Foo - *sigh*

So my dad got a house contra costa county, and of course he wants my help fixing everything. He fronts me 200 dollars which I was very happy about(I'm in the market for an old fixerupper road bike that is in my size). On the car ride over he starts telling me about all the troubles he's had with the real estate agent, etc. He then calls her a cockroach. I ask him what's that supposed to mean, I said is it a racial slur? He's like yes- one against filipinos, he then goes on to tell me he think's 99.9% of filipinos are filthy idiots. I tell him that's not cool, and I begin to explain to him that personally I'm not proud to be a white person, and that I think white people generally in my experience are stuck up and rude. I also explain to him that when I was in middle school I was one of 3 white kids in an almost all filipino school, and that almost all my friends in middle school we're filipino. I guess I wasn't stern enough, because on the car ride back everytime a car cut in front of us on the freeway, he shouted "cockroach", and when we went across the bay bridge he wasn't happy the asian lady wasn't fast enough handing him his money and as he drives off he says cockroach again. Of course he's laughing, and thinks it's funny because it bothers me. ARg. I feel bad I'm related to such an insensitive, racist, ahole.

For me it's like, if you think someone is an idiot. Call them an idiot. If you think they are dishonest, say they are dishonest. Why does race have to come into play? I just don't get it.

That's too bad Jon.

Unfortunately, I think all of us have a racial bias to some extent, even though we don't want to admit it. For that matter I think we all have a gender and age bias as well. The best we can do is to recognize it in ourselves and and THINK before we act or speak. Its not always the "adults" or "elders" who set the best example. Try to be a good role model for him. Its too bad more people didn't think the way you do.

So my dad got a house in contra costa county, and of course he wants my help fixing everything. He fronts me 200 dollars which I was very happy about(I'm in the market for an old fixerupper road bike that is in my size). On the car ride over he starts telling me about all the troubles he's had with the real estate agent, etc. He then calls her a cockroach. I ask him what's that supposed to mean, I said is it a racial slur? He's like yes- one against filipinos, he then goes on to tell me he think's 99.9% of filipinos are filthy idiots. I tell him that's not cool, and I begin to explain to him that personally I'm not proud to be a white person, and that I think white people generally in my experience are stuck up and rude. I also explain to him that when I was in middle school I was one of 3 white kids in an almost all filipino school, and that almost all my friends in middle school we're filipino. I guess I wasn't stern enough, because on the car ride back everytime a car cut in front of us on the freeway, he shouted "cockroach", and when we went across the bay bridge he wasn't happy the asian lady wasn't fast enough handing him his money and as he drives off he says cockroach again. Of course he's laughing, and thinks it's funny because it bothers me. ARg. I feel bad I'm related to such an insensitive, racist, ahole.

For me it's like, if you think someone is an idiot. Call them an idiot. If you think they are dishonest, say they are dishonest. Why does race have to come into play? I just don't get it.
Often we are products of of upbringing. Best I can say is to be yourself, Jon. You aren't likely to change your dad, and frankly, in the long run, if you push too hard, it will affect your relationship with him adversely. You have a good head on your shoulders, laddie!:D

In the long run, the only person his prejudices hurt is himself. I know you don't like hearing them, so just continue to remember that it's wrong for you! Just remember though that he is your dad, and the only dad ya got! The thing about family is that we can't chose who they are. We do have to love them, but we don't have to like every thing about them!:rolleyes:

:(

Hey Jon...wanna move to Maine?

There's a crazy Canadian woman who lives near here, plus this:

http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h250/ritehsedad/100_0145.jpg

That's too bad, Jon. :( Tom gave you great advice.

Often we are products of of upbringing. Best I can say is to be yourself, Jon. You aren't likely to change your dad, and frankly, in the long run, if you push too hard, it will affect your relationship with him adversely. You have a good head on your shoulders, laddie!:D

In the long run, the only person his prejudices hurt is himself. I know you don't like hearing them, so just continue to remember that it's wrong for you! Just remember though that he is your dad, and the only dad ya got! The thing about family is that we can't chose who they are. We do have to love them, but we don't have to like every thing about them!:rolleyes:
Honestly, I'm nothing like my father. Don't really want to be. I'm not saying I don't love him. I just find it unfortunite that he's so hateful. That's his problem not mine, I just don't want to hear it.

