Foo - Keys to a successful marriage/long term relationship?

As a post script to the "Are you divorced" poll... What are the keys to a long lasting realtionship/marriage?

So far for me I've been married for 7 going on 8 years. Just hit some real rocky times and almost blew the marriage. But now we are communicating a lot better now and I'm willing to ride out the hard time with her since it was my fault we hit some rocks. So communication has been the key.

You always here Love will conquer all but that's just some romantic's blabbering on with their heads in the clouds. Communication is key, Love is a supplement, but still very important.

What are your thoughts?

No. 1:

Friendship.

I havent been married yet, thus I am only 16, but one thing I'll always look/ask myself is if I can get along with her, can we work things out, could she cheat behind my back, ect.

Understanding that both you and your partner have faults and accepting each other for who you are, warts and all.

I don't know. My marriage has had a lot of ups and downs. Not really sure if it will last.

1) Communication

2) Friendship

3) Understanding of faults, differences and needing alone time

4) Shared interests (at least some)

5) Simular tastes in the romantic areas of the relationship

p.s. - before someone brings up the fact that I only got married this past May (to my first wife, I'm only 25), let me also remind them that my wife and I got through three years of long distance relationship prior to the wedding. The items above come from watching my parents (married 30+ years now), and what I've learned in my own relationships past and current.

It was talked about in the "divorced" thread and has already been mentioned here a couple of times. Be best friends. Real best friends understand all of the other things. Such as, communicating, really caring about and respecting the others feelings/opinions/thoughts/ideas, the fact that we all have faults, how to disagree and be angry with each other and then get over it, being independent and together at the same time, etc.

1. seperate bank accounts.
2. space to pursue individual hobbies.

IMHO, not necessarily in any particular order

1. quality time together
2. common interests
3. shared goals & futures
4. respect for each other's strengths & weaknesses (accepting and recognizing each other for who you are and who you are not).
5. great sex, actually this is all that matters.

Deafness :p

Married 41.5 years to the same woman; lots of ups and downs but hung in, and now in retirement we are still great friends and companions.

Marriage is a two way street.

Doing things together as well as doing things apart.

Wife likes to read I like to watch tv, she like to watch tv I like to listen to music.

Though I have now started watching General Hospital with her (not sure how that happened)

Headphones work wonderful.

Never go to bed angry!!!

Understanding that both you and your partner have faults and accepting each other for who you are, warts and all.
Ziemas said it for me........29 years and going strong!:D

1. Kindness
2. Forgiveness
3. Committment
Can't go wrong with that combination

I'd go with respect, trust and friendship... ah, and love of course.

[e] And what Ziemas said. No point in starting something serious with someone thinking how you'd like them to change later on, or how you might change them, or how you hope they'll change. It does not work.

I'm divorced so you can take what I say however you want. :)

I agree with Cuda2k, relationships that last take work too. My grandparents were married 55years and I asked my grandmother what got them thur these years and she said FIGHTING!! She was dead serious. My grandfather passed last month. I think she just wanted to point out that you both are indivduals so keep to you true self but also respect the other.

And everything can be resolved through discussion. :)

No point in starting something serious with someone thinking how you'd like them to change later on, or how you might change them, or how you hope they'll change. It does not work.That brings up an interesting axiom:


Men marry a woman expecting her not to change, but she does.
Women marry a man expecting him to change, but he doesn't.

I'm not gonna be someone's project...

My first wife was right out of high school. That lasted 10 years or so and she was, well, not right for me. I stayed single for 20 years because there was no way I was going to get hooked up with another woman like #1 wife. But Wife #2 came along and it was love at first sight. AND we both knew within 10 minutes of our first date that we would be married. She never married because she is smart and wasn't going to put up with '' just anyone". We were married within 6 months, bought a nice new house and are so in love it doesn't seem real. All I can do is read the other posts from people who have never met the man/woman of their dreams and are just sailing along in some hapless marraige putting in time. And the best part is that my Wife is my best friend as well. You people reading this, if your husband/wife is not your best friend, then you are fooling each other. You might think you have a great marraige, but if your S/Other spends their time with some other friends of theirs, you might reconsider. I want to spend all my time with my Wife. Period. Because I will tell you that the more time you put in with each other, the better you do get as a team. If that is NOT happening in your life, well, you will never know the true joy of a spouse that was put on Earth just for you.



[I cut and pasted from "divorce" thread]

As a post script to the "Are you divorced" poll... What are the keys to a long lasting realtionship/marriage?

So far for me I've been married for 7 going on 8 years. Just hit some real rocky times and almost blew the marriage. But now we are communicating a lot better now and I'm willing to ride out the hard time with her since it was my fault we hit some rocks. So communication has been the key.

You always here Love will conquer all but that's just some romantic's blabbering on with their heads in the clouds. Communication is key, Love is a supplement, but still very important.

