Foo - Hanging out and not feeling part of the group...

FYI... I am a 25 year old male......

I just got back from a very miserable.... and odd experience.

I met this girl at school, and she seemed really cool to hang out with. She was just one of those types of people were you seem to "click" with and feel comfortable around. I never saw her as a prospect for dating material, and never even gave the slightest of hints that I was trying to get romatically involved with her.

However, since she seemed like such an easy going person, I talked to her a lot about my personal life and troubles I am currently going through. Sometimes I like to have friends that I can confide in, and not to sound stereotypical, but I find it easier to confide with female friends. I sort of "opened up" to her because she seemed like a really laid back person and had also gone through a lot of what I was currently going through in her past. She seemed to enjoy my company and for the few times we did hang out, it was for long periods of time. She would ask if I wanted to hang out.... well.... all of the times we did hang out. So I never felt like I was forcing myself on her.

She had invited me to her friends house to watch this movie called "The Corporation" that I really enjoyed. So.... this Sunday I call her up and she changed the plans from her, her friend (who is into politics) and me hanging out into this big thing with four other girls. This includes going to the airport to pick up another one of her friends..... I knew the night was going to suck, I just had that feeling, but I had already laid-out the 5 bones for the movie and had kept my schedule free. I had nothing else to do, so I said to myself "why not?"

I instantly felt out of place, and I was very uncomfortable being around them. It is hard to describe, but the way they acted it was as though I was at a 12-year-old girl's sleep over party. They acted extremely weird and goofy and they started to grate at me like being stuck with a bunch of hyper kids. I am also very opened minded and did not appreciate the "straight pride" one of the homophobic girls had on for a t-shirt. I am 25 years old, and these older women are making me feel like I am hanging out with litle girls. But you know what?.... That wasn't even what bothered me.

So we get to the guys house and everyone says how they hate documentaries. I watch the movie while everyone else just acts weird, talking about peeing their pants, and throwing stuff out the window of his apartment onto the ground. At the end of the movie, they all can't believe how much they hated it. Moreover, one of the girls starts asking me what my "intentions are" with the girl I was originally there to hang out with. She is 28 and her friend is maybe 30 so I am rolling my eyes in my mind. I guess this "friend" thought I was trying to get romantically involved with her. And yet another annoying thing, she wanted me to start going to church and talked about saving people. Since she acted so differently before, I now question if she was just faking to be a friend to get me to convert to her Christian religion.

I feel like I have egg all over my face. What started out as something that seemed like a friendship with someone really cool turned into this weird thing were she thinks I am going after her. Then she tries to convert me to Christianity. Next, everyone slams on this movie I brought... yet she was the one who asked me to bring it because she wanted to see it. Its not like I forced them to watch it. I brought it because she (most likely prentended) to want to see it.

I don't know why, but this night is sort of depressing. I opened up to someone about my personal life and all she took me for was some horney dude who needed to be converted to christianity. Again, I went to extreme lengths to never touch her, or talk about anything that wasn't friendship like. I treated her EXACTLY like I would treat a really good male friend.

Maybe I am over reacting because I am in a *****y mood, but I really do feel like she was just pulling my chain to get me into her religion, and thought I was going after her. Not a cool basis for a friendship.


p.s. If you think I am weird for writting this, sometimes just writting things out is a great stress relief. (Road cycling is also a great stress relief ;) )

Dude, sorry to hear about your experience, I think we've all gone through this at one time or another. Like where for a brief time, you felt like life was smooth-sailing and you feel that little excitement about hanging out with a new and fun group of friends. Then it all crashes somehow and you're all alone again... here's the secret, it's NOT you, it's them!

You're a great person who anyone would love to have as a close friend (repeat to yourself 25-50x a day until you believe it!).

That said, there's some realities about life that would greatly help you fit in; the sooner you learn them the better:

1. there is no such thing as non-gendered communications, regardless of the nature of your relationship. Men and women's brains are wired differently and the way thoughts move through your head and are verbalized is completely different. Even the same words have different meanings for men and women as well as the overall context of a series of words. So between guy-guy friends, you'll speak to them a certain way, between girl-girl friends, they'll speak the way you saw. Finally, with a guy-girl interaction, regardless of type of relationship, the communications will again be different than the other two. Got that? ALWAYS remember that you're talking to a chic! No matter what!

