View Full Version : How many [...] does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many body builders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three.
One to actually change the lightbulb and two to watch while they tell him,
"Really, dude, you look like... massive!"
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one; but the lightbulb has to really want to change.
How many Jewish Princesses does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two.
One to get the Diet Pepsi and one to call Daddy.
Cyclaholic
10-14-06, 01:27 AM
How many roadies in team kit does it take to change a lightbulb? just one, he holds it up to the socket as the world revolves around him. :p
...that's gonna come back to bite me:D
Cyclaholic
10-14-06, 01:30 AM
How does Microsoft change a light bulb? It doesn't, it declares dark an unsupported feature, and eventually makes it the new standard.
peterbarson
10-14-06, 08:45 PM
Electricians in Chicago?
3,
The guy doing the work.
A supervisor to make sur it gets done to code.
And a Union rep to make sure no union Jobs are lost getting it done
Dead Extra #2
10-18-06, 03:43 PM
How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
Turboem1
10-26-06, 07:15 PM
Q: How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1,368
1 to change the light bulb.
1 to post that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers.
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb".
Another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive.
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp".
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct.
156 to email the participants' ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy".
109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum.
203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum.
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's.
8 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.
33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".
11 to flame them for not using the Search feature.
12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three".
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
44 to ask what is a "FAQ".
10 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
24 to tell them to take it to PM's.
1 moderator that comes in and says something about doing it wrong and that everyone who disagrees gets a warning.
1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
Wil Davis
10-27-06, 04:20 AM
How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, the piano player does it with his left hand…
trackhub
10-29-06, 12:20 PM
How many teamsters from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
It takes fifteen. You got a problem wit dat?
How many Harvard M.B.A's does it take to change a light bulb?
It takes one. He holds it in the socket, then fully expects the world to revolve around him, and receive a quarterly bonus, plus stock options.
The Rob
10-29-06, 01:30 PM
Q: How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1,368...
This was great! Thanks! :D
georgiaboy
10-29-06, 01:42 PM
Q: How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it'll take him five episodes to do it.
How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Three.
One to do it, and two to claim they could have done it better and higher.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How many nuclear engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
100.
1 to change it, and 99 to figure out what to do with the old one.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
How many men does it take to change the light bulb in the kitchen?
None! She can cook in the dark!
:D
peterbarson
10-31-06, 06:56 AM
Q: How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1,368
well done!
GiantDave
10-31-06, 01:07 PM
well done!
Me too!
bikingshearer
11-06-06, 02:58 PM
How many Noo Yawkuhs does it take to change a light bulb? I dunno, f*** off.
How many USC football players does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven. One to actually change the bulb, and 10 to get academic credit for it.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?
How many mice can screw in a lightbulb?
Two
How many second generation immigrant sons does it take to change a lightbulb?
"Don't worry about me...you're busy. I'll just sit here in the dark. I don't mind, really".
How many D.I.Y.'ers does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes him two weekends and three trips to the hardware store.
Tom Stormcrowe
11-06-06, 07:56 PM
How many Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
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It never does get changed..if the Psychologist is a Clinical researcher, he keeps getting diverted into longitudinal studies as to why the bulb blew
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If they are a therapeutic Psychologist, thet have to wait til the bulb WANTS to change!http://forum.gamestar.de/gspinboard/images/smilies/muhaha.gifhttp://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_19.gifhttp://drliew.net/emoticons/laugh_13.gif
Tappets
11-10-06, 03:22 PM
How many senators does it take to change a lightbulb?
3
One to hold the lightbulb and the other two to drink till the room spins!
flair1111
11-10-06, 04:10 PM
Me too!
me three
flair1111
11-10-06, 04:12 PM
How many dislexic people does it take to change a light bulb?
6 0r 2.
flair1111
11-10-06, 04:13 PM
How many omish people does it take to change a light bulb?
Whats a lightbulb?
flair1111
11-10-06, 04:14 PM
How many omish people does it take to change a light bulb?
Whats a lightbulb?
Im sorry for that. That is really offensive. I want to appologise to all the omish people who may have read that by saying...WHAT ARE YOU DOING USING A COMPUTER?!?"
Hobartlemagne
11-10-06, 04:21 PM
One from music school:
How many Sopranos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. She holds it and the world revolves around her.
TacoPropelled
11-10-06, 05:22 PM
How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb.
hippies dont screw in lightbulbs, they screw in dirty sleeping bags.
DasProfezzional
11-19-06, 10:42 PM
Two of them:
1. How many Croatians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
...10. 1 to break the light bulb and 9 to call the Chicago Tribune and tell them that Marshall Tito did it.
