Foo - This really bums me out. (rant)

My co-worker Becky is a tiny girl who has recently married a man I really didn't take to. He has cheated on her before, won't help her pay for mortgage on the house they live in but will rent out the house he owns and call it "his money".

Anyway, her daughter (not his) wanted a real Christmas tree this year since this is the last year before she becomes an adult. They have always had a fake tree so this was going to be special. Ed didn't want a real tree. No reason why but he said no. Becky got it anyway, figuring the kid doesn't ask for much and frankly, never had a real tree. When she got it home, Ed refused to help her with it. She had to trim the trunk herself and he wouldn't let her use his saw. Not sure how she was able to cut it (she never did it before) but she and her daughter struggled trying to do this on the sidewalk.

Ed and his buddies stood around drinking beer, laughing and calling them idiots. Not one of the three guys helped her. She tried so hard not to cry in front of her daughter.

This is the man who promised to love her. :(

My co-worker Becky is a tiny girl who has recently married a man I really didn't take to. He has cheated on her before, won't help her pay for mortgage on the house they live in but will rent out the house he owns and calls it "his money".

Anyway, her daughter (not his) wanted a real Christmas tree this year since this is the last year before she becomes an adult. They have always had a fake tree so this was going to be special. Ed didn't want a real tree. No reason why but he said no. Becky got it anyway, figuring the kid doesn't ask for much and frankly, never had a real tree. When she got it home, Ed refused to help her with it. She had to trim the trunk herself and he wouldn't let her use his saw. Not sure how she was able to cut it (she never did it before) but she and her daughter struggled trying to do this on the sidewalk.

Ed and his buddies stood around drinking beer, laughing and calling them idiots. Not one of the three guys helped her. She tried so hard not to cry in front of her daughter.

This is the man who promised to love her. :(
serve him with papers...kick him the hell out and take half of the money he calls his and put it in a fund for her daughters college ;)
that kind of stuff cant be tolerated!

gesh, can you say mental abuse?
:( and the reason she is putting up with this is.....???

gesh, can you say mental abuse?
:( and the reason she is pulling up with this is.....???
as funny as that is I think you meant putting ;)

as funny as that is I think you meant putting ;)
:lol: did I?
well i got to change that! this is no funny thread!!!

gesh, can you say mental abuse?
:( and the reason she is pulling up with this is.....???

This is her fourth marriage. All of the guys she had been with abused her in some sort of way. She is very beautiful and sensitive. I asked her this myself and she said that she is "settling". She said that the only man she ever really loved is her daughter's father. They split up because he was an alcoholic. But he is in a relationship right now and no longer drinks. I know that some of you will think that it is her fault for settling and to some extent it is. But we are talking about a woman who feels that she will never find true love again. I don't think that what her husband does to her is fair at all. Nobody deserves that.

- it is truly sad... especially around Xmas ...

- also, what kind of jerks are hanging out in the house drinking beer and watching a young woman do something like wrestle with a Christmas tree?

Ed is a @*$*# no doubt that but his two friends are peaches as well. No man worth his salt would let that abuse occur regardless of what Ed said. Sad story.

[edit I see I said what linux_author already said, well, it is worth repeating]

My co-worker Becky is a tiny girl who has recently married a man I really didn't take to. He has cheated on her before, won't help her pay for mortgage on the house they live in but will rent out the house he owns and calls it "his money".

Anyway, her daughter (not his) wanted a real Christmas tree this year since this is the last year before she becomes an adult. They have always had a fake tree so this was going to be special. Ed didn't want a real tree. No reason why but he said no. Becky got it anyway, figuring the kid doesn't ask for much and frankly, never had a real tree. When she got it home, Ed refused to help her with it. She had to trim the trunk herself and he wouldn't let her use his saw. Not sure how she was able to cut it (she never did it before) but she and her daughter struggled trying to do this on the sidewalk.

Ed and his buddies stood around drinking beer, laughing and calling them idiots. Not one of the three guys helped her. She tried so hard not to cry in front of her daughter.

This is the man who promised to love her. :(

Wow....Now that sure is TRUE LOVE.


And people wonder why half of marriages end in divorce.