2. Regardless of what you "want" in a relationship, chics are ALWAYS assessing your value as a mate. She decides within the first 3-23, maybe 30-seconds if she's gonna sleep with you. It's not a conscious thing that she's aware of, but an deeply primal intuitive reaction. So regardless of what you want out of a relationship with her, she's already sized you up. Even if you two don't hook up, she's got friends and the way she talks about you to her friends will be based upon her instinctive assessment of you. So the best sequence of events to make the most out of any relationship is this:

- bang her!
- if she's good, bang her again!
- when you're bored with her, make her a "friend"... with benefits

This is the best sequence because it places you in the highest levels of desire in her eyes. She'll want you for herself, or recommend you to her friends and will always hold you in high regard and respect. When you make her a friend, she'll still be the most devoted and loving friend possible. Much more than if you're just some guy that talked to her once in a while.

We might be a group of "civilized" and socalized creatures, but the primary motivation for all of us in the majority of actions each and every single day is the reproductive and mating drives. Accept it and base your actions from that and everything will flow much, much more smoothly. A woman can deal and accept a guy that hits on her, that's natural and she's used to that. But a guy that pretends not to be attracted or keeps his distance and tries to be "nice" and over-extends himself just comes across as sneaky and underhanded... trying too hard... not trustworthy...

Be in touch with what you feel, be sincere in expressing your feelings and desires, and go for the gold, always!!! :)

So the best sequence of events to make the most out of any relationship is this:

- bang her!
- if she's good, bang her again!
- when you're bored with her, make her a "friend"... with benefits

This is the best sequence because it places you in the highest levels of desire in her eyes. She'll want you for herself, or recommend you to her friends and will always hold you with in high regard and respect. When you make her a friend, she'll still be the most devoted and loving friend possible. Much more than if you're just some guy that talked to her once in a while.



Wow dude, you really have the fairer sex totally figured out. I'm glad you hold them in such high regards and understand them to such an extreme depth.

It's so good to have Danno back!

I thought this was gonna be about a group ride. Next time wait a bit before you open up to someone. Get to know them first before you spill your guts.

So the best sequence of events to make the most out of any relationship is this:

- bang her!
- if she's good, bang her again!
- when you're bored with her, make her a "friend"... with benefits

This is the best sequence because it places you in the highest levels of desire in her eyes. She'll want you for herself, or recommend you to her friends and will always hold you with in high regard and respect.


Haha, that just made my morning.

[QUOTE=DannoXY

- bang her!
- if she's good, bang her again!
- when you're bored with her, make her a "friend"... with benefits

[/QUOTE]
absolutly irrisistable charm:rolleyes: :p

Great use of supporting imagery BDG! :beer: You get a gold star for that one! :lol:

I watch the movie while everyone else just acts weird, talking about peeing their pants, and throwing stuff out the window of his apartment onto the ground.

Sounds like a good time to me. The real question is how you could manage to be hanging out with all these chicks and not get any action?

Run, Forrest! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :eek:

I opened up to someone about my personal life
That may not have been your first mistake, but it certainly was your greatest. You have to burry that **** up like a tiny black treasure! It will keep you warm on those cold, cold nights as you seek your vengence!

http://img106.imageshack.us/img106/9061/clintgunsaq1.jpg

Be more like ^ this guy ^

Beats me, if it her, or her friends that are bothering you?

Maybe she has a bad track record with guys, and they are just looking out for her. Either that, or they notice how much different you are from her and are curious as to your intentions.

...and Danno, you crack me the hell up man, keep that pimp hand strong! :D

...will always hold you with in high regard and respect

It was mild bemusement up to these words, then outright laughing after them.

I say make like you're a scientologist and try to convert them. Have some fun with it.

never saw her as a prospect for dating material, and never even gave the slightest of hints that I was trying to get romatically involved with her...

Haha you know, guys who hang out with a girl as an activity partner/pal are either gay or in the mold of dannoxyz, with a single minded objective to get lucky...

So you're probably one in a million or something... well done! New age guy! SNAG

New age guy!
Nah. He still wanted to bag her, he just is either denying it or didn't conciously realise it.

Primordial...

Rent this movie and pay close attention:

http://ec3.images-amazon.com/images/P/B000056HP2.01._AA240_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000056HP2/sr=8-1/qid=1156780902/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-0482246-7217666?ie=UTF8)

Nah. He still wanted to bag her, he just is either denying it or didn't conciously realise it.

The guy is on a road to self discovery... how could you say that??? He's obviously a girl's guy kinda guy.

The guy is on a road to self discovery...
Yes, but who isn't?


how could you say that??? He's obviously a girl's guy kinda guy.
Ahhhhhhhh, but that's exactly what he wants you to think.

Hey danno, have you ever though about teaching pimptology? if you do give me a pm bro.