2. How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
...2. 1 to screw in the light bulb and the other to suck me off.
Bizurke
11-19-06, 10:52 PM
me three
I second that
The Weak Link
11-21-06, 05:16 AM
How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
4. One to do the work and the others to share the experience.
peterbarson
11-21-06, 07:05 AM
How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb.
hippies dont screw in lightbulbs, they screw in dirty sleeping bags.
good one
TacoPropelled
11-21-06, 12:44 PM
thanks.
how many deadheads does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them, 1 to do it, and the rest to follow it around until it burns out.
how many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
only 2, the real trick is getting them in the bulb...
trackhub
11-25-06, 12:24 PM
How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
That's not funny!!!
How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
How many General Electric employees does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he got laid off before he finished the job.
How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but one always gives his notice and leaves in the middle of the project.
And lastly, if you have lived and worked in Massachusetts for the past few years, you may have heard this one:
How many Raytheon employees does it take to change a light bulb?
It takes two. You need a member of the Electricians' union to change the bulb, and a member of the utility workers' union to carry and hold the ladder. If either does the others job, to even the slightest degree, they put each other on report.
Q: How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1,368
1 to change the light bulb.
1 to post that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers.
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb".
Another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive.
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp".
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct.
156 to email the participants' ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy".
109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum.
203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum.
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's.
8 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.
33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".
11 to flame them for not using the Search feature.
12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three".
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
44 to ask what is a "FAQ".
10 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
24 to tell them to take it to PM's.
1 moderator that comes in and says something about doing it wrong and that everyone who disagrees gets a warning.
1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
1 moderator to send the whole mess to Politics and Religion....
How many Americans travelling abroad does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the bulb, and one to tell everyone listening that the US of A make the best goddam lightulbs in the whole world.
How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. If it needs changing the market will take care of it.
chinarider
12-05-06, 01:38 PM
Q: How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1,368
1 to change the light bulb.
1 to post that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers.
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb".
Another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive.
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp".
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct.
156 to email the participants' ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy".
109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum.
203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum.
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's.
8 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.
33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".
11 to flame them for not using the Search feature.
12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three".
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
44 to ask what is a "FAQ".
10 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
24 to tell them to take it to PM's.
1 moderator that comes in and says something about doing it wrong and that everyone who disagrees gets a warning.
1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
I copied this to the road cycling forum last night. Up to 144 replies & 6 pages! Some funny stuff; worth checking out.
jankon73
12-06-06, 06:44 PM
How may boring people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?.....
......one.
http://sa.muel.org/go/images/bulb-step-one.png
These guys have worked out a pretty good shtick (http://sa.muel.org/go/index.php/2006/02).
Where did this woman find that device? Imagine how many people are involved in changing that bulb, with the manufacturing and shipping and stocking and selling.
cavernmech
12-07-06, 02:52 PM
How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb?
YOU WOULDNT KNOW...YOU WERENT THERE!
How many liberal art school grads does it take to change a lightbulb?
None...they didnt get the govt grant yet.
trackhub
12-07-06, 05:04 PM
How many Cambridge, Massashusetts residents does it take to change a lightbulb?
It only takes one, but they're forming a political action committee to investigate, because the job was given to a straight, white male.
Turboem1
12-11-06, 05:44 PM
How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
...
One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
babychris
12-12-06, 01:19 AM
how many skateboarders does it take to change a lightbulb?
one, it will just take a million trys.
tandembrowns
12-12-06, 04:20 PM
How many Pentecostals does it take to change a lightbulb?
5 - 1 to change it and 4 to rebuke the spirit of darkness.
How many Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb?
3 - 1 to change it and 2 to bike down to the hardware store for a new one.
How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a lightbulb?
It doesn't matter. You won't let them in your house anyways!
Sooner Rider
12-12-06, 10:00 PM
Q: How many kids with ADHD does it take?
A: Hey! Let's go ride our bikes!
boneshake
12-16-06, 07:50 AM
Im sorry for that. That is really offensive. I want to appologise to all the omish people who may have read that by saying...WHAT ARE YOU DOING USING A COMPUTER?!?"
I doubt any omish were offended. A few Amish might have been though.
boneshake
12-16-06, 07:50 AM
Q: How many kids with ADHD does it take?
A: Hey! Let's go ride our bikes!
LOL! I will use that at my next support group meeting!
boneshake
12-16-06, 07:51 AM
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
The fish!
How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to tell the press they are doing everything possible and the other to screw the light bulb into a water faucet.
How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but you need a LOT of light bulbs!
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