What are your thoughts?

1. Honesty
2. Friendship
3. Love
4. Communication
5. Having things in common with each other
6. Having fun

Married just over 27 years. Give your partner space when they want it.

Married just over 27 years. Give your partner space when they want it.


That should have been on my list.

;) a king sized bed

[QUOTE=zephyr16];) a king sized bed[/QUOTE

Well space does equal comfort.

I'm divorced so you can take what I say however you want. :)

I agree with Cuda2k, relationships that last take work too. My grandparents were married 55years and I asked my grandmother what got them thur these years and she said FIGHTING!! She was dead serious. My grandfather passed last month. I think she just wanted to point out that you both are indivduals so keep to you true self but also respect the other.

And everything can be resolved through discussion. :)

You know I've done quite a bit of work receintly for a couple of older couples 60's and 70's. Holy crap, do they fight. They only fight for short periods of time though, but man do they go at it.

LOVE

I Love my wife...So much so that I will cancel two perfect biking days in December that the temperature was over forty degrees to work on the projects that she wants completed...But I must confess the rewards of the aforementioned sacrifice were SPECTACULAR!

What is.... love?

What is.... love?

^^^See above

1) Communication. Everything else fails without it.

My advice on this subject would be about as good as my advice on winning the TDF :eek:

I'm glad to see at least one person mention commitment.

Feelings come and go. Sex loses it's mystique sooner or later. Communication isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sometimes all you do is communicate how much you hate each other at the moment.

Divorce is NOT an option. Not now, not never.

Studies have shown that those that tough it out at least learn to get along with the other. It works for me and the wife. I wouldn't have given a nickel for the marriage ten years ago, or a dime even two years ago. Now we got a tandem and follow each other everywhere ;>) Been married 28 years. Can't say I've enjoyed every minute of it, but we're still together, got three great children, two average cats, a grandpuppy, and a joint checking account.

While I'm ranting, a very wise person (Frank Pittman) once said this: "A man's happiness as he gets older depends on his ability to develop a taste for grey hair, wrinkles, and cellulite".

Communication, respect, honesty. Ive been married 13 years now. You have to know how to get over a fight. Stay friends.

Keys to a successful longterm marriage?

http://www.jimbeam.ru/upload/spaw/news/Jim%20Beam%20white.JPG


Seriously I have only been with my 1/2 for a little over 10 years so I am no expert. Near as I can tell it takes a lot of work, and both parties have to be committed to it working. Other than that, you are hosed.

http://www.jimbeam.ru/upload/spaw/news/Jim%20Beam%20white.JPG


Seriously I have only been with my 1/2 for a little over 10 years so I am no expert. Near as I can tell it takes a lot of work, and both parties have to be committed to it working. Other than that, you are hosed.


Been there done that...Now I find that sober things are better...But I still miss ole JW, Bushmills, Mr. Bacardi, Mr Daniels, Doc Bombay, The ole Grey Goose, The good commie Vodka and assorted varietal wines. But occasionally drunken sex is still quite fun:eek:

Divorce is NOT an option. Not now, not never.

That's a nice sentiment, but I have to disagree, such as in the case of abuse.

Divorce is NOT an option. Not now, not never.

Haha, tell that to my sister and she'll chop your head off:D :D

Love, devotion, patience and understanding.

I don't think you need to be married or ever have been in a long-term relationship to give sound advice
Many couples have stayed together
Not all couples that have stayed together forever have been happy

So
1) both parties knowing that they cannot do any better or do at all
Low expectations
2) lots of kids and little money etc
Convenience.
3)honesty -the real kind
4) Both virtuous people
5 emotional stability
6 one able to talk and the other a listener ..better if both can switch hit
freedom
adventure/spontaneity
hobbies
"equals" in intelligence
laughter
good arguments = understanding

it is all these things that = love

Understanding that both you and your partner have faults and accepting each other for who you are, warts and all.

Let me rephrase: understanding that everyone else is screaming psycho and that her faults and warts aren't really that bad considering what a putz you are.

[QUOTE=The Weak Link]Communication isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sometimes all you do is communicate how much you hate each other at the moment.

That is not communication.
That is yelling over the fence.

LOVE

I Love my wife...So much so that I will cancel two perfect biking days in December that the temperature was over forty degrees to work on the projects that she wants completed...But I must confess the rewards of the aforementioned sacrifice were SPECTACULAR!

Can you imagine what her post would look like?


LOVE

I tolerate my husband, ... so much so that I pulled two full on Meg Ryan fake orgasms just to get him to clean the garage. You'd think he'd at least bathe first.

Let me rephrase: understanding that everyone else is screaming psycho and that her faults and warts aren't really that bad considering what a putz you are.
Exactly! :D

sex

and/or multiple partners

Another key is to take full responsibility for our intense narcisism. Too many people will trash families and hurt little kids just so they can get their own personal jollies.