It indeed sounds like you are not part of the group.
I think that the solution is to find another group. Don't get too upset because of it.

It's so good to have Danno back!

+1


If you want to have sex with the girl, pursue that immediately. If you try to be her friend first, that's all you'll ever be.

You've blown it with this girl, obviously. When she changed the movie-watching plans, that was your clue that you'd become her b!tch. Another one of those sad, but nice, always nice, guys that never get any nookie.

Look around you, girls don't date nice guys. They date @ssholes, jerks, macho neanderthals. And after finally learning their lesson by getting dumped on and treated like crap by these guys for years and years, they marry a nice guy; if they are lucky.

Spot a good-looking girl, go right up to her and say hello. Talk directly to her, let her know that you are interested. Ask her out; if she's attractive that's enough for now. You can find out about her personality, favorite color, and thoughts on world peace later. That's what the first date is for. If it doesn't click, move on. Be confident, decisive.

Nah. He still wanted to bag her, he just is either denying it or didn't conciously realise it.

Exactly.

1. Most religious people will try to get you to go to their church regardless of wheter they view you as a friend or lover.

2. Continue your learrning process and have a conversation about just being friends.

3. Just be yourself and you will find who your true friends are.

4. We know this lady is not a female version of Danno, or she would have have dropped you after the third date for not putting out!

Hey danno, have you ever though about teaching pimptology? if you do give me a pm bro.

He needs to find a college with a "Hormonal Psychology" department first. :p

It is actually possible to form friendships with people of the opposite sex without any sexuality involved, even if the people involved are hetrosexual. Remarkable, isn't it? :p

It is actually possible to form friendships with people of the opposite sex without any sexuality involved, even if the people involved are hetrosexual. Remarkable, isn't it? :p

What Billy Crystal said in "When Harry Met Sally..." is pretty much true for all men's perspectives:

Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing... you realize of course that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is, and this is not a come-on, is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: They do.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

:rolleyes: Women can have just as high of drives as men. You can be attracted to someone and still maintain a friendship. What about those of us who are poor bisexuals? They are just doomed to lives without any friends?

:rolleyes: Women can have just as high of drives as men. You can be attracted to someone and still maintain a friendship. What about those of us who are poor bisexuals? They are just doomed to lives without any friends?

Ooooh. That's a vexing conundrum there.



I'm not yet qualified to answer that one, though I am working on my PhD in Vexing Conundrums. Check back with me in 6 years.

:)

You can be attracted to someone and still maintain a friendship.
I agree that you can be sexually attracted to someone and still maintain a platonic relationship. What I was trying to get at is that there's still pretty much a sexual attraction in any friendship, if you're attracted to that friend's gender. One of my best friends is married to one of my other best friends and there's still a part of me, deep down, that's sexually attracted to her. I don't act on it. I never will. But I'm not going to deny that it's there.

What about those of us who are poor bisexuals?
I need to go kill another kitten...

One of my best friends is married to one of my other best friends and there's still a part of me, deep down, that's sexually attracted to her. I don't act on it. I never will. But I'm not going to deny that it's there.

C'mon, that's not the explody pup we know and love. Act on that instinct, dog!


.... and then report back here to Foo on the aftermath! We're in need of some craziness....

:p

One of my best friends is married to one of my other best friends and there's still a part of me, deep down, that's sexually attracted to her. I don't act on it. I never will. But I'm not going to deny that it's there.Sounds like a threesome in the making to me!

first mistake. Was not getting any.
2nd mistake. Tlling her personal private information confiding in her, you just learned a good lesson.
3rd mistake. Not getting the he*ll out of there.

Um, am I the only one who thinks that Primordial has no interest in this girl sexually, or any other female for that matter? I think he just feels like someone who he confided in, was sensitive to him, suddenly just made him feel like an outcast. That is a crappy feeling. This girl is not a friend for you, Primordial. If she is one way when her friends are around, and another way when it is just the two of you, then I wouldn't trust her.

Well she obviously thought you wanted to get in her pants.

This is by far the most creative and effective way for a woman to brush off a guy I've seen in quite some time. Act immature with the cockblockers, rag on your movie and attempt a religious conversion.


Hopefully you've received the hint.

It was you, your woman friend and a bunch of her other friends you didn't know. You were the odd man out. They was gangin' up on you, and acting just like children (as you so stated); it doesn't matter if they were older than you or not. The social situation you were in that particular evening has a tendency to breed this type of behavior and I'm not surprised at the outcome. Doesn't mean you can't still have her as a friend (or a lover~tip of the hat to Danno), just avoid the group situation, especially if her friends behave like jerks. If, however, she insists on repeatedly exposing you to this same social situation, and things don't improve, then it is over.

