Fifty Plus (50+) - OT: High School Reunions

OT: High School Reunions

OK, my 50th is coming up next September in San Diego.

I went to my 10th and thoroughly hated it. A lot of "posing" and "wow, I am important" kind of stuff. I haven't been to one since. However, I have had contact with and lunch with some special HS friends from time to time.

My 3 best buddies are no longer with us.

So, I am debating about going this time.

Here are the issues.

1. Because of our two children with profound disabilities, our life has followed a very non-traditional pattern - workwise, financially, recreation wise, values system and in just about every other aspect. I generally find little in common with other folks, and we HATE, "Do you have any grandchildren" questions - because the answer is NO, and it will always be no. Then, you get "Well, tell your kids to get busy" and other stuff like that, and then unending descriptions by others of their 7 kids, 17 grand children and 16 great grand children. And then untold pictures of cute little Jeremy. Etc., etc. Then we get the "How much money I have made" kinds of stuff, which totally turns us off.

2. They always host it in some formal kind of setting - a hotel, dancing, etc. My wife can no longer dance - perhaps with a knee replacement she can? Neither of us drink and we detest "cocktail hours" and "mingling." We both retire early. I requested that we have some sort of picnic or other similar gathering this year, but that was rejected.

3. I guess it might be nice to see some other folks, but, as I said, my 3 buddies are gone.

I was sort of a "leader" in my high school of almost 3,000 students - vice president/treasurer, etc. The graduating class had about 800.

I think I have already answered my own question. Thanks for listening. I would appreciate other viewpoints.

I faced up to the same thing this fall. A good sized group from my high school class is getting together for a golf outing. I don't golf and don't drink and I've really only had contact with one classmate since college. He isn't going either. I felt outside of the mainstream during high school and I guess I still do.

Dfox,
This coming June will be my 35th year reunion. There was a 20th & 25th I did not attend because I was unaware they took place. Like you I live far from my High School, (it's in NJ). However I am looking forward to this one. For starters I love a good cocktail hour, but our class is beginning with a light afternoon picnic with families. The evening will be just for the class and spouses. Due to the age between you and I, unlike your class many of the families in my class still have young children, (or younger) while some have children already through college.
With a class web site that has been organized I have been amazed at some of the things my classmates have done. While most seem like me, just muddling through and happy.
Your background with children seems to be a special case, but surely you had more than just 3 buddies from school. My own class was 588. Again, through the web site I have come to have great conversations with people I had almost forgotten.
As for dancing during the evening, even though Mrs. P8 can dance, I do not and I think even in your class many will not.
You will of course make your own decision, but I would argue that you should go.

We all have a reunion story. Here's mine. My 40th reunion was last summer, held 100 miles away in Silicon Valley. I hadn't been back or seen anyone since I split for college. 40 years with no connection. I paid (reluctantly) the gasping sum for me of $110. I went out for a ride with friends that afternoon (to bolster myself), got back late, left for the reunion late. Arrived at dusk and found the Eagles or somebody (should have been the BeachBoys, Dick Dale, etc.) were having an amphitheater concert in the area. Total traffic gridlock and me with only a wimp-ass Mapquest map. Drove endlessly around blocked off streets. Tried calling the reunion venue but nobody answered. After cruising endlessly, gave up and drove home...stopped at Quizno's for a low fat sandwich. No reunion, no old girlfriends, no tri-tip or cordon blue or whatever the hell.

Weeks later I got a cd in the mail with stills of the reunion. Honestly, I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE ANYONE AFTER FORTY YEARS. NOT A ONE. They'd gotten so frickin' old. Presumably me, too. Not many looked ready to ride up anyone's Granny Gear Hill anymore. Anyway, it all seemed sort of remotely sad or bravely admirable-- depending on your world view.

I ended up OK with not making it there. I'll think of my old friends the way they were....raunchy, geeky, funny, warm, hormonal, insecure, clean-limbed, surfing over at Santa Cruz and as adolescent as I once was........not to mention pre-Vietnam alive and innocent.