Honestly, I'm nothing like my father. Don't really want to be. I'm not saying I don't love him. I just find it unfortunite that he's so hateful. That's his problem not mine, I just don't want to hear it.
Basically, that's the point I was making!:D Believe me when I say I understand....my dad is a constant example to me, of what not to do!:eek: Like I said, you got a good head on your shoulders!:D

That's too bad Jon.

Unfortunately, I think all of us have a racial bias to some extent, even though we don't want to admit it.
I understand what you're saying. But let's just say hypothetically everyone has some kind of racial bias' floating around in their head. Does that mean everyone goes around slandering other races? Even if I did have something like that in my head, the only time I could possibly think of myself thinking like that is if I'm extremely angry with a person, I'm going to have self control, and keep it to myself. Then 10 minutes later, I don't have to feel bad for having said something, because I kept it to myself.

I understand what you're saying. But let's just say hypothetically everyone has some kind of racial bias' floating around in their head. Does that mean everyone goes around slandering other races? Even if I did have something like that in my head, the only time I could possibly think of myself thinking like that is if I'm extremely angry with a person, I'm going to have self control, and keep it to myself. Then 10 minutes later, I don't have to feel bad for having said something, because I kept it to myself.

Actually, that's my point. I always try to treat everyone with respect regardless how I feel about them. One of the things I respect you for is your intelligence. I think you are a rare human...you actually think. Too many don't. :(

In the long run, the only person his prejudices hurt is himself.
Sorry Tom, but that's wrong. His prejudices could easily cause a physical escalation causing both parties to be hurt. He could also choose to shop elsewhere making it economically more difficult for those people he's prejudiced against.

Put it this way, if he called me a cockroach or some other racial slur, he'd be ****ting his own teeth. Sorry you got stuck w/ a racist father pheard. He may never change his mind about people, but he may find out that a lot of people react violently to racism.

Just give up and become racist, it's much easier and you won't be lying to yourself..

Just give up and become racist, it's much easier and you won't be lying to yourself..

Not cool.

Not cool.
http://djforum.free.fr/smileysmileysmiley/v2/surprises/surprises.smileysmiley.com.54.gif

Just give up and become racist, it's much easier and you won't be lying to yourself..
Why be racist when we can all love eachother and have gigantic orgies that resemble a rainbow of ethnicities.

Comon man, think about it.

I don't know that I have much to add, but I'm not sure which I find more sad: that your dad is saying these racist things, or that he's deliberately saying them to you to make you feel uncomfortable. Sorry to hear about this, Jon. :(

that is the difference between your nose and your relitives one you can pick

that is a hard road to be on but you have broken the cycle so that is good(of not being like your dad)

I don't know that I have much to add, but I'm not sure which I find more sad: that your dad is saying these racist things, or that he's deliberately saying them to you to make you feel uncomfortable. Sorry to hear about this, Jon. :(

My thoughts exactly.

My dad tends to do the same thing...

Does anyone remember the movie American Beauty? The one kids father was vocally anti gay every chance he got. He turned out to be in the closet.

Is your father a little insecure about his ancestry?

My mother told me ad nauseum that I was 13th generation out of Scotland. I always wondered why.

I went to Scotland 3 years ago. It dawned on me that I was. A couple of generations in England, a couple in India, a couple in Africa and the rest rewhitening in Canada.

To most, I look Caucasian, but stand me next to a Scots...........

Didn't mean to offend anyone.

So my dad got a house contra costa county, and of course he wants my help fixing everything. He fronts me 200 dollars which I was very happy about(I'm in the market for an old fixerupper road bike that is in my size). On the car ride over he starts telling me about all the troubles he's had with the real estate agent, etc. He then calls her a cockroach. I ask him what's that supposed to mean, I said is it a racial slur? He's like yes- one against filipinos, he then goes on to tell me he think's 99.9% of filipinos are filthy idiots. I tell him that's not cool, and I begin to explain to him that personally I'm not proud to be a white person, and that I think white people generally in my experience are stuck up and rude. I also explain to him that when I was in middle school I was one of 3 white kids in an almost all filipino school, and that almost all my friends in middle school we're filipino. I guess I wasn't stern enough, because on the car ride back everytime a car cut in front of us on the freeway, he shouted "cockroach", and when we went across the bay bridge he wasn't happy the asian lady wasn't fast enough handing him his money and as he drives off he says cockroach again. Of course he's laughing, and thinks it's funny because it bothers me. ARg. I feel bad I'm related to such an insensitive, racist, ahole.