This is her fourth marriage. All of the guys she had been with abused her in some sort of way. She is very beautiful and sensitive. I asked her this myself and she said that she is "settling". She said that the only man she ever really loved is her daughter's father. They split up because he was an alcoholic. But he is in a relationship right now and no longer drinks. I know that some of you will think that it is her fault for settling and to some extent it is. But we are talking about a woman who feels that she will never find true love again. I don't think that what her husband does to her is fair at all. Nobody deserves that.
you know what that made me think, it isnt her fault but somehow it sounds like she thinks she doesnt deserve any better or is not worthy of any better.
Therapie sometimes help to make this woman see how beautiful it is and how self love is more important then love from others, maybe once she sees that she is worthy of more and should never settle for less then maybe she could make the right desicions for herself?
I dont know, just thinking that you'll never get people to treat you right if you are not allready doing this for yourself and part of doing this is saying no to mental abuse and bad treatments from others.
I feel bad for her :(

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependence

I've been married for going on 25 years, and if my spouse dropped dead tomorrow (God forbid!), there's no way I's marry again. I simply don't get people who've done it 3 or 4 times. Don't they learn?

- it is truly sad... especially around Xmas ...

- also, what kind of jerks are hanging out in the house drinking beer and watching a young woman do something like wrestle with a Christmas tree?
+ 1000 I think he would of got the tree shoved up his woopsie daisy if that had been me.

a long and misrabule diviorce would do the trick, make him pay and give him the boot,
papers served on christmas would be real nice

+ 1000 I think he would of got the tree shoved up his woopsie daisy if that had been me.
:roflmao: Okay BDG you made me smile, that was a good one!! Thank you! :D

a long and misrabule diviorce would do the trick, make him pay and give him the boot,
papers served on christmas would be real nice


She just got married in August. Would that be an annullment (sp?)

not sure what time can go by to do that , she would be better off without him
95% of guys are jerks, yes i am a guy and i cant belive we act this way,
if i did i would expect to get slaped

Sounds to Dr. Stacey that this friend of your is a 'habitual victim'. As you mentioned, for some reason she dosen't believe that she deserves what she is getting. A lot of people are afraid of change... the hell they know is better to them than the joy they don't know.

I understand your concern, but you can't save the world. The decission to end the relationship must come from her... or her husband, when they take her out in a body bag.

Wow Siu, that is truly sad.

What else is sad is that one thing a divorce accomplishes is to put $$$ into lawyers' pockets.

Unfortunately, good things don't always happen to good people. :(

ok everyone we need to throw him a blanket party that way no lawyers

ok everyone we need to throw him a blanket party that way no lawyers

Works for me...I'll bring the socks. Who's got the soap?

I have a feeling she is just going to ride this relationship out. She is tired of divorces.

I asked her when she got her engagement ring why he bought it since he said he wasn't going to marry her. She said it was a "shut up" ring. I told her she was worth way more than that but she said that "he's okay, he's not that bad". Yet I hear all the mean things he does when she comes to work with red and puffy eyes from crying.

I know that there really is nothing I can do besides be there to listen and to hug her. He has done worse things but I think this Christmas tree thing really tipped the scale with me.

Thanks everyone for listening, this was just more of a release for me for I was so angry at him, that's all. I know the solution is up to her.

Lets go cap his ass Sis.

sounds like fun ill bring a big stick

Thanks everyone for listening, this was just more of a release for me for I was so angry at him, that's all. I know the solution is up to her.

Siu, that's what we're here for. :)

Works for me...I'll bring the socks. Who's got the soap?

Forget the soap, this guy deserves rolls of quarters.

Siu, that's what we're here for. :)


Thanks, Rdad ((hugs)) :o

you know what that made me think, it isnt her fault but somehow it sounds like she thinks she doesnt deserve any better or is not worthy of any better.
Therapie sometimes help to make this woman see how beautiful it is and how self love is more important then love from others, maybe once she sees that she is worthy of more and should never settle for less then maybe she could make the right desicions for herself?
I dont know, just thinking that you'll never get people to treat you right if you are not allready doing this for yourself and part of doing this is saying no to mental abuse and bad treatments from others.
I feel bad for her :(


+1 I suspect that this woman is seeking out this kind of man--not consciously, of course--but seeking this kind of domineering, controlling and abusive sort, all the same. She needs therapy, and he needs a good ass-whoopin'.

Wow Siu, that is truly sad.

What else is sad is that one thing a divorce accomplishes is to put $$$ into lawyers' pockets.

Unfortunately, good things don't always happen to good people. :(

Hey, putting $$$ into lawyers' pockets isn't necessarily a BAD thing, y'know! :)

She just got married in August. Would that be an annullment (sp?)
I'll ask my father...hes a divorce lawyer ;)

..almost brings a tear to my eye, the disrespect that people who should be role models display against their wives.

Guess there aren't enough nice guys in the world.

This is her fourth marriage. All of the guys she had been with abused her in some sort of way. She is very beautiful and sensitive. I asked her this myself and she said that she is "settling". She said that the only man she ever really loved is her daughter's father. They split up because he was an alcoholic. But he is in a relationship right now and no longer drinks. I know that some of you will think that it is her fault for settling and to some extent it is. But we are talking about a woman who feels that she will never find true love again. I don't think that what her husband does to her is fair at all. Nobody deserves that.