Truly and understandably, you can't go home again. But if you're curious, have old issues to resolve, want to hug friends from the past and catch up, then by all means go. Those who were jerks may or may not be the same. But, affectionately, they'll be old, once familiar jerks. I missed seeing and talking to my old flame Kaisa Lisa- she married a doctor I believe. I plan to make it to the next one with a better map. Hopefully, we'll all wear name badges. Or maybe familiar voices and mannerisms will give us away.

In the end, however, best for me to get a grip on the drops and spin on into the future.

Ok, here's my two cents: I had never been to any of my reunions because I felt like like most folks that I had a pretty crappy high school experience. I was never part of the "in" crowd and I always felt like an outsider. Never held office, none of that stuff just Mr. Dorky dork. Oh, the cool people knew my name and would say hi but I could never associate with any of them that was very clear. They were royalty and I was clearly not. So I fell in love with each of the cheerleaders from afar and for their part, they would smile and say hello to me. The jocks mostly acted like jerks to me so I just disliked them also from afar.

Well I felt that I had done pretty well with my life when the 25th reunion came up (ten yrs ago btw) I decided to go. I was very curious how the cheerleaders had turned out (I was guessing mostly fat and saggy) and the jocks (I figured mostly fat and balding). I was in for a shocker! I got there and the cheerleaders looked GREAT! Just as gorgeous as I had remembered in hs. And of course they remembered me, all gave me big hugs (that never happened in hs!) and were actually interested in how my life was going. And as the evening went on, damned if I didnt fall in love with each of them all over again but this time not from so far away. It was wonderful. Now, the jocks, they were there and most of them got drunk early on and were pretty much ugly drunks and acted like jerks (to me and every one else there) and ya know, somehow that was very satisfying too.

So all in all, everyone there was mostly the same person they were in hs but I saw them all with a lot more maturity and confidence and things that would rattle me as a youngster didnt even faze me. It was one of the best evenings of my life somehow because I realized that the people I liked back then were good people and the people I didnt like werent. And I was a lot more perceptive when I was young than I gave myself credit for.

Hell yes, go!

I think I have already answered my own question.

I came to the same conclusion. You already know what you want to do. I didn't go to any high school reunion and I never will. Went to a small school -- 91 kids in my class, and I have no desire whatsoever to see them again. Ever. Have I made myself clear? :D

I'd rather plunge knitting needles into my eyes than to go to a high school reunion. I bolted out of that place as fast as I could. I cannot imagine going back willingly.

As a non-drinker with no children and no career accomplishments others would relate to, the thought of going back into the hornet's nest of High School holds no allure. It would be just more of the same BS. And I know that would be the case, because whenever I interact with anyone from my adolesence, the same old behavior patterns play themselves out...mine and their's.

Because of our two children with profound disabilities, our life has followed a very non-traditional pattern - workwise, recreation wise and in just about every other aspect. I generally find little in common with other folks, and we HATE, "Do you have any grandchildren" questions - because the answer is NO, and it will always be no. Then, you get "Well, tell your kids to get busy" and other stuff like that, and then unending descriptions by others of their 7 kids, 17 grand children and 16 great grand children. And then untold pictures of cute little Jeremy. Etc., etc.
This is the kind of "family oriented" insensitivity that drives me up a wall. Even if people have no idea as to the reason why you have no granchildren, they should never presume it's an elective option. Life is far too complex to assume that things will always take a predictable course.

My wife and I have no children for a myriad of reasons, none of which can be explained easily. They shouldn't have to be explained at all, but we are regularly put in a position of justifying our existance, sans offsrping.

On the other hand, it might be fun to go to a HS reunion and tell everyone you ended up as a U.S. Congressman. Be interesting to see if you were congratulated or they recoiled in horror!

I'll offer a contrary view -- I like my high school classmates, and return for reunions gladly. I'm from a small town and school (44 classmates), and I returned to my hometown after college to start raising a family. As a class, we've stayed close and reunions are fun times. It also helps that every class reunion is the same weekend (a real homecoming), so we can visit with friends from different classes as well. Reunions would be much less fun if we only connected every 5 years.

Two years ago, for my 30th reunion, I caused all kinds of excitement when I fell from the top of bleachers during the big homecoming football game. Ended up in the hospital with a mild concussion, cracked ribs, some back issues and a huge bruise. When I came around my room was filled with worried classmates on hand to check on me.

