoy his freakin' movie and George Michaels is no ninja, my good sir!

A thousand pardons. You must feel very secure in knowing that neither ninja nor pirate will be climbing into your bedroom window tonight. I remember that bloody, bloody day...July 13, 2002. The great Ninja/Pirate Massacre. I still have nightmares. They say none survived...for the fate of BF, nay, the world...I hope they're right.

Ah, the great massacre...we need a new generation of pirates and ninjas. We shall henceforth trian badgers as pirates and ninjas, and let their feral fury rage upon this sacred earth.

Ah, the great massacre...we need a new generation of pirates and ninjas. We shall henceforth trian badgers as pirates and ninjas, and let their feral fury rage upon this sacred earth.
Sounds good...we should all pick our side now to be part of the final conflict!


PIRATE!!

GIANT ROBOT!!

GIANT NINJA MONKEY ROBOT!!

Without hesitation, pirate. Walk my plank.

My plank's bigger than yours.

Walk my plank.
I'd walk your plank, anytime.

GIANT ZOMBIE NINJA MONKEY ROBOT FROM HELL!!

It all depends. The pirates' powers to overcome their enemy seem to largely depend on their numbers and whether or not they are in possession of Aztec gold. A shipful of pirates can easily sack a town and make off with the governor's daughter and profit from a hefty ransom.

A ninja's power seems to be inextricably tied to an inverse law. A force of hundreds of ninja, for example, The Foot Clan can be dispatched by a smaller force of only four ninja (inexperienced teenage turtles). A duo of ninja, such as Rikimaru and Ayame from the Tenchu series can defeat an entire army of demon ninja using stealth as their ally. Indeed, even a single ninja can be a force to be reckoned with.

After the optimal number of ninja working as a team has been reached (4) their efficiency only dwindles exponentially. Here I have created a chart to illustrate this Inverse Ninja Law.

http://www.almostlame.com/InverseNinjaLaw.gif

As you can see, after their numbers reach 500, the battle is impossible to be won.

To answer your question, I'm must ask another: How many ninja are we talking about?

GIANT NINJA MONKEY PIRATE ROBOT WITH FRIKKIN' LAZER BEAMS ATTACHED TO MY FOREHEAD!!!!!211!!!111eleventy one111!!!!~!

Quick, I need Gopher Chucks!

http://idsnews.com/weekend/2002-01-30/kungpow2.jpg

It all depends. The pirates' powers to overcome their enemy seem to largely depend on their numbers and whether or not they are in possession of Aztec gold. A shipful of pirates can easily sack a town and make off with the governor's daughter and profit from a hefty ransom.

A ninja's power seems to be inextricably tied to an inverse law. A force of hundreds of ninja, for example, The Foot Clan can be dispatched by a smaller force of only four ninja (inexperienced teenage turtles). A duo of ninja, such as Rikimaru and Ayame from the Tenchu series can defeat an entire army of demon ninja using stealth as their ally. Indeed, even a single ninja can be a force to be reckoned with.

After the optimal number of ninja working as a team has been reached (4) their efficiency only dwindles exponentially. Here I have created a chart to illustrate this Inverse Ninja Law.

http://www.almostlame.com/InverseNinjaLaw.gif

As you can see, after their numbers reach 500, the battle is impossible to be won.

To answer your question, I'm must ask another: How many ninja are we talking about?

It doesn't matter. You win this thread. And maybe even life.

Without hesitation, pirate. Walk my plank.
Is that an invitation? :D

If someone won the thread, does that mean we should all go home now?

I'd walk your plank, anytime.


Is that an invitation? :D

If you can get on my ship ;)


If someone won the thread, does that mean we should all go home now?

I think not...we have to keep the pirates/ninjas guessing.

Nevar! A true pirate never accepts mere victory, there is no end to the plunder...well, only if there is some mighty fine grog involved :)

When a Ninja runs off with your left sock, you're like "huh, where's my left sock?"


Everybody knows the dryer ate your left sock.

Everybody knows the dryer ate your left sock.

My dryer is a Ninja?!?

Close, ninjas live inside dryers.

I think not...we have to keep the pirates/ninjas guessing.

Good. I just went for a 30 minute sprint on my lunchbreak. I don't think I could make it home this very minute anyways.

Let's examine the tools of the trade. I'll do Ninjas:

1) The Throwing Star (Shuriken):
http://www.selfdefensesupply.com/catalog/images/9020a.jpg
Advantages: Long range, easy to conceal, points may be dipped in poison
Disadvantages: It's easy to poke your fingers, which, like, really hurts, man.

2) The Samurai Sword:
http://www.bright.net/~nixe/images/sword4_group.jpg
Advantages: Looks cool, you can go "hiyyyah!" when you swing it, which is garunteed to shock your enemies into submission
Disadvantages: Hard to conceal, and you're garunteed to get it knocked out of your hands at a critical point in the battle

3) Foot spikes and hand claws (ashiko):
http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/P/B0006TY5UQ.01-A3E71TIWNAE1A2._AA280_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0002GSJQE.01-A2T3ASM7TOCPQE._AA200_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg
Advantages: Adds an extra "bite" to your punches and kicks
Disadvantages: More cumbersome than Look cleats, plus it makes it dangerous to itch your crotch

4) Ninja kitten sidekick:
http://static.flickr.com/32/41557932_e4073033ab_m.jpg
Advantages: Easy to disguise as a frog, can poke a thousand holes in your enemies' skin
Disadvantages: Require food, plus you have to deal with smelly litter

My dryer is a Ninja?!?

When you're not looking, the furnace sends it on stealth missions to the neighbor's house to steal air filters from their central A/C unit.