From experience - she needs to ditch this loser and quit 'settling'. For one thing, she shouldn't need to depend upon someone else to survive and be happy, for another, while she may not find 'true love' again, she can do a damn sight better than some selfish, controlling, loser if she feels the need to 'settle'.

Note for all you single folks out there - don't settle - and make sure that you can be your own person, able to survive on your own and, most of all, be happy with yourself before you go getting into a serious relationship. You shouldn't need someone else to make your life complete and you damn sure can't make someone else happy if you ain't happy with yourself - and someone else darn sure ain't gonna make you happy either.

I may not be a relationship expert based on my divorces and breakups, but I darn well learn from my experiences and mistakes. I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night too. ;)

A man should never act that way towards a woman..a real man never hits a woman under any circumstances either. a real man would have gotten the real christmas tree to begin with and been trying to make her happy not miserable.
this guy is a coward!

That's horrible! It's so sad that women put themselves through this, and its also so sad that there are ******* jerks like this guy who is so lacking in self-confidence and esteem that he needs a woman like her to jerk around. :( It's really too bad Siu, it sounds like you do all you can to help, but really, she has to help herself if she really wants to change her life.

She just got married in August. Would that be an annullment (sp?)

Highly unlikely. Annulment is usually available only in cases where there's been some sort of misrepresentation (i.e. the guy hid something about himself from her that would have prevented him from marrying him). Doesn't sound like that was the case here.

you know what that made me think, it isnt her fault but somehow it sounds like she thinks she doesnt deserve any better or is not worthy of any better.
Therapie sometimes help to make this woman see how beautiful it is and how self love is more important then love from others, maybe once she sees that she is worthy of more and should never settle for less then maybe she could make the right desicions for herself?
I dont know, just thinking that you'll never get people to treat you right if you are not allready doing this for yourself and part of doing this is saying no to mental abuse and bad treatments from others.
I feel bad for her :(
Agreed wholeheartedly!

yeah thats two on my list now that need a good talking to or throttling

Some people forget that the only person you HAVE to live with is yourself and that is the one person you have to keep happy.

Sounds like the dark sunglasses aren't that far off.

She needs to get a lawyer, if not for her then for her daughter. This guy is going to do bad things, mark my words.

This guy needs to be kicked to the curb, but it sounds like that isn't going to happen. She's fortunate that she has a friend like you, Siu. I also agree with skiahh that dark sunglasses are in her future. Sadly, you might consider gathering up information on domestic violence resources in your area.

Chip, your advice is dead on the money. My personal standard is that if I prefer spending more time in the company of my cantankerous cat than a guy, said guy's days are numbered.

Aren't you in the NTWC? Go wreck the dude at night time w/ your crew!

Gosh, Siu -- between Jon's "cockroaches" thing and this, I'm feeling a bit bummed out myself. Glad you're able to rant here, and I hope it makes you feel better to know that we're all thinking of you. I just hope your friend learns something from your strength!

Gosh, Siu -- between Jon's "cockroaches" thing and this, I'm feeling a bit bummed out myself. Glad you're able to rant here, and I hope it makes you feel better to know that we're all thinking of you. I just hope your friend learns something from your strength!
It was just how I felt when I got home, kind of bummed. It's ok though, after reading about michiger's balls, or lack of, I'm feeling better now. :p

Jeez, this guy typifies as*hole.

It was just how I felt when I got home, kind of bummed. It's ok though, after reading about michiger's balls, or lack of, I'm feeling better now. :p

Errmm... I'm glad you're feeling better, but TMI dude! :p :D

Thank you everyone for your support. I really feel like just showing her this thread.

SBW
I get pi$$ed whenever I hear about this kind of thing! You are being a help just by being there to listen, but remember to not let yourself get sucked in so deep "You" can't get out.
It sounds like you are doing well though, keep it up.
Steven

The only person she can change is herself. From your description of your friend, she is attracted to alcoholics. She may find that an Al Anon program (friends and family members of alcoholics) may work for her also a good therapist and a bike. Dont give up on your friend she probably feels alone right now.

I wish I had some advice for your friend, but she's stuck in a rut of settling for "boys" rather than real men. The only thing that can change the cycle is for her to change something within herself, she has to be the one who wants the change, and only she can make the change. The only thing you can do is be there when she falls. Let her know she can lean on you. That's what friends are for.

It is very sad to see people you care about habitually fall for losers. Dunno if there's much you can do except learn from their mistakes.