We've been told our class was "special" . . . I feel fortunate to have had a good high school experience, and that I've been connected in many ways in the lives of my classmates. :beer:

My mother is 88, and she still goes to her HS class reunion...which is held once a month. 7 surviving classmates still live in her area, so they have dinner once a month. 70 years since graduation!

I reluctantly went to my 20th and did not enjoy one minute of it, I couldn't wait to get the hell out of there. I had very little in common with anyone then and even less now. I am not at all interested or impressed with what classmates did, or do, for a living or hearing about their materialistic lives. None of them were really my friends, they were just people stuck in the same classrooms. There were less than 100 in my graduating class, most of them are probably fine people and have done well, without me.

I have more than my share of good friends these days who do persue common interests. We found each other for all the right reasons, not from being boxed randomly in some hickory stick classroom.

I don't need no stinkin' reunion.

Denver;

I know some of your feelings, but not all. I finished high school in a small oil field/cotton field town in west Texas. We were near the bottom economically, but my friends are my friends. One is the town lawyer/mayor, and the other recently moved back to take over the FNBank from his Dad. There were a group of nine of us guys that stayed very, very close. Three are now gone (one in Vietnam) and a few weeks ago another lost his wife to a robbery/kidnap/murder. But we're still close even though we're scattered across three states. I get round robin emails from someone from my HS class nearly every day, and yet live 250 miles from there.

The 10th reunion was everyone bragging, but the later ones were not. I'm looking forward to the 40th pretty soon. We are going to start having reunions every five years, because so many are gone. I look forward to seeing my friends, even at funerals. They are the friends of my youth.

We also have four boys, the oldest is 30, and no grandchildren.

Such a diversity of opinions and experiences!

My sister (72yo) graduated with a class of 25, and still keeps up with everyone. These relationships are still of prime importance to her. My other sister said to H*** with it and moved to Germany for 40 years (coming back reluctantly 5 years ago), and has her own current group of friends from the Germany experience, but not from high school.

I think that what I will do - next time I am in San Diego - will be to contact some of those folks that had some special meaning to me and have my own mini-reunion somewhere for lunch. None of the falderal and crap, yet I still get to visit with some of those for whom I cared. True, I will miss the out-of-towners - but - it will hopefully be a positive experience.


We also have four boys, the oldest is 30, and no grandchildren.
Well, tell them to get BUSY! :D


With a class web site that has been organized I have been amazed at some of the things my classmates have done.

I offered to do a class web site - but it was refused.

I've been to all of mine, and had a pretty good time at them all. The tenth was the worst as everyone was still hanging with the same friends they hung with in high school and not really socializing with those outside their cliques, and I suppose I was as guilty as anyone else.

My high school class was pretty big at 525, so not everyone knew each other even when we were going to school. My last reunion was the fortieth in 2000, and when I first walked into the hotel ballroom for the Friday informal welcoming social, I swear I thought I was in the wrong room; these people were OLD, and I didn't recognize a soul. Nobody cared about how successful anybody else had been or how many kids/grandkids they had; we were all just happy to still be alive. Fortunately, the reunion committee had the foresight to prepare nametags for everybody that included our senior yearbook photo.

One thing I remember being struck by was the way the girls who had been homely wallflowers has really blossomed, while the girls who had been prom queen, homecoming queen, dated the quarterback, etc., hadn't held up very well.

I'll probably go back for my fiftieth in 2010 if I'm still kicking.

I went to my 20th, hated it, vowed to never go to another one again.

Then I was reading my Adventure Cycling magazine, they were talking about bicycling back home to your reuinion, and it put a bee in my bonnet: this might be fun to do...cycling would be the the highlight, and the reuinion a secondary thing. Besides, it would be a fun thing to tell all those out of shape couch potatos...oh yeah, I just bicycled half way across the country to get here...at least it would give me something to talk about :-)

It would be a 1300 mile bike ride back home, and 2007 is the 40th...we'll see!
Cheryl

The way I look at it, the people in your class are part of your life and you part of theirs.