Well she obviously thought you wanted to get in her pants.
I'm of the opinion that ever since the 70's, if a woman wants some, she is free to make the first move.

This is exactaly why I keep to myself...people are all to confusing.

no friend would ever try to convert you to any religion. run like the wind!!

no friend would ever try to convert you to any religion.
If I understood correctly, it wasn't his friend; but rather, the friend of his friend (FOF)...

If I understood correctly, it wasn't his friend; but rather, the friend of his friend (FOF)...

i thought that was the one with the "straight pride shirt on"?? anyway, even if you're right...none of the story sounds good to me. i still stand by my run suggestion.

Primordial: Sorry about your bad day/night, how did this friend of yours you were originally planning or thought to be with alone behave in all this? Maybe she's on the same page as you still, I couldnt be sure as I wasnt there, just something you'll have to ponder.

Its funny most people dont seem to behave like themselves when there is more than one other person around, I really dont understand it, but its become so obvious to me thats just the way it works. I dont really have any friends regardless, but I'd hate to have to spend time around a larger number of people, its rather gross seeing how some people act really.

You can try talking to her about it I guess, though its probably rather rude to say something like "i think you're great but your friends fromt last night are *******s" y'know.. but who knows, maybe they arent even good friends of hers.

Hey danno, have you ever though about teaching pimptology? if you do give me a pm bro.

Since you don't know what it is, or how to spell it, nobody will consider teaching you. EVER.

Since you don't know what it is, or how to spell it, nobody will consider teaching you. EVER.
Since it's not even a real word, and I was kidding, your an idiot. Gooday.:crash:

Um, am I the only one who thinks that Primordial has no interest in this girl sexually, or any other female for that matter? I think he just feels like someone who he confided in, was sensitive to him, suddenly just made him feel like an outcast. That is a crappy feeling. This girl is not a friend for you, Primordial. If she is one way when her friends are around, and another way when it is just the two of you, then I wouldn't trust her.


I agree with your assessment. It sounds like a recruitment/conversion ambush by the woman. I'm sorry you were treated that way Primo. ((((HUGS))))

It is actually possible to form friendships with people of the opposite sex without any sexuality involved, even if the people involved are hetrosexual. Remarkable, isn't it? :p

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry: Guess not.
Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew in New York.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hmmmm....this is like one of those weird deja vu moments... :p

I agree with your assessment. It sounds like a recruitment/conversion ambush by the woman. I'm sorry you were treated that way Primo. ((((HUGS))))Yeah, sounds like a classic bait-and-switch routine to me. Regardless of whether he's aware of it or not, there was something about that chic that pulled him in and had them be "friends". Upon first sight even, before the first words were exchanged, there was something about her that intrigued him, and I bet she knew it and did it intentionally. I'd even bet she made the initial approach... conveniently made to look like a chance encounter.

She's the asset in the field pulling in new prospects. If you've ever had experiences with Amway, Scientology, CIA, Landmark, etc., you'll see a similar methodology here. Then once the subject is hooked, they come to a group gathering to give them a taste of what it'd be like to be a part of the cult. This is where the professional recruiter appears to feel them out and offer membership. I actually have a lot of fun playing with the Jehovah's Witnesses that come around every once in a while.... heh, heh.. ;)

It actually didn't sound like too bad of an evening really. A bunch of girls getting silly and having a good time? I'm THERE!!! http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e346/DannoXYZ/GraemlinsSmilies/Graemlin-JumperYellow.gifhttp://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e346/DannoXYZ/GraemlinsSmilies/Graemlin-JumperBoldRed.gifhttp://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e346/DannoXYZ/GraemlinsSmilies/Graemlin-JumperBoldblue.gif . You can't be too attached to any one result, go with the flow and seize the opportunities that life offers you. The goal in this case shouldn't have been to "watch a movie with some chics", the target is the chics themselves! At least if he'd gone for the prize, he would've at least gotten some action and when it's all over with, you can at least look back remember a good time. One girl by herself can be tough, you've got 50/50 chance, maybe up to 75% if you play all your cards just right from the beginning. Two chics are actually a little tougher and you stand maybe a 30-40% chance at getting one of them. But THREE chics or more??? That's a dream come true!!! At a minimum, you should at least aim for a twosome, or even a threesome and the chances are 80-100% you'd hit one of them. Take charge, STAY ON TARGET !!! :)

My philosophy on the matter. If I was in that situation, I would have simply walked out. If you were uncomfortable, just walk away. As for what happened, you should talk to her about it.