For me it's like, if you think someone is an idiot. Call them an idiot. If you think they are dishonest, say they are dishonest. Why does race have to come into play? I just don't get it.

I don't know if it's worse that you're exposed to all these negative connotations of your culture or that you actually believe any of them. "White People" :rolleyes: Seriously man, are you a glutton for pain or do you like looking down on yourself?

Jon, the best thing I see out of this is that he is showing you exactly what not to be.

and remember, it's all the white man's fault

I don't know if it's worse that you're exposed to all these negative connotations of your culture or that you actually believe any of them. "White People" :rolleyes: Seriously man, are you a glutton for pain or do you like looking down on yourself?
I was thinking someone might think I was talking down on myself for that "white people" comment. It actually was a retort I said to my dad when he made a comment about the fact the street he lives on isn't fully white. I don't think bad of myself, or white people. I was just saying in my experience, if anything the white people I've encountered in my life have been full of themselves. Does that make all white people bad people? no. That's my entire point, there are idiots, aholes, in every race.

guess it's just my thing. I don't really believe in "race" per se, rather cultures. Race seems to imply a much much larger separation than actually exists. I think people in general are full of themselves and are idiots.

Jon, the best thing I see out of this is that he is showing you exactly what not to be.
Good point :o

I guess that's the only thing I'm getting out of this.

Thanks people.

You're welcome, person. :D


((hugs)) :o

Pheard, I am glad that you have your own line of thinking that is quite different from that of your father's. A person's belief system is largely influenced by the people that raised him/her, and it is great that you developed one that is more worldly than your father's. People have a natural tendency to be ethnocentric but when taken to extremes it is quite unhealthy. Don't be mad at your father, rather, pity him for his frame of mind. Perhaps he grew up in an environment and had experiences that nurtured his ethnocentric viewpoint. Probably the best thing to do is to understand him and do what you did; firmly tell him that it's best to judge people by their individual traits rather than painting large groups of persons with the same bigoted paintbrush.

By the way I am of Filipino descent and I must admit that this is the first time I have heard of the term 'cockroach' as a slur. I wonder what that means?

I'm Asian and I never heard it either, and I'm from the same place as Pheard. I think his dad made it up.

He has some sort of complex where he thinks he's smarter than everyone. He calls everyone he deals with idiots, and morons. I think he just made it up. Once he realized I wasn't for it, he rubbed it in by continuing to be an assclown.

His dad was a control freak/had to have everything his way too. Plus both of his sisters(my aunts) are both very stern, uptight people aswell. Luckily my one uncle, who took me to alice in chains on my birthday, is the bomb.

Sounds like how my dad used to be.

He still hates being wrong to the point he will be a total jackass until he forgets about it.....he tried to call me out on my bike mileage (5000mi/year on bike is impossible, rabble rabble bleh)....once I broke down the math, he got pissed off....

It's to the point I consider it funny anymore....he's turned out just like his dad, and I remember how he never wanted to talk to him since he was so crotchedy. I guess the difference here is I find angry people funny.

Back to the point...

1) Your Dad needs to calm down

2) Never feel guilt for being who you are. Stand tall, be proud.

I agree with Falkon that culture is the better distinction. But I also tend to feel that cultural separations and stereotypes will always exist as long as there are cultures. Without admitting my race, I've spent the vast majority of my life in areas where I was in both the cultural and racial minority. And I will say honestly that in each of those areas I developed my own biases about the "others". Always both positive and negative ones. I believe that that is a normal and healthy way to take in and break down all the elements that you experience in life. The problem arises when the bias becomes a universal stereotype (insensitive. at best), or when it is just plain ignorant (this is where it really gets dangerous).
Interestingly enough, the places where I've felt the most comfortable as the different one were the places where there really wasn't a concept of racism. I'd get really stupid questions sometimes (well, all the time), but always with friendly intent from people who actually cared to know the answers. Give me that any day over awkward glances from people who know that they "aren't supposed" to notice my skin or my accent.
hmm... guess i was feeling a bit preachy. seems that the issue of racism does tend to bring out the preachy side of people. That or the racist side!