As I recall, one of your kids just had an extraordinary achievement, and one that has a lot of importance for disabled people in particular.

You may find out that the people in your class have grown deeper since you last saw them. At my last reunion, I had some great conversations with people who I considered total jerks 40 years earlier.

I'd vote for giving your classmates another chance.

Paul

I passed up my 40th last fall. After much thinking, I realized that I didn't really care to see anyone in particular. I was simply nostalgic for my youth. I never really liked high school anyway. No regrets in not going plus I saved 1000 bucks in air fare and hotel.

I find reunions get kinder and gentler with every decade, so I hope you go.

I liked high school. I have been to every reunion and have been on the planning committee for the last two (30 & 35). Almost everyone changes with age and seems to me that the old cliques, hangups and prejudices mostly have melted away. I would say go and if you don't like it, simply make a quiet get away. Who knows, you might just have fun. My Dad went to his 50th (same high school as me) a few years ago. He niether driknks or dances but did enjoy seeing "old" friends.

I liked high school. I have been to every reunion and have been on the planning committee for the last two (30 & 35). Almost everyone changes with age and seems to me that the old cliques, hangups and prejudices mostly have melted away. I would say go and if you don't like it, simply make a quiet get away. Who knows, you might just have fun. My Dad went to his 50th (same high school as me) a few years ago. He niether driknks or dances but did enjoy seeing "old" friends.

I had a blast at high school - I really enjoyed it. I was active, always with new ideas, organizing things. (You would never guess that, right? :D) Lots and lots of activities in which I participated. I knew lots and lots of folks.

My wife read the whole thread and says "GO."

If I go, I think I will print up a business card:

"I don't have any grandchildren, so don't ask."

One thing I remember being struck by was the way the girls who had been homely wallflowers has really blossomed, while the girls who had been prom queen, homecoming queen, dated the quarterback, etc., hadn't held up very well..

+1....This is for real.

If I go, I think I will print up a business card:

"I don't have any grandchildren, so don't ask."
Can I get a copy? Seriously though, there is quite a bit of GK (grand kid) talk. I just nod and say that's nice - which it is. Then I tell them that I ride my bike 4-5000 miles a year. :D

I went to my 30th. I really didn't see anyone that I was close friends with, but a lot of people I recognized. I moved out of town after HS so hadn't seen any of them for 30 years, but that didn't matter. Most everyone was friendly and relaxed. I had a great time.

Screw the formal venues - they don't stay formal very long. After a couple of drinks it turns into one big party. Just mingle and say, "Now, who are you?"

Go. You'll have a great time.

I have no desire to go to a class reunion. High school was the most miserable seven years of my life. ;)

Say this out loud 3 times; "I really have moved on from High School". If you still want to go after that, then go. bk

If it's possible to go off topic on a thread that starts out off topic, that's what I am going to do.

This thread revived a memory of mine. After my freshman year of college, I was back home for a visit one day when a friend who had lived across the street came over to visit. He said to me, "Remember Bob, the basketball player who was dating Sue, the head cheerleader?"

"Sure."

"Well, guess what happened."

"They get married already?"

"Yes, but there's more to the story."

"Tell me!"

"They had a baby."

"Really? Already?"

"Yeah, but there's more."

"What?"

"They're already divorced."

Thunk. One year out of high school, probably 19 years old, with a baby, and already divorced. I was definately in shock.

If it's possible to go off topic on a thread that starts out off topic, that's what I am going to do.


Ruby and Kenny were two of the sweetest, kindest people I had ever met, but they were also two of the ugliest people I have ever seen. They were sweethearts all through junior high, high school, and college. They continued to date for years after college. Finally, when they were about 35 years old, they got married.

I called my Dad and told him the news. Thinking about their unfortunate looks, Dad commented, "Boy, don't you know if they ever have kids, those are gonna be some little boogy-men." (They adopted two Chinese children who are both now doctors.)

Can I get a copy? Seriously though, there is quite a bit of GK (grand kid) talk. I just nod and say that's nice - which it is. Then I tell them that I ride my bike 4-5000 miles a year. :D

Ir's generally not so easy.

Here is a sample conversation:

Other: Hi. Do you have any children?

Us: Yes, two boys

Other: Oh, where do they live and what do they do?

Us: One lives in Denver - he is an attorney, the other lives in Littleton. (All sorts of bad memories and years of negative experiences are now brought to our mind.)

Other, refusing to give up: Oh, have you been blessed with grand children?

Us: No, but we have a granddog!

Other - getting really pushy: Well, we love our 7 children and our 76 grandchildren, and we have 12 great grandchildren and 4 on the way. Do any of your kids have plans for children?

Us: Not that we know of. (More bad memories and a prayer that this dude will soon shut up)!

Other: Well that's too bad. What does your other son do?

Us: He lives in a host home and helps with janitorial duties.

Other: Oh, I know about those handicapped kids. One of my neighbors had one of them and they put him in an institution. Have you ever considered putting your son in an institution. They are great, you know.

Us: Excuse us, but we need to meet some folks over there.

Ir's generally not so easy.

Here is a sample conversation:

Other: Hi. Do you have any children?

Us: Yes, two boys

Other: Oh, where do they live and what do they do?

Us: One lives in Denver - he is an attorney, the other lives in Littleton. (All sorts of bad memories and years of negative experiences are now brought to our mind.)

Other, refusing to give up: Oh, have you been blessed with grand children?

Us: No, but we have a granddog!

Other - getting really pushy: Well, we love our 7 children and our 76 grandchildren, and we have 12 great grandchildren and 4 on the way. Do any of your kids have plans for children?

Us: Not that we know of. (More bad memories and a prayer that this dude will soon shut up)!

Other: Well that's too bad. What does your other son do?

Us: He lives in a host home and helps with janitorial duties.

Other: Oh, I know about those handicapped kids. One of my neighbors had one of them and they put him in an institution. Have you ever considered putting your son in an institution. They are great, you know.

Us: Excuse us, but we need to meet some folks over there.

Yikes!

Us: Excuse us, but we need to meet some folks over there.

Maybe this is where I should say - "My wife and I bike several thousand miles per year. What do you folks do for exercise?" :D

Maybe this is where I should say - "My wife and I bike several thousand miles per year. What do you folks do for exercise?" :D
Roger that!

Here's my story and it has a very slight bicycle connection.

I was invited to the 40th reunion of the high school from which I didn't graduate. I left after my junior year when my family moved. I had decided not to go, but the organizer e-mailed me to say the "Lynn" my very first girlfriend would come from Kansan (to California) if I was going to be there. So, after checking in with Mrs. Slim, I sent in my money.

When Lynn arrived at the coctail party, I recognized her immediately. We hugged and chatted and it was very nice. I put that non-PC first impression out of my mind that she looked gay. After a few minutes, she introduced me to an attractive blonde -- her partner. After 28 years of marriage, she had divorced and come out of the closet. I can only imagine how tough it must have been for her.

Later, her partner asked me to dance. She said, "There is something I have been wanting to ask you, but didn't know how to put it". During the ensuing pause I began to formulate my answer about how, yes, I was surprised that Lynn was gay, but I'm glad she has found someone and it's all good, etc.

Then she asked (and here comes the bicycle part), "Do you think Lance Armstrong will go for #8?"

It took me so much by surprise, all I could do was mumble something about probably not or it was too early to tell. Mrs. Slim loves it.

Dnvr-It certainly sounds like you're keenly aware of the "pitfalls" of such a social event. And there can be many. However, in spite of those, I've found these types of get togethers to be what we want to make them to be. I have a curiosity as to what people are doing today and how folks have matured. There were fellow classmates I thoroughly enjoyed being with in High School and interestingly for the most part I still enjoy spending some time with them catching up......even 35 years later. I suppose I view it as entertainment and others have voiced similar observations as mine. Some of my fellow classmates really look old........I'm SURE I don't look much older than when I graduated although my hair is now white instead of dark brown and I'm 20 pounds heavier.

It's funny, but I'm surprised at how some of the folks I would have thought would have been leaders in society wound up to be really struggling, while others that were not leaders in High School have been very, very successful.

Knowing how insightful you are, I think you'd enjoy talking with some folks and learning about the class in general, if you don't let the stuff you know is going to happen at the reunion get under your skin. Just my two cents worth.