Hey Jon...wanna move to Maine?

There's a crazy Canadian woman who lives near here, plus this:

http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h250/ritehsedad/100_0145.jpg
Im here, Im the crazy canuck! Ill take care of you jon and whip your ass into shape raod biking, you can get some revenge on me, there are a few mtn biking trails around!

Im here, Im the crazy canuck! Ill take care of you jon and whip your ass into shape raod biking, you can get some revenge on me, there are a few mtn biking trails around!
look at all the wonderful snow...my jeep would like it there :D

I agree with Falkon that culture is the better distinction. But I also tend to feel that cultural separations and stereotypes will always exist as long as there are cultures. Without admitting my race, I've spent the vast majority of my life in areas where I was in both the cultural and racial minority. And I will say honestly that in each of those areas I developed my own biases about the "others". Always both positive and negative ones. I believe that that is a normal and healthy way to take in and break down all the elements that you experience in life. The problem arises when the bias becomes a universal stereotype (insensitive. at best), or when it is just plain ignorant (this is where it really gets dangerous).
Interestingly enough, the places where I've felt the most comfortable as the different one were the places where there really wasn't a concept of racism. I'd get really stupid questions sometimes (well, all the time), but always with friendly intent from people who actually cared to know the answers. Give me that any day over awkward glances from people who know that they "aren't supposed" to notice my skin or my accent.
hmm... guess i was feeling a bit preachy. seems that the issue of racism does tend to bring out the preachy side of people. That or the racist side!

Then I suppose it holds true that the first step is to break down the cultural deleniations, right?

When we (who live the USofA) all become Americans instead of Mexican-Americans or Polish-Americans or African-Americans this will signal the demise of the cultural seperations. Also, I believe the language barriers do nothing to bring cultures together, the (fill in the blank) that refuses to learn/speak proper english is just so much bullsh!t... Speak the farkin' language or get out of the country.

I refused to speak Chinese for this reason: I am American. And damn proud of it.

Pheard, I am glad that you have your own line of thinking that is quite different from that of your father's. A person's belief system is largely influenced by the people that raised him/her, and it is great that you developed one that is more worldly than your father's. People have a natural tendency to be ethnocentric but when taken to extremes it is quite unhealthy. Don't be mad at your father, rather, pity him for his frame of mind. Perhaps he grew up in an environment and had experiences that nurtured his ethnocentric viewpoint. Probably the best thing to do is to understand him and do what you did; firmly tell him that it's best to judge people by their individual traits rather than painting large groups of persons with the same bigoted paintbrush.

By the way I am of Filipino descent and I must admit that this is the first time I have heard of the term 'cockroach' as a slur. I wonder what that means?
It's not actually specific to Filipino's, it's more generically applied to anyone of small stature with brown skin, including Malays, Mexicans and others. It's actually pretty stupid, though!:D

you can use this experience to motivate you to always do the right thing. strive to be better. You are in a good position to do so since you already recognize the bad behavior. admirable since hate is usually learned early and by family.
your on the right track man
stay the course.
:D

If someone called me a cockroach, I'd probably reply with a much lengthier, non-racial barrage against them. Something like "you goat-licking, cheese-raping, tomato-sniffing, ****tard muffin, ***clown, ****wit ****hole."

I don't like people being racist towards me.

That said, I don't associate myself with racist people. I'm sorry your dad is one of them. I'd go with what Tom said.

You crack me up, fire dancer. :p

I refuse to speak chinese, because english was a lot easier to learn for me.

Well, down here I am the white minority! Yes, Gringos are thought of as having too much money and pretty stupid about it and naive at times. Fine, if they want to think that, it is okay with me.

Costa Rica is in some ways racist, and in other ways not. There is similarities between cultures that hold true. For example, people from Nicarauga tend to not know how to keep things clean and improve them. The reason is that in Nicarauga, if you did, the army or the contras would come in and take it.

The Nicaraugans say that the Costa Ricans are spoiled. From their point of view, it is true. A Costa Rican will not put up with much stuff from anyone. They don't have to. It is very easy to survive in Costa Rica - no snow, food on the trees, etc.

Yes, Gringos tend to be wealthy (by Tico standards) and clueless - after all, it isn't our culture and the standard of living is much higher up your way.

Hopefully your Dad grows out of it - even old geezers can learn new things.