I found that my class had a reunion a few years ago and I was not invited. OK, I live over 500 miles away, and have not kept in touch so maybe they lost track. BUT my freind goes to the reunion and was real surprized to find out I had passed away. So was I!
Apparently, when my father passed ( we have the same first name but different middle names so I'm not a Jr.) they picked up the news and crossed me off the list. So I have'nt been to a reunion in 32 years. Maybe I'll go to the next one in a ghost outfit.

Dnvr-It certainly sounds like you're keenly aware of the "pitfalls" of such a social event. And there can be many. However, in spite of those, I've found these types of get togethers to be what we want to make them to be. I have a curiosity as to what people are doing today and how folks have matured. There were fellow classmates I thoroughly enjoyed being with in High School and interestingly for the most part I still enjoy spending some time with them catching up......even 35 years later. I suppose I view it as entertainment and others have voiced similar observations as mine. Some of my fellow classmates really look old........I'm SURE I don't look much older than when I graduated although my hair is now white instead of dark brown and I'm 20 pounds heavier.

It's funny, but I'm surprised at how some of the folks I would have thought would have been leaders in society wound up to be really struggling, while others that were not leaders in High School have been very, very successful.

Knowing how insightful you are, I think you'd enjoy talking with some folks and learning about the class in general, if you don't let the stuff you know is going to happen at the reunion get under your skin. Just my two cents worth.

+1

Dnvr

I should have graduated from a school in Denver, you know the one by Washington Park in 1970, instead half way through my junior year my Dad was transferred to Phoenix. At the time I was pissed, I was born in Denver, my parents graduated from that school. I had to leave my beautiful mountains for the ugly desert. Well the last year and a half of high school in Phoenix wasn't that bad. I adjusted and just enjoyed it for what it was.

The great thing is that it entitled me to attend 2 high school reunions on the reunion years. I did not attend the 10 yr reunions for either school. I did attend the 20th for both schools and the 30th. All four reunion events have been totally different. All have been enjoyable, you just have to get beyond the mindless bable and find people that you can currently relate too.

One of the people I currently ride with about once a month is a friend from the high school in Denver, we both now live in the Los Angeles area. If I would not have gone to that reunion we would not have gotten together and realize that we both had a passion for cycling. So just go to the reunion and enjoy it.

Ir's generally not so easy. etc etc

Us: Excuse us, but we need to meet some folks over there.

you know what, Denver?

If you are imagining this negative of an experience for the reunion, then why on earth would you consider going?

I've been to all of mine for the past 35 years: some are good, some are bad, some are unremarkable. I'm usually just glad to be numbered in the living and solvent...

you know what, Denver?

If you are imagining this negative of an experience for the reunion, then why on earth would you consider going?



The same thing happens, in one form or another, with any social activity in which we participate, not just reunions.

It is one of the reasons many parents of individuals with disabilities tend to hang together.

Of course, I was giving an example of one of the more blatant experiences. Some folks are sensitive to situations, and we greatly appreciate that. But the "are you a grandparent" theme has been pretty persistent the last couple of years.

So, we would have to just avoid social situations.

It is the same with "staring." I have had my sons stared at by some of the most incredibly persistent starers you might ever imagine. Sometimes I get past it. My wife never does. Sometimes I lash out - but that is counter-productive in the long run. Doesn't bother my sons much, though! Just their parents. But we still go places with them, of course.

Enough of this. Now the off-topic is very off-topic!

The same thing happens, in one form or another, with any social activity in which we participate, not just reunions.

This is my experience as a non-drinker. After a few years of socializing in my teens and early 20's, I just gave it up. It was the same scenario every single time someone offered me a drink and I politely declined. People are nothing more than an insecure broken record.

As the Germans would say, "You are right" but literally translated "You have the right".

Dnvr: I can only imagine the persistently painful experience you describe. And I have certainly seen the kind of situation you describe since, of course, it is NOT that unusual, infrequent perhaps, but not unusual.

I've finally learned that the story is in our eyes: whether we are upright or confined to some form of mechanical conveyance or being guided by someone. That is where we meet as humans - in those moments of looking square into another's eyes and seeing their face gives us hints of the unfolding story of another's life. We then may respond or move on.

My last thought last night as I went to bed was that you & your wife have come to where you are today by grace, faith, persistence and a stubborn refusal to be confined by others' expectations. You have shared extraordinary blessings of family history with the BF50+'ers and that is inspirational to me. Those at your high school reunion that care about you will ask genuine questions and be interested and rejoice at your triumphs, empathetic at your trials. Those who don't really care and are just waiting to tout their own success are not the ones whose opinions matter. I think if you wish to go & see who recognizes your courage and then seek to share your blessings and sorrows however briefly, then that is reason to go. Everyone else is posturing and worth only the briefest acknowledgment.

Who knows why you may be wrestling with this? Is it yet one more test for you? Or is it possible that someone will be there who needs the inspiration of your own courageous history and experience? Only you can decide whether that possibility is actually why this decision to attend an otherwise artificial socially-meaningless event of persons you were cast among randomly many years ago has become so painful.

humbly opined,
Tom

Other: Have you ever considered putting your son in an institution. They are great, you know.



Wow. Reading that really hurts. My eldest sister (will be 38 in Dec) is blind and severely handicapped. My Mom is continually ask why Susan is not in an institution.

As to HS reunions, I have no interest at all. A college reunion is different, but no HS ones.

Wow. Reading that really hurts. My eldest sister (will be 38 in Dec) is blind and severely handicapped. My Mom is continually ask why Susan is not in an institution.

As to HS reunions, I have no interest at all. A college reunion is different, but no HS ones.

A positive note is that in Colorado we have done away with institutions, part of a national movement to get rid of the awful things. All the "Regional Centers" have been closed, and instead, folks are in community placements, or at the minimum, group homes. No, it is not perfect, but with proper support, folks can function very well in community/neighborood settings. And, guess what. It costs LESS!

Andy lives in a "Host Home" with a wonderful family - who we have known for years - with one other young man with a disability. The mom is absolutely great, and they are ALWAYS going places and doing things. She gets paid a modest but appropriate amount for this, and with the two men, she is able to use this as her source of income, along with her husband also working. He has been with her for five years now.

Andy has formed a close friendship with this other young man, and he reads books to Andy, which Andy loves. In the Host Home setting, A has eliminated previous "acting out" behavior, which is how he handles frustration. He recently began a new day program, and after some bumps and adjustments, he is doing ok. For many years, I operated the day program for Andy and 16 other adults. That was the only time most of them got to really "work" for a salary in the community. We specialized in folks with profound disabilities who also had "severe behavioral challenges." It was amazing to watch some of those behaviors ease away when individuals are given something purposeful and meaningful to do, and when their self-esteem for who they are is raised through real accomplishments and praise. One day the money (mine and the companies) simply ran out and we had to close.

Contrast this to an institution, with a constant turnover of personnel, many of them from the classes of society that you would really not want to be associated with your child. No time for personal attention, no consistency (which is generally the number one needed characteristic for a child with a disability), little time in the community, sometimes a high degree of abusive behavior by staff towards clients, no opportunities for real accomplishments.

Institutions are an abomination, and a worse setting than a jail.

OT: High School Reunions


I think I have already answered my own question. Thanks for listening. I would appreciate other viewpoints.

Yeah, it sounds like you have. As I read the post, I was thinking you were asking the wrong question. The question that came to my mind was, "Why would you want to go?" The second thought I had was that guilt is such a pain. We're "susposed" to go or want to go? Not me. Time is to valuable to spend it in places you don't want to be doing things you don't want to do. If, on the otherhand, there is a reason you want to go, and it's clear to you... go and enjoy. If not, move on and as the song says, "Don't worry. Be happy."

Other: Oh, I know about those handicapped kids. One of my neighbors had one of them and they put him in an institution. Have you ever considered putting your son in an institution. They are great, you know.


Me: (quietly, with a handshake and a big smile) Go f*** youself.

As far as HS reunions, the only thing that would get me to mine would be Robin Newmark. But the current Mrs wouldn't be very happy about that, and I think that the twisted memory would be better than real life at this point.